Feedback Forum
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The Edge Studio Feedback Forum is the best place for you to post a recording and get feedback from the community! Record in your home studio, upload the file, and see what people think. This is a great place to get some advice on your technique, on your home studio, or to ask for people’s opinion on your reads. Remember, that this is a community forum, so please remain positive and encourage your peers in helpful ways. If Edge Studio feels that a user is too negative, or antagonizing other members of the community, they will have their posts deleted, and risk being banned from further communication.
Stay positive, listen to each other, and have fun!
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Your voice is great! Overall Fantastic.
If you were really trying to press the criticism out of me, theres a couple of (mouth?) clicks from 0:06 to 0:09. I think like 3, but they’re pretty subtle so that’s just nitpicking. ((on second listen, that might be part of the bg music)) Other than that, the bg music selection was impressive but a little mismatched. The creepy crawly music leading up to the dramatic action style was really stellar, but then the funky music at the end kinda feels out of place. Ofc if it’s just for practice then don’t worry (maybe a demo or paid ad, consider consulting a pro); but if it is just for practice, I would warn against adding music and try to let your voice speak for itself (pardon the pun), at least for Voice-over forums. That way it’s easier to pick out smaller issues.
Like I said, I’m impressed.
Cheers!
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Trying same script in 2 different styles sort of.
John Deere Shortcuts
When you take shortcuts it shows, we don’t run like that.
We build John Deere equipment the way we always have, the right way.
Times change, our principles don’t.
You don’t just have our work on it… we’ve got our name on it.
That’s how we run.-
Hi Robert, really nice read! I think your voice is a perfect fit for copy like this. I like the second read better for pacing. The only constructive thing would be that last line “That’s how we run.” To me I feel like a throwaway line in the middle of a script and didn’t feel definitive. Perhaps you could make that last line distinctive. Maybe emphasizing the word “that’s” and have a small pause after. “That’s (mini beat) how we run”. Just an idea. It feels like it needs a confident definitive ending.
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I really like both of them! maybe the second a smidge better. Great job.
On the technical side, it sounds like you have a noise gate that is cutting a little too close to your words, kinda noticable fade away at the end of a couple phrases. Also, I don’t know if you’re using an EQ but perhaps look into something called demudding (I think. I’m not super-savvy). It sounds a little muffled.
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I agree with Kathy, the second is much better in terms of pacing and all-around tone, at least to my ear. I comes across more plain-spoken and earnest, just stating simple facts. I think (again, this is just to my ear, so take that for what it’s worth) that there are a few places that could use some tweaks in terms of tone or “impact”, but if you were to work with a coach on this one it should absolutely be on your commercial demo reel. You definitely have the voice for it.
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Hi Robert!
Hearing you read John Deere is approved by this Green Mountain girl! 🙂
I prefer the second script for it’s pacing. I think the tone and bill-boarding of “That’s how we run.” would make more sense if John Deere was included before it: John Deere. That’s how we run. It would then sound more like a tag line. Otherwise, I don’t think I would raise the volume on this last line. Just my thoughts.
Overall, good job!
Kathy
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Good evening all! Here is my recording (recorded on my phone) for any and all feedback. Working on sounding authentic yet natural. Thank you!
Mary
Sears Carpets
OH! Welcome to my commercial. I just want to tell you about what a great experience I had buying new carpet from Sears. Well, I went to Sears and found that DuPont no-stain carpets were on sale through Saturday. They also offered free installation guaranteed. If you want one of America’s premiere carpet brands, just go to Sears. It’s DuPont Stainless in hundreds of colors and textures, on sale through Saturday, at Sears.-
Hi Mary! I also feel like the enthusiasm is not there. I’ve yet to hear something from your posts that I feel like “mary is totally into this thing”. I’m wondering just what you are passionate about in life, what gets you excited? Maybe start from there. What do you naturally get pumped about when you’re talking to friends and family? If you are passionate about baking for instance, is there a brand you LOVE and would you talk to your friends about this AMAZING new mixer you got? Or if you are into gardening what makes you the most excited about gardening? When you find an awesome solution in life do you excitedly tell people about it? I think you are not connecting with the copy which is really the crux of voice-over. If you are not genuinely connecting to the copy I don’t think the read will be a good one. Sorry if this is harsh! You’re such a sweet lady. Perhaps if you are a less enthusiastic person and don’t really get “excited” or passionate about things (my husband is kind of that way…) maybe commercial isn’t the best niche for you because you do have to genuinely have a positive point of view about the product. I do know a coach would be able to really nail down where your voice is best suited, or help you learn to connect to the copy. I know I’m throwing a lot out there.
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Hi Katelyn! Thank you so much for the candid feedback, this is very helpful. I actually have a long list of things I really do love and have been very actively searching sample scripts I can believe in for me and also sound excited. I’m also interested in narration and telephony, and will work towards a narration demo next, but first it’s a commercial demo (one thing at a time, per my coach). This is not harsh at all, so thanks again! I have a coaching session tonight and sharing detailed feedback is really one of the best ways to improve for me. Thank you!!!
Mary
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yeah, I’d say Robert said what I was going to. I think maybe in trying to sound authentic you pulled so far away from an announcer style that (ironically) it was a bit script like and stilted.
eg; “…carpets were on sale through Saturday”
I did not feel like you went to Sears on Saturday. Not even one bit, haha, sorry.Outside of that, there’s a high pitch beep tone consistently in the background I thought you should be aware of.
I did like that you were ambitious enough to do a casual read, as opposed to a high energy sales pitch. With consistent practice and awareness, over time I think you’ll nail it.
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Thanks for the feedback Amitofu! I laughed out loud at your comment about me not actually going to Sears, I really am trying to work on sounding real and authentic, but I too realize that without meaning to I can sound a little sarcastic (?) It’s a fine balance for me in hitting the right words and having inflections, but also sounding authentic. I really have not been to Sears in many years, maybe that was in the back of my head too. lol
I too can hear the high pitch sound; my desktop tower has been recently located to be next to my desk vs. on the floor and I don’t yet have a mic or real equipment but will be working on that in the next few weeks. Good to know that the tower will need to be moved or relocated / soundproofed as part of the home studio setup.
Thanks again for the feedback! It’s all welcome in this learning curve we are all working on!
Mary
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Hey Mary Good Job, I can totally hear this on radio, I agree with Robert…you are definitely getting better with each post.
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Mary,
Good read, You keep getting better making it flow. Try to imagine you are talking to your best friend telling them about the carpet sale at Sears. That will help up make it more conversational. But good pace, tone and pronunciation.
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Trying to use a little less accent.
History Channel
If you lived before our time, who would you be?
Would you fight your brother for the rights of another? Who would you be?
Would you find new dreams or create wonders?
What if you could choose from a 1,000 yesterdays; a 1,000 lives, when the past was today and the new took your breath away.
Who would you be? What would you feel? How would you live? Who would you love?-
Overall you’ve got a good voice. I’d say acting wise, maybe it sounded like you were too focused on something technical (eg; accent or script) that it lacked presence. I didn’t feel like I was being asked any of the question with a real sense of wonderment. Psychologically, rather your question is rhetorical or a direct question to the listener, the read needs to evoke imagery or creativity. a certain vibe of ponderment – eg: “Would you find new dreams or create wonders?” ‘new dreams’ and ‘create wonders’ can either be read like synonyms or they can be read against/versus each other; but either way the selling point is that the sky is the limit (so to speak).
Your read was good, but not nessicarily great. Keep at it though.
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Great job at masking your natural accent, I know how hard that can be to get away from. There was a little slur of words right at the top that needed to be enunciate a little more, less rushed. Not sure if that was an artifact of going to GenAm from Texas, but seems like you’re on the right track.
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Hi Robert! Good read, although I like your natural accent too! This had a nice softer, calm tone. The last line of questions seemed a little rushed to me, just reading the script makes me think that the author would have wanted people to take a beat to think about those questions. Maybe not long pauses after each question, but tiny pauses, just my opinion. Very good!
Mary
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Mary, I took the Pauses out a little in editing. I keep getting a comment to two about the pauses in between. But really that is just the way I talk, a little slower down here in Texas. I appreciate your feedback!!
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Ah, ok. Interesting! I’m no coach on the pauses, it just seemed a hare short to me after each question. I tried to imagine that if I heard this as a commercial on the History Channel that it would be stretched out with pauses in between and music in the background; it does not sound like a script that would be rushed.
P.S. I understand the slower speaking too; I’m from Oklahoma and we are not known to be the fastest talking part of the country! lol
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Hi there! I’ve been busy writing different scripts for practicing narration with my coach. Here are 3 reads and I want you to be very honest if my voice does NOT fit a certain style. I’m aware I won’t be doing national geographic because I have a young sound (even though I freaking LOVE DOCUMENTARIES lol) I’m trying to find options where I could fit in documentaries – like female health, or documentaries targeted toward a more female / younger audience. I also love travel and I’m Canadian so I included a read for Banff which I love, and I’m trying for a celebrity biography as well. If you could let me know your thoughts based on what my voice fits that would be great, I really appreciate it, thank you!
Banff – Travelogue
Banff is a stunningly beautiful town high up in Alberta’s Rocky Mountains. Situated within Banff National Park you can enjoy being surrounded by pristine Canadian wilderness including alpine peaks and snow covered forests.S****l Health Documentary
Hormonal birth control’s main cheat is altering the estrogen and progesterone levels in the body so it thinks you’re already pregnant. So no new eggs are released, the c****x stays plugged up and the uterine lining remains thin.Celebrity Biography:
Julia Roberts; the star with the megawatt smile has been wowing fans for the past three decades. Eventually winning an Oscar for her role in Erin Brockovich, It’s Julia’s on-screen talent in over 40 films that has earned her a place in the Hollywood pantheon.Edit: LOL with the words we are not allowed to say
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Your voice is great. I don’t think you should count yourself out of any documentary style based on your submissions. For whatever reason during the first read, I was thinking that it could easily be a nature/nat geo documentary on artic animals, maybe like penguins. It would be a a change of pace from the morgan freeman/pierce brosnan reads, but I found that kinda refreshing.
I will say that on the women’s health one, somewhere between the pauses and enthusiasm, I got more of a sales vibe than an informative one. (viz: “so it thinks you’re already pregnant”, reminds me of Clearasil commercials, haha)
Other than that, maybe try experimenting with a de-esser. some of them came off a little harsh.
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Katelyn –
Nicely done! Totally agree with Mary and Robert. I think you’re very well-suited for all three types that you read. Something I noticed since the last sample of yours that I listened to a few days ago was you maintained a very nice tempo in all three of these from start to finish, making the story engaging. It made it feel that you were connecting and communicating WITH the listener, not reading a script TO them.
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Hi all!
Here is my narration practice for feedback. It is a script for “Fun Food Hacks” that did not make it onto my list for my demo. All feedback is appreciated and welcome, although I specifically want to know about my pacing here (internet audio for a food video). Thanks again!
Kathy
Fun Food Hacks
Want to make ice cream cookie sandwiches in a snap? It’s easy. Take a pint of your favorite ice cream. Carefully slice through, creating about 1 inch disks. Next take your cookie; place the disk in the middle, and top with another cookie. Find the seam of the carton, and peel away. Press together slightly, and you have a yummy, instant, desert!
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Overall I don’t have any fundamental criticisms or flaws to point out. You did great.
In terms of pacing, I would of read the first sentence a little more quickly. It’s a brief instructional script though so it’s pretty subjective. The other thing I picked up on was “Find the seam of the carton, and peel away.” – I personally would shorten the gap between “carton” and “and” so that it’s one swift sentence (because the real final direction is in the next sentence “Press together slightly”)
Other than that, I’m not sure the volume is at the correct level. Sounds a little soft by comparison to the other’s on this page. (could be on my end though)
-Alex
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Thank you, Alex, for the feedback!
I am still learning my interface volume levels and software. I have them at probably 50-60%, and when I am happy with my recording, I listen back on my computer in an mp3 file without my headphones. The computer volume is usually at 60-70%. To me the reading sounds loud enough, but thanks for pointing it out as something to be mindful of.
Kathy
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Hi Kathy – I really liked this read! You had great energy and pacing throughout, and it flowed really well. not too slow or too fast and I could hear the smile in your voice. Very good!
Mary
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Hello,
I’m new to the VO world and looking for some feedback on a few practice scripts as part of my homework. Please be brutally honest as it will only engage me to get better. Thanks Much, Evette!
France
The real enjoyment of visiting France does not come from an appreciation of its art or architecture, but from the enjoyment of the natural beauty of its people. The spirit of France is evident in every city and in every town. The French have a knack for enjoying life to the fullest, and you can sense it everywhere! Strolling down the Champs Elysee on any evening transforms one instantly into a sublimely romantic setting, complete with laughter, romance, the distant sounds of clattering dishes, and the wonderful aroma of freshly baked French breads.Ivory 3
Inside of me lives a little girl who was fierce and bold and completely free. Now I’m the one people depend on. But that little girl…I know she’s still there, because I’ll always be an Ivory girl. That’s Ivory. Still 99.44% pure. Pure clean. Pure beautiful. Pure me. … Forever fresh…classic Ivory clean.Oil Of Olay 3
This bar is all about your face – making it soft, smooth.. never dry like soap can. Even if you like the beauty bar with ¼ moisturizing cream, when you try this bar you might just do an about face. Oil of Olay the brand more dermatologists recommend and more women trust for beautiful skin.-
Evette –
Welcome and best of luck on your new journey! I’m relatively new as well and have learned that practice and training are invaluable.To your scripts – I agree on the need to dial back on the tempo a little. I think it would also help if you took apart each script to identify a few more key words and phrases that you can emphasize by differentiating pitch. This would help the storylines become a little sharper as well as making each sound different from the others.
I also heard a few words in “France” that didn’t match the script – “an evening” should be “any evening” and “subliminally” should be “sublimely”. Also in Oil of Olay, you need to nail the product name – it’s only used once in the entire script. I heard “Oll of Olay” instead of “Oil of Olay” – I think slowing down the tempo overall would correct this and some other enunciation issues.
Keep at it!
Charles -
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Hi Evette…first impression: slow down. It sounds like you are rushing through the reads. Let the words breathe, there’s no need to go fast, even if you have a “time limit” like on a commercial. One of my coaches, James Andrews, told me that slowing down will actually help to speed up your read. It sounds paradoxical, but it works.
Second impression: they sounded a bit the same. That isn’t to say bad, just the same. This comes from needing to connect with the material and understanding why you are saying these words, and to whom. (This is something I struggle with constantly.)
Keep at the work, though, that’s what the VO game is all about. Continuous improvement.
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Hi Evette – welcome! I really like your voice – it is very soft and sweet and well suited for these types of commercials.
Script 1: This one felt just a tad rushed to me. You might try envisioning yourself in France and experiencing being there, and possibly adding some varied inflections to the last sentence, which includes a list of items.
Script 2: Good read!
Script 3: Another good read. You might try emphasizing “Oil of Olay” in the last sentence more, the tone drops and it’s the only time the product name is mentioned. Keep it up!Mary
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I’m trying to narrow some scripts down for my demo: I’ve attached VO samples of copy I am iffy about; tour, travel, food, & telephony. Please only give feedback on performance, as I recorded on my phone. Thank you so much in advance!
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Hi Fleishman – All were very well done! You’ve got great tone and tempo and know how to select and emphasize the key words throughout each script. My order is (2) reef, (3) tacos, (1) tour and (4) telephony. Your change in tone and toward the end of Reef when you started to describe the “bad news” was perfectly done to reflect the growing problem. I also thought your personality came though the most in Taco but as others mentioned, it’s more a commercial and less a narration script so demo genre is important for an “in or out” decision. In just 2-3 sentences, The Tour made me feel I was starting to be informed and educated, not lectured, by someone who was truly interested in the subject matter. Telephony was very well done as well but as with Taco, this is a separate genre from the others. I’ve been taught that it is best to have a single genre as the theme for a demo file so agents and prospective clients can more easily categorize you and your work.
Good luck
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Hi Fleishman, great job on all 4 reads! You have a really nice clear voice with great inflections and flow throughout. My order for you is 3 Tacos, 4 Telephony, 1 Tour, 2 Barrier Reef. I like how you were able to vary up the read feeling and emotion dependent on the topic as well, really good. I think the Tacos read appealed the most to me because I could tell you were having fun and it sounded a tiny bit more natural than the rest, but really all 4 were very good. Great job!
Mary
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Hi! These are all really fantastic! I agree that if this is a narration demo the food option feels like a commercial. I would personally avoid putting telephony on a demo as I don’t know if that part of the industry is growing as more and more people are using “automated” human voices. But you may want to research that niche to find out and talk to your coach about that? I think these are awesome and you should definitely include the first 2 on the demo! Nice work!
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Nice job on varying your tone on all the scripts! They were all good reads, too.
I am not sure if this helps, but I liked tour (3), food (2), and telephony (1). The food script would work for an in-show narration for a food show, but it might need to be written or read a little differently to not sound so commercially. But, I agree with Beckolin, if you plan to do a commercial demo, this would fit perfectly.
Kathy
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You sound wonderful on all four, quite honestly…but I particularly like the quality of your voice in the first and last (tour and telephony.) If this is a narration demo, the food one doesn’t feel right…sounds more appropriate for a commercial demo. However, you performed it really well, so if you’re doing both narration and commercial, that would be a strong contender.
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Hello again Forum,
Here’s my 2nd submission…trying MP3 this time, which apparently works better! It’s the “Upstart Corporate Conference” narration from the script library. I’m just picking things that I haven’t done before to practice both reading and editing. Aside from pacing and vocal quality, I’m trying to figure out my settings on my interface and in Audacity. Thanks in advance for any input!-
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Hi Beckolin!
This is a really great read! Your voice is suited for trainer narration.
I am not sure if you want audio quality feedback, however, overall, it sounded good to me.
I did hear some very minor noise in the beginning and ending of your recording, but that is something that can be cut out or eliminated with noise reduction.
I think I heard a little “dead” space between sentences (‘sold.’ That’s). I am not sure if you were just really quiet, or you made edits in the script, but I noticed the sound difference. It was almost unnatural sounding. Maybe it is just me.
I hope this helps!
Kathy
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Here’s the script, if anyone wants to see it: Welcome back everyone. In this next segment, we’re going to be looking at the evolution of our selling methodology. Like we said before, UpStart’s target demographic is millennials, and how they want to be sold to is unlike any generation before them.
In fact, many of you may be millennials, or be just like millennials yourselves – and that’s why you’re a good fit for this job. You’re the kind of consumer who is checking online reviews, looking at a company’s Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat, and really buying into a company’s branding and ethos before you’re ‘sold.’
That’s why UpStart preaches a relationship-focused sales strategy. We will equip you with the time, resources and backup to build strong, authentic relationships with potential clients, instead of pushing a product at all costs.
It’s integral that our clients have a real, normal human first interaction with our sales staff, where we simply tell them what we’re offering, and educate them on the state of the startup scene in their market. It’s absolutely vital that you don’t rush the first date at UpStart. Interested clients have seen our Instagram ads, they get it.
We want to make them feel like they’re having a link up with a buddy in a coffee shop.
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Commercial read homework for your performance feedback only. Thanks so much!
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