Feedback Forum
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August 7, 2020 at 9:27 am #15468
David Goldberg
Edge Studio StaffHi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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This topic was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by
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January 20, 2021 at 3:08 pm #61641
katelyndawnvo
ParticipantHi there! Here is an audition I submitted! It is supposed to be for a promotional tourism video. My first try was more upbeat and family-oriented (they said to picture white sandy beaches, couples holding hands and families) and the second is more subdued for a luxurious video. I wasn’t sure which they were going for. Thanks for any feedback! 🙂
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January 24, 2021 at 8:59 pm #61805
katelyndawnvo
ParticipantWow you guys!! I was away from the forum for a few days and you left me so much feedback! Thank you guys!!
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January 22, 2021 at 9:48 pm #61755
kevinwiland
ParticipantKatelyn,
I think this is awesome! I love your voice and I can’t decide what I like better. My favorite part is when your voice becomes more “airy” on the word “endless.” Great job. Hope you get the gig! -
January 22, 2021 at 3:45 pm #61727
irvj
ParticipantHi Katelyn! The first read sounded more natural, more you. As others have posted, a really crisp, clean voice. For the more luxurious read, maybe go down a tad in pitch so that it has a more sultry, refined feel to it. Just a thought.
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January 24, 2021 at 8:58 pm #61804
katelyndawnvo
Participanthaha! I would but I can’t go lower really. I’m a soprano!
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January 22, 2021 at 1:46 pm #61722
Official81
ParticipantHi Katelyn very nice recording quality sounded very clear and crisp. You did an awesome job on both reads. If you wanted to give it a completely different feel you could play with the pitch and inflection places which can naturally make you sound more upbeat or vice versa more luxurious and airy. I am totally new here, but I always change my pitch and inflection points up a bit when recording a different take so that the differences are more defined. Hope this helps! Excellent Job!
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January 21, 2021 at 11:34 pm #61693
mkell755
ParticipantHi Katelyn, great job! I prefer the first read more, you sound more authentic to really enjoying the beach and I could picture the beach as well as feel the smile in your voice – really well done! The second read was good as well, so it may just be a personal preference.
Mary
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January 20, 2021 at 3:44 pm #61644
Toque
ParticipantHi Katelyn. To me, the second read feels truer to what you intended (subdued, luxurious), so I liked that one better. To really distinguish between the 2 reads, i may have gone with even more energy/upbeat for the first read. Great work though! Toque
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January 21, 2021 at 11:57 am #61662
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantHi Katelyn! I actually liked the first one more. Your voice makes me want to go to whatever beach the spot shows me visually! I could see a little more energy there, too. Regardless, it was a really good read. Hope you get it! 🙂
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January 21, 2021 at 3:07 pm #61671
SuperLuke
ParticipantI think that both reads are good for this advertisement. Good recording quality as well. I think you can try and merge the two reads together. Find a balance between the two performances that will really make us, as listeners, want to go on a vacation by the beach and a vacation.
As a matter of picking between the first and second performance, I thought the second read was more heartfelt and luring the audience into the commercial and making us want to be there. Hope this critique is helpful
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January 20, 2021 at 3:03 pm #61638
acbattag
ParticipantThis is a read I am considering for my demo. I did several takes and exhausted them because I can’t seem to get the beginning quite right, but maybe that is just me! Would love your feedback.
When you love your skin naturally, it shows. Boost your skin’s moisture for a glow the world can see. Introducing new, Burt’s Bees Truly Glowing Skin Care.
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January 22, 2021 at 9:53 pm #61756
kevinwiland
ParticipantAmber, very nice job! Your voice seems very relaxed. It feels to me that your pitch didn’t vary much, other than the first sentence. Was this intentional?
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January 21, 2021 at 11:36 pm #61694
mkell755
ParticipantHi Amber, really nice read! You have such a nice, warm tone and it sounds really good for this genre. It feels very authentic for Burt’s Bees. Good job!
Mary
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January 22, 2021 at 1:49 pm #61723
Official81
ParticipantI totally agree with you Mary! Amber you make me want to grab up some Burt’s! If you couldn’t get the beginning right I would have never known that. Totally rocked this one girl!
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January 20, 2021 at 3:54 pm #61645
chas82
ParticipantIt’s you – lol. I liked it overall and I especially liked how you started out. I’d guess that little uplift in tempo and pitch of “it shows” is what will set you apart, especially since it comes at the beginning. I could also feel you smiling when hitting that phrase which made the message more natural and conversational, and not just reading a script. The “for a glow” phrase didn’t flow for me – too much emphasis on pronouncing the “a”.( I’m wondering if you edited this part of the file – I sometimes hear similar effects on my stuff that I try to edit but I am still at bottom of learning curve with my DAW.) I also thought the pause at the comma after “new” was too long, making the last sentence a little choppy. Two very minor tweaks and overall, a very demo worthy read.
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January 21, 2021 at 11:54 am #61661
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantLoved the first sentence! Agree that the “a glow” was a bit staccato, and I wonder what the end would sound like if the product name was emphasized as “truly glowing skin” care, as opposed to “truly glowing” skin care. Does that make sense? I believe this is a perfect ad for your voice, to be sure!
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January 20, 2021 at 4:24 pm #61648
acbattag
Participanthaha! Thank you! Appreciate the notes. I too think the pause after the “new” was too long after listening to it a hundred times! Very appreciative of the feedback. I think I spent so much time on the beginning that I ignored the middle!
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January 20, 2021 at 3:35 pm #61643
Toque
ParticipantHi Amber. Sometimes I find it difficult to assess someone’s read without knowing what sort of “direction” was intended. I know a lot of the scripts in the Edge library don’t come with directions, which leaves it up to us to self-direct. What sort of read/sound were you shooting for? A lot of aspects of your read are good (ex. audio quality, pace, enunciation). As it is now, it comes across as a rather low-energy read. Is that what was intended? Toque
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January 20, 2021 at 4:26 pm #61649
acbattag
ParticipantThanks Toque! I appreciate the request. I was going for a calm, relaxing feel for this read. Talking to my friend… essentially. If it is sounding low energy though – that is not what I was going for! I’ll do a re-record with both yours and Chas’ notes! Appreciate it!
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January 20, 2021 at 2:31 pm #61632
kbridges
ParticipantHello fellow voices! I’m really appreciating this forum and the positive, constructive feedback. Thank you all for participating! Here’s another one of my reads. I’m hoping to be really fun and engaging in narration for younger audiences. Any tips?
Script:
Why is food important? Well, it tastes good, and it’s fun to eat, but it also gives us energy! That means it helps our bodies move and work, so we can grow, play, dance, run, study, and think.Our bodies work kind of like a car. If you don’t put good fuel into the car, it won’t be able to drive. But, when you put the right fuel in, VROOM! Off it goes!
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January 23, 2021 at 12:01 am #61769
mkell755
ParticipantHi KBridges! Good work! I’m agreeing with others on the volume being low, and speeding it up just a little would be good too to keep kid’s attention. For the list of items “…so we can grow, play, dance, run, study, and think.” the tone started high and just kept getting higher, so maybe more variation but up and down in tone in that list? Hopefully that makes sense. I like it, keep it up!
Mary
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January 20, 2021 at 3:06 pm #61640
Toque
ParticipantHi. Just to add onto acbattag’s comments, I also found the recording volume quite low. I struggled a bit to hear it. Toque
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January 20, 2021 at 2:57 pm #61635
acbattag
ParticipantHi Kbridges!
Thanks for sharing your read! I really like your energy during the read! I can tell you are smiling and really want to help people understand why the right food is important. A couple of things I noticed. You have essentially the same tone throughout your read. I’d look for a little tone variety as you are reading through it. I’d also working on speeding it up a little bit. I think the pace is just a little bit slow and could use a bit of a boost. Finally, as you are reading your list “play, dance, run…” try hitting a bit more variety in the list so it doesn’t sound like you are reading the list. (I got the same feedback yesterday too!).Hope this helps a bit!
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January 20, 2021 at 2:28 pm #61627
ThomasGreene
ParticipantCommercial Demo practice scripts from Edge Library
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January 21, 2021 at 12:05 pm #61663
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantHey Thomas! I really liked the first one, Amex. Your voice is firm, confident, strong…just what I want to hear from a big financial company. Only, critique, however small, was that your ending made me feel like you had just one more thing to say!
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January 20, 2021 at 2:07 pm #61624
Toque
ParticipantHi adding another/different take on the Kingston piece below, as I didn’t like the first one after I listened to it over. Didn’t feel conversational enough, I thought. Toque
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January 20, 2021 at 4:54 pm #61651
chas82
ParticipantToque – I thought the second version was a spot-on, well-done conversational read. The change in tempo, a slightly increased pitch and nice enunciation combined to deliver what I heard what you described you were going for, one friend selling the features of a place they are connected with to another. And, you did an excellent job with the breathing, tempo and volume required to get through that big-a** first phrase of the second sentence. – Chas
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January 20, 2021 at 2:40 pm #61634
kbridges
ParticipantHi Toque!
I listened to both takes of this read, and it’s cool to be able to hear the difference. The second read does have a more conversational, engaging, and positive energy. I imagine the narrator of the video walking along the waterfront, talking to the audience and showing them a beautiful place.
There was a little catch at the beginning of “proud to share” that interrupted the flow, but overall it flows really well and is well received by this listener.
What did you change between the two takes? Any tips on getting that more conversational tone?
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January 20, 2021 at 3:00 pm #61637
Toque
ParticipantHi kbridges. Thanks for the feedback! In the first take, I think I was in more of an announcer/narrator headspace, thinking of it more as a formal presentation I was doing. For the second take, I tried to imagine I was just talking to a specific friend of mine who was thinking of moving to Kingston. I think that helped make it more natural and less formal. That little catch you pointed out before “proud to share” was intentional, because we don’t always speak like we’re reading copy when we speak to our friends. Hope this helps! Toque
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January 20, 2021 at 1:44 pm #61621
Toque
ParticipantHi all. Tried posting this earlier, but then didn’t see it on the list, so I hope I’m not posting this twice. Because of my background, as part of my commercial demo, I’d like to add some sample(s) of reads for municipal governments, economic development agencies, etc. So this practice script is a snippet of an Ec. Dev. promo for the City of Kingston, Ontario. Your honest feedback on anything is very much appreciated! Toque.
City of Kingston Economic Development promo script:
Our residents benefit from a superior quality of life and are proud to share it.
Located on the coast of scenic Lake Ontario and nicknamed “The Limestone City”
for the beautiful buildings that line our vibrant downtown streets, Kingston is a place
where history and innovation truly thrive.Attachments:
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January 20, 2021 at 11:25 am #61612
BrianWigginsVO
ParticipantAudition Feedback:
Client Brief: read in an American accent. In a tone that is down-to-earth, approachable, fun, professional and exciting
Two takes…not sure about which one, or maybe submitting both.
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January 20, 2021 at 4:56 pm #61652
chas82
ParticipantBrian – I liked the second better as well. The first was good but I thought the second ticked all the boxes the direction called for to a greater degree. If I had to find one small change to suggest, the pause after “successfully launched” seemed a tad too long and impacted the very nice flow and tempo that is contained throughout. Good luck with this – Chas
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January 20, 2021 at 2:59 pm #61636
acbattag
ParticipantHi Brian –
I really like the 2nd read better. It hits the mark on down to earth, approachable and fun! Although your first hits those too, it doesn’t seem as legitimate as your 2nd. Love the pace of the read as well. Great job!
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January 20, 2021 at 1:48 pm #61623
Toque
ParticipantHi Brian. Both reads are good!I liked the second one a bit better, I think because of some of the pacing, especially early on. Toque
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January 21, 2021 at 3:21 pm #61672
SuperLuke
ParticipantI enjoyed the second performance the best. It has the right feel for the commercial you’re trying to perform. It keeps the audience interested, keeping their attention and hearing what you have to say.
The first read was kind of slow and didn’t have as much energy.
hope this critique is helpful.
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January 19, 2021 at 11:06 pm #61603
mkell755
ParticipantHi everyone! Here is a short little recording for any and all feedback. I’m working on lead-ins to help me get into the feel of the scripts and sounding conversational. Let me know if it hits the mark. Thanks!
Mary
Michelob Ultra
If this is your idea of redeeming miles, this is your beer. 2.6 grams of carbs and 95 calories. Michelob Ultra. Lose the carbs. Not the taste.Attachments:
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January 20, 2021 at 11:34 am #61615
BrianWigginsVO
ParticipantHi Mary…there’s a lot of words that are being lost here as you speed by them or blur them into the next word. You need to make sure that all of the words are clear without over-enunciating them. Also, think about what words are important in each phrase: for instance, in “this is your beer”, you hit really h*****n “this” but blur the rest of the phrase together.
For the last two lines, you reverse it and really enunciate, and it feels very read, not conversational.
It will really help your reads if you understand who you are speaking to (as in, is this one of your friends? Where are having this conversation? Why are you having this conversation?). It will help you connect with the script and make the words flow more naturally, while still emphasizing the important parts.
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January 21, 2021 at 8:09 pm #61685
mkell755
ParticipantHi Brian, thanks for the feedback. In an effort to be conversational and not speaking too slowly as if talking with a friend who bikes, the clarity was lost, so I will work on that. This was meant to be a casual read to a friend, but like you say sounded a little too rehearsed / unnatural at the end. I have been picturing who I’m talking to when I record (as per my coach) but still have work to do on that end. Thanks again!
Mary
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January 19, 2021 at 8:34 pm #61593
Tylwoo519
ParticipantHey guys here’s a small real estate quick-read with some ukulele…so if i sound bad at least you have some nice strumming to listen to… let me know what you think
Thanks
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January 20, 2021 at 2:11 pm #61626
Toque
ParticipantI liked it! As Mary says, good pacing, enunciation, audio quality, etc. Well done! Toque.
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January 19, 2021 at 10:52 pm #61602
mkell755
ParticipantHi Tylwoo519! First of all, great ukulele! Such a happy sound.
I liked your tone, pacing and enunciation of this read, sounded very good. Keep up the good work!
Mary
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January 19, 2021 at 7:01 pm #61591
rogue1
ParticipantHello, everyone! Another home record…trying for a conversational quality with a bit of humor. All comments welcome–thanks for taking the time to listen!
7-11
“So it’s 2AM on a Tuesday…and you are starving. Nothing in the fridge, nothing in the cupboard, not even a stray chip in the sofa cushions. You think about cooking and then you remember the 3-alarm fire you started the last time you even looked at the oven. But then you remember, 7-11. There’s gotta be one right near you. And they have everything from mouth-watering burgers to spicy tacos to crispy pizza all piping hot and ready to go. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. Oh thank heaven, for 7-11.”
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January 20, 2021 at 11:36 am #61616
BrianWigginsVO
ParticipantI like your tone…this could be a really good read for you.
Things got very rushed right after the laugh (which was a nice touch)…slow it down, let it breathe! And be more specific with why you are saying these words. With a little tweaking, this could be something on a demo for you.
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January 19, 2021 at 10:48 pm #61601
mkell755
ParticipantHi Rogue1! Great job! I like this script a lot for you. It sounds very conversational and I could hear the infused humor 🙂
I liked the varied emphasis on certain phrases like “…and you are starving.” and the last sentence. I think you could try a little more variation of tone in the lists “nothing in the fridge, nothing in the cupboard, not even a stray chip in the sofa” – these three things had a very similar tone. The same critique applies to the second list “…mouth-watering burgers to spicy tacos to crispy pizza…” Just my opinion on the lists, and I’m being picky. Overall really good reads!
Mary
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