Feedback Forum

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  • #15468
    David Goldberg
    Edge Studio Staff

    Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

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  • #59195
    chas82
    Participant

    Hi All – Two more practice reads from the Edge library for my Commercial journey. There’s some background noise from a landscaper working in the neighborhood I can’t eliminate – I mean the noise, not the landscaper. I’m primarily working today on a conversational tone but all feedback about any aspect of these two reads is welcomed.

    Thanks, Chas

    Apple Ipod
    Presenting iPod. The first MP3 player to pack a mind-blowing 1,000 songs and a 10-hour battery into a stunning 6.5-ounce package you can literally take everywhere. But iPod isn’t just a revolution in portability, it’s also a revolution in simplicity. Just plug into your Mac and all of your iTunes songs and playlists are automatically downloaded into iPod at blazing FireWire speed. With iPod, it’s that easy to take your entire music collection with you wherever you go, in the pocket of your choice. Get your iPod at The Wiz, Circuit City, or Best Buy

    Harvey Home Theatre
    He has a 160 IQ, performs cardiac surgery for a living. And now, he can even operate his home entertainment system. Introducing Harvey Home Theater. It’s so sophisticated, it’s simple. Dimensions of sight and sound unheard of, until now. All at your fingertips. Now, if he could only operate the microwave. Home Theater from Harvey, not your ordinary electronics store. Call for the Harvey near you.

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    • #59240
      kfvoice
      Participant

      Hi Chas!

      Nice job! I love your tone. I echo previous comments, although I will add to be mindful of slight micro-pauses not intended in the script — in the first copy between “playlists are“. The second script was my favorite. Really well done, and flowed well. Keep it up!

      Kathy

    • #59230
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Chas! These are really good reads for you! You have a really nice deep clear tone that is very well-suited for this type of commercial. Good pace and flow of the script. Good job all around!

      Mary

    • #59215
      bhodson
      Participant

      Hi Chas! I really love your tone, and your pacing and pitch are great on both. I think you could relish the microwave line at the end even more, maybe with a slightly longer pause after “now.” Nice job! Also does that Circuit City reference make anyone else feel way old??

      Brianne

  • #59186
    katelyndawnvo
    Participant

    Good morning everyone. I’m trying to apply what I learned in speaking with a pro and all that I have been learning for narration. It is a LOT to think about while still trying to sound natural 🙂 I’m naturally a very enthusiastic and friendly reader, so I’m not sure how this fits with a “documentary read”. I know this might not be something I actually book in the real world. Any feedback is appreciated. Take care!

    Katelyn

    “For more than three decades, mankind has explored the mysteries of the universe from
    a vantage point in space. Now we‘re turning space into a practical place to work. By the year 2020, NASA‘s space station is scheduled to give science a permanent platform in orbit. A place where researchers can examine our world from a unique perspective, and experiment under conditions of extreme temperature and weightlessness. In zero gravity, compounds can react in ways not possible here on Earth. Scientists can create better med- icines, more durable plastics, and stronger alloys made of metals that resist mixing under gravity‘s pull.”

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    • #59231
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Katelyn! I think this sounded really good for your voice. You have a very nice clear tone, and it would seem to be fine for a documentary. Your friendly tone makes it more accessible to the listener. Keep it up!

      Mary

      • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by mkell755.
    • #59204
      isabrandon30
      Participant

      Hey! I thought your read sounded very good! Oh man I know what you mean in terms of keeping everything you learn in mind. It’s definitely a lot. Some things I did notice was there were a couple breaths that weren’t edited out. One was between sentence one and two, before the word: “Now.” The other I heard was in the fourth sentence after the word “perspective.” I think you could also add more energy into your read to make it sound even better. Like Robert said, the flow needs to be a bit smoother. Maybe cutting some of the space between your sentences could help with that. Overall I think you’re well on your way to being great! And who knows? Maybe you will be booked for a job like this down the line.

      • #59221
        katelyndawnvo
        Participant

        Hey! Thanks for the feedback you guys. Listening back I hear the choppiness and I think it is that I did not cut out the breaks between sentences enough (this is where I stop and breathe haha!) Although, my coach mentioned that it is really more of a big deal to edit breaths out in commercial reads vs narration as narration is supposed to sound more natural and people do breathe. Although if the breath is insanely distracting it should be brought down in volume. Just thought I’d mention that as well. Thanks you guys!

    • #59199
      Robert Broussard
      Participant

      Hello, I liked the read. But it needs to flow a little better. You voice and tone are good for this as well as your pace.

  • #59179
    amandavoice
    Participant

    Hello all! I’m looking for feedback on a few Edge library scripts. I took the Science of Speaking like a Pro webinar last week – WOW – great stuff – and I’m trying to incorporate what I learned. Thank you in advance for taking the time to listen and comment on both my delivery and sound quality – so much talent on here!

    History of LSD
    In 1938, a Swiss chemist named Albert Hofmann synthesized LSD for the first time while studying ergots, a type of fungus. Though the pharmaceutical company that he worked for, Sandoz, didn’t have any interest in the compound, Hofmann found himself inexplicably drawn to it. Five years later, in the spring of 1943, he synthesized it again, noticing that it seemed to have unusual properties: After accidentally absorbing small amounts through his fingertips one day in the lab, Hofmann had to leave work early, under the effects of what he called “a not unpleasant intoxicated-like condition.” A few days later, he experimented with taking what he thought was a small dose of LSD, about 250 micrograms (a common dose now is more on the order of 100 micrograms), and proceeded to trip out of his mind, an experience he describes in his book LSD: My Problem Child

    Nero – Intro
    He was a perverse cross-dressing exhibitionist who had an incestuous relationship with his mother and married his step sister. He murdered members of his own family in fits of jealous rage. His cruelty, violence, and grotesque appetite for self-indulgence brought the Roman empire to the brink of financial and political ruin. And he viscously persecuted the Christians. They would remember him as the ultimate embodiment of evil … the anti-Christ.

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    • #59234
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Amanda! Really good reads for both! You are super-clear in your delivery and you enunciate very well throughout both scripts. The LSD read had great variation in pitch and sounded very conversational. The read on Nero really painted a picture for me and set the tone and an image of who he was – very good for both! I wish I could have made that webinar now! I’m hearing so many great things about it. Great job here!

      Mary

    • #59219
      Robert Broussard
      Participant

      Good reads. I really like your description of Nero. You made me not like him. lol . Your pace was just right and tone good as well for this read.

    • #59203
      isabrandon30
      Participant

      Hey great read! I took a listen of the LSD copy. I thought it was well paced and sounded very clear. Your inflections also made the read really interesting and engaging. Maybe some things to look at: I think the beginning of the second sentence of the script you read a little fast. About midway through the copy I sounded like you said “in a lab” instead of “in the lab.” And lastly on the line: “trip out of his mind,” I think you were trying to emphasis every word. It sounds a bit choppy but I love the energy and care you put into it. You’re doing a fantastic job! Keep pushing forward!

    • #59188
      katelyndawnvo
      Participant

      Hi there! I like your passion and zest for this copy. I can feel your emotion and how you want the viewer to feel. I listened to the Nero read. And yes – what a great class the science of speaking like a pro was! I think you really sped through the read and it would be great to hear a version where you slow down and take your time. Allow us to absorb each statement you are making. My coach was saying with narration you need to see what the viewer is seeing while you are speaking as they will be watching something on screen. So I think pace it out a little slower and breathe, but your emotion and passion is awesome!! Keep up the great work! 🙂

  • #59176
    Shannon
    Participant

    Hi There, this is a test post for the feedback forum!

  • #59164
    mkell755
    Participant

    Hello all! I’m posting my daily recording here (recorded on my phone) for any and all feedback. Thank you!

    Mary

    Hallmark Fresh Ink
    You probably don’t want to hear this commercial. Heck, we’re not living in a fantasy land. As soon as that music stops and the commercials start, you turn the dial faster than the bathroom door k**b after three cups of coffee. That’s just the way it is. And we know it. But it’s that same uncanny ability to grasp reality that helped us develop our new line of greeting cards. Fresh Ink from Hallmark. Hallmark Fresh Ink is as real, funny and quirky as life itself. So, pick up a few Hallmark Fresh Ink cards for friends at your nearest Dominick’s, and say something real. That is, if you haven’t already changed the station.

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    • #59218
      bhodson
      Participant

      Hi Mary! I like your wry tone in this read. Maybe the humor could be beefed up a bit more by varying your pitch, really leaning into that last line especially. Nice work!

      Brianne

      • #59223
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback Brianne! Thanks for the tip too, I will try varying my pitch in a read like this. Not sure how far to push it, but I will keep trying until someone says, not that’s too much. Thanks again!

        Mary

    • #59172
      kfvoice
      Participant

      Hi Mary!

      Your read was clear; the pacing was good, and nice job on varying your pitch. I noticed you did the opposite of what I did with my read the other night with “But”, however, there is no comma here. I think it sounds better with it, personally. Not sure if it was intentional, but I liked the little “sound effect” when you stopped your recording. It made me chuckle. Keep it up!

      Kathy

      • #59224
        mkell755
        Participant

        Hi Kathy – thanks for your feedback! You are totally right too in that I just added a comma-sounding pause when I probably should have moved on past it, not even sure why I did that, so thanks for noticing! Unfortunately the little sound effect at the end of the recording was unintentional, in fact I almost pointed out that I did not mean to do it, but now that you mention it it sounds funny for this particular script. Thanks again for your feedback!

        Mary

  • #59147
    AlexisVO
    Participant

    Hi all,

    I’m looking for feedback on my performance. This was listed as an educational game for kids about space. Thanks! –Alexis

    Script:

    Today we’re going to explore all of the planets in our solar system and some other places as well. We’ll travel into the future when astronauts live throughout the solar system. On each world we’ll see what the weather is like, what we would wear, and what we would do to have fun! Grab your oxygen, put on your seatbelt, and let’s blast off!

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    • #59171
      kfvoice
      Participant

      Hi Alexis!

      Nice read! I loved your enthusiasm throughout — it got me interested in wanting to check out the game! 🙂

      Kathy

    • #59159
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Alexis! I liked this read for you – very nice and warm, and I could hear the smile in your voice! It was friendly and sounded good for a kids game. In the first sentence it sounded almost like a period after the word “system”, but there is not a period or a comma there. The sentence feels long but maybe it could flow a little more smoothly? That’s a very minor thing overall. Good enthusiasm and variation in tone. Good job!

      Mary

      • #59163
        AlexisVO
        Participant

        Thanks, Mary. I know what you mean there. I am working on not going to slow and not creating choppy pauses. Thanks for your feedback! –Alexis

        • #59238
          mkell755
          Participant

          You are welcome! I struggle to get a good flow and not be choppy myself, so I know what you mean. It’s a fine balance! 🙂

          Mary

  • #59142
    jmtarleton
    Participant

    Hello good people! I am uploading a few narration reads from the Edge Script Library for this week. Many thanks for nay notes or feedback.

    All the best,

    John

    PEI Destinations
    As a visitor to PEI, you can do more than just witness the Island way of life. You can live it, too. Real experiences. Simple pleasures. Being active and relaxed at the same time. Any island is its own unique world. Stories, music, recipes, and skills are preserved and passed down for generations. But here you’re welcome to take part, and take home some of our traditions. Islanders are eager to help. In an ever-growing series of activities, you can work side-by-side with chefs, artisans, fishermen, farmers, musicians, and a host of people who defy categorizing, but who love what they do and want to share it with you. So if you’re looking for a holiday with some real life behind it, you’ll find it here. Yes, you might get your hands d***y. You might also get your shoes wet. And your knees stained. All temporary. But the memory of your Island experiences will last a lifetime.

    American Gothic
    In 1930, an Iowa artist named Grant Wood asked his sister and his dentist to pose for a painting; a tribute to the tough rural stock of America.
    He dressed his sister in a simple frock: a white collar held close around her neck by a broach. The dentist he outfitted in overalls, a band collar shirt buttoned tight around the throat and a dark business jacket.

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    • #59169
      kfvoice
      Participant

      Hi John!

      I agree with the other comments. In your first script, at the end, with “Yes, you might get your hands d***y. You might also get your shoes wet. And your knees stained. All temporary.“, try varying your inflections here, as well. I hope this helps!

      Kathy

      • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by kfvoice.
    • #59160
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi John! These were both good reads. Good flow, pace and variation of words throughout. One the first read “All temporary.” sounded to me like “All temporary?”, but that is a small thing. Good clarity and smoothness of read. Good job!

      Mary

    • #59156
      AlexisVO
      Participant

      Hi John, Good reads! In both recordings I like your pace, inflection and clarity. In the PEI, I like how you handled the list starting with “Stories”, that was good pitch variation. Keep up the good work! –Alexis

  • #59138
    christinesachsnyc
    Participant

    Hello! Posting two practice commercials by our 10 year old. The first one is a bit longer than her usual practice scripts. The second one is a swing at engaging and enticing the listener to stick around and watch.

    Open to any and all feedback. Thank you!

    Hershey Park Christmas Candyland

    Hershey Park Christmas Candylane is bigger and brighter than ever! New this year experience twice as many lights and holiday riders on Superdooperlooper, Wildcat, Cocoa Cruiser and Laff Track.

    As always, enjoy your favorite traditions including a visit to Santa and his nine live reindeer, a dazzling choreographed light show, ice skating, festive entertainment, and delicious holiday treats.

    Later, don’t forget to drive over to Hershey Sweet Lights for two miles of festive displays from the comfort of your car. Start planning your family’s visit today and discover your Hershey Park happy.

    Discovery Kids

    What’s as strong as an elephant? Stinks like a skunk? And can see in the dark? Find out next on Discovery Kids!

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    • #59168
      kfvoice
      Participant

      Good job on both reads!

      Some minor feedback. In the first read, “happy” trailed off in volume at the end. Try and end the sentence on a bright note.

      Keep it up!

      Kathy

    • #59161
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Christine! Both reads were really good! On the first read there was a pause between visit and today “Start planning your family’s visit today and discover…”, this would make more sense if strung together as one thought with the pause after “today” to make it flow a little smoother. Very good reading, pace and clarity throughout! I’m impressed!

      Mary

  • #59128
    kfvoice
    Participant

    Hello all!

    Uploading this script I wrote for audio and delivery feedback. It sounds flat, so any suggestions will be appreciated.

    Kathy

    Edgar Allen Poe

    Edgar Allen Poe was one of the first great American-born authors, a master of macabre and mystery whose name alone evokes an eerie chill.

    Tragically but fittingly, Poe’s death has also long been cloaked in mystery, with each legend and rumor of how he passed more ghastly than the next.

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    • #59162
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Kathy! I like this read. I could not quite make out the “of” before macabre, even after listening a few times. I think there may have been a word omitted (also) in the last sentence. Not a big deal for a practice read, but just something to consider. Your voice is very clear and calm and well-suited for this genre. Good job!

      Mary

      • #59166
        kfvoice
        Participant

        Good catch, Mary! It indeed was late, lol. Thanks, again!

    • #59141
      christinesachsnyc
      Participant

      Thank you for sharing. The quality of the recording is great. I wonder if it sounds flat because the sentences don’t seem connected to each other? Your voice is terrific, and I wonder if just a bit more flow would make it more dynamic? Good luck!

      • #59167
        kfvoice
        Participant

        Thank you, Christine!

        The sentences actually should be one paragraph (opening paragraph from EAP on biography.com); I separated them on my copy when recording, so perhaps it is one reason why my reading didn’t flow.

        Kathy

  • #59118
    mkell755
    Participant

    Hello all! Uploading my recording here (recorded on my phone) for any all feedback. Thank you!!

    Guild Guitars
    When you’ve played a guitar for years, every scratch, ding, and worn-down fret means something. The places you’ve been, the songs you’ve sung, the people you’ve shared your music with. That’s what a Guild is all about. Made to be played. Guild Guitars.

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    • #59155
      AlexisVO
      Participant

      Nice job! I think the pace was good and the read had a good flow. –Alexis

      • #59157
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thank you Alexis!!
        Mary

    • #59145
      christinesachsnyc
      Participant

      Hi! Great recording. Your voice and pace was terrific. I think the thing to take a look at is your sound quality. It sounds a little echo-y? Good luck!

      • #59158
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thank you for the feedback Christine! Yes, I’m not on my full and final setup yet; this was recorded on my phone. Thanks again!

        Mary

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