Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi. This time… a travel commercial for Sandals. Feedback appreciated. Thank you!
Daniel
Sandals
Somewhere in the Caribbean, there are 5-star luxury resorts where it’s all-inclusive, all the time. Sandals, where love is all you need. Because everything else is included. Call 1-800-Sandals.-
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Hi Daniel,
I really like the feeling you’re giving off with this. I can easily see a relaxing day at the beach based on your tone and pace. I really liked the way you said “where love…”. It brought another element to the second half of this that really made it work. Nice job!
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Hi everyone! I re-did this one from a few days ago, hopefully improving this time. I put the old one in there also, which is longer and has a lead-in. Notes were to speed it up, work on the uptalk and improve on the pauses and word emphasis choices. Let me know if it sounds improved to you, or not. Be picky!! Thanks as always for listening and offering feedback!! It is very helpful.
Mary
Domino’s Pesto Crust
Only from Domino’s, new pesto crust pizza. Sweet basil, parsley and garlic, baked right into the dough. Then sprinkled with romano cheese all around the crust. Call and get a large, one topping, just 9.99. Get the door…it’s Dominos.
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Mary, I agree that some phrase and sentences are great – warm and evocative: “baked right into the dough.” I found your delivery of the three ingredients not so effective. Love those words too. The falling intonation on sweet basil in the first take and the basil, parsley, and garlic in the second take didn’t excite me about the pizza. I would slow down and let us savor each descriptive phrase. It’s not fine dining but I would pretend it is. Good recording quality. Thanks, Bill A.
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Hi Mary. This is a big improvement! The energy level and variation in tone displayed at “right into the dough” is great. The “Dominos” is way better too. You could probably use even more tone variation in other parts of the segment. On the recording, listening very carefully, there’s an unwanted click at the very beginning, something again between “with” and “Romano”, and again just at the start of the “a” at “get a large”. Not sure whether it’s mouth noises or background interference. Finally, I think there should be a small pause between “large” and “one topping”. Hope this helps.
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Thanks for the feedback DKosoy! I’m glad it sounds improved. Yes, I am working to get rid of unwanted background noises, new setup is going to get dialed in, in the next few days (new equipment)! I think I took out the pause between large and one topping in an attempt to speed things up. Thanks for listening and the tips!
Mary
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Thought I would share some practice work. I listened to the actual Silverado commercial and tried to deliver a similar performance. Going for the tough attitude without making it too overblown. My early attempts sounded more like imaging for a rock radio station. Perhaps I should have bought a Silverado myself, because I’ve gotten stuck three times in the past week in my F150 4×4. The snow here in WI is crazy deep this winter. Oh, I added some music and processing to the second clip for a more finished sound. Thanks for any feedback. Bill A.
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Hey, Bill! So, my brain just exploded, and now I’ll try to explain why. When I listened to your dry take everything up to the very last line sounded like one note – minimal inflection as dkosoy mentioned – and I had a difficult time following the text. And I listened to it five times. Five. And then I listened to it with music… and it all made perfect sense. And THAT I cannot explain. So what you have here is an expert case study. I’ve been taught for YEARS that you don’t have to over-inflect when there are visuals (especially in this kind of commercial), and I do that, but I’ve never really heard them side-by-side. The rhythm breaks the text up somehow enough to give it context. So… bravo for that! The only feedback I have is that I’d love to hear the “d”s in “advanced” and “and larger”. Thanks for posting!
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Hi Bill. This is really excellent! It’s hard to find things to comment on. If I’m searching for something, I’d say you use more vocal inflection in the final “The only truck that can compare…” than you do in the first ¾ of the script. That inflection in the punchline really conveys the message well. I do like the steadiness of the first part, however I think you could insert some of that emotion in a couple key spots earlier in the ad and I suspect it would work great. The audio track background is great and it definitely has a authentic finished sound. Looking forward to hearing more of your work!
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Hi all!
I have recently built my newest DIY soundbooth, and recorded two quick commercial reads and was hoping to get any and all critique and feedback! The reads were in my “normal everyday’ style voice, well at least an attempt at that lol. This is my first time using a condenser mic and a pre-amp as well, so if the audio quality is bad and it might be because I didn’t set the hardware up correctly, please let me know! 🙂
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Hi CptAmerica757! I like both reads and how you varied it up for each of them. I’m not fully setup to give feedback on recording quality, but the tone and pacing and clarity of the reads were very good and your voice is good for both genres. I feel like the second read for “We All Belong” sounded more authentic for you. Good job!
Mary
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Hey mkell755,
Thank you so much for your feedback! Sometimes i find myself over-thinking is my pacing too fast or slow/does it flow consistently, is the tone communicating the message of the script, and most importantly can all of my words be heard and understood lol. So seeing that note alleviated a lot of that anxiety!
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Hi there! Just a couple of practice reads for narration. The one I have posted before for the women’s documentary going on my demo and the second is for an internet video! Thought I would post the 2 different types of reads.
The women’s doc is straightforward, factual
The internet one is hopefully friendly upbeat and conversational -
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Hello all,
Working on a guided meditation bit to add to my demo. Let me know what you think. (I’m not worried about the background clacks/noises)
Thanks!
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Find a quiet place in which to take a comfortable seat
Sit up tall and close your eyes
Breathe patiently and fully, yet gently and quietly
In and out through your noseGive yourself permission to do nothing
Give yourself permission to embrace this moment of stillness
There’s nothing at all that needs to be done
Other than staying here, relatively still, watching the breath—
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Hi Jason, good work! I liked the phrasing for all of the lines except for “…moment of stillness” and “…needs to be done”. The rest of the lines ended in a lower tone, but those two not as much (they kindof lilted up at the ends); just felt like all of the lines / commands should end with a downward tone to keep the relaxed vibe of the entire script. Good work on this one!
Mary
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Hello everyone! I hope February is kind to you.
Here are a few narration homework scripts for review and feedback. I very much appreciate the help!
All the best,
John
Door County Fish Boil
Even people who don’t like fish, have been known to like this fish. That’s why a fish boil is a must-do experience when you visit Door County. It all starts with a blazing bonfire under a kettle of salted water. People circle around to warm themselves and take in the crisp smell. When the temperature is just right and the crackle of the fire is just loud enough, the boil master adds a basket of potatoes and onions to the kettle. A few crackles later, the mild whitefish steaks, fresh from Lake Michigan, are delicately lowered in. At just the right moment, kerosene is tossed into the fire, exciting the blaze and causing the water to boil over, dramatically carrying off the fish oil that has collected on top. The fish are pulled out and greeted with a generous drizzling of butter. Ladies and gentlemen, dinner is served.AETNA
No matter where we live–when it comes to something as important as health care–we all want the best. That’s why AETNA and US HEALTHCARE have joined forces to create a partnership that will set a new standard for quality and caring. AETNA and US HEALTHCARE. Raising a standard for your town, for your family, and for you.Advance Technology Inc.
Welcome to Advance Technology Incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.-
Hey, John. Your performance on the Aetna piece is my favorite. You inflection/intonation are more subtle (with the exception of “That’s why Aetna and”) and don’t distract me from the script. The fish boil imagery is quite good too. I think you are much too enthusiastic on the Advanced Technology piece and would suggest a tone closer to the Aetna piece would work better. It’s okay to be less perfect with your articulation too; at times it sounds a little too polished and loses some authenticity. Nice work. Bill A.
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Hi all,
Just practicing for my commercial demo record next week – I’m trying to focus on sounding casual and friendly while still keeping some youthful professionalism and being specific with my choices. I definitely got tripped up on a few words in this read (which i just pulled from the script library), but would love any and all feedback, thank you!!
WeeLearn
Most of us know there are ways we can improve… to be healthier… happier… more effective… but knowing how to improve is a different matter. Without guidance, we often simply stay the same.
Welcome to Weelearn – a platform where well-known experts and authors can help you get stronger in all areas of your life. Using the Weelearn video library, you can protect your body, strengthen your mind and spirit, become a more positive influence in your relationships, pursue success more confidently at work, and so much more.
Our experts are taken from fields of hard science, like psychology, but also areas of broader wisdom, like spirituality. And with videos broken up into digestible parts, and supplemented by exercises and games, the next step to your best self is truly only a few clicks away.
Don’t be stuck in life, love, work – or anything! Try Weelearn for yourself today.
Weelearn – learning through watching.-
Hey there! Nice read! I think the only part that stood out to me was near the end:
“. And with videos broken up into digestible parts, and supplemented by exercises and games, the next step to your best self is truly only a few clicks away.” I think this sentence was a little bit fast, if you could give these concepts a little more attention “videos broken up into digestible parts” ironically I felt I needed a little time to digest those words in my brain lol
Don’t be stuck in life, love, work – or anything!
And I think this list was read a little fast as well, remember to give each item of the list a slightly different feel.Other than that I thought this was great! 🙂
Katelyn
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Hey, wow! That was a read with no cuts or edits, am I right? That was amazing for a full-take! You sound very clear, articulate, and easy to understand. I saw that you were working on casual/friendly. You chose a great script for this purpose. I think you could go in a more friendly/smiley for this read in particular. I think if the person you are talking to is looking for guidance in trying to improve something about their health and mental well-being, they are also probably a little apprehensive. So if putting on a fake smile feels, well, fake, maybe a smile of reassurance–“I’ve been in your shoes, it’s going to be ok” might be a different way to find that casual/friendly character. It was great to hear you!!
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Hi Everyone! I’m brand new here and starting to build towards a Commercial demo reel. I’m looking forward to seeing all the ways in which I can improve. Thanks!
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I really liked this read! Especially the little chuckle you gave before you said “indulgent” – it went a long way to make you feel authentic and casual. My one piece of feedback would be I think you could shorten your pauses between sentences and after commas just a tiny bit and it would help the flow of the whole piece.
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I really love your voice/accent and delivery but I honestly couldn’t really focus on your beautiful performance because of your overuse of a noise gate. You can’t mask ambient noise with a noise gate, you need to treat the area to properly with sound-absorbing panels or an isolation booth. So I wouldn’t worry about trying to mask the noise in your recordings here because it is a place for practice. Take time to properly treat your space for noise so when you are recording at a professional level you don’t need the noise gate anyways.
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I think you come across as friendly, neighborly, conversational; however, you emphasize the product name too much at the beginning. Ease up on “Ivory” in that line and you’ve got it. Nitpick: your performance ends at :20 but the file continues playing until 2:46. Be sure to delete the extra silence before submitting. Thanks for sharing. Love the accent, by the way. Bill A.
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