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  • #62647
    JohnFinn
    Participant

    Another submission, looking for feedback on pace and tone. Thank you in advance!

    Decoding N**i Secrets
    By mid-1940, the German Army had conquered all of western Europe. H****r was tightening the noose around Britain. In the Atlantic, German U-boats were decimating Allied convoys, threatening to cut off Britain’s only lifeline. But Churchill had a secret weapon, the strangest military establishment in the world. Crossword fanatics, chess champions, mathematicians, students and professors, Americans and British, all came here with one common aim: to unlock the secrets of the Enigma, a machine that concealed Germany’s war plans in seemingly unbreakable code. If Enigma could be penetrated, everything H****r plotted would be known in advance. At Bletchley Park, there unfolded one of the most astonishing exploits of the Second World War.

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    • #62652
      Bill Anciaux
      Participant

      I think this is a good documentary-style delivery. It would sound more natural and authentic though with the breaths, or at least the space for breaths, left in. By taking them all out and not replacing them with room tone, you’ve made this sound rather robotic, like it’s a synthesized voice. Why not just bring the volume of the breaths down with your editing software, if you are concerned about them distracting the listener. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.

      • #62677
        SamuelWilliamsVO
        Participant

        I completely agree Bill. This will help better the pacing of the read and it would sound more natural.

    • #62651
      JohnFinn
      Participant

      Edit for correct script:

      By mid-1940, the German Army had conquered all of western Europe and H****r began to tighten the noose around Britain. In the Atlantic, German U-boats were decimating Allied convoys, threatening to cut off Britain’s only lifeline. But Churchill had an unusual secret weapon: crossword fanatics, chess champions, mathematicians, students and professors, Americans and British. They were recruited with one common aim: to unlock the secrets of Enigma, a machine that concealed Germany’s war plans in a seemingly unbreakable code. If Enigma could be penetrated, everything H****r plotted could be known in advance. At Bletchley Park, there unfolded one of the most astonishing exploits of the Second World War.

  • #62645
    JohnFinn
    Participant

    Hello, hope everyone is well! Looking for feedback on my pace and tone as well as the style of read for this script. Thanks in advance!

    Cosmos
    Welcome to the planet earth. A place of blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, soft meadows; A world positively rippling with life. From the cosmic perspective, it is, for the moment, unique. The only world on which we know with certainty that the matter of the cosmos has become alive, and aware. There must be many such worlds scattered through space, but our search for them begins here, with the accumulated wisdom of the men and women of our species, acquired at great cost, over a million years.

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    • #62983
      Barb
      Participant

      Hey John, Overall I think your intonations are on.

      What I’d work on is pacing. Give each line more room to breathe. Truly feel what you’re describing, see it in your mind’s eye.Really give the punctuation its due.

      Keep on this! You’ve got it!

  • #62642
    JasonCawley
    Participant

    Just practicing this script as a potential for my demo. Let me know any tips/feedback. Thank you guys!

    —-

    Beginner paddle boarders should choose a wider, longer and thicker board. This will offer the greatest stability to learn the paddle board basics on a flat body of water. As you gain experience, you can progress to a smaller paddle board. The most common board shape for beginners is an All-Around paddle board. However, there are a few different types and shapes of paddle boards to consider.

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    • #62653
      Bill Anciaux
      Participant

      This is a good take but you seem focused on the script and not messing up rather than on connecting to your audience. Who are you and to whom are you speaking? Keep these in mind and I think you’ll deliver a more connected-sounding performance. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.

  • #62639
    Tmyers
    Participant

    Hello,
    My Narration homework, first time recording with microphone system and posting, please comment. Thanks.

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    • #62676
      SamuelWilliamsVO
      Participant

      Tmyers

      My biggest critique is with your mic set up location. I was distracted by your background noise a lot during your read. My advice would be to find a isolated room in your place, put up some moving blankets as a start to create a better controlled sound space eliminating as much reverberation as possible. A really great mic can pick up any distracting sound in the background if the room you are recording in is not sound treated well. Think of your practice as a dress rehearsal for your client.

      Sam

  • #62637
    SamuelWilliamsVO
    Participant

    Script

    A smile or a tear has no nationality; joy and sorrow speak alike to all nations, and they, above all the confusion of tongues, proclaim the brotherhood of man. Frederick Douglass.

    Just experimenting with bringing historical voices back to life. Maybe something you would hear on a tv documentary series.

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    • #62654
      Bill Anciaux
      Participant

      I agree with Jason. Your voice matches the power of these words really well. One small critique: I would rather you didn’t separate the word “brotherhood” from the phrase “of man” like you did in this take. Carry the “d” sound over to the next word (“of”) so you say what sounds like “dove man.” It would sound more natural this way. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.

      • #62673
        SamuelWilliamsVO
        Participant

        I appreciate your feedback Bill on pacing between words.

    • #62641
      JasonCawley
      Participant

      Very powerful read here Samuel. I don’t have anything to say to help further the progress of this one. The pacing was great, the variance and delivery all hit the mark. Strong work.

  • #62632
    GJS
    Participant

    Hello All! This is narration homework . . . 3 Edge Scripts, different tones:
    1). The Wonder Years (A warm, friendly, nostalgic story telling tone)
    1968. I was 12 years old. A lot happened that year. There’s no pretty way to put this, I grew up in the suburbs. I guess most people think of the suburb as a place with all the disadvantages of the city, and none of the advantages of the country. And vice versa. But, in a way, those really were the wonder years for us. It was kind of a golden age for kids.
    2). Recycling (A succinct PSA with a fun tone)
    I don’t know about you, but I like our planet a lot! And one of the easiest ways we can help protect the Earth is by recycling. That’s where instead of throwing things like plastic in the trash, you put them in a special bin so they go to a kind of factory to be reused. You’ve probably recycled things like plastic bottles before. There might even be a recycling bin in the room you’re in right now! Recycling is important because it helps keep the Earth clean, especially from trash made of plastic.
    3). Aetna-US Healthcare (Flat, straight forward “healthcare” read)
    No matter where we live–when it comes to something as important as health care–we all want the best. That’s why AETNA and US HEALTHCARE have joined forces to create a partnership that will set a new standard for quality and caring. AETNA and US HEALTHCARE. Raising a standard for your town, for your family, and for you.

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  • #62627
    dkosoy
    Participant

    Hi. Trying a different type of commercial – seems to be an ad for a local video rental outlet? Lol. Must be from a quite a few years ago!! 🙂 I think I’m going to benefit from feedback on this one! Thanks!

    Daniel

    Movie Gallery
    Have you ever noticed what happens when you put in a movie? It’s amazing. You just stick it in, sit back, hit play and… gone. The rest of the world just disappears… At Movie Gallery, we have thousands of great movies. And every one of them is guaranteed to have that same magical power.

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    • #62629
      Bill Anciaux
      Participant

      Hey, Daniel. The key word in this one is “magic” and how easy it is to perform this simple trick to make your everyday problems disappear. You deliver with a tongue-in-cheek tone, especially when listing the steps to perform the trick: “stick it in, sit back…” and in the closing line where you guarantee the “magical power” with a slightly ho-hum tone. Now this flippant attitude is probably appropriate because it’s a rather ridiculous claim. BUT, I think the irony/humor might come across even more if you played this with sincerity, like a magician performing for a group of children and saying these words as he performs the trick. Imagine how that context would change your delivery? Silly? Of course, but we all want to believe in this magic, so speak to our romantic, childlike selves and let the logical self be d****d…for now. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.

      • #62657
        dkosoy
        Participant

        Thanks Bill! Appreciate this.

  • #62623
    CYeschenko
    Participant

    Almost finished with my vocal booth build, so I’ll have more time for posting on here with continued practice and exploration of different copy! All comments are appreciated, especially those focused on performance and delivery. Thanks!

    Cosmos

    Welcome to the planet earth. A place of blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, soft meadows; A world positively rippling with life. From the cosmic perspective, it is, for the moment, unique. The only world on which we know with certainty that the matter of the cosmos has become alive, and aware. There must be many such worlds scattered through space, but our search for them begins here, with the accumulated wisdom of the men and women of our species, acquired at great cost, over a million years.

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  • #62606
    katelyndawnvo
    Participant

    I auditioned for 3 jobs today – man I gotta figure out a way to reduce the amount of time I take per audition – any tips?
    These are for 3 different jobs.

    1) Young student enthusiastic and passionate about the topic for eLearning
    2) Didn’t give direction but I thought based on the script they were going for storytelling and heartwarming for a corporate video
    3) Didn’t give direction but based on the script I had some fun, and gave 2 versions – internal video

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    • #63312
      DenaDahilig
      Participant

      I love the natural joy in your voice… that quality and your “I don’t take myself too seriously” deliveries will take you far, far, far!

      In narration reads like the 3rd one, the casualness can work against you on words like “climate” which can sound like cli-md or “grade” instead of “great” and even “prohibided” instead of… well, you get it. Who are your listeners? Perhaps English isn’t their first language, so articulation (in the midst of a casual read) becomes super important.

      I also want to give you some feedback on your slate (and I’m saying this with love, love, love!!). You have a great name but you say it as if you were saying “Well, pits.” Katelyn, Dawn. If you sounded like you enjoyed your name and infused it with that natural friendliness you’d have a killer slate.

      I love that you posted three auditions! If you wouldn’t mind, next time could you type out the scripts and post the recordings separately? That would really help you get better, more specific feedback. Thanks for posting!

      Dena

    • #62734
      Skinnydog351
      Participant

      Hi Katelyn,

      You have such a great natural read. Try to work on more diversity in your delivery. I didn’t hear much difference in tone or emotion between the samples. You sound young and naturally positive and happy You’ve got that nailed! So try to take your voice into areas of gravitas, empathy or even fear, as an actor would. You have tons of natural skill, explore it!!

  • #62598
    bvalashi
    Participant

    Hello! Please let me know what you think! I’m definitely trying to keep it friendly without making this sound too much like pitch for “why you should visit these theaters”. Thanks!

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    • #62610
      katelyndawnvo
      Participant

      Nice professional and welcoming tone to your voice for this read 🙂

    • #62602
      Bill Anciaux
      Participant

      You come across as a friendly supervisor, training new staff on the company mission. It doesn’t come across as salesy to me. I wouldn’t have hit the work “or” so hard, but otherwise liked your controlled inflections. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.

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