Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi there, here is another commercial demo assignment, but this one is a long read. I really tried to sound natural or conversational yet have fun dispite the topic.
I could really use your feedback. Thanks in advance.-
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Hi ArWilliams! I really like this! Very conversational and authentic for your voice. You successfully created a visual in my head with anxiety as a physical character talking to someone, really nice emotion. Great emphasis on the appropriate words throughout. If you have not tried poetry, I think your voice would be great for that. This is also great, it just struck me when listening to this read. We want to hear more!
Mary
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Danggg girl this is so nice! I love your voice it is so smooth and this felt so natural. I really liked it. I also relate because I have anxiety so it spoke to me. My bits of things to work on would be, the first word “I’ve” I had to replay a few times because I did not understand it. I thought maybe it was “eyes”, so that first word could be spoken a bit more clearly. I thought the call to action could have had a beat right before it. My little brain couldn’t quite keep up at that point. All in all a very nice read. I’d love to hear more from you.
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Hi everyone! Here is my daily recording (done on my phone) for any and all feedback. Thank you all!
Mary
Stella Artois Beer
Of course Stella Artois tastes better than other beers. We’ve had over 600 years to get the recipe right. Since 1366 Stella Artois has been painstakingly brewed in a time-honored tradition using the choicest ingredients which is why our customers have kept coming back for more even after 600 years. Stella Artois. Perfection has it’s price.-
Nice job Mary, I can tell you are really progressing at not sounding monotone. Good job! keep trying to hit certain words that you think are important to emphasize you message.
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Hi I like this one a lot I think it captured some realistic sort of conversation. I would just go to that the words better in the beginning and brewed sounded off however minor that may be. Nice work on this one
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Hi Mary! I like the sarcasm in your read! Nice pace. I would give a little more emphasis with “even after 600 years.” — Kathy
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Hey all, here’s some narration practice for tonight. Still breathy and poppy, but I’m working on it 🙂
Brianne
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Hi Briane, you have a lovely voice for this kind of copy! I notice the breath and popping you mentioned, what is your set up? are you by chance using a noise gate? These can cause problems if the settings are not set to have a more natural setting. Noise gate is similar to noise reduction. Anyways, I’m a bit of a tech/editing geek so I’m just curious 🙂
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Hi Brianne! I really like this for your voice! I did not notice breathiness on my end. It was well-paced and you have a nice clear tone which made for a pleasant-sounding read. Good job!
Mary
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Would you please listen and let me know what you think?
Peet’s coffee
characters like Marie. She’s a character. She does ballet. Professionally. Because character. That’s what we’re about. Alfred Peet. Now, there was a character. He brought us craft roasted. Us, as in America. You. Me. Diane. Diane’s friend. At Peet’s, we source the best beans. We roast them. We brew them. We make great coffee. We’re Peet’s.Sesame Place®
Sesame Place is the theme park where Sesame Street comes to life! New in 2018 is our biggest, most exciting roller coaster ever – Oscar’s Wacky Taxi™! Bring the entire family to whirl on rides, splash down slides and hug everyone’s favorite furry friends. So before little kids become big kids, bring them to meet their Sesame Street friends at Sesame Place® theme park!-
Hi Mary! These were good reads for your tone of voice! I noticed a few extra “ands” thrown in on the first script – You and Me and Diane and Diane’s friend. I realize this is for practice, but just something to watch if this was a paying gig. I liked Sesame Street better for you – you sounded more excited about it and more decisive overall. I did hear some echoey sounds for both scripts too. Keep it up!
Mary
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Hello all!
I decided to do something different for today’s practice. Like others have mentioned today, I too took the Science of Speaking Like a Pro webinar last week.
Here’s a little script I put together for a commercial/promo. The recording quality is not the best tonight, so any other feedback is appreciated.
Kathy
Netflix
You like romance. He’s into action. And then there are the kids.
Watch unlimited movies, TV shows, and more on all your devices for one low price.
Netflix. Choose your plan.
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Hi Kathy! I really like this for your voice! It sounds really clear and straightforward and very professional! This would be great for your demo, Really good job!
Mary
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Thanks, Mary! The second line could use some more work, but overall, I got the pitch variation I was going for. I’ll file this one away for the next (commercial or promo) demo. Thanks again!
Kathy
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Hey everyone! I’m just looking for some feedback on how I performed in these. I had a lot of trouble with these scripts. Any constructive criticism is appreciated!
4/H
It began with the seed of an idea. In 1902, the heartland needed folks to embrace new advances in agriculture. But leaders with open minds, strong hearts and willing hands weren’t in abundance.Luckily, kids were.By empowering the next generation to lead, 4/H took root.And grew.Grew kids who are confident and strong.Who are curious enough to question. And capable enough to find the answer. True leaders aren’t born.They’re grown. 4/H GROWS HEREBeavers
The b****r builds its lodge out of intertangled twigs and sticks; as freezing weather nears, they plaster their lodge with mud, making a concrete layer that no predator can break through. During the early nineteenth century, the b****r pelt was the single most valuable commodity; the pelt being used for robes, coats, clothing trims, and top hats.Creativity
The b****r builds its lodge out of intertangled twigs and sticks; as freezing weather nears, they plaster their lodge with mud, making a concrete layer that no predator can break through. During the early nineteenth century, the b****r pelt was the single most valuable commodity; the pelt being used for robes, coats, clothing trims, and top hats.-
Hi Isa!
Script 1: Nice pace, and tone. I could hear slight changes in pitch; try playing around with that, but overall, it flowed well.
Script 2: Vary the inflections in your list, so it doesn’t sound so flat (“… robes, coats, clothing trims, and top hats.”)
Script 3: More pitch variation, and watch for micro-pauses not intended.We all have trouble with scripts, so don’t get discouraged. Keep at it!
Kathy
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Hi IsaBrandon! These were good reads for you.
Script 1 4H: Good pacing and flow of the script
Script 2 Beavers: This read sounded more like you were reading a book vs. actively explaining
Script 3 Creativity: This read sounded good as well, but it may need a little more variation in pitch or emphasis on certain words to match the text
I hope that helps a little. Keep it up!Mary
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Sorry I posted the wrong script for Creativity! XD
Creativity is not the same as hard work or effort, it requires genuine inspiration. It is the product of a mind thoroughly intrigued by a question a situation or a possibility, therefore creativity does not come in exchange for money or rewards but when we focus our attention on something because we want to.
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My version of Paul Harveys “So g*d made a farmer”. Long read and took a while. I appreciate and feedback you may have. Thanks
And on the 8th day, G*d looked down on his planned paradise and said, “I need a caretaker”
— so G*d made a Farmer.G*d said, “I need somebody willing to get up before dawn, milk cows, work all day in the fields, milk cows again, eat supper, then go to town and stay past midnight at a meeting of the school board”
— so G*d made a Farmer.“I need somebody with arms strong enough to rustle a calf and yet gentle enough to deliver his own grandchild; somebody to call hogs, tame cantankerous machinery, come home hungry, have to wait lunch until his wife’s done feeding visiting ladies, then tell the ladies to be sure and come back real soon — and mean it”
— so G*d made a Farmer.G*d said, “I need somebody willing to sit up all night with a newborn colt, and watch it die, then dry his eyes and say, ‘Maybe next year.’ I need somebody who can shape an ax handle from a persimmon sprout, shoe a horse with a hunk of car tire, who can make harness out of haywire, feed sacks and shoe scraps; who, planting time and harvest season, will finish his forty-hour week by Tuesday noon, and then pain’n from tractor back, put in another seventy-two hours”
— so G*d made a Farmer.G*d had to have somebody willing to ride the ruts at double speed to get the hay in ahead of the rain clouds, and yet stop in mid-field and race to help when he sees the first smoke from a neighbor’s place
— so G*d made a Farmer.G*d said, “I need somebody strong enough to clear trees and heave bails, yet gentle enough to tame lambs and wean pigs and tend the pink-combed pullets, who will stop his mower for an hour to splint the broken leg of a meadow lark.”
It had to be somebody who’d plow deep and straight and not cut corners; somebody to seed, w**d, feed, breed and rake and disc and plow and plant and tie the fleece and strain the milk and replenish the self-feeder and finish a hard week’s work with a five-mile drive to church; somebody who would bale a family together with the soft strong bonds of sharing, who would laugh, and then sigh, and then reply, with smiling eyes, when his son says that he wants to spend his life “doing what dad does”
— so G*d made a Farmer.-
Hi Robert!
Wow! This was a really good script for your voice. I have heard Paul Harvey’s “So G*d Made a Farmer” before, so kudos to you for one, tackling it, and two, giving it your own spin! Great job on varying your inflections with the lists in the last paragraph.
I will mention, audio wise, that the “And” in the opening line was faint, and the first line (before “so G*d made a Farmer“) was low in volume compared to the rest of your read.
Overall, terrific job!
Kathy
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Thanks KFvoice, I will work on that. I have me a new desk coming for this setup and try to figure out what is going on with that. Appreciate it!
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Hi Robert – really nice! I was smiling and then tearing up all in the same script. This is really good for you and your voice and it sounds very authentic for you. I think the pacing and tempo was very good. I liked the way you emphasized and even sped up just a little bit to read in the last paragraph the long list of items: to seed, w**d, feed, breed and rake and disc and plow and plant and tie the fleece and strain the milk and…” which added extra effect to the read overall. Excellent!
Mary
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Mary, I appreciate you taking the time to read that. I was long winded and difficult to do because Paul Harvey wrote it the way he spoke. It took a little while to make that one. I am trying to do more challenging reads. Once again thanks.
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Hi All – Two more practice reads from the Edge library for my Commercial journey. There’s some background noise from a landscaper working in the neighborhood I can’t eliminate – I mean the noise, not the landscaper. I’m primarily working today on a conversational tone but all feedback about any aspect of these two reads is welcomed.
Thanks, Chas
Apple Ipod
Presenting iPod. The first MP3 player to pack a mind-blowing 1,000 songs and a 10-hour battery into a stunning 6.5-ounce package you can literally take everywhere. But iPod isn’t just a revolution in portability, it’s also a revolution in simplicity. Just plug into your Mac and all of your iTunes songs and playlists are automatically downloaded into iPod at blazing FireWire speed. With iPod, it’s that easy to take your entire music collection with you wherever you go, in the pocket of your choice. Get your iPod at The Wiz, Circuit City, or Best BuyHarvey Home Theatre
He has a 160 IQ, performs cardiac surgery for a living. And now, he can even operate his home entertainment system. Introducing Harvey Home Theater. It’s so sophisticated, it’s simple. Dimensions of sight and sound unheard of, until now. All at your fingertips. Now, if he could only operate the microwave. Home Theater from Harvey, not your ordinary electronics store. Call for the Harvey near you. -
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Good morning everyone. I’m trying to apply what I learned in speaking with a pro and all that I have been learning for narration. It is a LOT to think about while still trying to sound natural 🙂 I’m naturally a very enthusiastic and friendly reader, so I’m not sure how this fits with a “documentary read”. I know this might not be something I actually book in the real world. Any feedback is appreciated. Take care!
Katelyn
“For more than three decades, mankind has explored the mysteries of the universe from
a vantage point in space. Now we‘re turning space into a practical place to work. By the year 2020, NASA‘s space station is scheduled to give science a permanent platform in orbit. A place where researchers can examine our world from a unique perspective, and experiment under conditions of extreme temperature and weightlessness. In zero gravity, compounds can react in ways not possible here on Earth. Scientists can create better med- icines, more durable plastics, and stronger alloys made of metals that resist mixing under gravity‘s pull.”-
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Hey! I thought your read sounded very good! Oh man I know what you mean in terms of keeping everything you learn in mind. It’s definitely a lot. Some things I did notice was there were a couple breaths that weren’t edited out. One was between sentence one and two, before the word: “Now.” The other I heard was in the fourth sentence after the word “perspective.” I think you could also add more energy into your read to make it sound even better. Like Robert said, the flow needs to be a bit smoother. Maybe cutting some of the space between your sentences could help with that. Overall I think you’re well on your way to being great! And who knows? Maybe you will be booked for a job like this down the line.
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Hey! Thanks for the feedback you guys. Listening back I hear the choppiness and I think it is that I did not cut out the breaks between sentences enough (this is where I stop and breathe haha!) Although, my coach mentioned that it is really more of a big deal to edit breaths out in commercial reads vs narration as narration is supposed to sound more natural and people do breathe. Although if the breath is insanely distracting it should be brought down in volume. Just thought I’d mention that as well. Thanks you guys!
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