Hi there! I’m working with Edge to put together my voiceover demo and would love some feedback on this copy as a potential demo option. We’re going for “young professional” to provide some contrast to my other copy, which is a bit more youthful, fun, and girly. I want to make sure I’m communicating the professionalism without losing the youthful edge and I’m especially working on making sure my read sounds like I’m talking to another person and not just reading. Any thoughts would be much appreciated! I am looking for performance feedback only. Thanks all!
Here’s the copy:
“I used to run low on cash right before payday and not be able to do anything, but now that I’m banking with Chime, I get paid up to two days early with direct deposit. Plus, Chime helps me grow my savings automatically and, unlike the place I used to bank, Chime doesn’t charge me a bunch of crazy fees. I’d be crazy to go back.”
I really liked the way your voice came across here. Definitely sounded like what you were going for. I agree that maybe delivering this a tad slower will only help the overall read and put even more emphasis on that “young professional” sound you were going for! Great work!
Sounds like a young professional to me. I think you should slow down the pace a bit. There was a bit of a ‘young millenial popping bubblegum while twirling her hair’ moments like the ‘fees’ at ‘…crazy fees.’ Overall though, I think you set out what you wanted to accomplish.
Not having your other pieces as points of comparison, I think you’ve got a contender with this one. Love the tone and think you do come across as a young professional. Consider who she is talking to in this situation and the balance of youthful/girly and serious/professional would change a bit. For example, is she having a water cooler chat with a young man who was hired recently and whom she doesn’t know well OR is she chatting with her mom (or best friend) over coffee and trying to show her how independent/grown up she is becoming. Might be good practice to try each and compare. Anyway, I like your performance here in and of itself. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.
Would love some feedback on this audiobook I auditioned for. I’ve had success in just about every facet of VO work but just can’t seem to crack the nut that is audiobooks.
Script:
Dennis begins to look through the hotel register and noticed an inordinately large number of comps. He began writing down the names and addresses of every guest that received any comp. It wasn’t even 8 in the morning yet and the office was empty. The phone rang and it startled him.
“Hello”
“Could I speak to Dennis Gomes?”
“Speaking”
“Hey, Dennis this is Officer Jacobs from the Chicago Organized Crime unit. We met at the L.E.I.U. convention.”
“Right. How are you? What can I do for you?”
“I’m good thanks. I was hoping to check with you regarding our good friend, Tony Spilotro tosee what he’s been up to.”
“Spilotro has a gift shop he runs at the Circus Circus under a different name, but other than that, he’s been keeping a pretty low profile.”
“If you see or hear anything about him, could you let me know?” “Sure. No problem. Is something going on?”
“We’re just working on a m****r case involving him here in Chicago.” Dennis said, “I’ll check in on him for you and will get back to you.”
“Thanks, man. And, hey, keep in mind, Spilotro is not the type to keep a low profile. He’s demented, a real loose canon.”
Dennis hung up the phone. The day hadn’t even officially started, but he was back in the action.
Within an hour Dennis had Dick, Rich, and Duane neck-deep in the Aladdin’s hotel log. Before the magnifying glasses were even out, the red flags began turning up. The three Detroit applicants who had been denied licenses because of their mob ties, had been fully comped at the Alladin, on numerous occasions, for stays lasting up to three weeks. In addition, James Tamer and Phil Peters, both known mobsters, had been comped. In addition, t the soldiers and lieutenants of James “Jimmy” Michaels and John Vitale’s orgainized crime families had also been catered to and fully comped. These were not just little fish or associates of someone, they were made members of the Michaels and Vitale organized crime families.
The rush was coming back for Dennis. He was gathering photos and information on the Detroit and St. Louis mafia so that when he engaged in his planned undercover surveillance, he would know who to look for. He zoned in on James Michaels, Sr., “Horseshoe Jimmy” as he was once known as, who cut his teeth with the Cuckoos Gang. His criminal career began at an early age Hearrested at just 19 years old for the robbery of the Illinois Central Freight Depot. He subsequently jumped bond but was captured a year later and sentenced to ten years to life. He was briefly released, but arrested again for a series of gangland killings; for which he was never convicted. He served 13 years for the robbery, was released and quickly found his way back to his criminal ways. He worked his way up to Capo of the Syrian faction of the St. Louis mob and wielded a great deal of control over the St. Louis labor unions. Dennis found a picture of old Horseshoe, now close to 70. He had a full head of white hair, coal black beady eyes and a chewed up cigar holding up his lips. His face was twisted into a scowl which Dennis thought made
him look like one mean son of a b***h. Even though he was in his late 60’s Dennis could tell he was tough.
Moose, I could listen to you narrate books like this. Steady pacing, pleasing intonation, articulate but relaxed. Excellent sound quality and editing. Seemed like you got mixed up in the character dialogue and voiced Dennis as officer Jacobs once. Maybe not. You might be trying too hard to voice the characters differently. I’ve heard some audiobook pros say this is not sustainable over the long haul and not really necessary. The differences can be more subtle than they are in this performance. Now, I’ve only narrated one novel myself, so I don’t know if this is advice worth considering. Regardless, characters make fiction a much more challenging genre, so I’ve focused more on non-fiction auditions and have booked quite a few. Also, not sure why you’d want to pursue long-form narration if you’ve been successful with the more lucrative work. Money must not be the issue? Perhaps you love telling stories. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.
Thanks for the feedback, Bill. I guess it’s just a pride thing. Just can’t seem to land an audiobook (except for the one from a few years ago). It’s something I’ve been interested in doing more of but haven’t. Wanted to see if there’s something glaringly wrong that I’m doing.
Very brief clip for a real estate video featuring a new high-end development. It might be a little fast as I was told to keep it to 15 seconds. Feedback appreciated as always! Thank you. (multiple files attached by accident – they’re the same – don’t know how to delete)
Really like your voice and your read for this. And really fantastic audio quality! I like you pace, inflection, all of it…with that kind of script writing, it’s hard not to make a bigger deal out of it, so you really show mastery in subtle interpretation. I don’t know how important the architects names would be, probably not very, but if they were an important selling point or if their architectural style would be explained further, I would need to hear the firm’s name a little more clearly. Fabulous job!
I didn’t think it was too fast at all! I think you have a really warm and versatile voice, and did a great job lifting up important words and using imagery. I would say perhaps try to make the first sentence, where you’re announcing what’s for sale, a little more distinct from the second sentence, as they sorta ran together in tone and tempo. Also, a super small thing, but you’re dropping in volume and energy at the ends of your sentences, so I think maintaining that energy right to the last word would really help!
More practice for a narration/documentary demo would love your feedback! Thanks all
Welcome to the planet earth. A place of blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, soft meadows; A world positively rippling with life. From the cosmic perspective, it is, for the moment, unique. The only world on which we know with certainty that the matter of the cosmos has become alive, and aware. There must be many such worlds scattered through space, but our search for them begins here, with the accumulated wisdom of the men and women of our species, acquired at great cost, over a million years.
Your voice really does fit for this type of read, you sound knowledgable but approachable and warm! I agree with Bill that I think your pauses at commas are interrupting the flow of your sentences, and making it sound a bit unnatural, and actually making the listener have to work harder to understand the piece as a whole.
One other piece of feedback I have is that perhaps the list in the first sentence could afford a little more specificity in each item – how are blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, and soft meadows different from one another?
Hey, I love the script choice for your voice. You have such a warm, relaxed, friendly tone which seems like a great fit for long-form documentary. I would suggest you don’t add such long pauses within the sentences. Pauses between are fine but you pause much too often and long within sentences, which I find distracting. I think it makes your performance more noticeable, like you are pushing your interpretation on me, rather than letting me enjoy the phrasing as written by the author. (The producer/editor can add pauses to time your narration with visuals if necessary.) Small thing but in an audition I think it would make a difference. Otherwise, love the tone! Bill A.
Hello everyone, glad I can share some practice recordings with you all as I’m starting my work towards a commercial demo.
Here are two scripts that I used from Edge Studio script library.
Crayola Color Wonder Markers:
“Crayola Color Wonder Markers color only on special paper. So your kids can express their creativity more often…in more places…with less mess. Crayola Color Wonder. It starts with Crayola.”
Spotify:
“With Spotify, it’s easy to find the right music for every moment – on your phone, your computer, your tablet and more. There are millions of tracks on Spotify. So whether you’re working out, partying or relaxing, the right music is always at your fingertips. Soundtrack your life with Spotify. Subscribe or listen for free.”
Hi Daniel! I can hear a smooth voice! Good choices! In my opinion, these reads are too laid back. More energy and intention would be good. In the second clip, in a couple places in the latter half of the read, some consonants are getting lost. Enunciation would help. The overall effect may be exaggerated by the fact that the volume level is quite low. As I was once advised, bring up the gain levels in your recording system as much as possible (without causing distortion). You can take volume away later, if need be. Looking forward to hearing more.
What I liked about the Spotify read was that you really went with a non-hard sell approach…It had some genius moments of really not trying overly hard, which is, “a Gen Z or Millennial read”. It doesn’t work for everything, by all means, but if it’s your natural voice and character, it comes off as sincerely “I’m not selling this to you…it’s just obviously the best thing out there.” That being said, I think ending tagline, and some choice phrases could use a bit more “This is some cool sh*t” vibe.
Crayola is probably harder for your voice type to sell. 99% of the time, this script would go to a mom-sounding woman. But things are always changing in marketing, and obviously dads take care of kids and house-cleaning too. How would you read it differently if you were talking to a fellow dad, or if you were talking to a small group of elementary school teachers? I love that you’re exploring all the avenues your voice can go in. Keep up the good work–your voice is selling to a key demographic these days!
Hello hello! Just dropping a character commercial from the script library wanted some feedback.
We don’t cotton to your kind coming around here, Mr. Big City Hypnotist! Always waving your watch in front of other people’s faces, snapping your fingers, and expecting folks to be doing things you tell them to do. It just ain’t right!
Really good… great if this were an audition submit both takes… you have range and both are so different great acting to be able to change it up awesome character read.
Hello! Just wanted to say that you’re voice is great and it was so fun to listen to the character speak. I think the tone and the way of talking for the character is great, but perhaps it would be a little bit better to slow down your pace. Clearly in both takes you can tell the difference since the second take is much more aggressive and a little bit faster.
Love this!! Amazing contrast between the 2 takes!! Love that! I think what the quieter, less-assertive character lacked that the louder character had in spades, was emotional specificity. It seemed like she didn’t feel anything in particular toward Mr. Hypnotist…I loved that she was sweeter, but I think she could let out her annoyance more to help carry the story. Thank you for these delightful takes–what a talent!!
Hi Official81! Great voice. Good character creation. I preferred the second take. I felt you were more confident about your read. Also, minor note, but in the first take there was what sounded like a brief over-amplification at the word “Always”, as if maybe you suddenly got closer to your mic. Nice work!
Hello all – The feedback has been VERY helpful and I am trying to work it into each subsequent performance.
These are today’s homework as I work toward my Commercial demo. I’m also trying to apply what I am learning about how to use the new graphic EQ control in Audacity.
All feedback welcomed, as always. Chas
Popeye’s Chicken
Got a cravin’ for Cajun? Come along for some New Orleans style fried chicken, cajun battered fries, and buttermilk biscuits. Love that chicken at Popeye’s.
Campbells Chunky Chili
Introducing Campbell’s Chunky Chili with Beans – four delicious, hearty varieties loaded with succulent, seasoned meat. It’s the perfect pre-game warm-up.
This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by chas82.
Hey Chas! These are really nice improvements from the last versions I heard. The Popeye’s sounded good so I will only nitpick the recording. There’s a definite click at the end that you’ll want to remove, and just before you start I hear a trace of an inhale or something. I’m learning Audacity also and I’ve found the “button” that removes absolutely all signal from any selected segment very helpful. On the Campbell’s, also very good, although the way you say “succulent, seasoned”, while showing good variation in tone, doesn’t seem to fit. Perhaps you slowed down just a little too much? Anyway, overall, significantly better reads! Good luck with the demo!
At first I thought that the recordings weren’t real, but it’s amazing that it is your voice! I think the pacing was pretty good, and you enunciated your words well, so those things are always important!
Could use some feedback on this audition.
Client brief: strong, warm inviting, real, authentic, anthemic sounding. (Was asked to attempt to “match the read and performance…as much as possible” in this sample video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAk1mY71SaY
Script:
We will always face challenges. The only constant we face is change
This is the nature of the world around us.
But nothing replaces the need for safety and security,
and a proven solution to your needs is what we strive for.
We bring clarity,
We bring safety,
We bring focus.
Our reliable and secure camera technologies and innovations lead the industry in safeguarding you, your businesses, and your assets.
Pelco provides solutions to every situation, because challenges will continue to change.
Hey Brian, I think it is warm and similar in vibe and tone to the reference video… I would really hit a little harder (safeguarding you, your businesses, and your assets.) Also the tagline at the end (More Powerful, More Pelco) could be a little stronger. Good Luck!! You got this! Marty R.
Hey, this is a good take but I think it’s missing some of the rousing quality asked for in the audition notes. I hear moments of it here but overall it could be stronger, more confident, more reassuring. You sound slightly unsure or tentative to me. A couple spots where you deliver the requested tone: “to your needs is what we strive for” and “we bring focus” and “put your business in focus.” Needs more of this. Also, be careful with pitch/intonation. I would keep your range even more narrow. It jumps too much in places, such as “the only constant we face…” Control is essential for this one, I think…a narrow range. Listen to the YouTube example and your own to note the difference with regard to this quality. Nitpick: there should be no delay when I click the play button, no silence at the start. Good luck. Bill A.
Hi Jay! Nice read…you have a pleasant voice! Two things I noticed, first, I get stuck on your pronunciation of the word important…it seems too long or something! Not sure what it is. Your enunciation is really good throughout, but maybe TOO good on that one word! I think I’m used to hearing it slurred a little…like…’importnnt’ instead of ‘impor-tant’. Probably just a ‘me’ thing. Also, at the end, “fish, ducks, frogs, and other creatures.” Lists are one thing I’m working on, trying to change my tone a bit on different words, so it doesn’t just sound like a slightly monotonous checklist of things. This was really a good read; those are just two things I noticed. 🙂