Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi All, I’ve loved listening to you these last couple weeks. Here’s a B2B pharmaceutical explainer I found. Thanks for listening!
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PrettyLoud, these are great…I really felt like you were talking to ME in the first script, especially on the first try of the AmeriHealth spot. It wasn’t too long (they could perhaps speed up your final line with the website by a quarter second to get it under 30), and it felt warmer and even a bit friendlier than the second. Great voice! 🙂
With regard to the B2B, I LOVED your enunciation throughout. This will sound strange, but it felt almost…personable AND robotic at the same time. Almost like the British Siri was speaking American English. It was a great combination. It being B2B, your voice also sounded very smart and self-assured, as businesses should. Sorry…no complaints!
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Hello again! I have two lawn company scripts I’m testing. Please analyze and critique! What sounds good, and what doesn’t? Thanks!
Script One: Come to D***y Hands Garden Center for all your gardening needs. We carry hundreds of trees, shrubs and perennials, herbs, organics, garden art and accessories, and more! Visit us at 2603 Anderson Highway, off route 60-West just 7 minutes from Sycamore Square or on the web at dirtyhandsgardencenter.com. And remember: “Compost, because a rind is a terrible thing to waste.”
Script Two: 6. At Portage Turf, we firmly believe in taking care of Mother Earth, which is why we provide an organic lawn care program that is 100% certified with the Organic Materials Review Institute. We pride ourselves in greatly reducing chemical use on lawns, and our organic service is an extra step we take to further lessen the impact on the planet. Portage Turf Specialists. Naturally Better Lawn Care.-
Hello Mitch_Crawford, I like your samples, especially the second one, there you hit the words pretty good. Good job.
Maybe the first read could have been done with more energy than the second one. -
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Mitch, I did listen to both of you recordings the second one seem to flow better and sound more from the heart. The first one not so much it was slightly disjointed maybe? Hope that helps and thanks for sharing that!
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Hi Mitch,
I very much enjoyed listening to both scripts. Plenty of enthusiasm, sincerity and, for me, perfect tempo, pitch, and pacing. I imagined each to be aimed at a particular audience. For example, script one I could so easily hear on one of my local, livelier radio stations, while script two would be a natural complement to a TV commercial, where I would be able to see Portage Turf and, as I listened to your reading, better appreciate their organic service.
Regards,
John
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Hello, This is for the Self Direction and Cold Read class with David Goldberg on Tuesday February 9th, 16th, & 23rd. I am to submit and get feed back before my class at 5pm PST.
Please I welcome feedback. Thank you!
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Hi Elvie!
I liked that I could hear something different in each read!
For the Macy’s and WaMu, in my opinion, don’t try to eliminate your Spanish. We’ve been hearing quite a bit of mixed marketing lately, with talent who are clearly Spanish speaking English. FiveBelow comes to mind. I think a McDonald’s ad too. I say let it fly! You can reach a really specific market! I think if you focus less on perfect English, the read will flow more.
Telecom is different. I spent 23 years in the industry and they’re still either booking bilingual or separate English/Spanish. Here I’d say your pacing and pauses were spot on, but maybe don’t hit “press” so hard. These systems have been around forever, and people get how to use them. You’ll bring the message through loud and clear with the pace alone.
Good work!
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Hi Elvie,
I really liked your reads. I think the Macy’s sounded sincerely excited. The phone message was very serious, and I liked that you have so much versatility in your voice. And the Washington Mutual one conveyed warmth and trustworthiness. Enjoy your class! Looking forward to hearing more of you here on the Feedback Forum. -
Hi Elvie! I love your energy in the Macy’s ad! One pronunciation thing I noticed is how you say “women’s” at :06. It’s a really hard one to pronounce, and so many native English speakers struggle with it, men and women alike. The pronunciation of the plural “women” is “wi-muhn”, or, more like, “wi-min”, as opposed to “wu-min”, which would be the pronunciation for the singular “woman”.
On the American Express phone message, I LOVE your tempo and tone! The only thing I would add would be the sound of the letter D at the end of the word “damaged” at :22.
Washington Mutual–Love the tone and tempo! Great read!!
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This is a popular practice script, kinda country feel so I tried to give it a more motivational tone, any thoughts are welcome!
4H
It began with the seed of an idea.
In 1902, the heartland needed folks to embrace new advances in agriculture.
But leaders with open minds, strong hearts and willing hands weren’t in abundance.
Luckily, kids were.
By empowering the next generation to lead, 4/H took root.
And grew.
Grew kids who are confident and strong.
Who are curious enough to question
And capable enough to find the answer.
Who stick to a job until the job gets done.
Who know how to work with others
And how to lead.
4/H has kept right on growing.
Out of the farms and into the towns
From the suburbs to the cities
Anywhere curiosity roams
And confidence thrives.
Anywhere technology can be advanced
And achievement is valued.
Anywhere positive change is possible
And giving back moves entire communities forward.
When you think about it, it makes sense that we began with farming.
After all,
True leaders aren’t born.
They’re grown.
4/H GROWS HERE-
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Hi RYoung, such a nice voice for this kind of read. I felt the country, motivational vibe you were going for. It was very matter-of-fact. Practical farmer. And totally worked. I think if you were to do a second take, I wonder how you’d sound if you were a grandparent story-teller feeling nostalgic, remembering working on the land as a child yourself, proud of seeing what has grown out of an idea from 1902 to give kids skills. Really well done!
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Wow, that was awesome! I could see the drone panning across a field of amber waves of grain, flowing heartily in the wind, as you read. It’s a long read, so tone is super important, I think, in order to keep the listener engaged. I particularly liked your tone at the end of thoughts; an example being “…confident and strong.” (:26) And, “…how to lead.” (:35) I love how you stretch it the slightest bit in order to give it more credence and importance. “…how to leeead.” Great read!! Sorry, my critique is on what you did very well–couldn’t find flaws.
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Hi Mitch, I appreciate your compliments and the way you analyze reads very helpful! I wanted to leave a comment for you on your motel 6 read you and done recently, however it’s a few pages back and you may not see it and unfortunately there’s no notification that a comment is coming in. Of the old forum you would get an email that someone had commented on one of your reads but too bad I guess good things don’t last forever. Anyway I enjoyed your connectivity and flow with the motel 6 and the conversational style delivery the only suggestion I would have is the ending where you kind of revert back to an announcer style with motel 6 as you could keep the same folksy conversational tone for the last line anyway great work on that and hope to hear more from you!
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Hello there! Here are 2 reads of the same script for any and all feedback. Which one sounds more believable for the script (if either)? I’m also interested in the sound levels and quality of the recording. I tried Normalizing the recording on Audacity per some earlier suggestions, let me know know if it helped (or created other issues!) ha. Thank you to everyone for listening and offering input!
Mary
Birds Eye: Cheddar Broccoli Bake
Introducing the Cheddar Broccoli Bake from Birds Eye. A creamy, gooey, melty, deliciously decadent way to eat broccoli….Yes Please! Birds Eye – a new twist on veggies.-
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Sounds really clear. I really liked your “Yes, please” on the second take. I think you were going with natural, conversational, not over doing it and you absolutely succeeded! I think for a third take, you could give yourself permission to be over-the-top. What does it sound like when you’re really enjoying your yummy words list, and painting a picture for us of how gooey and delicious the dish is? Such a pleasure to hear you!! Thanks for sharing.
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Hi Mary! I liked how you did the list items in the second one better–you changed up the tone on the items so it didn’t seem as much like a bullet list. What if that list sounded even more s**y/enticing? Yes, eating broccoli can actually be as such, especially with these yummy words! Fun read!
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Hi, I like the first one better. It seem you were more friendly, relatable and your read was more smoother on the first than the second one. Great work!
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Hi Everyone,
Here’s my assignment from the Cold Reads class for review. I am new to ALL of this, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!
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Cynthia, you sound fantastic!! I’d never have known you were new. You sound great on all these reads. I always like to think of how to do a second take, so here are my ideas. I think for the 4-H one, your first take is engaging, up tempo, and direct. So for contrast, a second take could be slightly slower, quieter, and story-teller-like. I love HR benefits video script; fantastic smile in that script–for second take options, I wonder what quickening the pace slightly and smoothing the phrases would sound like. Aetna was also great–good brand name billboarding–for a second take, contrast might be nurturing, soft-spoken, caring… You sound great! Thanks for sharing these. Looking forward to hearing more of you here.
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Hi Cynthia! Welcome! Good job on these. I liked all 3 of them, and the nice textured rasp in your voice!
Script 1: Good energy and attitude. You might try a slight micro-pause after “kids were!” to help get the point across that 4H is all about the kids leading themselves for just a little bit more emphasis. Small thing!
Script 2: Good read. Good variation of the list of items starting from at about 23 seconds at “company polices,…” to the end of the script.
Script 3: Sounded quite a bit quieter than the other two. Also it seemed like the first phrase was a little disconnected from the rest of the sentence – “no matter where we live,” sounded like “no matter where we live.” (with a period, not a comma) , I think for the phrase to make sense it should flow just a little better if that makes sense. Good job!Mary
Mary
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Hello, Edge Community. I am looking for feedback on my read for this script. Feedback on both technique and audio are welcome. Thank you for your time.
Spec: The user will be guided through the training course by a Professor avatar. The professor is between 50 and 60 years old. The speaker will lead through the training as a (sometimes a little bit absent-minded) professor. The voice should be friendly and inviting. He should convey this dry topic in a playful, relaxed, and factual way. The target-group is employees in technical development, but also people who only deal with the topic on the periphery.
Script: There are different variants of hybrid drives. One of them is the so-called parallel hybrid. For this variant, the electric motor and the combustion engine work together to propel the vehicle, by having both of them connected to the transmission. When fuel reaches the engine or the electric motor is switched on, the generated power propels the car. The energy management system determines when to operate the electric motor and when to switch to the internal combustion engine.
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Love the lead in! It’s a great read, keeping to the specs nicely. I love how you slightly over-pronounce the word “fuel” at :20. It gives it a friendly, natural tone. Tough to find flaws, but if there was anything, consider the tone on the words “energy management system.” Seems like it runs with the rest of the sentence. Consider separating that component with the slightest pause to emphasize what you are talking about next, giving the reader a chance to transition their thoughts to the energy management system from the previous topic (the car being propelled). “The energy management system determines….” Super minor thought, but it was the only place I lost focus on the topic. Great read Tom!
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Hi Tom, very nice! Good recording quality and great lead-in too. Your voice is warm and welcoming and informational. Good pacing to help the listener keep up with what you are telling the,\m. Very good!
Mary
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Hello, Edge Community. I am looking for feedback on my read for this script. Feedback on both technique and audio are welcome. Thank you for your time.
Spec: Male between the ages of 50-60. Narration track will accompany a 360 video presentation on the disease state and effects of diabetic macular edema. The role is of a physician so the reading should be warm and reassuring to give viewers a feeling of comfort.
Script: Hello! I’m Dr. Meyer and today I’ll answer those questions to help you better understand your disease, how treatment works, and the results typically seen by patients who follow their recommended treatment schedule.
Let’s start by taking a closer look inside of your eye.
Diabetic macular edema, or DME, is a severe, vision threatening complication of diabetes that occurs when damaged blood vessels leak fluid into the macula, the part of your retina responsible for sharp, straight-ahead vision. This fluid buildup can cause the macula to swell and thicken, which can disrupt your vision.
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Hi Tom! I love the transition from the first paragraph to the third. Your tempo is great, and the inflection of the word “inside” is stellar! Only gripe is that your pronunciation of the word edema seems to have an ‘n’ in it, as it ‘ENdema.’ Great read!
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Hi Tom, very nice! Definitely warm and reassuring. Very clear and straightforward. Your voice is very well-suited for this genre!
Mary
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Hello, Edge Community. I am looking for feedback on my read for this script. Feedback on both technique and audio are welcome. Thank you for your time.
Spec: A friendly “handyman” describes how to install the Fenix Easy Open Gate Latch to a DIY consumer. Knowledgeable, trusted, warm, patient, but not folksy. An authoritative step-by-step explanation.
Script: In this video, we’ll show you how to install the Fenix Easy Open Gate Latch. The Fenix Easy Open Gate Latch functions as both a handle and a latch for wood, vinyl or metal gates. After this simple installation, your Fenix Easy Open Gate Latch will provide one-handed operation from either side of your gate with a simple push or pull.
To install your Fenix Easy Open Gate latch, you’ll need a drill with an eighth-inch bit, a screwdriver or power driver, a tape measure, and a pencil. The latch requires a gap of at least 5/8 of an inch between the post and the gate.-
Everything I’ve heard from your postings from today sounds great. You have a fantastic voice, great pacing, good articulation. You’ve essentially got explainers in the bag–congrats!! Can’t wait to hear you on commercial copy!! Your lead-in for the Hybrid explainer, with all that smile and ease, will be your golden ticket to selling stuff in commercial copy. Looking forward to hearing more of you.
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Great read Tom! I agree with Steve on the 5/8s. What I love the most is how you tackle that list! (:27) Your pauses are perfect, and the subtle shift in tone is outstanding! I really have to work at lists, but you have them spot on. Love this read!
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Hi tomnunes, You have a very comfortable voice, I thought this read was right on the money! I think you followed all the directions in the specs and everything was nice and clear.
The only thing I myself would change is “5/8 of an inch” to “5/8’s (plural) of an inch”.
I really enjoyed listening !
Steve -
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Hello Edge VO Community! I am participating in a Scripts and Cold Reads workshop and my homework is to get feedback on the script below. Your honest opinion, tips, criticisms are welcome. 🙂
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Hi Kristen, really good work! You sounded really friendly and approachable. I like the smile and attitude in your voice in the first read – nice! Good pacing and energy for all of them.
I agree, the volume on the first one was low, and the other two had good (higher) volumes. Very nice work, keep it up!
Mary
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