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Flaming Salsa Voice Over Script

May 17, 2010

I was fed up with products claiming they were “Insanely Spicy,” or “Extra Extra Hot!” until I tried new Flaming Salsa. IT’S HOT!! Flaming hot.

TOP-10 Scripts from Edge Studio's Voice Over Script Library

Yoshikage Kira – JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable

[This Script Comes in Two Forms]

[Original Monologue] – My name is Yoshikage Kira. I’m 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don’t smoke, but I occasionally drink. I’m in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning.

I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I’m trying to explain that I’m a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn’t lose to anyone.

[Modified English variant] – You can call me Yoshikage Kira. I’m currently 33 years old. Not that you’d care, but I reside in northeast Morioh’s villa district. Also, I’ve yet to marry. In order to make a living, I work for Kame Yu department stores. After a long day’s work, I return home no later than 8 PM. I don’t like smoking, but do enjoy the occasional drink. I’m always in bed by 11 PM, and I make it a point to get no less than 8 hours of sleep each night. Before bed, I drink a warm glass of milk. It’s always coupled with 20 minutes of stretching to decompress from the long workday. Sweet dreams are the usual result of this.

I then awake as refreshed and recharged as a newborn child, ready to take on the day’s challenges. And after my last checkup, I was given a clean bill of health. For as long as I could remember, I’ve done everything in my power to live a productive life that allows me to pursue a lasting inner peace. This may be a foreign concept, but I choose not to concern myself with winning or losing, life’s troubles, or enemies who bring sleepless nights. That is how I cope with this backwards life we find ourselves living. It’s what brings me happiness in a world fraught with hardship and misery. Of course, if I were ever to engage in combat, I would win the battle without question.

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (opening)

[Skyrim opens with an Imperial wagon driving four prisoners down a snowy
mountain pass. All are seated and bound; the one dressed in finery is gagged.]

Ralof: Hey, you. You’re finally awake. You were trying to cross the border,
right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that
thief over there.

Lokir: D**n you Stormcloaks. Skyrim was fine until you came along. Empire was
nice and lazy. If they hadn’t been looking for you, I could’ve stolen
that horse and been half way to Hammerfell. You there. You and me — we
should be here. It’s these Stormcloaks the Empire wants.

Ralof: We’re all brothers and sisters in binds now, thief.

Imperial Soldier: Shut up back there!

[Lokir looks at the gagged man.]

Lokir: And what’s wrong with him?

Ralof: Watch your tongue! You’re speaking to Ulfric Stormcloak, the true High
King.

Lokir: Ulfric? The Jarl of Windhelm? You’re the leader of the rebellion. But if
they captured you… Oh gods, where are they taking us?

Ralof: I don’t know where we’re going, but Sovngarde awaits.

Lokir: No, this can’t be happening. This isn’t happening.

Ralof: Hey, what village are you from, horse thief?

Lokir: Why do you care?

Ralof: A Nord’s last thoughts should be of home.

Lokir: Rorikstead. I’m…I’m from Rorikstead.

[They approach the village of Helgen. A soldier calls out to the lead wagon.]

Imperial Soldier: General Tullius, sir! The headsman is waiting!

General Tullius: Good. Let’s get this over with.

Lokir: Shor, Mara, Dibella, Kynareth, Akatosh. Divines, please help me.

Ralof: Look at him, General Tullius the Military Governor. And it looks like
the Thalmor are with him. D**n elves. I bet they had something to do
with this.

This is Helgen. I used to be sweet on a girl from here. Wonder if Vilod
is still making that mead with juniper berries mixed in. Funny…when I
was a boy, Imperial walls and towers used to make me feel so safe.

[A man and son watch the prisoners pull into town.]

Haming: Who are they, daddy? Where are they going?

Torolf: You need to go inside, little cub.

Haming: Why? I want to watch the soldiers.

Torolf: Inside the house. Now.

Lord Of The Rings opening monologue

Galadriel: (speaking partly in Elvish)

(I amar prestar aen.)

The world is changed.

(Han matho ne nen.)

I feel it in the water.

(Han mathon ned cae.)

I feel it in the earth.

(A han noston ned gwilith.)

I smell it in the air.

Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it.

It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf-Lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power. For within these rings was bound the strength and the will to govern each race. But they were all of them deceived, for another ring was made. Deep in the land of Mordor, in the Fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged a master ring, and into this ring he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life.

One ring to rule them all.

One by one, the free lands of Middle-Earth fell to the power of the Ring, but there were some who resisted. A last alliance of men and elves marched against the armies of Mordor, and on the very slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of Middle-Earth. Victory was near, but the power of the ring could not be undone. It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the king, took up his father’s sword.

Sauron, enemy of the free peoples of Middle-Earth, was defeated. The Ring passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever, but the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And the ring of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Isildur, to his death.

And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the ring passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, it ensnared another bearer.

It came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains. And there it consumed him. The ring gave to Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years it poisoned his mind, and in the gloom of Gollum’s cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forests of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear, and the Ring of Power perceived its time had come. It abandoned Gollum, but then something happened that the Ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire.

For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the fortunes of all.

Sam’s Speech – Worth Fighting For

Frodo : I can’t do this, Sam.

Sam : I know.
It’s all wrong
By rights we shouldn’t even be here.
But we are.
It’s like in the great stories Mr. Frodo.
The ones that really mattered.
Full of darkness and danger they were,
and sometimes you didn’t want to know the end.
Because how could the end be happy.
How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened.
But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow.
Even darkness must pass.
A new day will come.
And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.
Those were the stories that stayed with you.
That meant something.
Even if you were too small to understand why.
But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand.
I know now.
Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t.
Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo : What are we holding on to, Sam?

Sam : That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.

Contributed by Richurd

To Sit In Solemn Silence

To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark, dock, In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock, Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp, shock, From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block! To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark, dock, In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock, Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp, shock, From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block! A dull, dark, dock, a life-long lock, A short, sharp, shock, a big black block! To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison, And awaiting the sensation from a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!!

The Joker – Batman: The Killing Joke Monologue

Memory’s so treacherous. One moment you’re lost in a carnival of delights, with poignant childhood aromas, the flashing neon of puberty, all that sentimental candy-floss …

The next, it leads you somewhere you don’t want to go…

…somewhere dark and cold, filled with the damp, ambiguous shapes of things you’d hoped were forgotten..

Memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes. Like children, I suppose. HAHA.

But can we live without them? Memories are what our reason is based upon. If we cannot face them, we deny reason itself!

Although why not? We aren’t contractually tied down to rationality!

There is no sanity clause!

So when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought, heading for the places in your past where the screaming is unbearable, remember there’s always madness!

Madness is the emergency exit…

You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away… FOREVER.

Farewell And Adieu Fair Spanish Ladies’ – Capt Quint from Jaws

Farewell and adieu to you, fair Spanish ladies.
Farewell and adieu, you ladies of Spain
For we’ve received orders for to sail back to Boston.
And so nevermore shall we see you again”

Joker Monologue – The Dark Knight

Do I really look like a guy with a plan, Harvey?

I don’t have a plan …

The mob has plans. The cops have plans.

You know what I am, Harvey? I am a dog chasing cars… I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it.

I just do things. I am just the wrench in the gears. I hate plans.

Yours, theirs, everyone’s. Maroni has plans. Gordon has plans.

Schemers trying to control their worlds.

I am not a schemer. I show the schemer how pathetic their attempts to control things really are.

So when I say that you and your girlfriend was nothing personal, you know I am telling the truth.

I just did what I do best. I took your plan and turned it on itself.

Look what I have done to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets.

Nobody panics when the expected people gets killed. Nobody panics when things go according to plan, even if the plan is horrifying.

If I tell the press that tomorrow a gangbanger will get shot or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics. – because it’s all part of the plan.

But when I say that one little old mayor will die, everybody lose their minds.

Introduce a little anarchy, you upset the established order and everything becomes chaos.

I am agent of chaos.

And you know the thing about chaos Harvey?

“IT is FAIR.”

Old Spice – The Man, Your Man Can Smell Like

Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on a horse.

Optimus Prime speech

I have witnessed their capacity for courage, and though we are worlds apart, like us there’s more to them than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message to any surviving autobots taking refuge among the stars: We are here. We are waiting.

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Flaming Salsa Voice Over Script

TOP-10 Scripts from Edge Studio's Voice Over Script Library

Yoshikage Kira – JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (opening)

Lord Of The Rings opening monologue

Sam’s Speech – Worth Fighting For

To Sit In Solemn Silence

The Joker – Batman: The Killing Joke Monologue

Farewell And Adieu Fair Spanish Ladies’ – Capt Quint from Jaws

Joker Monologue – The Dark Knight

Old Spice – The Man, Your Man Can Smell Like

Optimus Prime speech

Share your script!

3-hour Group Evaluation Class

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