Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Practicing
Smooth Gambler
I understand. Being upset if I have lost as many hands as you, I’d be furious. But you need to understand, you can lose more than your money son. Now put the gun down and keep playing, or leave while you still have a chance.-
Hi Robert, good read! This one is hard to critique for me because I’m trying to imagine the intent of the script, but other than practicing a character voice, it does not seem to be advertising a product. If that’s the case, I think you could really lean into and emphasize key words more like “furious” and “put the gun down” Your voice is good for the script, keep it up!
Mary
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Seems to me the copy has punctuation errors, and if this came from the script library, it probably does. I’ve done some copy editing and you might have fun re-reading it with the mistakes corrected.
I understand being upset. If I’d have lost as many hands as you, I’d be furious. But you need to understand, you can lose more than your money son. Now put the gun down and keep playing, or leave while you still have a chance.Also, have fun with the key words at play: understand (I vs You need to), lose more, put gun down, or leave.
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Hi Robert your delivery seem to start out okay with I understand it even was slurred to give a natural effect however after that it seemed more like a read and somewhat disjointed. I know we I’ll get caught up in trying to put out our best performance but in this case I would just relax more and let it flow more conversationally than trying to imitate the cowboy gambler. All throw up my d***y hairy one as an example. I did enjoy your Chevy truck commercial down below it sounded much more authentic hope that helps and thanks for sharing those!
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Trying this out for practice this evening. A appreciate any feedback.
Chevy Silverado Trail Boss
The Chevy Silverado Trail Boss
When you have a two inch lift…
When you have Goodyear Duratrack tires…
When you have Rancho shocks…and an integrated dual exhaust…
When you have all that…
The last thing you’ll need…is a road…
The Chevy Silverado Trail Boss…
Ready to off-road…right from the factory.
Chevy….find new roads…-
Hi Robert, good read! Your voice is very well-suited for this script, very good fit and natural. There were lots of statements with pauses and the pacing was really good too. Good music too. I think the “The last thing you’ll need…is a road…” line could be delivered with just a little more attitude, like maybe you imagine “this truck is so great that it can drive ANYWHERE, and you NEED one!” in your head as you are saying it. Very good read!
Mary
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You have a great voice for this read. My first suggestion is to visualize the different car parts that you are speaking about and pretend that you are showing them to somebody and maybe running your hand along them, just to connect more with each individual part. The second suggestion is to notice the way you say “The last thing you’ll need” because the way it sounds right now to me is as if it’s a hassle and the last thing you need is a hassle, instead of a list that is finishing off with “The last thing you need is the road”. More like anticipatory excitement rather than something that comes off as a headache. I hope that makes sense.
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Hi everyone here are 2 reads for any and all feedback. Let me know what you think! Working to get sound levels right. This is my first time to add music (fun!)
Mary
Documentary on Jazz
It is America’s music. It is an improvised Art, making itself up as it goes along. It rewards individual expression. But demands selfless collaboration. It is forever changing. But nearly always rooted in the blues. It has a rich tradition and its own rules. But it is brand new every night.Fats Waller
Thomas “Fats” Waller began his jazz career early, learned fast, rose quickly, lived hard, and died young. A child prodigy who was playing piano at age six, his life was a furious burst of energy –and it was all reflected in his music. Welcome to the world of Fats Waller: Joe Louis, Legs Diamond, George Gershwin –he knew them all; Harlem, Hollywood, Paris, London –he saw it all; S*x, fame, success, money –he had it all. His incredible gusto made him one of a kind. Fats was a giant, and he might just live, through his music, forever.-
Hey Mary, nice work! I will make notes on the second piece. I think this one was really well done. There were a couple things that popped out to me:
on six at “age six” your inflection was in an upspeak so if you are ending a sentence or phrase with an upspeak it sounds like you are asking a question or are unsure of what you are saying. So since this is a statement I would suggest not using upspeak there. I also thing there are more commas in this script than are needed. Sometimes you have to let go of certain commas otherwise it will just sound more choppy. Pausing between ideas instead of abiding by every comma will sound more natural. But really nice work! I could tell this is a topic that you really enjoy, way to go!-
Thanks for the feedback Katelyn! I’m working on upspeak, for some reason it is a hard habit to break for me. There were a lot of commas in this; I will work on stringing the phrases together a little better to smooth it out. Yes, as a long-time piano student, this script and the character were interesting to me – definitely a personal interest! Thanks again,
Mary
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Hi Mary,
Great job with the music! I think on the first piece you could probably let it breather a little bit more. Even a cool thing to think about would be to insert some cool jazz in between the talking, like when you say “it is an improvised art” it would be cool to hear a small improvised trill from a sax, or skat or something. I totally pictured you reading this on that Sunday morning news show. I think it’s CBD sunday morning. 🙂
My suggestion for your second piece on Fats Waller is to go through the script and pick words that you want to emphasize. There are so many good adjectives, and descriptors in this piece and I feel like you can punch it up more and add a little bit more intrigue to the read. Hope this helps! Also a lot of moments that you could add music to emphasize what you are saying such as “furious burst of energy”. Overall, great reads and I think just adding a few touches to them to ignite them will totally make them epic.
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Thanks for the feedback Tina! Yes I can see stretching out the first piece a little more with more pauses in between thoughts, it’s definitely a contemplative piece. On the music, this was my first time to add a music track, but other that cutting a pasting parts of it, don’t know how to edit at this point. I like the idea of a well-timed solo as a backdrop to that script, especially after “improvised art” or “it is different every night”. For the Fats Waller piece I will try punching up phrases even a little more to keep the interest. Thanks again!
Mary
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Mary, those were nice. Good selection of background music. Good for topics and your voice. Good work!!
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Hello, good day! I’m going for relaxed, natural, and friendly narration for what I can assume is a travelogue video for the town of Hershey. I specifically wanted to tone it down and just sound natural VS commercial. Any feedback is appreciated!
Hershey Tour
Welcome to Hershey, the Great American Chocolate Town, where families come together for a taste of the sweet life. Tucked in the rolling hills of Central Pennsylvania, this idyllic escape offers the latest and greatest in entertainment and hospitality, fused with the traditions of one of America’s original success stories. Even the smiles seem sweeter! With attractions, accommodations, amenities and activities in all flavors, a trip to “The Sweetest Place on Earth” is an easy treat. -
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Hi!
Would love your feedback on technique and equipment. Thanks for your help!“Only Ziploc brand bags have a unique interlocking zipper to lock in freshness in a way no other bag can. When it comes out this fresh, you know it went in a Ziploc bag. Ziploc. We’ve got a lock on freshness.”
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Hi Elcys – good read! I like this for you. I also say “ta” instead of “to” sometimes – it is hard to change that for some reason without sounding too formal or unnatural! I saw on the forum a while back that if you have that issue to actually mark up or write “2” instead of “to” and “4” instead of “for” to help remind yourself to say those words in that way. I also heard your gasp for breath right as you were starting to speak – this can be edited out later, but just something to watch for. The mic captures it all! Good job, this one is kind of a tongue-twister.
Mary
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Chilis Big Mouth Burger
Recently in a Chili’s restaurant, the server, carrying a big mouth burger to a customer collided with another server carrying a tray of nachos. Each customer got more than they expected. What could have been a disaster turned out delicious. Tangy tortilla strips, jalepenos, and pesto on a burger grilled to perfection. Chili’s new NACHO BIG MOUTH BURGER. Nachos and burger! On a collision course with destiny.
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Nice delivery and friendly style to this commercial Bill. It’s also smooth and well connected not a trace of any what they call disjointed type delivery. Now if you haven’t already go get some d**n jobs!
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Hi all,
Please provide feedback on technique, not studio issues. Thanks for your help!
SCRIPT:
The year was 1972. Richard Milhous Nixon was president. Seemingly honest and trustworthy, few citizens really knew what was going on in the background of his administration. Here’s historian David Reynolds.-
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Hi, Kevin! This is a great narration piece for you. Your voice comes with its own gravitas, so when the words you’re saying have a lot of weight to them you don’t need to add any drama or weight or anything. You can make it a nice conversational read, as if you were were saying to a young adult, “Listen, this is a crazy story! It was like this:” A lead-in like that draws the listener in. If you’d like, here in the forum, keep it in the recording so we can hear how you’re workin’ it.
You also have nice diction, and that means you don’t have to over-enunciate. One thing you can do to get into the conversationally of a script is to summarize that first little bit in your own words like: “So, back in ’72 President Nixon seemed like a great guy but nobody knew he actually was hiding some pretty bad stuff.” How do you think that might affect your read?
Thanks for posting! Great to hear you!
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Testing out recording in my completed vocal booth for the first time! Still waiting on the actual mic/setup I will be using to be delivered, but any comments focused on performance or sound quality would be much appreciated. Thanks!
University of Akron: Points of Pride
This… is our next stop in life.
Home to 25,000 fearless dreamers.
And though we hail from near and far,
and study hundreds of different majors,
we all experience the power of ambition.
Ambition that’s launched 50 start-ups,
spawned 350 patents,
and pushed countless programs
to be the nation’s best.
Here… at the University of Akron,
We don’t rest at the classroom door.
Our experiences grow with internships and
coops that launch careers… not just jobs.
Experience the power of many.-
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Hi there! I thought this was a nice read and a good fit for your voice. I thought you could pace it a little bit more carefully. You seemed to keep a very quick tempo throughout. In natural speech, we tend to speed up on the not important words and give more attention to the important words. For instance: ” 50 start-ups,
spawned 350 patents, and pushed countless programs to be the nation’s best.” You can give more weight to the important words. Varying your pace and slowing down on the important words will help it sound more conventional and allow us as the listener to know what is important. And at the same time don’t get too in your head about the pacing (two opposing things LOL) But really nice work! -
Hellooooooooo CYeschenko! Love the relaxed quality of your voice! You’ve got some great stuff in here which means to really serve you I’m gonna be nit-picky. :). The goal is not to correct anything in this read but to show you how to think about your future reads. (see Disclaimer below LOL)
Overall I’d say just have a lot more pride in being a part of U of Akron.
This… is our next stop in life.
You can give a bit more weight to “this” as if you’re saying: “Right HERE on this spot”
“Our” almost sounds like “are”
You hit “next” and “stop” pretty equally, I would suggest hitting “next”… Think about the actions of those words, or rather the action of one and the inaction of the other. We want to build the anticipation. Aaaaaaaand there’s a “t” in “next” I couldn’t hear.Home to 25,000 fearless dreamers.
“Fearless” is a delicious word! Hitting the 25,000 is fab but I think “fearless” needs some love, too.And though we hail from near and far,
and study hundreds of different majors,
we all experience the power of ambition.
“We’re all really different”… that’s what those first two lines are saying. I’d love for you to say those first two lines with the same casualness… and in about the same amount of time! So a bit faster, but with the intent of communicating “We’re all really different”. And I think doing that will also change your delivery of the third line, maybe bringing out “all” a bit more.
And I would lean on “power” a bit more than “ambition” because you get to address ambition directly in the next line.Ambition that’s launched 50 start-ups,
spawned 350 patents,
and pushed countless programs
to be the nation’s best.
I like this! You hit the numbers nicely… think of “countless” as a number, too. And you can ignore all those commas and say it all as one thought.Here… at the University of Akron,
Look, look! Here’s the “Here” I was talking about! And you nailed it!!!! Notice how they’ve used the same style of punctuation, too. So the arc of these is “This…” (ooh, what’s this?) “Here… (oh! I get it!).
This is the first time we hear the client name so you can give it a bit more weight… maybe landing down on “Akron” a bit.Our experiences grow with internships and
coops that launch careers… not just jobs.
“experiences” is a delish word, too… you can totally bring that word out.
IN-tern-ships is the preferred pronunciation, I think, over in-TERN-ships.
In the last three words I’d love to hear a bit of “but you’re gonna get great jobs, too!” Yeah… it’s subtle, but you can totally do that.Experience the power of many.
“Experience”… you just said how they grow.
“Power”… in our ambition.
“Many”… 25,000 + 50 + 350 + countless!
This is a great culminating sentence… you get to wrap it ALL up right here. I’d love to hear more pride and gravitas.I hope most of that made sense.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I’m working super hard to develop not only my critical ear but also my ability to express – in, hopefully a helpful way – larger concepts of script analysis. So – yikes – this is super long! It’s another way I’m working my craft. THANK YOU for posting this and allowing me to really explore it. There’s so much good in the quality of your voice, and I’m only giving you things to think about that you can apply moving forward. Good, good work!
Dena
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