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  • #58798
    mkell755
    Participant

    Hi everyone! Here is my daily recording (recorded on my phone) for any and all feedback. Thank you!

    Welcome to Lifetime Fitness!
    Discover a destination like no other. Where people come together to pursue passions, overcome limitations and realize potential. Here you’ll find the space, expertise and inspiration you need to do more than you thought possible.

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    • #59011
      RYoung
      Participant

      Hi Mary, Your voice seems pleasant, however too many upward inflections for this script, now if it was a children’s commercial or story it fits with your tone. This script seems to want more passion and inspiration, hope that helps!

      • #59025
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback RYoung! I will work on the upward inflections – it’s a hard habit to break for me, I will work on the passion and inspiration too. Thanks!

        Mary

    • #59010
      kfvoice
      Participant

      Welcome back, Mary!

      Your pace was good here. I can hear you relaxing more.

      The opening line needs a little more of an enthusiastic tone, and in the lists (pursue passions, overcome limitations and realize potentialspace, expertise and inspiration), if you varied your inflections with them more, it would improve the read.

      I hope this helps. Keep it up! Good read!

      Kathy

      • #59027
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thank you for the feedback Kathy! I will work on the enthusiasm and making the inflections more varied, good points. Thanks again!

        Mary

  • #58790
    burdahgirl
    Participant

    Hey ya’ll! I’d love feedback on my latest practice script: both the read and the sound quality. I’m working on my home studio setup and would love to hear what your ears think about the current setup and what else it might need. THANKS!

    “Meet Karen
    a full time chartered accountant by day, full time home traffic controller by night
    aaand a part time fund-raiser.
    Chocolates and paper forms? There’s got to be a better way.
    Introducing FlipGive, the best way to fundraise online.
    Earn up to 50% when your friends and family shop with great retailers and restaurants.
    Start by creating your campaign page in just a few simple steps.
    Other fund-raising needs? No Problem! FlipGive makes it easy for a variety of groups to raise money.
    Easily share your campaign in person via social media or e-mail so your friends and family can help you reach your funding goal no matter where they live.
    Yes even uncle Bob can help out, with a quick and easy purchase from his favorite brand.
    Manage your campaign by tracking progress, keeping your supporters upto-date, and thanking them when the mission is complete.
    Flipgive, the future of fundraising is here.”

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    • #59009
      kfvoice
      Participant

      Hi Burdahgirl!

      Great job! Pace, tone, pitch were spot on!

      I liked how you added micro-pauses in the line: Easily share your campaign in person via social media or e-mail so your friends and family can help you reach your funding goal no matter where they live. Otherwise, it would be a run-on sentence.

      Your last line was louder, however, I think that may have been your intention to billboard and create a tag line? It works, but just a little too loud compared to the rest of the copy.

      Kathy

    • #58794
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Burdahgirl – great read! Great flow to the script and nice smile in your voice. The last line sounded louder than the rest of the read, but very small detail overall. Good job!

      Mary

  • #58783
    maseFUdogg
    Participant

    “this is an athlete, 20 reps deep, sprinting past every leak in our softest smoothest fabric, she’s confident, protected, her strength, respected. Depend, the only thing stronger than us, is you.”

    (link) https://www.ispot.tv/ad/nmJ4/depend-silhouette-briefs-respected#

    Helllllooooo from Los Angeles (korea town), I just had my 1st VO coaching session with the infamous Kara Edwards and am just a beginner, so please go easy on me! (recorded from my lav mic attached to my iphone ..(for now until I upgrade))

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    • #58795
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Mase! Welcome! Nice read. Good clarity and decisiveness in your tone. Good job!

      Mary

    • #58792
      burdahgirl
      Participant

      Great job on the read! Nice pacing and a wonderful, clear voice. I would say you could try experimenting with a little more emotion or expressive tone for the very beginning of the read so we know right off the bat how you feel about this amazing woman. I got it later when you said “her strength, respected”, so great work on that! You definitely don’t sound like a beginner – way to go!

    • #58785
      maseFUdogg
      Participant

      is this the right way to format the file?

      • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by maseFUdogg.
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      • #58808
        kfvoice
        Participant

        Welcome Mase!

        You did a nice job in this first read!

        I agree with previous comments — pace was good; enunciation clear, and to play around with tone and pitch in the beginning of the script.

        Kathy

      • #58789
        colleen
        Participant

        Mase~great job! You don’t sound like a beginner at all! Nice pacing & I really liked the way you hit certain words. Keep up the great work! By the way, how did you change your original M4A format file to the one with the grey bar?
        ~colleen

  • #58757
    RYoung
    Participant

    Thanks for listening and any comments are much appreciated!
    Advil
    Muscle aches? Nothing is proven more effective or longer lasting than Advil. For long-lasting relief of muscle aches, count on Advil. In a recent clinical study, Advil was found to work better than Tylenol in relieving the pain of sore muscles the day after exercise. No wonder doctors recommend Advil for muscle aches more than any other non-prescription brand. ADVIL — Advanced medicine for pain.

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    • #59032
      RYoung
      Participant

      Hey, thanks for the comments all, I think I just ran out of breath on the one pause lol.

    • #58807
      kfvoice
      Participant

      Hi R —

      Great read! Your tone and pace fit the script.

      I am not sure if you intended to add slight micro-pauses where not written in the script (“muscles the“, “Advil for muscle“), however, it seemed to work for the latter in your second to last sentence.

      Kathy

    • #58796
      mkell755
      Participant

      Great job RYoung! Very nice read and production – you have a very warm, rich tone, and very well suited for this type of read. Very good!

      Mary

    • #58793
      burdahgirl
      Participant

      Hi RYoung! I always think your reads are great, with really clear pacing and great tone. I give this next comment with exactly one grain of salt: I’m a musician first so I always hear pitch with a lot of emphasis, and it sounds like you change pitch within the word pretty frequently throughout the read and it almost gives it a little singsongy in places. Does that make sense? Feel free to completely disregard if that doesn’t resonate with you! Overall, it is, as always, consistently a great read!

  • #58730
    TimDKietzman
    Participant

    This script has multiple lists, how did I do in bringing them to life?

    Intuition
    Now there’s a solution to the soap-opera of shaving. Introducing Intuition. The only all-in-one razor that lathers and shaves in one easy step. You’ll never need shave gel, soap or body wash again, because Intuition’s triple blades are surrounded by a unique Skin Conditioning Solid. With just water, it smooths and soothes to give you soft, smooth, touchable skin with every shave. Shaving’s never been so simple.

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    • #59012
      CYeschenko
      Participant

      The lists worked great, your choice of words to highlight was effective and the rest of the copy had good pacing. Nice work!

    • #58805
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Tim! This sounds really good. Good flow and pace and clarity, and with the appropriate words emphasized. Good job!

      Mary

    • #58753
      BrianWigginsVO
      Participant

      David Goldberg did a great advanced auditioning class on this exact thing about a year ago.

      From first listen, you have a pretty good handle on it: take each item on the list, and give each its own inflection by going up, going down, staying “flat” (tone, not emotion), or up then down in the same word. It creates an auditory “comma” without breaking stride, and gives the list more texture.

  • #58728
    TimDKietzman
    Participant

    Hi everyone, my demo prep is tomorrow and I’ve been practicing. One of the scripts I’m including is a car commercial. How’s my performance? I’ve been working h*****n lists. Also, is my recording setup still great?

    Infiniti FX
    They said an SUV would never have the heart of a sports car. They said an SUV would never turn heads. Or give directions. Or play movies. They were wrong. The 315-horsepower Infiniti FX. Rethink the SUV at Infiniti.com.

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    • #59038
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Tim! Good read! Good decisive tone throughout. I think the emphasis on the appropriate words is good on the lists portion, but I think you could possibly punch up or vary the tone a little more for heads, directions and movies. Very good!

      Mary

    • #58772
      chas82
      Participant

      I agree with what RYoung shared. I would also suggest giving a little more emphasis to “never” in the first sentence because this word defines the challenge. You emphasized it well in the second sentence. I would also change the emphasis onto the verbs “give” and “play” in the third and fourth sentences and deemphasize “or “ at the start of the sentences. It was good overall; just a few tweaks. I also liked your sound quality very much. I’m sure the demo creation went well.

    • #58760
      RYoung
      Participant

      Hi Tim, I submitted a reply to your read but seem to got lost somewhere. Basically I think you started off well but the last word in the list or phrase which was play movies seem to fizzle out. Then I think you could smile more at the end because of the fact that they were wrong is the turning point in the script after listing what an SUV could never be, I would just turn up the enthusiasm a bit on the last line otherwise good work on this and good luck on your demo!

  • #58716
    reeyab
    Participant

    Hi everyone! I’m still working on soundproofing my studio, so these havent’t come out as crisp as I would like, but I am eager to hear your feedback all the same!

    Carnation Breakfast Essentials

    Kids can change minds. They can even change the world around us. Packed with protein plus 21 vitamins and minerals, we nourish them with Carnation Breakfast Essentials. Because today could change everything.

    Sandals

    Somewhere in the Caribbean, there are 5-star luxury resorts where it’s all-inclusive, all the time. Sandals, where love is all you need. Because everything else is included. Call 1-800-Sandals.

    Peets Coffee

    Characters like Marie. She’s a character. She does ballet. Professionally. Because character. That’s what we’re about. Alfred Peet. Now, there was a character. He brought us craft roasted. Us, as in America. You. Me. Diane. Diane’s friend. At Peet’s, we source the best beans. We roast them. We brew them. We make great coffee. We’re Peet’s.

    Weelearn

    Most of us know there are ways we can improve… to be healthier… happier… more effective… but knowing how to improve is a different matter. Without guidance, we often simply stay the same. Welcome to Weelearn – a platform where well-known experts and authors can help you get stronger in all areas of your life. Using the Weelearn video library, you can protect your body, strengthen your mind and spirit, become a more positive influence in your relationships, pursue success more confidently at work, and so much more. Our experts are taken from fields of hard science, like psychology, but also areas of broader wisdom, like spirituality. And with videos broken up into digestible parts, and supplemented by exercises and games, the next step to your best self is truly only a few clicks away. Don’t be stuck in life, love, work – or anything! Try Weelearn for yourself today. Weelearn – learning through watching.

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    • #59013
      CYeschenko
      Participant

      Nice work as a whole! One area that could be improved though in my opinion would be the pacing for Peet’s coffee. You did well interpreting the quirky copy and it sounded great in your voice! But if that was a 30 second ad you would definitely have to pick it up a little bit.

    • #58797
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Reeyab! Great reads! You have a very nice clear voice, and all of the scripts were well read and paced. I liked the attitude for Peet’s Coffee and Weelearn the best for you. Very good!

      Mary

    • #58754
      RYoung
      Participant

      First of all I would say your voice is very nice and has a good tone to it. The first read sounded really good maybe the ending could be perked up a bit. The sandals read started off well however the ending kind of tailed off with downward inflections and I believe love should be highlighted and then the last line should be highlighted as well with with a smile and or upward inflection. As far as the the last two I would only say this to help you and I have or have had some of the same issues that were pointed out to me for being disjointed or staccato. The Pete’s commercial especially seemed kind of disjointed even though you have a pleasant and natural delivery, I would just try to smooth out and tighten up the read more if that makes sense. The We learn read I thought was very well done maybe only slightly disjointed but I think you’re inflections were good, just maybe tighten up the read because of the gaps between words eere kind of long. I had posted We learn to the script library from an audition I did a while back. Keep up the great work!

    • #58750
      mrtripo9
      Participant

      I particularly love the Sandals read, sounds great.

    • #58749
      mrtripo9
      Participant

      Lovely read, production is perfect too. Thanks for sharing

    • #58732
      colleen
      Participant

      REEYAB~
      OH MY…I LOVE YOUR VOICE! Simply amazing work & so well done! I literally have no “critique”. Have you been doing voiceover/studying for a while? If you can share how you set up your studio and the gear you like, that would be so helpful. Bravo!

  • #58702
    burdahgirl
    Participant

    Practice practice practice 🙂

    Your Smile
    Your smile says a lot about you. If you let it. When you’re uncomfortable about your teeth, it’s easy to hold back your smile. Invisalign’s advanced technology now lets you straighten your teeth invisibly – so you can express yourself fully. And because they’re invisible, no one has to know about it. Hundreds of thousands of people have already discovered Invisalign. Maybe it’s time you were one of them.

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    • #59063
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Burdahgirl, really nice! I liked the smile in your voice and your voice is very well-suited for this commercial. Good pacing and flow throughout, really good work!

      Mary

    • #58733
      colleen
      Participant

      Amazing read, burdagirl! I really like your tone, confidence & smooth cadence.

  • #58694
    Robert Broussard
    Participant

    I just finished this morning. My 1sr attempt at righting my own script with music mixing. I am away from my home studio set up and am in a hotel, so the mic I am using is not near the quality of my normal setup. Please give any feedback good or bad. Thanks

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    • #59086
      SuperLuke
      Participant

      I think you did a good job making this in a hotel room

    • #58803
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Robert – great read and production! Sounds great, and very believable with your accent. Good script too! All around really good job.

      Mary

    • #58802
      kfvoice
      Participant

      This is great, Robert! I can vision a farm field, or construction site, with this read!

      Your pace was good; tone was spot on, and the music fit the script. Nice job writing it, too!

      Kathy

    • #58734
      colleen
      Participant

      I loved this, Robert! Perfect pitch & music for this ad. Nice job!

    • #58722
      reeyab
      Participant

      I love the timber of your voice! It’s perfect for this script, and the music is a great touch.

    • #58700
      burdahgirl
      Participant

      Your accent makes my Georgia heart happy <3 Great read!

  • #58679
    BrianWigginsVO
    Participant

    Did my first session with Jen Sims last night to get ready for my commercial demo. Here’s two of the scripts that we’ll definitely be including, would love feedback on my pacing, tone, connection with the material, etc.

    Canine Cancer Foundation:
    Through education, research, outreach, and fundraising, our goal is to eliminate dog cancer as a major health problem in dogs. Want to become part of the cure? Become a Core Member Today!

    Toyota:
    Electronic on-demand all-wheel drive. Android Auto and Apple CarPlay. An estimated 41 miles per gallon. The 2021 Toyota RAV4 LE Hybrid. See where today takes you.

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    • #59064
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Brian – good reads! For the Canine Cancer read, it was spot on. Very good flow, tone, pace and clarity. For the Toyota read, also very good, natural delivery. It sounded like you added a couple of words before 2021 – “the all new 2021…”? I realize this is for practice, just something I noticed. Great job!

      Mary

    • #58735
      colleen
      Participant

      Really enjoyed these reads, Brian…upbeat, smooth, personable and very professional-sounding. Great job!

    • #58701
      burdahgirl
      Participant

      Hey Brian, these are both awesome reads, and sounds like you still have plenty of time for polishing. If I had to be really picky I might say that the second read could be a little more exciting in the tone? Still a great read.

    • #58696
      Robert Broussard
      Participant

      Brian, both sound good. You voice a very good fit for the material. Tone, pitch and pace are also well done.

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