Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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sounds very good mostly, I did notice a little hesitation in turning the script tone more positive when you talk about Aetna partnering, maybe you want a enthusiastic change there?
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Hello everybody, I’m practicing some more commercial scripts, as I have my demo coming up this week. Please provide feedback on performance and recording quality. Thanks.
Honest Tea
Open a bottle of Honest Tea and discover and honest world. Filled with real brewed organic tea leaves and delicious organic honey. Or, you could just take a look at the label. Honest Tea. Refreshingly honest.
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Good performance altogether. But then I re-listened to the beginning again. When you say “Open a bottle of Honest Tea and discover an honest world”, the “H” in ‘honest’ sounded rushed. Almost like you were saying “Onest, more with an ‘O’ sound, without the h. But it was a good performance altogether.
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Hi everyone, I hope you’re healthy and well. Here are some of the auditions I’ve done in the past week. Let me know what you think. By the way, I didn’t get hired for any of them.
1. Fed Ex Office Commercial
2. Video instruction for prospective employees
3. Video “thank you” from a corporate client
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Hi Skinnydog, I haven’t yet trained in narration VO, so I’m just going to provide feedback for the FedEx commercial read. I enjoyed the commercial read. The tone of the read is solid as is the tempo. You differentiate well between sentences, and the items in the list. Lastly the recording quality sounds good. Great job.
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You have a fantastic voice! It’s a struggle to find points to critique.. maybe the energy in the FedEx read didn’t quite connect in the middle, but I thought you had it by the end. If I were going to tweak anything else in that read I might play with the lists .. I can hear the differentiation but it almost sounds a bit too intentional if I’m being picky. As for the other two reads — rock solid. You’re voice is very impressive .. in fact, I believe I’ve heard your work.
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Hello, I like the way you connect words and phrases together within a phrase/sentence — really professional. Not sure I agree with your choice to edit your performances as you did here, however, removing breaths and some of the pause that would naturally happen between sentences. It makes the rhythm of each piece too constant, in my opinion. Your voice is like a dish of Rocky Road ice cream — smooth, creamy, and deliciously textured. (Feel free to put that on your website.) But I wonder if you love hearing yourself in the headphones. Reason I ask is your performances sound slightly affected to me, like you’re a little caught up with the beauty of your voice. When I crank up my headphones, I tend to listen to my voice too much and don’t stay as connected to the script. It’s a subtle thing. What if you tried performing with headphones off. It might help you listen less and relax into the read…and do it in one take, rather than splice the best version of each sentence together. My apologies if my assumptions are way off. Also, that third piece stood out to me, nice full levels. I heard a small plosive on the first phrase of the second one, between “sleep” and “guide.” Small thing but it could have cost you.
Anyway, I enjoyed each piece and respect your skills. Thanks, Bill A.
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Hi all, getting some practice in as I work toward a narration demo. Took a crack at a medical and e-learning script. Any feedback is appreciated. The medical read just felt like a string of large words… I tried to get it to flow as best as I could, but it felt like foreign language.
Guitar Tip
And now for the Guitar Tip Of The Week:
Take care of your hands. You can finger notes more easily if you keep the nails on your fret hand trimmed short. Leave the nails on your picking hand slightly longer to facilitate plucking the strings. Rough edges on your nails will impair the tone of your playing, so be sure to use a good set of clippers and an emery board to maintain smooth nail tips. Wash your hands prior to playing. Clean hands transmit less dirt and help maintain string life and tone.Phytophotodermatitis (Medical Narration)
Phytophotodermatitis is a nonimmunologic phototoxic cutaneous eruption resulting from contact with photosensitizing substances found in plants; furocoumarins (present in limes and other plants) are typically implicated and get activated following exposure to sunlight, especially 320-400 nanometer UVA rays.-
I agree with Skinnydog – you have a great voice! But there were pauses in the read that make it choppy. Also, it sounded like the wrong emphasis on “board” when you read ’emery board’ in the guitar script. I must say, considering the difficulty of a medical script your inflections seemed fine to me .. I wouldn’t have guessed that it felt like a foreign language. Smooth out your reads so they’re less choppy, and you’re off to the races!
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Nice voice but watch the pausing. Choppy reads are one of the big reasons people don’t get hired. Read the sentences in a more fluid and connected way and people will hear that great voice and not be distracted by the read. Good Luck!
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Hi everyone, more practicing! Please ignore all studio issues, especially the obvious punch in at 0:42. Just looking for feedback on my technique. Thanks!
Script:
Alacola Valley
Water. Clear, fresh and life-giving to the crops of the Alacola Valley. Rushing ever onward to the sea. The waters of the Minset River visit this lush valley to replenish the soil and color the land. Yellow citrus, green vegetables, blueberries and ruby-red fruit checkerboard the landscape in brilliant hues. Farmers, who have tended this land for generations move from field to field inspecting the size, calculating weight and measuring progress. Progress is slow. But only with time can the flavors of the Alacola Valley reach perfection. And it’s perfection that the Alacola Valley is all about. The possibility of a early frost, the likelihood of invading insects and the consequence of even 3 extra days of rain weighs heavily on the minds of the land’s caretakers. But today is glorious and worry will wait until tomorrow.-
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Good job on this documentary narration work. You sound similar to a local narrator I used to hear in San Francisco who had a show on weekly for destinations to visit with a nature theme. As far as your delivery I like the flow and also your excitement to the read, my only suggestion would be to try and relax to come across as more intimate to your listener as they say so they feel you are just talking to them. Hope that helps and keep up the great work!
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history Channel Script is a good practice for lists and variations to make them interesting!
However don’t count on great script writing like this, unfortunately most online audition scripts aren’t very exciting.History Channel
If you lived before our time, who would you be?
Would you fight your brother for the rights of another? Who would you be?
Would you find new dreams or create wonders?
What if you could choose from a 1,000 yesterdays; a 1,000 lives, when the past was today and the new took your breath away.
Who would you be? What would you feel? How would you live? Who would you love?
Remembering every generation before us;
Remembering for generations to come.
The History Channel. Where the past comes alive.-
Hey, Rich.
Great script for your voice! I agree that your rate is a little fast for this piece. The words suggest awe and wonder to me. Slow down on a key line like “Who would you be?” After all, it’s a rather profound rhetorical question, meant to make the listen think. You say it too quickly in my view. Regardless, your mature, rich voice (rim shot) is perfect for this genre. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.
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Hey Rich! Really like your vocal quality. Very nice read. My comments may be more for me, than you, as I train my ears to hear things. 🙂 I especially like the opening “If you lived before our time,” which is immediately engaging. I notice a slight change in tonal quality right after the comma, which would be appropriate, however the voice sounds different somehow – a little less full perhaps – maybe because of the rise in pitch, which threw me off a little. Very minor, though. Not sure if you hear what I mean. I think there could be slightly longer pauses between the 4 questions on the 4th to last line. I am imagining changing visuals while the listener contemplates each question. Finally, I like what you do with “Where the past.. comes alive”, however I think “Where the past” is a little too fast. Thanks for allowing me to comment. I’m wondering if you can please comment on how or from where you pick the music pieces for background. Thanks. I like it! I look forward to hearing more of your work.
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Thanks for your feedback on this much appreciated. Good points all, since there’s no video I like to keep the pauses minimal but your right. The background music is available under copyright free music online and I usually search under the topic name, (History Channel), there are a lot of them just be careful about downloading scams and Edge Studio has a list under resources as well.
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Hello, practicing a corporate narration piece with a slightly folksy, whimsical delivery. Thanks for any feedback! Bill A.
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Hi Bill. Really good! If I notice anything it would be that the greatest tone variation/inflection comes at the halfway mark with “luckily, kids were”, where the first phrase and first idea closes, and then right toward the end, where the piece closes. Is there something about coming to the end of a phrase or section that inspires more looseness and tonal variation? It may be on purpose, as with the Silverado ad, however I really like what you do with the tonal variation and think it would enhance other parts of the read as well. Thanks for sharing.
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Hey, Daniel. Thanks for the feedback. This looked like a problem/solution structure to me, and I imagined “kids were” as the first solution in the first half. Then, in the second half, the answer was the discovery that leaders could be nurtured or “grown,” which fits into the whole theme of agriculture and progress. So, I tried to emphasize these moments with a little smile, inflection, and elongated syllables (e.g. they’re grown). Also, I figured this is part of a corporate video that would target adult leadership and investors at some kind of convention or on a website. That’s why I went with less inflection. I’ll pick a more kid-directed script next and use more inflection on that one. Again, I really appreciate the careful listen. Bill A.
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Hi Bill, nice to see you back on the “new” forum! Clinically speaking you usually don’t miss a beat in your reads and others can learn from that as far as inflections and highlighting the right words. I guess tone is the only issue, might help to liven it up and roller coaster,(more up and down in inflecting without sounding sing-song) hope that helps!
Rich Young-
Hey, Rich. I appreciate the feedback. Not sure I would just add more dramatic inflections for the sake of adding them, but I understand that this take was pretty controlled. Thanks for the warm welcome too, by the way. The Edge forum is such a special place to grow as a voice actor and geek-out with those who are studying the craft. Bill A.
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Hi there! Nice job. I like your resonance of your voice. A couple suggestions: You might want to reconsider the very first word: “You” Rather than quick-paced and high in pitch, maybe stretch the word out in a lower pitch so that it is emphasized.
At :40, it sounds like you are saying “uzz” instead of “us.”
Good luck with the audition!
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DELTA
WHEN WE’RE BORN. WE ARE MORE ALIKE THAN DIFFERENT.BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY, WE START TO BELIEVE THE MORE DISTANT WE ARE FROM EACH OTHER….THE MORE DISTANT WE ARE.
ITS NOT UNTIL WE VENTURE INTO THE WORLD THAT WE SEE ALL WE SHARE.
MAYBE THATS THE POWER OF FLIGHT.
DELTA ISN’T JUST FLYING TO BRING US TOGETHER….BUT TO SHOW, WE WERE NEVER THAT FAR PART TO BEGIN WITH
DELTA IS READY WHEN YOU ARE!-
Hi Richard, you have a solid voice but I feel like I’m being read to. The end of your first sentence is neither a statement nor a question. Again at :16 “all we share” share sounds like your not sure about it. The copy is real “heart to heart” stuff, communicate it naturally from the heart and it’ll be killer!
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Thanks Daniel for your comments. I had listened to your recording of Delta and it sounds more whimsical as mine has a more serious tone. It could work either way. Which words to highlight can be subjective there are a lot of catchphrases in this script. Be careful of the word distant it should have a different tone or inflection because it’s repeated. This is the turn in the script now their stating their solution so you could change tone to drive home your point. Hope that helps.
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Hi everyone.
This is a custom audition for corporate narration to introduce their annual research Study . The creative brief asks for a “compelling tone” and the audience is business executives. I wrote the script myself as well. Would greatly appreciate any feedback. – Vincent
Script:
The workforce has experienced an extraordinary migration, as employees across the country began working from home. As the “next normal” arrives, UNISON has studied the workplace trends that will define 2021 – and beyond. The ways of working as we have known them are gone, and in their place is a RARE opportunity to redesign the “employee experience”.-
Hi, Vincent!
I’m going to start with your slate because that’s where I get my first picture of you. I like the pace you say your name at, but I’d love to hear a T on Vincent because your last name isn’t common, so I want to know where your first name ends. 🙂 And Branchesi is a great name! (Yes, I had to google it because I wasn’t sure I understood it.) I want to hear that you love it! Your voice drops off when it should be a statement… you’ll hear what I mean if you listen back. So, your great name needs a great slate and you can rock that puppy!
The rest of this assumes you DIDN’T write the script, although I know you did. Bravo for taking that on!
I’d love to hear you give yourself some lead-ins… little tricks to give each sentence its own flavor and impact.
For example: “Wow! I’m telling’ ya,” The workforce has experienced an extraordinary migration, as employees across the country began working from home. “But you can totally relax because” As the “next normal” arrives, UNISON has studied the workplace trends that will define 2021 – and beyond. “I mean it’s an unprecedented time!” The ways of working as we have known them are gone, and in their place is a RARE opportunity to redesign the “employee experience”.
It says “next normal”, not “new normal” and that’s interesting. They’re saying, hey, the new normal’s the old normal but WE know what the NEXT normal is… because we’re just that cool. So you can hit “next” a bit more and add some cool.
Also, you said “redefine” instead of “redesign”. The thing to note about this is that “define” is a very structured word, but “design” has implicit creativity. So when they say they want to redesign the employee experience, there’s excitement there, which should absolutely be part of your read.
And finally, overall, as others noted, it’s very disjointed… but that’s an easy fix! One trick is to take the first sentence and explain what it’s saying in your own words like “We never could have imagined that ALL those people working in ALL those big buildings were – overnight – working from home, and that hundreds of thousands of those buildings would be empty FOR A YEAR!” How would that change how you read the first sentence?
I love the quality of your voice and I think with time and training and feedback you’re not far from nailing this kind of work. Thanks for posting!
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Vincent, I too like the resonance of your voice. There are times where this read sounds choppy. For example “work-force” has a break in the middle of the word. There is also a slight pause after each word in “next normal” which doesn’t seem natural.
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Vincent, You have a good resonant voice and somewhat natural or conversational delivery style. I would just work on highlighted words that either come out as un-natural sounding or staccato; beyond and next normal were two that didn’t seem to work. Nice work on this overall!
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