Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hey everyone,
a little more practice. Any and all feedback (eg; technical or performance) is welcome. Thanks!===
Everybody can use a little help when they’re out on the road- and that’s where MailBoxes Etcetera comes in. We get it done, and we get it done right. Mailboxes Etcetera.
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Meet the Mazda CX-9. Room for seven. Sophisticated. And thoughtfully engineered by a team of gearheads and car fanatics who only build SUVs worth driving.
We build Mazdas.
What do you drive?
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They never told me what to expect. I never realized how delicate her skin would be, but the hospitals did — they put her in PAMPERS. They’ve got this lock-away core that holds wetness away and keeps it away, to help keep her skin dry. No regular diapers protect her better or keep her happier, which makes me happy, too.-
Hi Amitofu! You have an amazing aural grit to your voice and I feel the scripts you picked suit it well—-especially the quick, clipped tempo of Mailboxes Etc. and Mazda. Surprisingly (and I mean that as a compliment), your gruff timbre also works as a counterpoint for the “softness” of the Pampers spot giving the script a heartfelt gravitas where it might have just as easily come off as syrupy or insincere.
Keep up the great work!
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Amitofu, I love your voice for these readings! Especially the Mailboxes one…the short reads are just ideal for your super cool voice. One thing on Mailboxes, check your pronunciation of Etcetera. The first time it sounds like Ex-cetra, the second is different…Ex-cedra (with the d sound). You may need an extra syllable in there for pronunciation: Et-cet-er-a. Check how he says it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISdl4DmCJZk
The Mazda read is great (I just got a CX-5 last month!). And the Pampers read was great too–You sounded very genuine in your care/concern for your loved one–I imagine you were thinking about if one of your own parents was currently in this situation. Great read–perhaps skip the pause after the word “which” at the end. I want to keep listening to you! -
Hi Amitofu! Excellent work! Very clear, crisp delivery for all three scripts. In the second script I liked the emphasis on “…who only…” which really helped focus on the differentiation of why someone should drive a Mazda (therefore helping to sell the product). I like how you varied the tone on the third script to give a sensitive feel, really good work for all three!
Mary
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Continued practice! Thanks for all of the comments on previous posts- all comments are welcome, especially those focused on performance. Thanks!
Swift River Bank
When you bank at Swift River Bank you’re a friend and a client. With over 80 years experience, our trained staff is here to assist you with all of your financial needs. From deposit accounts, to auto and personal loans, up to commercial business loans. We provide sound knowledge and a solid background. Consultations are always free, with 24 hour customer service. Swift River Bank. Lending a helping hand since 1930. Member FDIC.
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Hello CYeschenko, Great performance! Your read has all the trustworthiness and authority one would expect of a bank while at the same time seamlessly adding the key human element of being warm and inviting. Very crisp and clear read, perhaps a touch clipped here and there for diction (as apposed to being a bit more relaxed), but still a performance very germane to the brand.
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CYeschenko, this is a great read! If I could nitpick (as I must if I am to find ANY flaws), maybe extend your pauses between periods for an extra millisecond, as some of the sentences seem to run in to each other. Example…the pauses between “…client. With…” and “…service. Swift…” are perfect. However, “…needs. From…” and “…loans. We…” have transitions that sound more like a comma with a louder breath. You may have planned it that way for timing, and it is VERY subtle. I LOVE how you read Member FDIC slightly faster, as I remember banks always doing in the ads in the past! I also think this is an ideal genre for your voice–very trusting, down to earth, and neighborly.
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Hi CYeschenko, very good! “..our trained staff…” sounded like “…our trained-a staff…”, I understand you were trying to enunciate everything and everything was very well done on that end, but maybe just a little more smoothing between “trained” and “staff” would sound a little bit more natural. Also “…and a solid background.” did not sounds like a statement, but more like it ended with a comma, which made it sound less certain. I’m being nitpicky but this is really good!
Mary
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Any feedback is always appreciated. Thanks!
Glenfiddich Single Malt Scotch Whiskey
The quickest thing we accomplish takes 12 years. It takes at least that long for our handcrafted oak casks to work their magic on our single malt, slowly surrendering their flavor to create our smooth, superbly balanced, rich, oaky Special Reserve. Glenfiddich Single Malt Scotch Whisky. Family owned and dominated since 1887. 40% alcohol by volume. Imported by William Grant & Sons, New York. Our family reminds you, enjoy this whisky responsibly.-
Hi Robert, Wow! Your voice was truly “distilled” for this brand! Your read is very rich, full-bodied, and inviting. If I had any tiny nit-picks (and they are just that—-tiny), this passage: “It takes at least that long for our handcrafted oak casks to work their magic on our single malt,” seems a touch problematic to my ear. I almost feel you pausing a millisecond to navigate “handcrafted oak casts” and then it sounds strange to my ear for you to go up in tone on “malt” (it’s like you’re treating the following comma as a period). Again, super nit-picky comments for a very polished read!
Well done!
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Hi Robert! Great read–your voice IS ideal for a nice smokey whisky. I heard the pause after ‘to work their magic’ too, and maybe after oak casks. But I like how you sped up the reading ever so slightly on the two sentences toward the end–40% and Imported by. Maybe extend your pause ever so slightly after …New York, in order to separate your final sentence a tiny bit more. Love that voice!
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Hi! Looking for some more feedback on technique and performance. Thanks in advance!
“Dead battery at your rustic rental? Must be nature’s way of telling you it’s switching time. Make the switch to up to 12 hours of battery life. Switch to Chromebook.”
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Hi Adrothfield, good read! I heard a bit of choppiness as well, you might try just re-reading it over and over again until it’s memorized (this one is short enough for that) and then it will sound smoother once you record it. Also I noticed that some of your “to”s sound like “tuh”s like on “switch to up to”. I do that too and it can sound a little unnatural but better to slow down on those parts so you can hear the full word more clearly. I like your voice! Keep it up.
Mary
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it sounded pretty choppy, and maybe a bit fast. I could hear mouth clicks and breaths very easily (though idk if that’s something you’re worried about at this point). It also sounds like you might have an after effect that fades out some of your words (‘life’ in ‘batterylife’). Maybe a noise gate problem. “Must be nature’s way…” – the ‘M’ in ‘Must’ was kinda chopped off. I think your voice is good, but slowing down and enunciating while visualizing an audience, will make it a great read.
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Hi! Looking for feedback on technique and performance. Thanks in advance!
“Taste the awesomeness of 7-Eleven with our new classic chicken sandwich. 100% white meat chicken with barbecue-honey-mustard sauce for only a dollar 99.… can I have a bite?
7-Eleven. Awesomeness guaranteed.”-
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You started out with great energy and ended with it too! but the middle sagged a bit imo. eg; ‘new’ ‘classic’ ‘chicken sandwhich’ all need a small pepper of variety from each other. Or like “100% white meat chicken with barbecue honey mustard sauce” every one of those words, should be spoken to evoke a distinct flavor. like, the mentality is that you’re not just excited that it’s a sandwich, but it’s THE sandwich with the BEST sauces! or to put it another way, every detail that you add should be more astonishing than the one before. Your enthusiasm for this VERY specific sandwich (that you can only get at 7-11 for $2) needs to be contagious (pardon the phrasing).
“Can I have a bite?” I really liked the way you read it. good work.
Also, overall, mind the plosives. You might be a little too close to the mic.
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My take on the currently airing Celebrity Cruises: “Ready for Takeoff” spot. There’s a bit of irony here as I used to be a software application engineer for Royal/Celebrity until the pandemic emptied the ships of passengers – and revenue.
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I love your smooth delivery for this cruise spot! You’ve captured the relaxing vibe really well. However, I wonder if you can add a little more urgency/excitement into the mix? There are moments that you’re so smooth I start to zone out. Otherwise, you’ve done a nice job with this!
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This is really smooth! I can see images of vineyards and glistening grapes in the sun. The only sort of negative I would say is the possible balance of the background music and your voice. However, I am stretching to come up with anything critical to say. I’d be interested in hearing what others say of the mix. Nicely done.
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Here’s my third of 3 homework assignments. Looking forward to doing my commercial demo session next week. Thanks in advance for any comments on any part of my reads.
AARP
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In communities just like yours, there are many who need help.
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Start today. It can be as easy as giving food or money to your local area food bank, or getting tips to start your own food drive.
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So get involved. Go to http://www.createthegood.org/hunger.
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Very nicely done! The pacing and tone fit the copy perfectly for me, and as far a choosing copy you picked one that your voice suits well and would likely give you a solid shot at booking the job. Good luck on the demo!
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Next is my second of three homework reads in prep for my commercial demo session next week. I appreciate comments of any kind!
Gameboy
“It’s not just another mind-numbing family road trip to Grandma’s. It’s a tongue-biting, seat-wetting ride with GAME BOY ADVANCED ! Now with wider screen, enhanced graphics, and multi-player options. Game boy…ride with it.”-
Hi Docr15, really good! I think you could really lean into and have fun with this one, and emphasize “GAME BOY ADVANCED!” like your hair is on fire, I mean really get excited!!!! I agree too that some of the listed items could be a little more varied in tone – you are trying to convince grade and middle school kids and are trying to get their attention – you have permission to cut loose! 🙂
Mary
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Happy Saturday! Recording my commercial demo next week. I am posting some practice script reads for homework. I always appreciate any and all comments.
First one is on Invisalign:
“Your smile says a lot about you. If you let it. When you’re uncomfortable about your teeth, it’s easy to hold back your smile. Invisalign’s advanced technology now lets you straighten your teeth invisibly – so you can express yourself fully. And because they’re invisible, no one has to know about it. Hundreds of thousands of people already have discovered Invisalign. Maybe it’s time you were one of them.”
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