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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hello Folks! The following are three Narration Homework Scripts: #1. Corporate Explainer – AIG, #2. Documentary – About Horror and #3. E Learning – Space Game.
#1. Narration Corporate Explainer – AIG
The Greatest Risk Is Not Taking One. They gave up everything. Their families. Their friends. Their homes. The villages they were born in. They arrived with only the clothes on their backs. Vulnerable. Scared. But brimming with hope and determined that a better life was within their grasp. Today, risk takers don’t have to go after their dreams alone. They can rely on a business partner to help them through uncharted waters. An organization with unsurpassed insight and financial resources. One with the ability and flexibility to design specific solutions to help minimize risk for almost any business undertaking. So the next time you decide to venture into new territory for an idea you believe in, call AIG. We’re best equipped to help you manage the uncertainties that go along with the pursuit of hopes and dreams.
#2. Narration Documentary – ABOUT HORROR
Take a trip back to a time when late night creature features were all the rage and the personalities that presented them were just as popular as the movies.
Beginning in the 1950s, the horror fest was a staple of regional television. From ghouls to vampires – to werewolves and crypt keepers – every host had a persona to suit their unique personalities.
#3. Narration E-Learning – CHILDREN’S EDUCATIONAL SPACE GAME
Today we’re going to explore all of the planets in our solar system and some other places as well. We’ll travel into the future when astronauts live throughout the solar system. On each world we’ll see what the weather is like, what we would wear, and what we would do to have fun! Grab your oxygen, put on your seatbelt, and let’s blast off!
Thanks in advance for any input!-
Hi GJS, great reads! Your voice is really nice, warm, and rich and seems really well-suited for these commercials. Really nice clarity and pacing for all 3.
Script 1: Good read but maybe a tiny bit slow overall
Script 2: I like this one the best, and I liked the variation in the characters (ghouls, vampires, etc.). This sounded really authentic for you
Script 3: This was good, with good variation in the lists and having a ton that would appeal to kids.Overall really good!
Mary
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Love the gravitas of your voice. I’m envious.
#1…I’m not sure of the intention here. There is a vivid word picture being painted here, but I’m not sure it’s coming through. Your delivery is good, I get the idea that this is supposed to be big and momentous, but I’m not sure why. May just need a little polish on the intention.
#2 was, by far, my favorite, especially when you hit your stride in the second sentence…that’s fun! If there’s a way to bring that same level of interest in the first sentence, man, you’ll have knocked this one out of the part.
#3 was nice to listen to, and it definitely sounded like you were playing to children, so right on, but I almost want to hear more of a sense of wonder about this. This is some cool stuff you’re talking about, especially with what we now know and what is possibly going to happen within our (or the kids that are hearing this) lifetimes.
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Hi! I think you have a very charming, warm and inviting voice. I think your enthusiasm in the kids eLearning was very sweet. One thing i noticed throughout was very careful pacing. To make it sound more natural and conversational you can pick up the pace. Note how you speak in conversations with people, we don’t carefully pace what we are saying. It might help if you have your specific listener in mind and imagine you are speaking with them in a conversation. Great work! 🙂
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Thanks Katelyndawnny for the excellent feedback! I absolutely hear what you are saying about the pacing. I have other takes that are both, quicker and more casual. I kept going back to these takes thinking the others were flat. I need to find a middle ground with pacing; I’m either a bit to fast, or in this case, overly cautious. Much appreciated!
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I enjoy doing narration of fiction, stories etc. I did this one last year and added some effects this time!
Merry Christmas to all!THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
by Clement Clarke Moore
or Henry Livingston‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and V***n!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”
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Hi RYoung, I missed this the other day. Great reading! I echo was others have said in that some of the words were not exact to the script, “Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap,” was “Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap” for example and some of the lines sounded more like questions than statements, but you have a very good voice for this genre and it sounded really good overall.
This is one of those scripts that you have to get exactly right in my opinion because many of us have known it by heart for MANY years. Kind of like a Beatles song – do not attempt unless you are a master singer, or risk being criticized more so than typical 🙂 Thanks for posting!
Mary
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Thanks everyone for your nice comments and words. In regard to inflecting upward it’s more of a higher pitch to the last word in the sentence than a question mark LOL. It can also be relative whereas in the middle of a sentence your pitch may go high and relatively the last word is lower in pitch than the highest sounding word in the sentence, however it’s not necessarily a question. It can get monotone sounding if you’re even or lower in pitch on all your ending words if that makes sense.
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Wow, awesome job on this long read, R! Your voice is perfect for this kind of script!
I echo what others have said. My feedback is that I noticed you changed a line, left out, or flipped a word with some lines.
These are the ones I noticed.
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap, — (you said “had just settled our brains”)
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, — (left out “dry”)
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, — (you flipped the words, and said, “in all”)
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; — (you said “on”)
He had a broad face and a little round belly, … (you flipped the words, and said, “round little”) -
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Very nice work with your sound effects and read! Overall I think this suits you very nicely. Be conscious of your inflection on the ends of your sentences going up like a question mark, for a few examples these lines ended with an inflection going up like a question:
“In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there?”
“Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below?”
“And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name?”
I think you did really well on this, nice work! 🙂 You should send it to all the kids you know for Christmas! -
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Back for some practice for my commercial demo! Feedback is much appreciated, thanks!
Sprout Computer from HP
Hands have always done amazing things. They can bring imagination to life, save a life, and change the world. We believe all hands can do something extraordinary, and we can’t wait to see what you’ll do with yours. Roll up your sleeves and create like never before on Sprout, the new touchscreen desktop from HP. -
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Trying something a little different.
Dear G*d, So far today, I’ve done all right. I haven’t gossiped and I haven’t lost my temper. I haven’t been grumpy, nasty, or selfish. But in a few minutes, G*d, I’m going to get out of bed and that is when I’m going to need a lot of help. Amen
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Hi Robert!
Good read! Did you intend to stutter on the second “I” in your second sentence? It had a nice effect. I also noticed in the last sentence you said “that’s” as opposed to “that is“. However, while I think it had a more natural feel to the read, be mindful not to change the script for an audition. Minor detail.
— Kathy
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Hello you fine VO folks!
I’m back again with some more commercial VO homework. Please let me know what you think, what my strengths are, what I need to work on/tune my ear better for when editing and reviewing my own commercial work!
The scripts for the three are as follows:
E-Class
A car that can actually see like a human. Using stereoscopic cameras and even stop itself if it has to. The technology may be hard to imagine, but why you would want it, is not. The 2020 E-class. It doesn’t just see the future…KerryGold
It’s more than luck that brings people together. KerryGold, pure Irish butter. Made with milk from grass-fed cows that graze on the lush pastures of Ireland.Nike
It’s a mindset. A focus. A deep seated spirit. It’s an inner strength to keep your feet planted firmly on the ground, no matter what presses against you. It’s confidence. It’s belief. It’s a way of life. It’s Nike.-
HI there! Here is my feedback. I hope it helps! – Kathy
Overall, tighten up the reads on the first two scripts — don’t pause so long between sentences.
Script 1: I have found the Merriam-Webster website useful in double checking pronunciation of words, like for example, your read of stereoscopic. (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/stereoscopic)
Script 3: I felt this was the best read. I would play around with the delivery of “It’s Nike“, with the emphasis on Nike. That is what you are selling, so billboard the word to make it stand out more (kind of like you did with E Class).
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Hello everyone! Here is a recording for your review, done in my closet on phone. Any and all feedback would be great! I was going for a conversational but calm tone here. I’ve heard VRBO pronounced as “verbo” but I decided to spell it out “V R B O”. I think it could go either way. Thank you!
Mary
VRBO
This is the checkers game where grandson and grandad will bond. This is the pool where cannonball records will be broken. And this is the kitchen where the new boyfriend will unofficially become family. These are the VRBO vacation homes waiting for you to fill with your family. Your Together Awaits. Find it with VRBO.-
Nice read and sound, Mary! In your third sentence there was a slight micro-pause mid-sentence. Overall, good job!
I hope this helps!
Kathy
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Hi guys! Here is an audio tour narration piece I’m working on with my coach for my upcoming demo. It is about the Titanic Museum (freaking loved it) anyways, any feedback is appreciated! I’m sorry I have to run after I upload but will be back tomorrow to provide comments on other posts as well. 🙂
Katelyn
TITANIC
Welcome aboard the Titanic museum self-guided tour. You will experience various exhibits and learn about the ship, its passengers and crew. Admire the grand staircase, view cabins, and encounter real artifacts, while gaining insight into one of the most famous shipwrecks in history. -
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Good evening everyone! This time around I have 3 scripts. The first 2 are corporate explainer videos with different themes, while the third one is a documentary narration. I feel like I did the best on the first one and the worst on the second one. Don’t hold back with criticism!
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Hi Dante! Good work. You have a very nice smooth and clear voice that is well-suited for all 3 of these scripts.
Script 1: This may be a regional thing, but I have only heard “Aetna” pronounced as “eht-na”, like the e in everywhere or Ezra (kindof). I have not heard your pronunciation , which sounded more to me like “eight-na”, as in number 8. Good pacing and tone.
Script 2: Data plex – very good! You sounded very familiar with this script and so it flowed very nicely.
Script 3: Great adjustment to reflect the serious tone for the topic. Very natural and conversational.
I think I like 2, 3, then 1, but really all are good! Keep it up!
Mary
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Hey Community Forum! I’m putting some practice scripts up here for any and all feedback you can give! I’m a class and a half away from recording my first ever demo with Edge Studio! So please, any suggestions and ideas you can spare, I would greatly appreciate it!
Dr. Seuss
By now you should be standing in front of a series of world-famous children’s books created by Dr. Seuss – beginning with number 88 on your left: Green Eggs and Ham.
It’s no doubt familiar to you and your family – over 1.5 million copies have been sold annually since its creation in 1960. In fact, even forty years after its debut, children still mail the author green eggs and ham. By the time this book appeared in bookstores and libraries in 1960, Dr. Seuss had become an industry.
Take a moment and study the outrageous colors and free-spirited style the characters are rendered in. Look at the cover. It’s quite unlike the traditional Dick and Jane books so popular before Dr. Seuss. You probably are already pretty familiar with the verse. But note how it all comes together on the pages displayed – the art, the verse, the design, the colors… even the size of the book itself. Not a wasted inch or unnecessary verse. It’s all a symphony of very well orchestrated nonsense. And like all of his creations… it works; wonderfullyTop Ten List Jumbo
Welcome back to List Jumbo. When we think of floods, we generally think of water. But today’s list will have you thinking twice. Here are the Top 10 Non-Water Floods. On October 17th, 1814 in London, England, at The Meux and Company Brewery, a busted vat of beer caused a pretty epic flood. The vat, containing 135 000 gallons of beer, broke open, causing other vats in the warehouse to follow suit.Meditation
Make yourself comfortable, sitting upright, with a straight spine. With your eyes closed, look at the point midway between the eyebrows on your forehead. Inhale slowly, counting to eight. Hold the breath for the same eight counts while concentrating your attention at the point between the eyebrows. Now exhale slowly to the same count of eight. Repeat three to six times-
I went to post this the other week, and it wouldn’t let me, so I here it is. I hope you see it!
Overall, these were good reads, danvasq!
Here is my feedback. These are minor, but it could cost you from landing a job.
Script 1: In the second paragraph/part of the script, it doesn’t sound like it flows well together. I hear “blips” between some sentences. Is this from editing? And, at the :46-47 mark, with the sentence, “You probably are already pretty familiar with the verse.“, you skip the word “pretty”. At the :55 mark, you say “arts”, as opposed to art, and then at 1:08, you skipped “of” in the sentence “And like all of his creations.” Be mindful of skipping words when reading, and sticking to the script. I would try varying your pitch just a little more on this list: the art, the verse, the design, the colors.
Script 2: Like Mary mentioned, you need to edit out that pause and deep breath (“flood. The vat…”) right before you read your last sentence. Otherwise, I am not sure if you intended to or not, but I would say good judgement in deciding not to pause after some of the commas in your last sentence. If you have taken the webinar “The Science of Speaking Like a Pro”, then you know it isn’t always necessary. This works, and if you haven’t done so already, try different reads to see what sounds best to you.
Script 3: Slight background noise. Easily fixed in editing for noise reduction.
These are just my thoughts. I hope this helps!
Good luck with the demo!
Kathy
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Hi Dan, great work! These are all great scripts for you. Your voice is very warm and comforting and your pacing and enunciation are on point.
Script 1: At about 27 seconds you substituted a “the” instead of a “this” – “By the time this book…” Minor thing. Otherwise really pleasant read.Script 2: There is a longer than typical pause after “…caused a pretty epic flood.” and the next sentence. I would think any longer than needed pauses could be edited out as needed. Also, there was no pause at the comma after “the vat,…” Good read!
Script 3: Great variation in tone to soothe and relax the listener for a meditative listen – very good!
Mary
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Hi everyone! Here is a recording (done on my phone) for any and all feedback. Let me know what you think. Thanks!
Mary
Duluth – Daily Carry Multi Tool
Strip wires, poke holes, open a beer and a can of camp chili, sharpen a fish hook – and later remove the same fish hook from a snagged thumb. Tools lock open and stay open until you’re dang good and ready to put them away. At 4-1/2” long when closed, the multi-tool fits handily in your pocket – and definitely inside any stockings on the mantle.-
I very much enjoy the character that you put forward! It makes it much more entertaining to listen to and more importantly, keeps the listener, listening!
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Nice job Mary, good job with pace and tone. You keep getting better at varying your read for key words or phrases. Keep it up. And be careful with those fish hooks. 😊
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Nice job on varying your pitch and tone, Mary. I, too, can’t get the fish hook in the thumb vision out of my head — reminds me of when I cut my finger on my Dad’s jack knife. I still have the scar!
Kathy
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Eek – I can’t stop picturing the fish hook in the thumb LOL! Nice read, very friendly delivery. You do a good job of explaining the different reasons why someone would want this tool. Nice pace and flow.
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