Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hello beautiful people,
This is a monologue from a TV show, which highlights a woman’s difficulty accepting that her allure in the eyes of men might be fading. I thought that a slightly breathy read might be most appropriate. I recorded it in my home studio. I know there are a few mouth clicks (I’ll be sure to eat a Gala apple and drink plenty of water in advance next time). But what are your thoughts aside from that? Much appreciated!
Here is the text:
It’s a dance. A dance no one had to teach me, a dance I’d known since I first saw my reflection in my father’s eyes. My partners have been princes and starving artists, Greek gods and clowns, and every one of them certain they led. But it’s always my dance. I make the first move, which is no move at all. I always just understand that they will eventually find themselves in front of me, primitive, beautiful animals and their bodies responding to the inevitability of it all. It’s my dance, and I have performed it with finesse and abandon with countless partners. Only the faces change, and all this time, I never suspected that the night would come, when the dance would end.
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Great work on this “sultry” delivery! I would just tighten it up a bit and leave out the long pauses, I think it would still sound great.
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Hi SL Jones, nice read! I agree with the tone of how you read it, the character sounds resigned to the reality of how things are happening to her. Good work!
Mary
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Hiya Mary! Thank you so much for taking the time to listen and comment. I appreciate it so very much. Let me go check out some of your recordings! All the best!
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I really like the breathy take here it suits the script and gives it an edge that makes you want to listen to the end. Very nice!
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Hi Forum!
Heading toward making my narration demo, and this is one of the possible contenders. Not recorded in my booth, so don’t really need any comments on editing or recording quality, just on vocal interpretation. Thanks!Respect and good communication go hand in hand.
Employees who feel comfortable talking with their colleagues and supervisors are empowered to address safety issues and other challenges.
In workplaces where there is a lack of respect and openness, employees may adopt a mindset of “it’s not my problem” when issues arise.-
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Really nice read! I like this for your voice, I think it fits nicely. You have an authoritative tone. Is this a corporate onboarding script? There were a few times I thought you could maybe slow down a tad, but maybe my brain is just tired from my long day lol. Here “safety issues and other challenges.” and “respect and openness,” could just be me. nice work!!
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Hello!
First, congrats on moving towards your narration demo! I think this is great- good cadence, clear, tone is consistent throughout. Best of luck to you!
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Hi Community! If you have some time during this busy holiday season, I’d love to get some feedback on my reading of these two commercials (especially feedback on my tempo and hitting key words). Thank you! (Scripts are below for your reference).
JC Penney 6 script
Your brain has two sides. The right side: creative, buys things, has fun. The left side: organized, practical, saves money. Now JC Penney makes both sides happy. It’s the buy more, save more sale. It’s simple, the more you buy, the more you save. 20 to 30%. So use your head. Buy more. Save more. Only at JC Penney.Dove Sensitive Skin script
There are products made for sensitive skin. But there’s nothing quite like sensitive skin dove – It’s the mildest, perfume free sensitive skin bar ever made. No wonder Doves the one that dermatologists recommend most to keep your skin looking healthy and feeling soft. Dove. For the beauty that’s already there.-
Loved your reads! Have you ever considered doing kid scripts? Your voice is extremely youthful I think you would do well in that genre! Your voice has a lot of versatility, keep up the great work!
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Hi Eelalannee! Good reads!
Script 1: JC Penney – good energy throughout. I realize this is for practice but I heard a couple of extra words inserted into the script. “The right side: (is) creative…” and “The left side: organized (and) practical,…” Also the “to” in between “20 to 30% got smushed / shortened, it sounded like “20 t 30%”, (just the “t” sound but not the word). I tend to do that too, so I notice it when I hear it. Also, “The left side” raised in pitch, as if it were a question, not a period. These are small things 🙂Script 2: Dove – great flow, pacing and clarity. I like the lead in “I mean” at the beginning of the read, helped it sound more natural and conversational. Great energy and enthusiasm throughout. Good job, keep it up!
Mary
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Woodies
I hate Woodies! I’m the only dog on the block that doesn’t get any love, and I tell ya, I’m fed up! It’s just Woodies, Woodies, Woodies … every doggone day. She never has time for me anymore. When I want to romp in the park — “Sorry, darling. Mummy has to go to Woodies to buy a new dress.” When I want to play fetch the stick — “Not now, Canine Cutey, WOODIES is having a sale on shoes.” I thought it was supposed to be a dog’s world out there. If only I were a cat! (Meow SFX)
Stella Artois Beer
Of course Stella Artois tastes better than other beers. We’ve had over 600 years to get the recipe right. Since 1366 Stella Artois has been painstakingly brewed in a time honored tradition, using the choicest ingredients, which is why our customers have kept coming back for more even after 600 years. Stella Artois. Perfection has it’s price.
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Hi Bil-Bo! Great reads! I really liked the Woodies read, I’m impressed with your dog character voice! So gravelly and believable, and also the female voice worked well. I was really smiling through the whole thing. The production was great too, very professional and sounds like it is already out there.
Nice variation in the Stella Artois read, these 2 scripts sound like they could easily have been from 2 different people. Very smooth and relaxed and believable, like you are telling a friend about it. Well done!
Mary
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Another documentary. I’m trying not to sound like I am reading, and while this script is a short introduction, it did not flow well again. Perhaps nature reads are not my forte. All feedback is appreciated!
Kathy
Red Fox
Possessing the legendary reputation for being cunning, the small and clever American Red Fox is respected throughout North America…
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I absolutely love your voice it’s alluring. You didn’t sound like your reading to me at all. I’m a newbie to the industry and could be wrong in suggesting this, but I have read avidly since I was 7. I would have probably raised my pitch on that second vowel in “possEssing”. I have no idea why I would do that (lol) other than the fact that I read aloud a lot and kind of have an eye for where to add pitch and/or inflecting certain vowels or words. Hope this helps and VETERANS please let me know if this is a good tip. Excellent Job Kathy!
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You know, the first thing I thought of was how separate each of your words were, especially at “small and clever.” Yes, pick and choose your emphasis words, but I think if you elide the ends of words into the beginning of the following word more often, it will improve the flow and continuity. Maybe think of the overall phrase as more like a line of music.
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Hi Kathy! Good read. I think since the this is a documentary on the red fox I would emphasize “American Red Fox” more than the adjectives “small and clever” so as to let the listener know the subject they are about to learn more about. This is minor and just my interpretation of things. Good read!
Mary
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Thanks for any feedback. Getting close to working on commercial demo.
Budweiser
I’m just a regular guy who wants the same things everybody else wants, food, family, shelter, friends, and plenty of ice cold Budweiser. Just not necessarily in that order.
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Oh Robert! This read made me interested in a Budweiser and I don’t even drink beer lol. Your voice and the accent you add are very authentic. You sound clear your pacing was brilliant and you definitely sounded as if you were speaking to a friend. Nice Job!
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Hi Robert! I really liked this read for you, totally believable. I agree too with editing out the micro-pause after “guy”, would just be a smoother flow to complete the thought. Good emphasis on “ice cold Budweiser” too. Very good!
Mary
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Hello feedback friends! Here is a recording (on my phone) for any and all feedback. Let me know what you think. Thank you!
Mary
4/H
It began with the seed of an idea. In 1902, the heartland needed folks to embrace new advances in agriculture. But leaders with open minds, strong hearts and willing hands were not in abundance. Luckily, kids were. By empowering the next generation to lead, 4/H sprouted roots. And grew. Grew kids who are confident and strong. Who are curious enough to question. And capable enough to find the answer. True leaders are not born. They’re grown. 4/H GROWS HERE-
Great Job Mary! Sounded very nice and clear and I felt the pace and time were perfect for the script!
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Mary, you seem to have started off well in the first sentence, it sounded like your real voice and believable. This is obviously the goal and what we’re trying to do as voice actors believe me I struggle with this mightily. In your case simply speaking I would just be aware not to lift your pitch on the last word of your sentences it makes you sound sort of forced if that makes sense? You almost have to try and sound more boring than excited to get a believable read and one last thing I found was a roller coaster technique for inflecting if there’s no question in the sentence try and go up inflection early in the sentence and then down in the end, hope that helps.
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Hi RYoung, thanks for the feedback. I agree with not lifting pitch in general on the last word, so I will work on that. I have received a lot of comments on dialing up the energy, so trying to be mindful of doing that and not sounding boring; I tend to get monotone if not specifically thinking about making it sound conversational and varying pitch, but it needs to sound natural too. Thanks again, all good points!
Mary
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Good read Mary. Very consistent pace and tone. Have you ever thought about reading screen play scripts and acting out a character’s part? I had a voice coach in the spring and she had me play Stanly in “Street Car Named Desire”. Just a thought. If can be fun as well.
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Hello Feedback Friends! My name is Lexi and I am very new to the industry. I recorded practice scripts for AARP and Honey Bunches of Oats commercials on a NT1-A Rode Condensor Microphone that is connected to a Focusrite Scarlett Solo 3rd Generation 2i2o USB Audio Interface. Please let me know your thoughts and I thank you in advance. Happy Holidays.
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Hi Lexi! I must say – I just love the sound of your voice. Great job on both commercials – the volume and tone are great in both recordings. The only piece of constructive feedback I’d have to give is that I can audibly hear you take big breaths in the AARP recording (which can be distracting). If possible, come up with some breathing techniques that will help you take in the amount of air you need without us listeners “hearing” it. Looking forward to hearing your other recordings!!
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Welcome Lexi! Very good first reads!
Nice job with the pitch in each one — in AARP, the pitch was subtle, yet warm and natural, while enthusiastic in the Honey Bunches of Oates read.
Sound quality was good — I, too, have a NT1-A Rode condenser mic (with Rode interface). I love it!
A few minor things to be mindful of: 1) I heard a couple of “lip smacks” between sentences in the first script, and 2) “Oats” in Honey Bunches of Oates seemed to lower in volume and tone.
A tip: Sometimes it is easier to give feedback when we can see the scripts to compare with your read.
Overall, keep it up! I hope my feedback is helpful!
Kathy
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Thank you so much Kathy my apologies for not adding the actual script wording. I will definitely do that moving forward. And also thank you for pointing out those mouth noises! I will also practice smoothing out my word transitions between sentences. I really appreciate this, so glad you mentioned it! It’s great to recognize so that no bad habits are formed. Very grateful for your feedback.
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Hi Lexi! Welcome to the forum! I like your voice – very smooth, warm and friendly, and I like how you varied up the 2 scripts for a nice contrast between both. Good clarity and pacing for both scripts. Good enthusiasm on the Honey Bunches of Oats. Keep it up!
Mary
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Hello Mary! And thank you so much for listening to my practice reads. Greatly appreciate your feedback, I am happy to hear that the read sounded nice and clear for you. And I was kind of worried about my pacing so thank you for commenting in that regard. I am really enjoying the forum as well so thank you much for the warm welcome!
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Another practice read for my commercial demo! This one is for GE, thanks for listening!
Everyone wakes up every morning to a world that must keep turning. Moving. Going. The world can’t stop, so neither can we. Because the things we make help make the world go round. We’re builders. Constantly creating things that make our world cleaner, healthier, and more connected. So that the small moments that help define who we are and the big plans that make life wonderful can keep on rolling. Here at General Electric, we’ll keep building a world that works.
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Hi Gabe! Great read! You have a nice warm voice and it was very clear and had great energy. I know this is for practice, but your said “everybody” instead of “everyone” for the first word, just something to be mindful of. I liked the emphasis on “builders”. You might want to emphasize “General Electric” just a little more as the product name, just a thought. Very nice!
Mary
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Looking to add to my commercial demo reel with “Nike” it seems short enough to hold listener’s ear. Appreciate any comments!
Nike
It’s a mindset. A focus. A deep seated spirit. It’s an inner strength to keep your feet planted firmly on the ground, no matter what presses against you. It’s confidence. It’s belief. It’s a way of life. It’s Nike. -
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