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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hello, practicing a corporate narration piece with a slightly folksy, whimsical delivery. Thanks for any feedback! Bill A.
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Hi Bill. Really good! If I notice anything it would be that the greatest tone variation/inflection comes at the halfway mark with “luckily, kids were”, where the first phrase and first idea closes, and then right toward the end, where the piece closes. Is there something about coming to the end of a phrase or section that inspires more looseness and tonal variation? It may be on purpose, as with the Silverado ad, however I really like what you do with the tonal variation and think it would enhance other parts of the read as well. Thanks for sharing.
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Hey, Daniel. Thanks for the feedback. This looked like a problem/solution structure to me, and I imagined “kids were” as the first solution in the first half. Then, in the second half, the answer was the discovery that leaders could be nurtured or “grown,” which fits into the whole theme of agriculture and progress. So, I tried to emphasize these moments with a little smile, inflection, and elongated syllables (e.g. they’re grown). Also, I figured this is part of a corporate video that would target adult leadership and investors at some kind of convention or on a website. That’s why I went with less inflection. I’ll pick a more kid-directed script next and use more inflection on that one. Again, I really appreciate the careful listen. Bill A.
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Hi Bill, nice to see you back on the “new” forum! Clinically speaking you usually don’t miss a beat in your reads and others can learn from that as far as inflections and highlighting the right words. I guess tone is the only issue, might help to liven it up and roller coaster,(more up and down in inflecting without sounding sing-song) hope that helps!
Rich Young-
Hey, Rich. I appreciate the feedback. Not sure I would just add more dramatic inflections for the sake of adding them, but I understand that this take was pretty controlled. Thanks for the warm welcome too, by the way. The Edge forum is such a special place to grow as a voice actor and geek-out with those who are studying the craft. Bill A.
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Hi there! Nice job. I like your resonance of your voice. A couple suggestions: You might want to reconsider the very first word: “You” Rather than quick-paced and high in pitch, maybe stretch the word out in a lower pitch so that it is emphasized.
At :40, it sounds like you are saying “uzz” instead of “us.”
Good luck with the audition!
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DELTA
WHEN WE’RE BORN. WE ARE MORE ALIKE THAN DIFFERENT.BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY, WE START TO BELIEVE THE MORE DISTANT WE ARE FROM EACH OTHER….THE MORE DISTANT WE ARE.
ITS NOT UNTIL WE VENTURE INTO THE WORLD THAT WE SEE ALL WE SHARE.
MAYBE THATS THE POWER OF FLIGHT.
DELTA ISN’T JUST FLYING TO BRING US TOGETHER….BUT TO SHOW, WE WERE NEVER THAT FAR PART TO BEGIN WITH
DELTA IS READY WHEN YOU ARE!-
Hi Richard, you have a solid voice but I feel like I’m being read to. The end of your first sentence is neither a statement nor a question. Again at :16 “all we share” share sounds like your not sure about it. The copy is real “heart to heart” stuff, communicate it naturally from the heart and it’ll be killer!
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Thanks Daniel for your comments. I had listened to your recording of Delta and it sounds more whimsical as mine has a more serious tone. It could work either way. Which words to highlight can be subjective there are a lot of catchphrases in this script. Be careful of the word distant it should have a different tone or inflection because it’s repeated. This is the turn in the script now their stating their solution so you could change tone to drive home your point. Hope that helps.
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Hi everyone.
This is a custom audition for corporate narration to introduce their annual research Study . The creative brief asks for a “compelling tone” and the audience is business executives. I wrote the script myself as well. Would greatly appreciate any feedback. – Vincent
Script:
The workforce has experienced an extraordinary migration, as employees across the country began working from home. As the “next normal” arrives, UNISON has studied the workplace trends that will define 2021 – and beyond. The ways of working as we have known them are gone, and in their place is a RARE opportunity to redesign the “employee experience”.-
Hi, Vincent!
I’m going to start with your slate because that’s where I get my first picture of you. I like the pace you say your name at, but I’d love to hear a T on Vincent because your last name isn’t common, so I want to know where your first name ends. 🙂 And Branchesi is a great name! (Yes, I had to google it because I wasn’t sure I understood it.) I want to hear that you love it! Your voice drops off when it should be a statement… you’ll hear what I mean if you listen back. So, your great name needs a great slate and you can rock that puppy!
The rest of this assumes you DIDN’T write the script, although I know you did. Bravo for taking that on!
I’d love to hear you give yourself some lead-ins… little tricks to give each sentence its own flavor and impact.
For example: “Wow! I’m telling’ ya,” The workforce has experienced an extraordinary migration, as employees across the country began working from home. “But you can totally relax because” As the “next normal” arrives, UNISON has studied the workplace trends that will define 2021 – and beyond. “I mean it’s an unprecedented time!” The ways of working as we have known them are gone, and in their place is a RARE opportunity to redesign the “employee experience”.
It says “next normal”, not “new normal” and that’s interesting. They’re saying, hey, the new normal’s the old normal but WE know what the NEXT normal is… because we’re just that cool. So you can hit “next” a bit more and add some cool.
Also, you said “redefine” instead of “redesign”. The thing to note about this is that “define” is a very structured word, but “design” has implicit creativity. So when they say they want to redesign the employee experience, there’s excitement there, which should absolutely be part of your read.
And finally, overall, as others noted, it’s very disjointed… but that’s an easy fix! One trick is to take the first sentence and explain what it’s saying in your own words like “We never could have imagined that ALL those people working in ALL those big buildings were – overnight – working from home, and that hundreds of thousands of those buildings would be empty FOR A YEAR!” How would that change how you read the first sentence?
I love the quality of your voice and I think with time and training and feedback you’re not far from nailing this kind of work. Thanks for posting!
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Vincent, I too like the resonance of your voice. There are times where this read sounds choppy. For example “work-force” has a break in the middle of the word. There is also a slight pause after each word in “next normal” which doesn’t seem natural.
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Vincent, You have a good resonant voice and somewhat natural or conversational delivery style. I would just work on highlighted words that either come out as un-natural sounding or staccato; beyond and next normal were two that didn’t seem to work. Nice work on this overall!
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Radio spot for Delta Airlines… Any and all feedback appreciated. Thank you!
DELTA
WHEN WE’RE BORN. WE ARE MORE ALIKE THAN DIFFERENT.
BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY, WE START TO BELIEVE THE MORE DISTANT WE ARE FROM EACH OTHER….THE MORE DISTANT WE ARE.
ITS NOT UNTIL WE VENTURE INTO THE WORLD THAT WE SEE ALL WE SHARE.
MAYBE THATS THE POWER OF FLIGHT.
DELTA ISN’T JUST FLYING TO BRING US TOGETHER….BUT TO SHOW, WE WERE NEVER THAT FAR APART TO BEGIN WITH.-
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I enjoyed this as well. The tone and pace I felt was very controlled. Thank you for sharing. – Vincent
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Daniel, really enjoyed this performance. The folksy style is a good choice for a script about human connection, though I think this read would appeal to a more middle-class demographic. A more sophisticated/reserved read would connect with those who have the means to travel worldwide. One line you could deliver differently in this version would be “Maybe that’s the power of flight” and especially “maybe.” I enjoy your work. Bill A.
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Thanks Bill! Appreciate it. I love how you are able to hear and put a name on the style – folksy. You’re right on. Thank you! Although I could hear the style of inflection I was delivering, honestly, I wasn’t fully aware what I was doing was a folksy style. It’s really helpful for me to be able to identify it like that, so I can go back to it if I want to, or… avoid it, if I want something different. With your feedback I’m going to go back and try to record it with a more sophisticated/reserved read and see what I get. And if you have time, I would love to hear how you think the “maybe” would be best read. 🙂 Thanks tons! – Daniel
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Hey, Daniel.
Here’s my attempt at the more “sophisticated” sound I tried to describe in the previous post. Perhaps a bit too sleepy, LOL. A much narrower inflection range and a closer, in-your-ear distance are two techniques I use to appeal to this demographic. The pauses give some space for the visuals. What do you think?
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Trying a read for children, let me know what you think. Thanks in advance!
Children’s Educational Space Game:
Today we’re going to explore all of the planets in our solar system and some other places as well. We’ll travel into the future when astronauts live throughout the solar system. On each world we’ll see what the weather is like, what we would wear, and what we would do to have fun! Grab your oxygen, put on your seatbelt, and let’s blast off!-
I like the enthusiasm in this read for children. Nice job, John. See my comment about editing breaths in your next submission. Bill A.
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Hi Bill- Thanks for your feedback, I can hear it that way as well. I did silence and cut those areas, could it also be that the timing was cut too short?
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Another submission, looking for feedback on pace and tone. Thank you in advance!
Decoding N**i Secrets
By mid-1940, the German Army had conquered all of western Europe. H****r was tightening the noose around Britain. In the Atlantic, German U-boats were decimating Allied convoys, threatening to cut off Britain’s only lifeline. But Churchill had a secret weapon, the strangest military establishment in the world. Crossword fanatics, chess champions, mathematicians, students and professors, Americans and British, all came here with one common aim: to unlock the secrets of the Enigma, a machine that concealed Germany’s war plans in seemingly unbreakable code. If Enigma could be penetrated, everything H****r plotted would be known in advance. At Bletchley Park, there unfolded one of the most astonishing exploits of the Second World War.-
I think this is a good documentary-style delivery. It would sound more natural and authentic though with the breaths, or at least the space for breaths, left in. By taking them all out and not replacing them with room tone, you’ve made this sound rather robotic, like it’s a synthesized voice. Why not just bring the volume of the breaths down with your editing software, if you are concerned about them distracting the listener. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.
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Edit for correct script:
By mid-1940, the German Army had conquered all of western Europe and H****r began to tighten the noose around Britain. In the Atlantic, German U-boats were decimating Allied convoys, threatening to cut off Britain’s only lifeline. But Churchill had an unusual secret weapon: crossword fanatics, chess champions, mathematicians, students and professors, Americans and British. They were recruited with one common aim: to unlock the secrets of Enigma, a machine that concealed Germany’s war plans in a seemingly unbreakable code. If Enigma could be penetrated, everything H****r plotted could be known in advance. At Bletchley Park, there unfolded one of the most astonishing exploits of the Second World War.
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Hello, hope everyone is well! Looking for feedback on my pace and tone as well as the style of read for this script. Thanks in advance!
Cosmos
Welcome to the planet earth. A place of blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, soft meadows; A world positively rippling with life. From the cosmic perspective, it is, for the moment, unique. The only world on which we know with certainty that the matter of the cosmos has become alive, and aware. There must be many such worlds scattered through space, but our search for them begins here, with the accumulated wisdom of the men and women of our species, acquired at great cost, over a million years. -
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Just practicing this script as a potential for my demo. Let me know any tips/feedback. Thank you guys!
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Hello,
My Narration homework, first time recording with microphone system and posting, please comment. Thanks.-
Tmyers
My biggest critique is with your mic set up location. I was distracted by your background noise a lot during your read. My advice would be to find a isolated room in your place, put up some moving blankets as a start to create a better controlled sound space eliminating as much reverberation as possible. A really great mic can pick up any distracting sound in the background if the room you are recording in is not sound treated well. Think of your practice as a dress rehearsal for your client.
Sam
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