Feedback Forum
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August 7, 2020 at 9:27 am #15468
David Goldberg
Edge Studio StaffHi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by
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AuthorReplies
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February 16, 2021 at 1:08 pm #63237
PrettyLoud
ParticipantHi all, here are my two takes of a 30-sec radio spot. I was a little over 30 secs on the first take, so I did a second take at a quicker tempo. Thanks for listening!
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February 17, 2021 at 10:12 am #63356
John Trape
ParticipantHi PrettyLoud,
You have a great voice, and both reads were so clear, but I felt that your second read, IMHO, with breathing perfectly controlled in that long sentence ending in “for people across the country,” was the best.
Thank you,
John
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February 16, 2021 at 12:08 pm #63232
PrettyLoud
ParticipantHi All, I’ve loved listening to you these last couple weeks. Here’s a B2B pharmaceutical explainer I found. Thanks for listening!
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February 16, 2021 at 5:10 pm #63283
L Houle
ParticipantNice! You have a tone to your voice, something that comes thru that makes you so engaging to listen to.
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February 16, 2021 at 2:38 pm #63242
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantPrettyLoud, these are great…I really felt like you were talking to ME in the first script, especially on the first try of the AmeriHealth spot. It wasn’t too long (they could perhaps speed up your final line with the website by a quarter second to get it under 30), and it felt warmer and even a bit friendlier than the second. Great voice! 🙂
With regard to the B2B, I LOVED your enunciation throughout. This will sound strange, but it felt almost…personable AND robotic at the same time. Almost like the British Siri was speaking American English. It was a great combination. It being B2B, your voice also sounded very smart and self-assured, as businesses should. Sorry…no complaints!
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February 16, 2021 at 11:16 am #63229
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantHello again! I have two lawn company scripts I’m testing. Please analyze and critique! What sounds good, and what doesn’t? Thanks!
Script One: Come to D***y Hands Garden Center for all your gardening needs. We carry hundreds of trees, shrubs and perennials, herbs, organics, garden art and accessories, and more! Visit us at 2603 Anderson Highway, off route 60-West just 7 minutes from Sycamore Square or on the web at dirtyhandsgardencenter.com. And remember: “Compost, because a rind is a terrible thing to waste.”
Script Two: 6. At Portage Turf, we firmly believe in taking care of Mother Earth, which is why we provide an organic lawn care program that is 100% certified with the Organic Materials Review Institute. We pride ourselves in greatly reducing chemical use on lawns, and our organic service is an extra step we take to further lessen the impact on the planet. Portage Turf Specialists. Naturally Better Lawn Care.Attachments:
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February 16, 2021 at 3:07 pm #63258
Mauricio Perez
ParticipantHello Mitch_Crawford, I like your samples, especially the second one, there you hit the words pretty good. Good job.
Maybe the first read could have been done with more energy than the second one.-
February 16, 2021 at 3:26 pm #63265
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantYes! The more I listen to it and see the feedback, I need to embrace that first one more and let loose. Radio spot. Gracias Mauricio!
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February 16, 2021 at 2:07 pm #63239
RYoung
ParticipantMitch, I did listen to both of you recordings the second one seem to flow better and sound more from the heart. The first one not so much it was slightly disjointed maybe? Hope that helps and thanks for sharing that!
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February 16, 2021 at 2:24 pm #63240
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantI see what you’re saying upon listening again. The first doesn’t flow quite as smoothly. Thanks RYoung!
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February 16, 2021 at 12:46 pm #63236
John Trape
ParticipantHi Mitch,
I very much enjoyed listening to both scripts. Plenty of enthusiasm, sincerity and, for me, perfect tempo, pitch, and pacing. I imagined each to be aimed at a particular audience. For example, script one I could so easily hear on one of my local, livelier radio stations, while script two would be a natural complement to a TV commercial, where I would be able to see Portage Turf and, as I listened to your reading, better appreciate their organic service.
Regards,
John
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February 16, 2021 at 2:25 pm #63241
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantThanks John, much appreciated! Good point on the setting of the two scripts, radio vs TV. I would perhaps be even livelier for a radio bit–hadn’t thought of that!
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February 16, 2021 at 4:36 am #63202
Elvie
ParticipantHello, This is for the Self Direction and Cold Read class with David Goldberg on Tuesday February 9th, 16th, & 23rd. I am to submit and get feed back before my class at 5pm PST.
Please I welcome feedback. Thank you!
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February 16, 2021 at 5:13 pm #63285
Barb
ParticipantHi Elvie!
I liked that I could hear something different in each read!
For the Macy’s and WaMu, in my opinion, don’t try to eliminate your Spanish. We’ve been hearing quite a bit of mixed marketing lately, with talent who are clearly Spanish speaking English. FiveBelow comes to mind. I think a McDonald’s ad too. I say let it fly! You can reach a really specific market! I think if you focus less on perfect English, the read will flow more.
Telecom is different. I spent 23 years in the industry and they’re still either booking bilingual or separate English/Spanish. Here I’d say your pacing and pauses were spot on, but maybe don’t hit “press” so hard. These systems have been around forever, and people get how to use them. You’ll bring the message through loud and clear with the pace alone.
Good work!
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February 16, 2021 at 10:21 am #63215
PrettyLoud
ParticipantHi Elvie,
I really liked your reads. I think the Macy’s sounded sincerely excited. The phone message was very serious, and I liked that you have so much versatility in your voice. And the Washington Mutual one conveyed warmth and trustworthiness. Enjoy your class! Looking forward to hearing more of you here on the Feedback Forum. -
February 16, 2021 at 10:16 am #63214
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantHi Elvie! I love your energy in the Macy’s ad! One pronunciation thing I noticed is how you say “women’s” at :06. It’s a really hard one to pronounce, and so many native English speakers struggle with it, men and women alike. The pronunciation of the plural “women” is “wi-muhn”, or, more like, “wi-min”, as opposed to “wu-min”, which would be the pronunciation for the singular “woman”.
On the American Express phone message, I LOVE your tempo and tone! The only thing I would add would be the sound of the letter D at the end of the word “damaged” at :22.
Washington Mutual–Love the tone and tempo! Great read!!
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February 16, 2021 at 1:11 am #63199
RYoung
ParticipantThis is a popular practice script, kinda country feel so I tried to give it a more motivational tone, any thoughts are welcome!
4H
It began with the seed of an idea.
In 1902, the heartland needed folks to embrace new advances in agriculture.
But leaders with open minds, strong hearts and willing hands weren’t in abundance.
Luckily, kids were.
By empowering the next generation to lead, 4/H took root.
And grew.
Grew kids who are confident and strong.
Who are curious enough to question
And capable enough to find the answer.
Who stick to a job until the job gets done.
Who know how to work with others
And how to lead.
4/H has kept right on growing.
Out of the farms and into the towns
From the suburbs to the cities
Anywhere curiosity roams
And confidence thrives.
Anywhere technology can be advanced
And achievement is valued.
Anywhere positive change is possible
And giving back moves entire communities forward.
When you think about it, it makes sense that we began with farming.
After all,
True leaders aren’t born.
They’re grown.
4/H GROWS HEREAttachments:
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February 17, 2021 at 12:00 am #63347
RYoung
ParticipantMuch appreciate all the comments!
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February 16, 2021 at 10:29 am #63217
PrettyLoud
ParticipantHi RYoung, such a nice voice for this kind of read. I felt the country, motivational vibe you were going for. It was very matter-of-fact. Practical farmer. And totally worked. I think if you were to do a second take, I wonder how you’d sound if you were a grandparent story-teller feeling nostalgic, remembering working on the land as a child yourself, proud of seeing what has grown out of an idea from 1902 to give kids skills. Really well done!
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February 16, 2021 at 10:22 am #63216
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantWow, that was awesome! I could see the drone panning across a field of amber waves of grain, flowing heartily in the wind, as you read. It’s a long read, so tone is super important, I think, in order to keep the listener engaged. I particularly liked your tone at the end of thoughts; an example being “…confident and strong.” (:26) And, “…how to lead.” (:35) I love how you stretch it the slightest bit in order to give it more credence and importance. “…how to leeead.” Great read!! Sorry, my critique is on what you did very well–couldn’t find flaws.
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February 16, 2021 at 11:01 am #63226
RYoung
ParticipantHi Mitch, I appreciate your compliments and the way you analyze reads very helpful! I wanted to leave a comment for you on your motel 6 read you and done recently, however it’s a few pages back and you may not see it and unfortunately there’s no notification that a comment is coming in. Of the old forum you would get an email that someone had commented on one of your reads but too bad I guess good things don’t last forever. Anyway I enjoyed your connectivity and flow with the motel 6 and the conversational style delivery the only suggestion I would have is the ending where you kind of revert back to an announcer style with motel 6 as you could keep the same folksy conversational tone for the last line anyway great work on that and hope to hear more from you!
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February 16, 2021 at 11:13 am #63228
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantThanks for that–I would’ve missed it for sure! I’m pretty new to VO, so I do tend to revert to announcer style. I’m trying to focus on my own voice and avoid ‘acting’. Thanks for the feedback! I have two new ones coming up in a couple minutes and would love for you to analyze them.
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February 16, 2021 at 5:01 am #63208
Elvie
ParticipantHello Ryoung, Great job! I love the music in the background. I think it would help if you pace yourself a little slower in your read. At times it felt to rush but other than that you did Awesome!
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February 15, 2021 at 11:13 pm #63185
mkell755
ParticipantHello there! Here are 2 reads of the same script for any and all feedback. Which one sounds more believable for the script (if either)? I’m also interested in the sound levels and quality of the recording. I tried Normalizing the recording on Audacity per some earlier suggestions, let me know know if it helped (or created other issues!) ha. Thank you to everyone for listening and offering input!
Mary
Birds Eye: Cheddar Broccoli Bake
Introducing the Cheddar Broccoli Bake from Birds Eye. A creamy, gooey, melty, deliciously decadent way to eat broccoli….Yes Please! Birds Eye – a new twist on veggies.Attachments:
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February 17, 2021 at 9:56 pm #63394
Robert Broussard
ParticipantBoth were good Mary, I think I like #2 a little better. Good work.
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February 16, 2021 at 10:35 am #63219
PrettyLoud
ParticipantSounds really clear. I really liked your “Yes, please” on the second take. I think you were going with natural, conversational, not over doing it and you absolutely succeeded! I think for a third take, you could give yourself permission to be over-the-top. What does it sound like when you’re really enjoying your yummy words list, and painting a picture for us of how gooey and delicious the dish is? Such a pleasure to hear you!! Thanks for sharing.
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February 16, 2021 at 10:30 am #63218
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantHi Mary! I liked how you did the list items in the second one better–you changed up the tone on the items so it didn’t seem as much like a bullet list. What if that list sounded even more s**y/enticing? Yes, eating broccoli can actually be as such, especially with these yummy words! Fun read!
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February 17, 2021 at 9:20 pm #63388
mkell755
ParticipantHi Mitch, thanks for the feedback! I will try a more enticing / seductive version and see how it goes, thanks for the suggestion! In my head it starts to feel too over the top, but then a lot of advertising is over the top but accepted – it just might work for a broccoli add. Thanks again!
Mary
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February 16, 2021 at 5:24 am #63211
Elvie
ParticipantHi, I like the first one better. It seem you were more friendly, relatable and your read was more smoother on the first than the second one. Great work!
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February 15, 2021 at 10:02 pm #63180
cynthia-hamilton@outlook.com
ParticipantHi Everyone,
Here’s my assignment from the Cold Reads class for review. I am new to ALL of this, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!
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February 16, 2021 at 10:52 am #63225
PrettyLoud
ParticipantCynthia, you sound fantastic!! I’d never have known you were new. You sound great on all these reads. I always like to think of how to do a second take, so here are my ideas. I think for the 4-H one, your first take is engaging, up tempo, and direct. So for contrast, a second take could be slightly slower, quieter, and story-teller-like. I love HR benefits video script; fantastic smile in that script–for second take options, I wonder what quickening the pace slightly and smoothing the phrases would sound like. Aetna was also great–good brand name billboarding–for a second take, contrast might be nurturing, soft-spoken, caring… You sound great! Thanks for sharing these. Looking forward to hearing more of you here.
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February 15, 2021 at 11:32 pm #63193
mkell755
ParticipantHi Cynthia! Welcome! Good job on these. I liked all 3 of them, and the nice textured rasp in your voice!
Script 1: Good energy and attitude. You might try a slight micro-pause after “kids were!” to help get the point across that 4H is all about the kids leading themselves for just a little bit more emphasis. Small thing!
Script 2: Good read. Good variation of the list of items starting from at about 23 seconds at “company polices,…” to the end of the script.
Script 3: Sounded quite a bit quieter than the other two. Also it seemed like the first phrase was a little disconnected from the rest of the sentence – “no matter where we live,” sounded like “no matter where we live.” (with a period, not a comma) , I think for the phrase to make sense it should flow just a little better if that makes sense. Good job!Mary
Mary
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February 15, 2021 at 9:26 pm #63176
tomnunes
ParticipantHello, Edge Community. I am looking for feedback on my read for this script. Feedback on both technique and audio are welcome. Thank you for your time.
Spec: The user will be guided through the training course by a Professor avatar. The professor is between 50 and 60 years old. The speaker will lead through the training as a (sometimes a little bit absent-minded) professor. The voice should be friendly and inviting. He should convey this dry topic in a playful, relaxed, and factual way. The target-group is employees in technical development, but also people who only deal with the topic on the periphery.
Script: There are different variants of hybrid drives. One of them is the so-called parallel hybrid. For this variant, the electric motor and the combustion engine work together to propel the vehicle, by having both of them connected to the transmission. When fuel reaches the engine or the electric motor is switched on, the generated power propels the car. The energy management system determines when to operate the electric motor and when to switch to the internal combustion engine.
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February 16, 2021 at 10:40 am #63221
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantLove the lead in! It’s a great read, keeping to the specs nicely. I love how you slightly over-pronounce the word “fuel” at :20. It gives it a friendly, natural tone. Tough to find flaws, but if there was anything, consider the tone on the words “energy management system.” Seems like it runs with the rest of the sentence. Consider separating that component with the slightest pause to emphasize what you are talking about next, giving the reader a chance to transition their thoughts to the energy management system from the previous topic (the car being propelled). “The energy management system determines….” Super minor thought, but it was the only place I lost focus on the topic. Great read Tom!
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February 15, 2021 at 11:34 pm #63194
mkell755
ParticipantHi Tom, very nice! Good recording quality and great lead-in too. Your voice is warm and welcoming and informational. Good pacing to help the listener keep up with what you are telling the,\m. Very good!
Mary
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February 15, 2021 at 11:14 pm #63188
SuperLuke
ParticipantGood job with the performance and the recording quality
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February 15, 2021 at 9:25 pm #63174
tomnunes
ParticipantHello, Edge Community. I am looking for feedback on my read for this script. Feedback on both technique and audio are welcome. Thank you for your time.
Spec: Male between the ages of 50-60. Narration track will accompany a 360 video presentation on the disease state and effects of diabetic macular edema. The role is of a physician so the reading should be warm and reassuring to give viewers a feeling of comfort.
Script: Hello! I’m Dr. Meyer and today I’ll answer those questions to help you better understand your disease, how treatment works, and the results typically seen by patients who follow their recommended treatment schedule.
Let’s start by taking a closer look inside of your eye.
Diabetic macular edema, or DME, is a severe, vision threatening complication of diabetes that occurs when damaged blood vessels leak fluid into the macula, the part of your retina responsible for sharp, straight-ahead vision. This fluid buildup can cause the macula to swell and thicken, which can disrupt your vision.
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February 16, 2021 at 10:44 am #63222
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantHi Tom! I love the transition from the first paragraph to the third. Your tempo is great, and the inflection of the word “inside” is stellar! Only gripe is that your pronunciation of the word edema seems to have an ‘n’ in it, as it ‘ENdema.’ Great read!
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February 15, 2021 at 11:35 pm #63195
mkell755
ParticipantHi Tom, very nice! Definitely warm and reassuring. Very clear and straightforward. Your voice is very well-suited for this genre!
Mary
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February 15, 2021 at 9:24 pm #63172
tomnunes
ParticipantHello, Edge Community. I am looking for feedback on my read for this script. Feedback on both technique and audio are welcome. Thank you for your time.
Spec: A friendly “handyman” describes how to install the Fenix Easy Open Gate Latch to a DIY consumer. Knowledgeable, trusted, warm, patient, but not folksy. An authoritative step-by-step explanation.
Script: In this video, we’ll show you how to install the Fenix Easy Open Gate Latch. The Fenix Easy Open Gate Latch functions as both a handle and a latch for wood, vinyl or metal gates. After this simple installation, your Fenix Easy Open Gate Latch will provide one-handed operation from either side of your gate with a simple push or pull.
To install your Fenix Easy Open Gate latch, you’ll need a drill with an eighth-inch bit, a screwdriver or power driver, a tape measure, and a pencil. The latch requires a gap of at least 5/8 of an inch between the post and the gate.Attachments:
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February 16, 2021 at 11:04 am #63227
PrettyLoud
ParticipantEverything I’ve heard from your postings from today sounds great. You have a fantastic voice, great pacing, good articulation. You’ve essentially got explainers in the bag–congrats!! Can’t wait to hear you on commercial copy!! Your lead-in for the Hybrid explainer, with all that smile and ease, will be your golden ticket to selling stuff in commercial copy. Looking forward to hearing more of you.
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February 16, 2021 at 10:47 am #63223
Mitch_Crawford
ParticipantGreat read Tom! I agree with Steve on the 5/8s. What I love the most is how you tackle that list! (:27) Your pauses are perfect, and the subtle shift in tone is outstanding! I really have to work at lists, but you have them spot on. Love this read!
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February 16, 2021 at 8:55 pm #63337
tomnunes
ParticipantThanks, Mitch. Yeah, lists are tricky. I imagined the video might be showing the item one at a time, so the pauses made sense. Other lists are hard not to make them sound like a Powerpoint slide. :). And good catch on the 5/8’s as well. Thanks, again.
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February 16, 2021 at 4:55 am #63207
Elvie
ParticipantNice job Tom! You sure sound friendly, warm and trust worthy handyman. So clear, great recording.
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February 16, 2021 at 1:34 am #63201
solin232
ParticipantHi tomnunes, You have a very comfortable voice, I thought this read was right on the money! I think you followed all the directions in the specs and everything was nice and clear.
The only thing I myself would change is “5/8 of an inch” to “5/8’s (plural) of an inch”.
I really enjoyed listening !
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February 15, 2021 at 11:37 pm #63196
mkell755
ParticipantHi Tom, great work! Very helpful feel to this one. Sounds warm and patient and not folksy or patronizing – well done!
Mary
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February 15, 2021 at 11:16 pm #63189
SuperLuke
ParticipantFantastic performance for a “how to” recording. Great recording quality
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