Feedback Forum

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  • #15468
    David Goldberg
    Edge Studio Staff

    Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

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  • #62642
    JasonCawley
    Participant

    Just practicing this script as a potential for my demo. Let me know any tips/feedback. Thank you guys!

    —-

    Beginner paddle boarders should choose a wider, longer and thicker board. This will offer the greatest stability to learn the paddle board basics on a flat body of water. As you gain experience, you can progress to a smaller paddle board. The most common board shape for beginners is an All-Around paddle board. However, there are a few different types and shapes of paddle boards to consider.

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    • #62653
      Bill Anciaux
      Participant

      This is a good take but you seem focused on the script and not messing up rather than on connecting to your audience. Who are you and to whom are you speaking? Keep these in mind and I think you’ll deliver a more connected-sounding performance. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.

  • #62639
    Tmyers
    Participant

    Hello,
    My Narration homework, first time recording with microphone system and posting, please comment. Thanks.

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    • #62676
      SamuelWilliamsVO
      Participant

      Tmyers

      My biggest critique is with your mic set up location. I was distracted by your background noise a lot during your read. My advice would be to find a isolated room in your place, put up some moving blankets as a start to create a better controlled sound space eliminating as much reverberation as possible. A really great mic can pick up any distracting sound in the background if the room you are recording in is not sound treated well. Think of your practice as a dress rehearsal for your client.

      Sam

  • #62637
    SamuelWilliamsVO
    Participant

    Script

    A smile or a tear has no nationality; joy and sorrow speak alike to all nations, and they, above all the confusion of tongues, proclaim the brotherhood of man. Frederick Douglass.

    Just experimenting with bringing historical voices back to life. Maybe something you would hear on a tv documentary series.

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    • #62654
      Bill Anciaux
      Participant

      I agree with Jason. Your voice matches the power of these words really well. One small critique: I would rather you didn’t separate the word “brotherhood” from the phrase “of man” like you did in this take. Carry the “d” sound over to the next word (“of”) so you say what sounds like “dove man.” It would sound more natural this way. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.

      • #62673
        SamuelWilliamsVO
        Participant

        I appreciate your feedback Bill on pacing between words.

    • #62641
      JasonCawley
      Participant

      Very powerful read here Samuel. I don’t have anything to say to help further the progress of this one. The pacing was great, the variance and delivery all hit the mark. Strong work.

  • #62632
    GJS
    Participant

    Hello All! This is narration homework . . . 3 Edge Scripts, different tones:
    1). The Wonder Years (A warm, friendly, nostalgic story telling tone)
    1968. I was 12 years old. A lot happened that year. There’s no pretty way to put this, I grew up in the suburbs. I guess most people think of the suburb as a place with all the disadvantages of the city, and none of the advantages of the country. And vice versa. But, in a way, those really were the wonder years for us. It was kind of a golden age for kids.
    2). Recycling (A succinct PSA with a fun tone)
    I don’t know about you, but I like our planet a lot! And one of the easiest ways we can help protect the Earth is by recycling. That’s where instead of throwing things like plastic in the trash, you put them in a special bin so they go to a kind of factory to be reused. You’ve probably recycled things like plastic bottles before. There might even be a recycling bin in the room you’re in right now! Recycling is important because it helps keep the Earth clean, especially from trash made of plastic.
    3). Aetna-US Healthcare (Flat, straight forward “healthcare” read)
    No matter where we live–when it comes to something as important as health care–we all want the best. That’s why AETNA and US HEALTHCARE have joined forces to create a partnership that will set a new standard for quality and caring. AETNA and US HEALTHCARE. Raising a standard for your town, for your family, and for you.

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  • #62627
    dkosoy
    Participant

    Hi. Trying a different type of commercial – seems to be an ad for a local video rental outlet? Lol. Must be from a quite a few years ago!! 🙂 I think I’m going to benefit from feedback on this one! Thanks!

    Daniel

    Movie Gallery
    Have you ever noticed what happens when you put in a movie? It’s amazing. You just stick it in, sit back, hit play and… gone. The rest of the world just disappears… At Movie Gallery, we have thousands of great movies. And every one of them is guaranteed to have that same magical power.

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    • #62629
      Bill Anciaux
      Participant

      Hey, Daniel. The key word in this one is “magic” and how easy it is to perform this simple trick to make your everyday problems disappear. You deliver with a tongue-in-cheek tone, especially when listing the steps to perform the trick: “stick it in, sit back…” and in the closing line where you guarantee the “magical power” with a slightly ho-hum tone. Now this flippant attitude is probably appropriate because it’s a rather ridiculous claim. BUT, I think the irony/humor might come across even more if you played this with sincerity, like a magician performing for a group of children and saying these words as he performs the trick. Imagine how that context would change your delivery? Silly? Of course, but we all want to believe in this magic, so speak to our romantic, childlike selves and let the logical self be d****d…for now. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.

      • #62657
        dkosoy
        Participant

        Thanks Bill! Appreciate this.

  • #62623
    CYeschenko
    Participant

    Almost finished with my vocal booth build, so I’ll have more time for posting on here with continued practice and exploration of different copy! All comments are appreciated, especially those focused on performance and delivery. Thanks!

    Cosmos

    Welcome to the planet earth. A place of blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, soft meadows; A world positively rippling with life. From the cosmic perspective, it is, for the moment, unique. The only world on which we know with certainty that the matter of the cosmos has become alive, and aware. There must be many such worlds scattered through space, but our search for them begins here, with the accumulated wisdom of the men and women of our species, acquired at great cost, over a million years.

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  • #62606
    katelyndawnvo
    Participant

    I auditioned for 3 jobs today – man I gotta figure out a way to reduce the amount of time I take per audition – any tips?
    These are for 3 different jobs.

    1) Young student enthusiastic and passionate about the topic for eLearning
    2) Didn’t give direction but I thought based on the script they were going for storytelling and heartwarming for a corporate video
    3) Didn’t give direction but based on the script I had some fun, and gave 2 versions – internal video

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    • #63312
      DenaDahilig
      Participant

      I love the natural joy in your voice… that quality and your “I don’t take myself too seriously” deliveries will take you far, far, far!

      In narration reads like the 3rd one, the casualness can work against you on words like “climate” which can sound like cli-md or “grade” instead of “great” and even “prohibided” instead of… well, you get it. Who are your listeners? Perhaps English isn’t their first language, so articulation (in the midst of a casual read) becomes super important.

      I also want to give you some feedback on your slate (and I’m saying this with love, love, love!!). You have a great name but you say it as if you were saying “Well, pits.” Katelyn, Dawn. If you sounded like you enjoyed your name and infused it with that natural friendliness you’d have a killer slate.

      I love that you posted three auditions! If you wouldn’t mind, next time could you type out the scripts and post the recordings separately? That would really help you get better, more specific feedback. Thanks for posting!

      Dena

    • #62734
      Skinnydog351
      Participant

      Hi Katelyn,

      You have such a great natural read. Try to work on more diversity in your delivery. I didn’t hear much difference in tone or emotion between the samples. You sound young and naturally positive and happy You’ve got that nailed! So try to take your voice into areas of gravitas, empathy or even fear, as an actor would. You have tons of natural skill, explore it!!

  • #62598
    bvalashi
    Participant

    Hello! Please let me know what you think! I’m definitely trying to keep it friendly without making this sound too much like pitch for “why you should visit these theaters”. Thanks!

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    • #62610
      katelyndawnvo
      Participant

      Nice professional and welcoming tone to your voice for this read 🙂

    • #62602
      Bill Anciaux
      Participant

      You come across as a friendly supervisor, training new staff on the company mission. It doesn’t come across as salesy to me. I wouldn’t have hit the work “or” so hard, but otherwise liked your controlled inflections. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.

  • #62585
    dkosoy
    Participant

    Hi. This time… a travel commercial for Sandals. Feedback appreciated. Thank you!

    Daniel

    Sandals
    Somewhere in the Caribbean, there are 5-star luxury resorts where it’s all-inclusive, all the time. Sandals, where love is all you need. Because everything else is included. Call 1-800-Sandals.

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    • #62626
      dkosoy
      Participant

      Thanks all for the feedback! 🙂

    • #62611
      katelyndawnvo
      Participant

      Really nice work on this! It felt luxurious and tantilizing. I want to go lol but cant 🙁

    • #62601
      Bill Anciaux
      Participant

      You had me at Caribbean. Seriously, I like the way you delivered the opening phrase, kind of documentary-like to my ears. Made the reveal of Sandals stand out too. The playfulness in the second half is in keeping with the venue and the activities one might engage in there. Nice work!

    • #62593
      bvalashi
      Participant

      Hi Daniel,

      I really like the feeling you’re giving off with this. I can easily see a relaxing day at the beach based on your tone and pace. I really liked the way you said “where love…”. It brought another element to the second half of this that really made it work. Nice job!

      • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by bvalashi.
  • #62568
    mkell755
    Participant

    Hi everyone! I re-did this one from a few days ago, hopefully improving this time. I put the old one in there also, which is longer and has a lead-in. Notes were to speed it up, work on the uptalk and improve on the pauses and word emphasis choices. Let me know if it sounds improved to you, or not. Be picky!! Thanks as always for listening and offering feedback!! It is very helpful.

    Mary

    Domino’s Pesto Crust

    Only from Domino’s, new pesto crust pizza. Sweet basil, parsley and garlic, baked right into the dough. Then sprinkled with romano cheese all around the crust. Call and get a large, one topping, just 9.99. Get the door…it’s Dominos.

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    • #62605
      Bill Anciaux
      Participant

      Mary, I agree that some phrase and sentences are great – warm and evocative: “baked right into the dough.” I found your delivery of the three ingredients not so effective. Love those words too. The falling intonation on sweet basil in the first take and the basil, parsley, and garlic in the second take didn’t excite me about the pizza. I would slow down and let us savor each descriptive phrase. It’s not fine dining but I would pretend it is. Good recording quality. Thanks, Bill A.

      • #62851
        mkell755
        Participant

        Hi Bill, thanks for the feedback! Good tip on slowing down to savor those ingredients, which I really do like! Thanks for listening!

        Mary

    • #62583
      dkosoy
      Participant

      Hi Mary. This is a big improvement! The energy level and variation in tone displayed at “right into the dough” is great. The “Dominos” is way better too. You could probably use even more tone variation in other parts of the segment. On the recording, listening very carefully, there’s an unwanted click at the very beginning, something again between “with” and “Romano”, and again just at the start of the “a” at “get a large”. Not sure whether it’s mouth noises or background interference. Finally, I think there should be a small pause between “large” and “one topping”. Hope this helps.

      • #62850
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback DKosoy! I’m glad it sounds improved. Yes, I am working to get rid of unwanted background noises, new setup is going to get dialed in, in the next few days (new equipment)! I think I took out the pause between large and one topping in an attempt to speed things up. Thanks for listening and the tips!

        Mary

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