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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hey there! Uploading some reads for homework. Doing my commercial demo at the end of February. I appreciate any and all comments! This one is for a Popeye’s Chicken commercial.
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Hi Docr15, good read! Your laid back tone and vibe of voice is good for this genre. I think you had the start of an accent at the beginning of the read and you could lean in to the Cajun accent throughout the script a little more for more believability. I heard “come on” instead of “come along”, until the third time, so I would say that word just sounded smushed / shortened a bit. You could try experimenting with stretching out “along” which would go with the accent too. Good work!
Mary
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Great voice. I like the down home welcoming sound. The vibe is right, but the energy doesn’t yet match the Popeye’s brand. (Unless you and your coach are working on a more laid back sound.) ‘Come along’ was hard for me to understand. Some mouth noise on New Orleans and elsewhere but otherwise the sound quality was good.
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Steve – I liked the first more than the second. It contained more key words being emphasized; better pitch variation and good fluidity. The friendly persona helped to create a much more conversational, more personal message, much easier for this listener to connect with. The “tough” attitude in the second seemed to me to be achieved by the use of a number of monotonal phrases. This made it the second a presentation, unlike the first that was telling an interesting story. Good work ! Chas
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Hi all – as I buckle in for the approaching nor’easter, I would appreciate all feedback on my latest practice food commercial.
Thanks, ChasOnly Pizza Hut gives you sixteen mozzarella bites on a large pizza!
See kids? Dreams do come true!
The ultimate 2 for 1!
The mozzarella poppers pizza!
Hurry and try it before it’s gone!-
Hi chas82. Your voice is great for this! Love the enthusiasm and energy. Great vocal quality. If I am being picky, I heard what came across as minor hesitations before certain words. It may have been which words you chose to emphasize that caused that. Also, pronunciation of the word “large” sounded a little off. Really good!
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Boom! Love your voice! Made me sit up and pay attention. Liked the playfulness with the kids line. Keep exploring that more. Couple of items. Numbers in scripts are importance, so emphasize sixteen. Emphasize does not necessarily mean punch. It means find a reason and a way to make ‘sixteen’ an important point. “Before” does not feel like the right word to emphasize in the last line. Try ways to make this feel like a more urgent call to action. Digging the overall energy. Stay safe, stay warm.
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Hi Steve, really nice! Your voice is very welcoming and reassuring to the listener. You did a good job of painting a picture of the house, and I could imagine this script with the images of the house shown on TV in the background. Very good genre for you! It sounded conversational and approachable.
Mary
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Hey there! Would love some critique on this attempt:
How do you win at business? Stay at La Quinta, where we’re changing with stylish makeovers. Then, at your next meeting, set your seat height to its maximum level. Bravo, tall meeting man! Start winning today; book now at LQ.com.-
Hi Mitch! Nice read. On the recording quality, I think I hear some hollowness, or a slight echo. Maybe some more sound dampening needed where you are recording? Also, I would shorten or remove the pause after “Then”. Good work!
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Hi Mitch, really good job! I liked your energy and enthusiasm for the La Quinta brand. It was humorous and I could hear the smile in your voice. I especially liked “Bravo, tall meeting man!” which made me chuckle, and I could visualize what the TV ad would look like with the one guy sitting taller than everyone else in the room and probably only him noticing it. I like it!
Mary
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Mitch – Nice tempo and pitch. You created energy and got my interest right away. Very good enunciation and a good choice of words and phrases to emphasize. The only change I think would benefit this is more emphasis and a little higher pitch on the “maximum” and less on “level” at end the third sentence so it is not ending with uptalk. It broke up the excellent flow you had going just ahead of the big close.
Overall, very well done sir!
Chas -
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Hi. I really appreciated the feedback on my last post (Amex). Goals for me are achieving more warmth, variation in tone and avoiding a tendency toward monotone. This is a more technical script regarding eye anatomy, so perhaps not the best choice to work on these goals – lol – nevertheless feedback appreciated! Also wondering how it compares to my delivery of the American Express ad, which I’ll repost here solely for comparison. Thanks much!
Corneal Epithelium
The corneal epithelium is a thin layer of fast-growing and easily regenerated tissue kept moist by tears. The epithelium absorbs oxygen and cell nutrients from tears, and then distributes these nutrients to the rest of the cornea. The part of the epithelium that serves as the foundation on which the epithelial cells anchor and organize themselves is called the basal membrane. The Bowman’s membrane is a transparent sheet of tissue composed of strong, layered protein fibers called collagen. The corneal stroma accounts for 90% of the cornea’s thickness, consisting primarily of water (78%) and collagen (16%). Collagen gives the cornea its strength, elasticity and form. The collagen’s unique shape, arrangement and spacing are essential in making the cornea transparent. The Descemet’s membrane is a thin, strong sheet of tissue that serves as a protective barrier against infection and injuries.-
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Hi Dkosoy, really good read! I heard AMEX first a couple of days ago (?) and the medical read sounds much warmer and fuller, with more tone variation, so I would say you have really met your goals on that one. Your voice is really well-suited for medical narration! It was interesting to hear and made me want to learn more about a topic I know nothing about. Very good!
Mary
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That was fantastic, and a big jump in warmth in relation to AMEX. That was the first time I heard both, and I listened to AMEX first. Put that same warmth and tone from the new read into the AMEX, and you’ve got two winners! I especially liked how you worked with list items and varied your tone (consisting of water % and collagen %)–it’s an area that I’m working on now. Great read!
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Excellent performance. Your pacing, tone, inflections, and articulation sound entirely appropriate for this script/genre. Well done. My one nitpick: for the line “The collagen’s unique shape, arrangement and spacing” you emphasize shape with your inflection and a pause after the word. I don’t see anything in the script that suggests this word is more important than the other two listed. If you aren’t already, I can see you booking work in this genre. Best, Bill A.
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Thanks Bill! Spot on about emphasizing “shape” and then pausing momentarily. Ironically, I caught myself doing that as I read the sentence. I pre-read the script, but got caught off guard anyway, I think, by what I was reading. I also heard it on playback, but questioned how noticeable it was. Now I know! Thanks!! You have a great ear! Appreciate your feedback. More to come. Thanks again!
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Hello all!
Here is another practice script from the library. Please ignore any recording issues. I am just looking for feedback/suggestions on my technique. Thanks!Script: Cosmos
Welcome to the planet earth. A place of blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, soft meadows; A world positively rippling with life. From the cosmic perspective, it is, for the moment, unique. The only world on which we know with certainty that the matter of the cosmos has become alive, and aware. There must be many such worlds scattered through space, but our search for them begins here, with the accumulated wisdom of the men and women of our species, acquired at great cost, over a million years.
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Hi Kevin! I liked your voice for this read and genre. I think the pace could have been a little faster and the tone on the lists throughout (such as “..blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, soft meadows) a little more varied in tone from each other if that makes sense. Your voice is nice and calm and clear. Good job!
Mary
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Hi, Kevin.
A better recording setup would help me hear your performance better and give more specific feedback on your technique. Something you are probably going to address eventually. I think your pacing could be a little faster. In a documentary piece, a slower pace does allow time for the visuals to tell their story but this still seemed a touch slow. At times this has a connected, conversational feeling but then the slow pace and careful articulation makes it feel slightly condescending, like you are speaking to a non-English speaking audience and trying especially hard to be understood. You have a pleasing voice and I’d enjoy listening to you deliver a documentary like this one. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.
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Hello all! Here is a recording (on my phone) for any and all feedback. Working with lead-ins to help get in the mood and make it sound more believable and conversational, less like I’m reading. Let me know if it hits the mark. Thank you!
Mary
American Cancer Society
It’s tough to quit smoking. Just ask any of the 50 million Americans who continue to puff away, even though they know the toll it takes on health and longevity. When it comes to breaking this lethal habit, the most effective tool is willpower. The American Cancer Society now offers a free video for those smokers who feel they can’t quit alone. Call the AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY today, at 1-800-575-2424
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Hi Mary. That was a good lead in line. To help more with making it conversational, some things to consider. Who are you talking to? Is this a friend or loved one? Is this a smoker? Or perhaps the wife of a smoker worried for the health of her husband. How do you feel towards this persons? Be specific. Have a picture in mind. Talk to that person. Bill provided an awesome read below, but don’t just mimic him. He took a point of view. Find your point of view. I could feel the compassion trying to work its way through. Find a way to make it real for you. I hope this helps.
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Hi Mary! I think bumping up the pace in areas will help it sound more conversational, rather than a bit methodical. Maybe practice by speaking these lines to your dog, or pretend that the audience is a teenager. That will take some of the stiffness out. I think your best line is definitely: When it comes to breaking this lethal habit, the most effective tool is willpower. That one sounds natural! Hope that helps! 🙂
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Hi, Mary. I think this would be more conversational and connected if you didn’t emphasize certain words quite so much. The words you stress you really hit too hard, in my opinion. Try “lifting” the pitch slightly on those words and I think you’ll have a even better read. I’ve attached a clip of me trying to demonstrate this idea. Hope it helps. Bill A.
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Last one! This is a script for an into to paragliding:
Working towards your first pilot rating will be an exciting (and memorable) part of your journey into free flight. Everything is new and even the smallest flights will be immense accomplishments. If you’re listening to this, you’ve probably dreamed the dream and are ready to get started.
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Me again! Here’s another script, kid’s narration for my upcoming demo:
Why is food important? Well, it tastes good, and it’s fun to eat, but it also gives us energy! That means it helps our bodies move and work, so we can grow, play, dance, run, study, and think.
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Hi KBridges, great work! The only critique I would give is for the 2 sets of lists to be differentiated a bit more to help them stand out. The first list could build up from the first to last item – “it tastes good, and it’s fun to eat, but it also gives us energy!” The second list of 5 items (grow, play, dance, run, study, and think) almost all had the same tone except for think. It’s good, just a touch more variation would make it even better. Good job!
Mary
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