Feedback Forum
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August 7, 2020 at 9:27 am #15468
David Goldberg
Edge Studio StaffHi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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This topic was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 7 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 7 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 7 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 7 months ago by
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This topic was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by
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December 28, 2020 at 10:52 pm #60489
mkell755
ParticipantHello all! Here is a recording (recorded on my phone) for any and all feedback. It’s a monologue by the character Miranda Priestly in “The Devil Wears Prada”. I realize this is a fictional character, but does the emotion and impatience sound authentic? Let me know what you think!
Mary
This stuff’? Oh, ok. I see, you think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select out, oh I don’t know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance, because you’re trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back.
But what you don’t know is that that sweater is not just blue, it’s not turquoise, it’s not lapis, it’s actually cerulean. You’re also blindly unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar de la Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves St Laurent, wasn’t it, who showed cerulean military jackets?
And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of eight different designers. Then it filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic “casual corner” where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and so it’s sort of comical how you think that you’ve made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you’re wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room. From a pile of “stuff.”
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December 30, 2020 at 12:19 am #60517
kfvoice
ParticipantMary — If I remember this monologue correctly ( great movie… love watching it… Oscar worthy performance, in my opinion, by Meryl… that wig definitely deserved an award of its own! 🙂 ), the delivery was very soft, almost nonchalant. Does this help?
Kathy
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December 30, 2020 at 12:46 am #60521
mkell755
ParticipantThanks for the feedback Kathy! I agree that Meryl was great in that movie!
So, are you saying that my delivery was soft and nonchalant or that the movie’s delivery was soft and nonchalant? Thanks again! Curious as to how it’s being perceived, good or bad 🙂 Thanks!
Mary
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December 30, 2020 at 1:23 am #60522
kfvoice
ParticipantHi Mary!
The delivery in the movie was soft and nonchalant.
This read was good, but you came across more angry in delivery — which we know Miranda was by scolding Andy, but Miranda did it in that ‘cold-shoulder-way’ that was typical of Miranda’s personality.
Does that make sense?
Kathy
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December 30, 2020 at 11:24 am #60538
mkell755
ParticipantAh, ok, I see. I was thinking that might have been what you meant. In the movie Miranda had a dismissive tone towards Andy, quieter / softer in delivery but still piercing in the message due to Miranda’s personality.
I was trying for impatience and irritation when I read it, so I was trying to make it sound more emotional. I’m glad an emotion came through on that. Thanks for clarifying! 🙂 mk
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December 28, 2020 at 10:03 pm #60483
katelyndawnvo
ParticipantHi there! Happy holidays you guys!! Here is a practice script for a government commercial, I guess it is a PSA kind of government announcement. Shoutout to my old stomping grounds – Tdot! Going for an emotional read and trying to stretch myself out of my upbeat/energetic/perky natural bend. Hope it hits right.
Government: Voice for the city of Toronto
You know that term “We’re all in this together?” Well, it’s true.
While some of us might be working in government and others not, we’re actually all in the same boat.
You see, we’re citizens as well. We all want the same thing.
A city that works for everyone. As fast and efficient and as relevant as can be.
Thriving, accessible, and inclusive.Attachments:
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December 29, 2020 at 11:34 pm #60513
kfvoice
ParticipantHi Katelyn — clear, and good pacing and tone.
I liked how you threw out the “comma rule” … from the webinar, Science of Speaking Like a Pro 🙂
With that said, there were some slight micro-pauses where there were no commas (While some of us might be working in government and others not… and As fast and efficient and as relevant as can be.), but it still seemed to work well with the emotional/conversational tone you were going for.
I hope this helps!
Kathy
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January 5, 2021 at 7:05 pm #60878
katelyndawnvo
ParticipantAbsolutely, great catch thank you Kathy!
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December 28, 2020 at 10:25 pm #60488
mkell755
ParticipantHi Katelyn, good read! You have a nice, clear tone and good emphasis on several key words.
There were 2 places where there were commas shown but no pause (that I could hear) taken (“Well, it’s true”) and (“You see, we’re citizens…), so that made the read seem a little fast to me and not as authentic; I think the pauses at the commas help drive the point home that the government workers are empathetic to the citizens if that makes sense. Otherwise, good job!
Mary
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December 28, 2020 at 12:48 pm #60460
DAYLIGHTVO
ParticipantHello All and Happy Holidays!
I’ve uploaded two practice commercial spots here for review. Honesty and constructive criticism are welcome as I excercise new technique. Thank you.
-NdehruBUDWEISER ZERO ‘ZERO COMPROMISE’
INTRODUCING BUDWEISER ZERO. ZERO PERCENT ALCOHOL, ZERO GRAMS OF SUGAR,
FULL BUDWEISER FLAVOR. FOR ALL THE MOMENTS YOU WANT A BEER
AND NEED TO STAY ON YOUR GAME. BUDWEISER ZERO, ZERO COMPROMISE.HAMPTON TOYOTA (radio commercial)
At HAMPTON TOYOTA, we‘re having a sale that‘ll blow you away! It‘s our annual July
4th birthday extravaganza. Hundreds of cars, trucks, and vans … at unbelievable rock
bottom prices. Shop around. Then come to HAMPTON because we guarantee the lowest
prices. The right car, the right price, the right dealer. HAMPTON TOYOTA … right
where it counts.Attachments:
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December 28, 2020 at 10:02 pm #60482
mkell755
ParticipantHi Ndehru! Welcome!
Script 1: This seemed like a very serious tone for a Budwesier commercial. Your voice and the pacing were good, but I would think it should be a bit more upbeat – you are telling someone about how great it is, but it is presented with such a somber tone. As a suggestion, maybe try the read with an encouraging tone like to your best friend who loves beer but has not heard about it yet. Think about how enthusiastic you would be when telling him about this new product that you think he will like.Script 2: Good energy and tone for a car commercial, way to vary it up. This sounds really believable for your voice, very good!
Mary
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December 28, 2020 at 12:16 pm #60455
Tina
ParticipantHey all,
I’m new to Edge so I’d like to dip my toe into the forum with this how-to script. I appreciate your thoughts.
** Oops. File to big. Will fix and repost
Thanks!
Tina-
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Tina.
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December 28, 2020 at 12:25 pm #60457
Tina
ParticipantOk this file should work!
Today we are going to show you six easy tips to help you get started with watercolor. Let’s begin.
The first tip is to pick the right paper. Papers for drawing with watercolors are heavy papers. Why heavy papers? Because we’ll be using a lot of water. If you use a thin paper, it’s just going to wrinkle and bleed through. That is why it is a good idea to use 200 grand paper or heavier. Watercolor papers usually have a rougher texture to catch more water. If you are going to use the paper for mixed media and drawing, better to go for a smooth surface. Tip number 2: Picking the right watercolors. Watercolors come in different forms and shapes. You can purchase a set for a few dollars, or you can pay one hundred dollars for it. In general, the better the colors, the higher the price.Attachments:
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December 28, 2020 at 10:07 pm #60485
mkell755
ParticipantHi Tina! Welcome to the forum! I liked your voice – very friendly, straightforward and informative. The pacing and clarity were good and I think you did a good job of varying the tone and to emphasize words here and there to appropriately describe the process of learning to watercolor. Good job!
Mary
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December 28, 2020 at 10:00 pm #60481
katelyndawnvo
ParticipantHi there! Your audio quality is great. Your voice has a nice authoritative quality and could fit nicely for a how to read like this. Overall I felt this read was lacking energy and enthusiasm for the topic. You sounded pretty bored. Throughout you were speaking with a down pitch at the end of sentences and pauses which can make it sound as though one is not very interested or interacting positively with the subject matter. (I do this too). It helps to have someone in mind who you are talking to. Perhaps you have a daughter or niece who is learning how to paint with watercolors. You can imagine a scenario where you are teaching someone you love how to paint with watercolors. What is the scenerio? How do you feel about this subject matter? Find something with this copy that allows you to engage with it emotionally. And if you can remember to smile while you are talking it will help you to sound a bit warmer and more enthusiastic about this copy. Hope this helps! 🙂
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December 28, 2020 at 12:48 am #60449
Robert Broussard
ParticipantTrying out a Chevy Script. It was a 30 sec script and was fast paced for me to cram in in there. Still aboout .5-.75 seconds long on the actual dialog. Trying to work on my speed. Thanks for any feedback.
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December 29, 2020 at 11:10 pm #60512
kfvoice
ParticipantIt was a good read, Robert! Like you said, it was a lot to cram into :30 seconds. You do have the voice for truck ads, though. Maybe edit, and speed up the last part of the read with the details?
Kathy
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December 28, 2020 at 12:09 pm #60454
Tina
ParticipantHi Robert! You have a great, unique voice and this was a very good read. I second Mary with the speeding up of the “fine details” portion of the commercial. My only other suggestion is to give more emphasis to the “legendary” in the first line because you’re setting up this big deal of a car and while the sentence flows nicely, I think punching up the delivery to show your awe/amazement would be something to play with. Also, I think Silverado may pack a bigger punch if you played with going down at the end of the word instead of up in pitch. I hope this is helpful! Well done! This is me actively trying to give you stuff because it really is a good read. Tina
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December 28, 2020 at 3:00 pm #60469
Robert Broussard
ParticipantThanks Tina, I wwill try that out.
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December 28, 2020 at 11:27 am #60453
mkell755
ParticipantHi Robert! Your voice is good for truck commercials! Also, that is a lot of words to cram into 30 seconds! I don’t know if this will work for you, but it seems like in car ads like this they speak a normal pace for the first part of the script (like you did), then really fast towards the end which specifies all the details / fine print, starting with “Get 0% financing…” It always seems almost comically fast how they are able to fit it all in. Good job on this one!
Mary
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December 28, 2020 at 3:02 pm #60470
Robert Broussard
ParticipantThanks Mary, I have to work on this a few times to get it in 30s. I could try speeding up the financing sentence. I need to practice that. I have gotten a whole better this past year reading faster for sure. But still need to keep after it.
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December 27, 2020 at 9:23 pm #60430
mkell755
ParticipantHello all! Here is a recording (done on my phone) for any and all feedback, a medical commercial. Let me know if my voice sounds authentic for this type of read. Thank you!
Mary
KISQALI
We are the thrivers. Women with metastatic breast cancer. Standing in the struggle. Hustling through the hurt. Asking for science, not sorries. Our time… for more time… has come. Living longer is possible and proven in women taking KISQALI plus Fulvestrant or a non-steroidal aroma taste inhibitor. KISQALI can cause lung problems or an abnormal heartbeat which can lead to death. It can also cause serious skin reactions, liver problems, and low white blood cell counts that may result in severe infections. KISQALI is not approved for use with Tomoxafin.It’s our time…to continue to shine because we are the thrivers. Ask your doctor about KISQALI, the only treatment in its class proven to help women live longer in two clinical trials.
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December 28, 2020 at 9:50 pm #60480
katelyndawnvo
ParticipantHi Mary, I think this topic is a nice fit for your voice. You have a mature voice so I think something that is geared toward women of an older demographic is great. And your pitch/timbre suits well for this medical kind of genre. Nice! For tongue twisters – just keep practicing reading tongue twisters online consistently. I’m not sure if you know the website “howjsay” but it also will play audio of how you say words so that could be useful for those medical words.
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December 28, 2020 at 12:34 am #60448
kfvoice
ParticipantHi Mary — this had a nice authentic sound for the script. Good pacing in the entire read, too. Perhaps play around with some slight pitch variations. Overall, this was a nice read!
Kathy
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December 27, 2020 at 10:15 pm #60440
Robert Broussard
ParticipantMary, I thought that was good. This is a good genera for your voice as well. Nice pacing and tone throughout. 👍😊
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December 27, 2020 at 9:10 pm #60424
jmtarleton
ParticipantHello and Happy almost New Year, good people! Here are three narration scripts with different tones I am trying out. I really appreciate the time and feedback.
All the best,
John
Animal Heroes
Not all heroes are human. Sometimes heroes bark, meow, or even grunt. They may be covered with fur, have curly tails, or live in an alley. We’re about to meet some real-life animal heroes. Each one of these heroes has performed an amazing rescue. Sometimes they even put themselves in danger to help others. We’ll meet a dog who rescues stray cats. A brave cat who saved her five kittens from a fire. A pig who got help for her owner who was having a heart attack. And a guide dog who led his owner down 71 flights of stairs when the World Trade Center was attacked.Crime Drama Narration
Some crimes committed are so undeniably gruesome that they defy logic and have people asking questions, forever more. The case of Katherine Knight did just that. A woman who not only murdered in cold blood but, then, went on to commit the most despicable act after the brutal slaying.Company Website Greeting
Meet Bob. Like 95% of car shoppers, he uses his computer, smartphone and tablet to shop for his next car. A few years ago, you could have reached Bob through traditional means such as Direct mail, TV or radio, and newspaper ads. Today, that simply isn’t enough.
According to Google – consumers visit 18 websites on average – before stepping into a dealership.Attachments:
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December 28, 2020 at 12:19 am #60446
kfvoice
ParticipantHi John!
Script 1: Nice pace. Clear enunciation. Good job on varying your pitch. Watch for trailing off in volume at the end of your sentences (noticed in the second one, the others were good). Be mindful of unnecessary pauses mid-sentence — this happened in your last sentence.
Second 2: Pick up the pace a little for this read. I understand you were going for a dramatic sound for the in-show narration, but to me there was too much stretching out with certain words, and unnecessary pausing.
Script 3: Good tone and enthusiastic read, and pitch variation.Overall, good job! Keep it up! I hope this was helpful!
Kathy
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December 27, 2020 at 10:21 pm #60442
Robert Broussard
ParticipantJohn, I thought reading 3 was the best. To me one and two could have used a more serious tone, especially 2. In general all were good reads. Hope this may help some.
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December 27, 2020 at 9:39 pm #60434
mkell755
ParticipantHi John, good reads! Good clarity, tone and pacing for each.
Script 1: The light tone of this suggests that it may be for a kid’s narration and it sounds really nice and friendly
Script 2: I like the more sinister tone here, well done. Some of the pauses were not at the commas however. There was a pause after “gruesome” but not after “questions”, and there was a pause after “blood” but not after “but” or “then”. I liked the emphasis on “…did just that”
Script 3: Very authentic read, more upbeat for a car add.
Overall great job!Mary
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December 27, 2020 at 6:52 pm #60420
Dante M.
ParticipantHello everyone, I have another three scripts for everyone to analyze and critique. As always, I pick the scripts I have the hardest time with to get the best feedback.
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December 27, 2020 at 11:57 pm #60445
kfvoice
ParticipantHi Dante!
Good reads! You have a nice warm, rich tone for these scripts.
Script 1: Good pacing; play around with ‘Thanksgrilling’ … you sounded a little close to the mic? Either way, this didn’t come out very clear to me.
Script 2: I thought this was your best read for a narration script. Nice pace, and clear enunciation. Try varying your pitch a little more in the last sentence with the lists.
Script 3: The enthusiasm was good. I would slow down a tad; practice the delivery in the third line (“No more paper bills!), since this line has an exclamation point!I hope this was helpful! Keep it up!
Kathy
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December 27, 2020 at 10:49 pm #60444
Dante M.
ParticipantMuch appreciated! I’m glad I’m improving.
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December 27, 2020 at 10:17 pm #60441
Robert Broussard
ParticipantDante, all 3 of those are good! Keep up the good work.
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December 27, 2020 at 9:44 pm #60435
mkell755
ParticipantHi Dante! Good reads! Very good clarity, tone and pacing for all.
Script 1: Butterball – I like it! I smiled at the “Happy Thanksgrilling” line.
Script 2: B****r – Sounds good, with good emphasis on words to educate the listener.
Script 3: AMEX – this sounds great, great energy, this is my favorite of the 3 today.
Overall very good and with a nice warm sound!Mary
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December 26, 2020 at 11:00 pm #60399
Robert Broussard
ParticipantTwo different Allstate scripts one take on each. I appreciate any feedback. Thanks
Allstate Insurance – Discount
You never know for sure, but there’s this guy in the office that swears that HIS car insurance is the best, and tells everyone what a hot negotiator he is. So you ask him. “Did you get a discount for air bags, or anti-lock brakes? What about a discount for multiple cars?” Now he’s speechless. “Oh…one last thing. You want the name of my insurance company?” To help make sure you’re getting the auto insurance discount you deserve, talk to an Allstate insurance agent in your neighborhood. You’re in good hands with Allstate.Allstate Insurance – Agent
Go ahead… Make a wish… Now call your Allstate agent. Because today, planning makes wishes come true. And your Allstate agent can help make sure that “family security”, “college funding”, and even a “healthy retirement” are in the stars for you. Your Allstate agent wants to be your agent for life. You’re in good hands with Allstate Life Insurance.Attachments:
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December 27, 2020 at 9:54 pm #60436
mkell755
ParticipantHi Robert, good reads! Good tone and clarity throughout. Your voice sounds good for insurance.
Script 1: I too heard an extra word and an omitted word. The pace seemed just a tad bit rushed to me; I felt like there should have been a tiny pause after “…for multiple cars?” and also after “…my insurance company?” I liked the conversational tone of it and the variation in pitch, well done.
Script 2: Good energy, and I also heard an extra “you” in the third sentence. This was a nice friendly conversational read, also very good. Both reads were good!Mary
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December 27, 2020 at 10:04 pm #60438
Robert Broussard
ParticipantThanks Mary, I am going to have to pay more attention to the being exact on these scripts. Hope you had a Merry Christmas.
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December 27, 2020 at 12:42 am #60408
kfvoice
ParticipantRobert — nice job on the one takes! Good pacing, and I liked the varying tone with both reads, too.
Script 1: In the first sentence you omitted and added a word. A tip I try to do is look a few words in advance of what I am reading; less likely to miss a word.
Script 2: I noticed added words in the third sentence. In the last sentence, your volume/tone sounded like it lowered. Maybe it was on my end. Overall, this read had a nice enthusiasm to it. I actually liked this script read the best.
I hope this was helpful!
Kathy
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December 27, 2020 at 12:53 am #60409
Robert Broussard
ParticipantNo it was probably me getting lower at the end. I will have to look ahead and concentrate more doing these. I do miss a word here and there. Thanks.
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December 25, 2020 at 7:38 pm #60385
mkell755
ParticipantHello all and Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays all!
Here is a read for your review (recorded on my phone) for any and all feedback. I just went to the eye doctor, so my eye prescription was on my mind. I’m trying for an authentic, believable vibe, let me know if you think it sounds appropriate in tone and delivery for the topic. Thank you!
Mary
Essilor
There’s nothing as unique as our eyes. Which is why Essilor pioneers ways to make lenses as unique as you. Varilux for super-sharp vision, Essential Blue for protection, and Crizal for freedom from glare. Three cutting-edge solutions in a single unique lens. So, whatever your needs, insist on Essilor. Visit your local Essilor experts and find the perfect lens for you. See more, do more, Essilor.Attachments:
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December 27, 2020 at 12:08 am #60407
kfvoice
ParticipantHi Mary!
Nice job on varying your pitch, especially with the lists (the three cutting edge solutions). The pacing was good, too, however, there was a pause after “Varilux” not needed. Keep it up!
Kathy
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December 27, 2020 at 9:27 pm #60432
mkell755
ParticipantHi Kathy, thanks for the feedback, and good to hear that the variation in pitch is appropriate. Agreed on the pause after Varilux, I think I was just trying to emphasize it a little, but it did not also need the slight pause after. Thanks!
Mary
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December 26, 2020 at 9:51 pm #60396
Robert Broussard
ParticipantGood read Mary, good pace, tone!!! Hope you had a good christmas.
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