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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi, friends! See attached for a couple of auditions I recently submitted for commercial reads. Please let me know what you think! All constructive feedback is welcome and encouraged!
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I agree that the second was more effective because of the emotion you brought to it via the persona you assumed and by effectively varying pitch and tempo. This also made the tag line stand out strongly throughout the entire script.
I’ll be a little picky about the first. It seemed a little flat to me, starting with the tone of your initial “Hello”. I can envision a read of this copy being a little more energetic overall and especially when you get to the part that delivers the solution and its benefits after defining the problem. I also heard uptalk twice to (maybe) emphasize words that in context, didn’t need the uptalk – one was “disengaged” (@9 secs) and the other was “ease” (@19 secs).
Your voice was clear in both and the copy was nicely articulated.Chas
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Good reads overall, with clarity and pacing, and varying your tone in each read.
I felt you connected to the second script the best.
The first script, I agree with others, that there needed to be more enthusiasm. The plosives were a bit distracting in this read, too. Are you using a pop filter? Too close to the mic?
Keep at it!
Kathy
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Hi there! Really nice work on these. I think the cancer one fit best, the first one I think could have used more of a friendly/happy/upbeat tone and agree with the previous comment that a smile can help. I think you sound very genuine, caring and warm for the cancer read. Maybe with posting auditions though it would be great to know what the audition directions were to better help us with discerning how your delivery fulfills the direction. Just an idea 🙂 really nice work!
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OK, more commercial demo feedback requested!
Worked with Jen this week on two more potentials for my commercial demo: a board game, and a restaurant. Here are the scripts, looking for feedback on pacing, delivery, and if I sound like I’m connecting with the material and speaking with intention. Thanks in advance!
Script 1: Thornwatch
Deep in the Eyrewood, dark creatures would spread their corruption to the people of the forest. Thankfully, the citizens are protected by the Thornwatch. The Thornwatch: Eyrewood Adventures Board Game is available at Lone Shark Games.Script 2: Sweet Lucy’s Smokehouse:
Why do we sometimes run out of food? It’s the result of cooking with wood in a closed pit Smoking is a low-and-slow process—that means sometimes our meats take all-night to cook until they’re perfect! It’s just how we do it at Sweet Lucy’s Smokehouse.-
Hi Brian! These are good reads. You have a really nice warm voice and are emphasizing the appropriate words.
For script 1: I realize this is a practice read but the read was not per the script in the last sentence – instead of ” … Board Game is available at Lone Shark Games.” I heard ” … visit LoneSharkgames.com”
For script 2: You have a nice friendly tone here, good energy. Being picky, but I heard “That’s” vs. “It’s” as typed.Really good reads overall! Keep it up!
Mary
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Hey, Brian! Great reads! You have a GREAT voice over voice! My suggestion for both reads would be to pick up the pace, especially in the board game read, specifically the first two sentences. I get the drama you’re trying to portray in those two sentences, but keep the drama while picking up the tempo. It sounds like there’s a little pause between each word which chops up the read. Other than that — keep up the good work!
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Hi everyone, wanted to share this read on a controversial script..will love your feedback. 🙂 thanks.
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mrtripo9 — Great tone throughout the read! Your voice fits this kind of script very well. I ditto what Mary said about the pen tip — it helps!
Keep it up!
Kathy
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Hi Mrtripo9! Wow, interesting topic to hear. I really like your deep warm voice and the flow of the script – very nice! “According to them” sounded like “According to dem” to me. I tend to squish words too like “n” instead of “and”, so for me it’s keeping my mouth slightly more open during those words. My coach told me too that if you put a pen in your mouth as practice before the read, it helps open your mouth more so the words don’t get squished, not sure if that makes sense or helps. Great tone here!
Mary
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Hello all! Here is my daily recording (done on my phone) for any and all feedback. The script cracked me up. Thank you!
Mary
Dultuth Trading: Free-Swingin’-Flannel
What in the world has happened to flannel shirts? They feel boardy, shrink like crazy and fall apart after a couple of days on the job. Our Free Swingin’ Flannel is a heartier 5.6-oz. 100% cotton for larger-than-life comfort, durability and warmth. We brush it twice for extra loft and softness. Maybe best of all, it has our easy-moving Armpit Gussets. A button-down collar means you can wear it under a sport jacket, which guys in Duluth actually do – some of them even get married in flannel!-
Hi Mary!
“Free Swingin’ Flannel” could be a tongue twister! Say that 10 times fast! lol
Caught a few minor micro-pauses, but overall a good job!
Kathy
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Hi, Mary! Good job. Can I ask what room you are recording this in? It doesn’t sound soundproof, and it sounds like you’re surrounded by a lot of hard surfaces. I actually record in my tiny closet and all of the clothes help absorb the sound! I suggest sound-proofing some sort of space in your home for recordings.
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Hi Sabpierotti! Thanks! I’m not set up in my home studio yet, will be working on that soon. It is definitely not soundproof, and there are lots of hard surfaces. I’ve only done one recording in my closet so far but it was sooo flat. Hopefully you and others will be able to tell once I get a mic and some sound-proofing. For now, this is just to get consistent in my delivery. Thanks again!
Mary
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Hello everyone!
I was instructed by the talented Art Bruder to share my takes on three example scripts I found in the edge library. The first one is a nutritious breakfast cereal ad, the second one is a history channel documentary, and the third one is an educational explainer video. Hit me hard with the feedback!
I had a particularly hard time with the second script, I can’t quite pinpoint why. I’m sure you all can give me feedback on it though!
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Hi Dante! Love your voice! So nice, deep and rich. Great clarity, pacing and emphasis on the appropriate words in all of them
Script 1: This sounded really good for you, good energy and decisive-sounding. Good smile in your voice.
Script 2: This sounded like you were trying to be more serious than your natural tone (not sure if that’s true, just what I’m hearing), and because of that did not seem as authentic to me. It had some variation in tone, but could use maybe a little more?
Script 3: This was good! It sounded believable and helpful. Also good smile and decisive tone. Good work!Mary
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Helllooo! Here is a little in-store announcement script I put together for Costco Wholesale, specifically for Costco Grocery. It took me a little while to get what I was going for. Apologies if I sound nasally; nothing I can do at the moment. Let me know what you think. All feedback is welcome and appreciated! Thanks!
Kathy
Costco Grocery
Hey, Costco customers, are you looking for something incredible to serve at your holiday dinner party? Head over to Costco Grocery for beautifully prepared steaks, imported cheeses, fresh lobster, and buttery caviar!
And, don’t forget dessert! Costco bakers can help you pair the perfect sweet with a lovely bottle of wine!
(P.S. Make sure you pick up cookies for Santa. You don’t want to get on his naughty list…)
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Kathy,
You definitely have the voice for in-store announcements! Great job. My only suggestion would be to not pause too long between sentences, keep the same tempo throughout. Also, for the last sentence (ex: Ps…) I suggest keeping this sentence at the same volume level as the rest of the announcement. I understand why you read it the way you did, but for an in-store announcement I don’t know if the “whisper/secret” strategy works. I hope this makes sense! Keep up the good work.
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Hi Kathy! This was good. It may be a regional pronunciation difference, but I noticed that you said “caviar” with an accented last syllable, but I have only ever heard it accented on the first syllable, not a big deal but I had not heard it that way before (nor do I eat a lot of caviar :))
On the “And, don’t forget dessert!” it sounded a little monotone, and not like an exclamation point, but more like a period. I did not hear a pause after “and,” this might help punch up that line. That sentence feels like it should be emphasized like you did with “…bottle of wine!”. On the last line, the “…cookies for Santa” seemed a little monotone as well; I think you could try more emphasis on “naughty”. just my opinion so it does not just fade off in thought and pitch. Good job!!!
Mary
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Hi Mary! Hmmm. Maybe caviar is different regionally? https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/caviar
I actually intended to deliver those sentences you mentioned with a more monotone sound, especially the “P.S.” line. I pretty much ignored my own punctuation, lol. I read the copy two ways, and this version sounded better. Maybe it was me.
Thanks again for the feedback. I always appreciate it!
Kathy
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Hi Kathy! You are right, I think there are words that are pronounced differently depending on where you live, caviar is probably one of those words! lol. I think I’m over-sensitive to reading any lines monotone so when I hear it my ears perk up as something to never do, but that may only apply to how I’m reading things. So much to learn! 🙂
Mary
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Good job! The only comment I have is I heard a lot of echo and background noise in your read. Not sure if this was music you were adding to the read or not? Also, it doesn’t sound like your recording space is sound proof. I suggest finding a small space in your home that has a lot of soft materials to absorb your sound. I literally record in my tiny closet haha! Keep up the good work.
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Hi Juliees! Good energy throughout the read! I can tell you have a smile in your delivery, sounds nice for this genre. Good job!
Mary
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This was a good read, sabpierotti! Good luck!
I agree with Mary about the overall performance of the read. My comments are on the audio/technical end.
I heard a “static” sound between the first and second sentence. It was faint, but I could hear it with my headphones. And the plosive around the :11 mark was a little overpowering compared to the rest of the read. Nothing that a little editing can’t fix.
Looking forward to hearing more!
Kathy
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Hi Sabpierotti! Nice read! I like the clarity, tone and pacing, and with pauses in the right places to help the listener get the message. Good job!
Mary
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Hi Sabpierotti! Nice job. You sounded very authentic and invested in the script. You have a nice warm tone which is good for this genre. Great!
Mary
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Working on sounding more informative than happy, and more natural and spontaneous. Any feedback is appreciated! Trying to find where I fit naturally with narration and I love history and travel.
Travelogue: Egypt has always been a land of mystery and magic.
A land different from all others, difficult to understand, apart and alien, yet strangely fascinating.
It was the most self-contained of all the countries of the ancient world;
it lived its own life, practiced its own religion, and made up its own government with hardly any outside interference either from or upon other civilizations.-
Hi K – Overall, I liked how you used pitch variation to add variety and I also thought your fluidity was nice throughout. And I totally agree with the other comments about having a connection to the topic as you do in this case makes the read easier and more natural rather than “just reading a script”. I think your connection is a large part of what made it appealing. I also thought the second half of your read was the best because it sounded more natural and conversational than the first due to you picking up the tempo. Just to give you a sense of the difference, you read the first half at just under 2 words/second and the second half at 2.7 words/second. The second half sounded like I imagine you sound when having a conversation with a friend. Nice work on this.
Chas
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Hi Katelyn!
This was a good read. Nice job on varying your pitch with the lists! I agree, perhaps try slowing down just a tad, and see how it sounds.
There is a lot to explore with narration, I agree. It is true, anything that you find interesting, or love to do, seems to be easier in connecting to a copy. Your voice would fit this niche within narration nicely.
Keep it up!
Kathy
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Hi Katelyn! This was good. It felt a tiny bit rushed to me between sentences but overall was very clear and flowed really well. Your voice is naturally friendly and happy-sounding and that’s a good thing! I think you can be friendly and informative, and it actually helps the read too if you are interested in the topic, which you appear to be. Keep it up!
Mary
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