Feedback Forum

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  • #15468
    David Goldberg
    Edge Studio Staff

    Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

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  • #60552
    katelyndawnvo
    Participant

    Hi folks, just uploading a litte narration piece for you tonight AND… maybe we can all learn something about betty crocker while eating some cookie dough or cake batter… Any feedback is appreciated.

    Betty Crocker is an imaginary person. Nonetheless, in a 1945 survey she was named the second-best-known woman in America, after Eleanor Roosevelt.
    She was “born” in 1921 during a Gold Medal flour promotion^ in which users completed a puzzle^ to win a pin cushion.

    Company executives decided to use the signature of “Betty Crocker” on the prize letters. Betty because the name had a warm approachable feel, and Crocker after an early company director, William G, Crocker.

    The fictional Ms. Crocker became so popular that she soon had her own products and recipe books, many of which still exist today.

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    • #60877
      katelyndawnvo
      Participant

      Thank you all for the feedback! 🙂

    • #60666
      monibr16
      Participant

      Hey Katelyn! You’re a great story teller. I could tell you knew exatctly what you were talking about and led the listener well. I did hear a pause that didn’t flow “she was born” you almost sounded like you lost your place. But besides that very nice job!

    • #60567
      Robert Broussard
      Participant

      Nice read Katelyn, very easy to listen to! Good pacing, tone with a story telling charm. Good job!

    • #60559
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Katelyn, good read! I like the pacing and warm conversational tone throughout. I can’t think of much to critique on this one, very good!

      Mary

    • #60555
      kfvoice
      Participant

      Hi Katelyn!

      Nice warm tone, and change in pitch variation. Pacing was good too. I did catch a couple of spots where you paused for effect not in the script, but overall this was a good read!

      Kathy

  • #60527
    kfvoice
    Participant

    Hello voice fellows!

    I’ve got another commercial read I put together for you. Felt like trying something different again, besides narration, for practice.

    I am prepared to be critiqued on the clarity and enunciation. (I said ‘hundred as opposed to one hundred — not that I was trying to imitate a Mainer, it just happened, and I decided to leave it in.)

    Let me know what you think! Thanks again!

    Kathy

    Poland Spring Brand Natural Spring Water

    A lot has changed since we got our start back in 1845, but we’re still sourced from our carefully selected springs.

    Celebrating 175 years. Poland Spring Brand Natural Spring Water. From the Heart of Maine.

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    • #60568
      Robert Broussard
      Participant

      Kathy, I agree with Mary and Katelyn. Your pretty mono tone in that read. Good pacing though. Happy New Year!

    • #60550
      katelyndawnvo
      Participant

      Hi Kathy! thanks for posting! I would like to hear a read of this where you vary your pitch a little more. If this was a song it is kind of all one-note so you could try varying your pitch to emphasize the important words. 🙂

      • #60554
        kfvoice
        Participant

        Hi Katelyn!

        Thanks for the feedback! That will be my first upload in the New Year! 🙂

        Kathy

    • #60540
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Kathy! Good read! I think the pacing and clarity were good, but the tone on “…from our carefully selected springs” sounded a little flat to me, maybe “carefully” could have been emphasized a little more to vary the pitch a little? I was thinking about what has not changed since 1845 for this company and it’s possibly the fact that they CAREFULLY select the springs, vs. use just any water, so that makes it more important to emphasize in my mind.

      I did not mind the “a hundred” vs. “one hundred” on this one; it sounded appropriate for the script. Overall very good!

      Mary

      • #60547
        kfvoice
        Participant

        Thanks, Mary!

        Your points make sense. I’ll work on varying my tone in that sentence, as well as emphasizing “carefully”.

        Thanks again!

        Kathy

  • #60514
    mkell755
    Participant

    Hello all! Here is a recording (recorded on my phone) for any and all feedback. We love Chewy.com! Let me know what you think. Thanks!

    Mary

    Chewy
    At Chewy we know the only thing that changes when bringing home a new pet…is everything! And we’re here with everything to help you on that journey. We’ve got toys, treats and food, even prescriptions, delivered right to your door. Get great prices and fast free shipping at Chewy!

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    • #60569
      Robert Broussard
      Participant

      Hey Mary, good read. But I have a suggestion for what my opinion is worth. When you say everything the first time up pitch every and low pitch thing. Then on the next everything do the opposite. Hope this may help. 😊

      • #60604
        mkell755
        Participant

        Hi Robert, thanks for the feedback! Thanks for the suggestion, that totally makes sense in making the variation of products being sold stand out a little more. Appreciate it!

        Mary

    • #60526
      kfvoice
      Participant

      Hi Mary!

      Nice read! The pacing was good, but I wasn’t hearing the “smile” in your voice with the read. I believe this would show the enthusiasm and love you have for Chewy. I hope this is helpful.

      Kathy

      • #60536
        mkell755
        Participant

        Hi Kathy, thanks for the feedback! I will work on smiling more for this one, thanks again!

        Mary

  • #60502
    sabpierotti
    Participant

    Hi, friends! Here is an audition I submitted for a regional TV commercial. Pasted below is the script along with a link to the music accompanying the commercial. Please provide feedback on not only tone but also technique! I am still learning so I personally think it sounds good but to a more trained ear, you might hear something in my voice that I don’t. Thanks in advance for the feedback!

    Music: https://www.premiumbeat.com/royalty-free-tracks/the-light-ahead

    Script: The places we call “work” and “home” are starting to look more and more alike. When you could live and work anywhere, why not make it somewhere extraordinary, where the air is fresher, your paycheck goes further, and at up to 10 gigabits per second, the internet is some of the fastest in the country. Whether you need to be connected or get reconnected, Bristol is ready.

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    • #60551
      katelyndawnvo
      Participant

      Hi! I enjoy your commercial reads 🙂 You’ve got a great tone and you fit this copy nicely. My constructive bits would be that you can lift “work” and “home” out of the script a little more as these are important to differentiate between. When there is something with an air quote, it helps to actually physically do the air quotes while you read because it naturally helps you lift them up a little more. There were a couple of unnecessary pauses like between “why not make it somewhere (pause) extraordinary,” Just some things that stood out to me. Nice work!

      Katelyn

    • #60525
      kfvoice
      Participant

      I really liked your delivery for the read. The tone and pacing were good, as well.

      I agree with Mary about emphasizing the words “work” and “home” a little more. Overall, good job!

      Kathy

    • #60516
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Sabpierotti – very nice! I really like your nice warm tone and pacing for this script. Great enunciation and sounded very good. The only thing I can think of to critique is that “work” and “home” could possibly be emphasized a little more, to let the listener catch up as to one of the main reasons why they need the superfast internet connection. Minor point, just my interpretation. Very good!

      Mary

      • #60530
        sabpierotti
        Participant

        Thanks for this great feedback, Mary! I agree, “work” and “home” could be emphasized a bit more. Thank you! Happy New Year!

        • #60539
          mkell755
          Participant

          You are welcome and Happy New Year! 🙂

    • #60507
      SuperLuke
      Participant

      Great recording quality and great audition.

  • #60495
    Bil-Bo
    Participant

    Grip-Top Sock

    Give me the gift of a grip-top sock,
    A clip drape shipshape tip top sock.
    _______________________________________
    Not your spinslick slapstick slipshod stock,
    But a plastic, elastic grip-top sock.
    _______________________________________
    None of your fantastic slack swap slop
    From a slap dash flash cash haberdash shop.
    _________________________________________
    Not a knick knack knitlock knockneed knickerbocker sock
    With a mock-shot blob-mottled trick-ticker top clock.
    __________________________________________
    Not a supersheet seersucker ruck sack sock,
    Not a spot-speckled frog-freckled cheap sheik’s sock
    ___________________________________________
    Off a hodge-podge moss-blotched scotch-botched block.
    Nothing slipshod drip drop flip flop or glip glop
    ____________________________________________
    Tip me to a tip top grip top sock.
    – Dr. Seuss

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    • #60614
      Robert Broussard
      Participant

      BilBo, that was very good!

    • #60519
      kfvoice
      Participant

      *clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap*

      BRAVO! Nice production! Fantastic job on varying your tone in each section!

      Kathy

    • #60518
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Bil-Bo – loved it! All the different voices and accents sounded great. I was chuckling as I listened to it! The production sounded great as well. Very good work on this crazy tongue twister! 🙂

      Mary

  • #60491
    kfvoice
    Participant

    Hi everyone! Getting back into the swing of things after Christmas… I decided to put together a promo-commercial for practice, this one for Flexjobs.

    Let me know what you all think. Appreciate any and all feedback. Thanks again!

    Kathy

    Flexjobs

    The #1 job site to find remote, work from home, and flexible job opportunities since 2007.

    Flexjobs. Get started now.

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    • #60520
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Kathy, very good! I like the upbeat directness of it, sounded really appropriate for the script. “Flexible” sounded like 2 syllables instead of 3 to me – more like “flex-ble”. Also I would probably emphasize “Flexjobs” just a little more as the product name, the pitch seemed really low on that word in particular, but otherwise very good read!

      Mary

      • #60523
        kfvoice
        Participant

        Thanks, Mary! Noted!

        I wasn’t sure if my pitch varied enough in the read, but I am glad to know that it had an “upbeat” sound.

        Thanks again!

        Kathy

  • #60489
    mkell755
    Participant

    Hello all! Here is a recording (recorded on my phone) for any and all feedback. It’s a monologue by the character Miranda Priestly in “The Devil Wears Prada”. I realize this is a fictional character, but does the emotion and impatience sound authentic? Let me know what you think!

    Mary

    This stuff’? Oh, ok. I see, you think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select out, oh I don’t know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance, because you’re trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back.

    But what you don’t know is that that sweater is not just blue, it’s not turquoise, it’s not lapis, it’s actually cerulean. You’re also blindly unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar de la Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves St Laurent, wasn’t it, who showed cerulean military jackets?

    And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of eight different designers. Then it filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic “casual corner” where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and so it’s sort of comical how you think that you’ve made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you’re wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room. From a pile of “stuff.”

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    • #60517
      kfvoice
      Participant

      Mary — If I remember this monologue correctly ( great movie… love watching it… Oscar worthy performance, in my opinion, by Meryl… that wig definitely deserved an award of its own! 🙂 ), the delivery was very soft, almost nonchalant. Does this help?

      Kathy

      • #60521
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback Kathy! I agree that Meryl was great in that movie!

        So, are you saying that my delivery was soft and nonchalant or that the movie’s delivery was soft and nonchalant? Thanks again! Curious as to how it’s being perceived, good or bad 🙂 Thanks!

        Mary

        • #60522
          kfvoice
          Participant

          Hi Mary!

          The delivery in the movie was soft and nonchalant.

          This read was good, but you came across more angry in delivery — which we know Miranda was by scolding Andy, but Miranda did it in that ‘cold-shoulder-way’ that was typical of Miranda’s personality.

          Does that make sense?

          Kathy

        • #60538
          mkell755
          Participant

          Ah, ok, I see. I was thinking that might have been what you meant. In the movie Miranda had a dismissive tone towards Andy, quieter / softer in delivery but still piercing in the message due to Miranda’s personality.

          I was trying for impatience and irritation when I read it, so I was trying to make it sound more emotional. I’m glad an emotion came through on that. Thanks for clarifying! 🙂 mk

  • #60483
    katelyndawnvo
    Participant

    Hi there! Happy holidays you guys!! Here is a practice script for a government commercial, I guess it is a PSA kind of government announcement. Shoutout to my old stomping grounds – Tdot! Going for an emotional read and trying to stretch myself out of my upbeat/energetic/perky natural bend. Hope it hits right.

    Government: Voice for the city of Toronto
    You know that term “We’re all in this together?” Well, it’s true.
    While some of us might be working in government and others not, we’re actually all in the same boat.
    You see, we’re citizens as well. We all want the same thing.
    A city that works for everyone. As fast and efficient and as relevant as can be.
    Thriving, accessible, and inclusive.

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    • #60513
      kfvoice
      Participant

      Hi Katelyn — clear, and good pacing and tone.

      I liked how you threw out the “comma rule” … from the webinar, Science of Speaking Like a Pro 🙂

      With that said, there were some slight micro-pauses where there were no commas (While some of us might be working in government and others not… and As fast and efficient and as relevant as can be.), but it still seemed to work well with the emotional/conversational tone you were going for.

      I hope this helps!

      Kathy

      • #60878
        katelyndawnvo
        Participant

        Absolutely, great catch thank you Kathy!

    • #60488
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Katelyn, good read! You have a nice, clear tone and good emphasis on several key words.

      There were 2 places where there were commas shown but no pause (that I could hear) taken (“Well, it’s true”) and (“You see, we’re citizens…), so that made the read seem a little fast to me and not as authentic; I think the pauses at the commas help drive the point home that the government workers are empathetic to the citizens if that makes sense. Otherwise, good job!

      Mary

  • #60460
    DAYLIGHTVO
    Participant

    Hello All and Happy Holidays!
    I’ve uploaded two practice commercial spots here for review. Honesty and constructive criticism are welcome as I excercise new technique. Thank you.
    -Ndehru

    BUDWEISER ZERO ‘ZERO COMPROMISE’
    INTRODUCING BUDWEISER ZERO. ZERO PERCENT ALCOHOL, ZERO GRAMS OF 
SUGAR,
    FULL BUDWEISER FLAVOR. FOR ALL THE MOMENTS YOU WANT A BEER
    
AND NEED TO STAY ON YOUR GAME. BUDWEISER ZERO, ZERO COMPROMISE.

    HAMPTON TOYOTA (radio commercial)
    At HAMPTON TOYOTA, we‘re having a sale that‘ll blow you away! It‘s our annual July
    4th birthday extravaganza. Hundreds of cars, trucks, and vans … at unbelievable rock
    bottom prices. Shop around. Then come to HAMPTON because we guarantee the lowest
    prices. The right car, the right price, the right dealer. HAMPTON TOYOTA … right
    where it counts.

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    • #60482
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Ndehru! Welcome!
      Script 1: This seemed like a very serious tone for a Budwesier commercial. Your voice and the pacing were good, but I would think it should be a bit more upbeat – you are telling someone about how great it is, but it is presented with such a somber tone. As a suggestion, maybe try the read with an encouraging tone like to your best friend who loves beer but has not heard about it yet. Think about how enthusiastic you would be when telling him about this new product that you think he will like.

      Script 2: Good energy and tone for a car commercial, way to vary it up. This sounds really believable for your voice, very good!

      Mary

  • #60455
    Tina
    Participant

    Hey all,

    I’m new to Edge so I’d like to dip my toe into the forum with this how-to script. I appreciate your thoughts.

    ** Oops. File to big. Will fix and repost

    Thanks!
    Tina

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Tina.
    • #60457
      Tina
      Participant

      Ok this file should work!

      Today we are going to show you six easy tips to help you get started with watercolor. Let’s begin.
      The first tip is to pick the right paper. Papers for drawing with watercolors are heavy papers. Why heavy papers? Because we’ll be using a lot of water. If you use a thin paper, it’s just going to wrinkle and bleed through. That is why it is a good idea to use 200 grand paper or heavier. Watercolor papers usually have a rougher texture to catch more water. If you are going to use the paper for mixed media and drawing, better to go for a smooth surface. Tip number 2: Picking the right watercolors. Watercolors come in different forms and shapes. You can purchase a set for a few dollars, or you can pay one hundred dollars for it. In general, the better the colors, the higher the price.

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      • #60485
        mkell755
        Participant

        Hi Tina! Welcome to the forum! I liked your voice – very friendly, straightforward and informative. The pacing and clarity were good and I think you did a good job of varying the tone and to emphasize words here and there to appropriately describe the process of learning to watercolor. Good job!

        Mary

        • #60497
          Tina
          Participant

          Thanks Mary! I appreciate the feedback!

      • #60481
        katelyndawnvo
        Participant

        Hi there! Your audio quality is great. Your voice has a nice authoritative quality and could fit nicely for a how to read like this. Overall I felt this read was lacking energy and enthusiasm for the topic. You sounded pretty bored. Throughout you were speaking with a down pitch at the end of sentences and pauses which can make it sound as though one is not very interested or interacting positively with the subject matter. (I do this too). It helps to have someone in mind who you are talking to. Perhaps you have a daughter or niece who is learning how to paint with watercolors. You can imagine a scenario where you are teaching someone you love how to paint with watercolors. What is the scenerio? How do you feel about this subject matter? Find something with this copy that allows you to engage with it emotionally. And if you can remember to smile while you are talking it will help you to sound a bit warmer and more enthusiastic about this copy. Hope this helps! 🙂

        • #60498
          Tina
          Participant

          Very good tips! Will definitely take your advice to liven it up. 🙂

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