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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Here’s a practice script I tried. Thanks for any feedback!
Like many other philosophers, who greatly extended our knowledge of nature, Galileo had a remarkable aptitude for the invention of instruments designed for philosophical research. To facilitate his practical work, we find that in 1599, he had engaged a skilled workman, who was to live in his house, and be constantly at hand to try the devices, which were forever springing from Galileo’s fertile brain.
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Hi Tina. Great read. Your words were clear and diction was good. There was one section that sounded muddled which was pointed out above (“to try”). There is also emphasis on “designed” that stood out among that sentence. The pace is a bit slow for me but I am one of those people who speeds up playback on videos. Nice voice and good work. Best, Kristen
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Hi Tina, very good read! I liked the clarity and pacing and tone for the script. “at hand to try the devices” sounded like “at hand t’ try the devices” the “to” sounded like “t'”. I smush my to’s and for’s also, which is why I tend to notice them. I too heard a bit of a pause or noise of some sort right before “…Galileo’s fertile brain.” Overall really good! These are little things. Good job!
Mary
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Hey Tina, really nice work on this script, I love your voice for this copy. I think you could have paced this a bit quicker as it would make it sound more conversational, particularly the sentence “Galileo had a remarkable aptitude for the invention of instruments designed for philosophical research” I think there was too much attention given to each word here and it sounded like you were reading. Between the words “springing from” there was a but of a glottal stop or pause that took me out from what you were saying, so I think if you smooth that out it would be even better. Really nice work Tina!
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Some contrast for affected delivery vs. conversational. Thanks for listening and let me know what you think!
D***y Harry
I know what you’re thinking. “Did he fire six shots or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?-
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Hey RYoung,
What a great script! Love it for your voice. I think that in both deliveries, a read with fewer breaks would be helpful in keeping the drama. For example, the two descriptive phrases about the .44 Magnum really are extraneous verbiage…it’s just some filler until you get to, “You’ve got to ask yourself…” It’s fantastic that you have 3 questions in this short excerpt. It’s really packed with a lot of punch. Especially the fact that you get to speak so directly to the listener/or is the listener a character in the story? This is perfect for you! So great to get to hear you in this. -
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Practicing
Smooth Gambler
I understand. Being upset if I have lost as many hands as you, I’d be furious. But you need to understand, you can lose more than your money son. Now put the gun down and keep playing, or leave while you still have a chance.-
Hi Robert, good read! This one is hard to critique for me because I’m trying to imagine the intent of the script, but other than practicing a character voice, it does not seem to be advertising a product. If that’s the case, I think you could really lean into and emphasize key words more like “furious” and “put the gun down” Your voice is good for the script, keep it up!
Mary
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Seems to me the copy has punctuation errors, and if this came from the script library, it probably does. I’ve done some copy editing and you might have fun re-reading it with the mistakes corrected.
I understand being upset. If I’d have lost as many hands as you, I’d be furious. But you need to understand, you can lose more than your money son. Now put the gun down and keep playing, or leave while you still have a chance.Also, have fun with the key words at play: understand (I vs You need to), lose more, put gun down, or leave.
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Hi Robert your delivery seem to start out okay with I understand it even was slurred to give a natural effect however after that it seemed more like a read and somewhat disjointed. I know we I’ll get caught up in trying to put out our best performance but in this case I would just relax more and let it flow more conversationally than trying to imitate the cowboy gambler. All throw up my d***y hairy one as an example. I did enjoy your Chevy truck commercial down below it sounded much more authentic hope that helps and thanks for sharing those!
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Trying this out for practice this evening. A appreciate any feedback.
Chevy Silverado Trail Boss
The Chevy Silverado Trail Boss
When you have a two inch lift…
When you have Goodyear Duratrack tires…
When you have Rancho shocks…and an integrated dual exhaust…
When you have all that…
The last thing you’ll need…is a road…
The Chevy Silverado Trail Boss…
Ready to off-road…right from the factory.
Chevy….find new roads…-
Hi Robert, good read! Your voice is very well-suited for this script, very good fit and natural. There were lots of statements with pauses and the pacing was really good too. Good music too. I think the “The last thing you’ll need…is a road…” line could be delivered with just a little more attitude, like maybe you imagine “this truck is so great that it can drive ANYWHERE, and you NEED one!” in your head as you are saying it. Very good read!
Mary
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You have a great voice for this read. My first suggestion is to visualize the different car parts that you are speaking about and pretend that you are showing them to somebody and maybe running your hand along them, just to connect more with each individual part. The second suggestion is to notice the way you say “The last thing you’ll need” because the way it sounds right now to me is as if it’s a hassle and the last thing you need is a hassle, instead of a list that is finishing off with “The last thing you need is the road”. More like anticipatory excitement rather than something that comes off as a headache. I hope that makes sense.
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Hi everyone here are 2 reads for any and all feedback. Let me know what you think! Working to get sound levels right. This is my first time to add music (fun!)
Mary
Documentary on Jazz
It is America’s music. It is an improvised Art, making itself up as it goes along. It rewards individual expression. But demands selfless collaboration. It is forever changing. But nearly always rooted in the blues. It has a rich tradition and its own rules. But it is brand new every night.Fats Waller
Thomas “Fats” Waller began his jazz career early, learned fast, rose quickly, lived hard, and died young. A child prodigy who was playing piano at age six, his life was a furious burst of energy –and it was all reflected in his music. Welcome to the world of Fats Waller: Joe Louis, Legs Diamond, George Gershwin –he knew them all; Harlem, Hollywood, Paris, London –he saw it all; S*x, fame, success, money –he had it all. His incredible gusto made him one of a kind. Fats was a giant, and he might just live, through his music, forever.-
Hey Mary, nice work! I will make notes on the second piece. I think this one was really well done. There were a couple things that popped out to me:
on six at “age six” your inflection was in an upspeak so if you are ending a sentence or phrase with an upspeak it sounds like you are asking a question or are unsure of what you are saying. So since this is a statement I would suggest not using upspeak there. I also thing there are more commas in this script than are needed. Sometimes you have to let go of certain commas otherwise it will just sound more choppy. Pausing between ideas instead of abiding by every comma will sound more natural. But really nice work! I could tell this is a topic that you really enjoy, way to go!-
Thanks for the feedback Katelyn! I’m working on upspeak, for some reason it is a hard habit to break for me. There were a lot of commas in this; I will work on stringing the phrases together a little better to smooth it out. Yes, as a long-time piano student, this script and the character were interesting to me – definitely a personal interest! Thanks again,
Mary
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Hi Mary,
Great job with the music! I think on the first piece you could probably let it breather a little bit more. Even a cool thing to think about would be to insert some cool jazz in between the talking, like when you say “it is an improvised art” it would be cool to hear a small improvised trill from a sax, or skat or something. I totally pictured you reading this on that Sunday morning news show. I think it’s CBD sunday morning. 🙂
My suggestion for your second piece on Fats Waller is to go through the script and pick words that you want to emphasize. There are so many good adjectives, and descriptors in this piece and I feel like you can punch it up more and add a little bit more intrigue to the read. Hope this helps! Also a lot of moments that you could add music to emphasize what you are saying such as “furious burst of energy”. Overall, great reads and I think just adding a few touches to them to ignite them will totally make them epic.
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Thanks for the feedback Tina! Yes I can see stretching out the first piece a little more with more pauses in between thoughts, it’s definitely a contemplative piece. On the music, this was my first time to add a music track, but other that cutting a pasting parts of it, don’t know how to edit at this point. I like the idea of a well-timed solo as a backdrop to that script, especially after “improvised art” or “it is different every night”. For the Fats Waller piece I will try punching up phrases even a little more to keep the interest. Thanks again!
Mary
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Mary, those were nice. Good selection of background music. Good for topics and your voice. Good work!!
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Hello, good day! I’m going for relaxed, natural, and friendly narration for what I can assume is a travelogue video for the town of Hershey. I specifically wanted to tone it down and just sound natural VS commercial. Any feedback is appreciated!
Hershey Tour
Welcome to Hershey, the Great American Chocolate Town, where families come together for a taste of the sweet life. Tucked in the rolling hills of Central Pennsylvania, this idyllic escape offers the latest and greatest in entertainment and hospitality, fused with the traditions of one of America’s original success stories. Even the smiles seem sweeter! With attractions, accommodations, amenities and activities in all flavors, a trip to “The Sweetest Place on Earth” is an easy treat. -
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Hi!
Would love your feedback on technique and equipment. Thanks for your help!“Only Ziploc brand bags have a unique interlocking zipper to lock in freshness in a way no other bag can. When it comes out this fresh, you know it went in a Ziploc bag. Ziploc. We’ve got a lock on freshness.”
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Hi Elcys – good read! I like this for you. I also say “ta” instead of “to” sometimes – it is hard to change that for some reason without sounding too formal or unnatural! I saw on the forum a while back that if you have that issue to actually mark up or write “2” instead of “to” and “4” instead of “for” to help remind yourself to say those words in that way. I also heard your gasp for breath right as you were starting to speak – this can be edited out later, but just something to watch for. The mic captures it all! Good job, this one is kind of a tongue-twister.
Mary
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Chilis Big Mouth Burger
Recently in a Chili’s restaurant, the server, carrying a big mouth burger to a customer collided with another server carrying a tray of nachos. Each customer got more than they expected. What could have been a disaster turned out delicious. Tangy tortilla strips, jalepenos, and pesto on a burger grilled to perfection. Chili’s new NACHO BIG MOUTH BURGER. Nachos and burger! On a collision course with destiny.
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Nice delivery and friendly style to this commercial Bill. It’s also smooth and well connected not a trace of any what they call disjointed type delivery. Now if you haven’t already go get some d**n jobs!
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Hi all,
Please provide feedback on technique, not studio issues. Thanks for your help!
SCRIPT:
The year was 1972. Richard Milhous Nixon was president. Seemingly honest and trustworthy, few citizens really knew what was going on in the background of his administration. Here’s historian David Reynolds.-
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Hi, Kevin! This is a great narration piece for you. Your voice comes with its own gravitas, so when the words you’re saying have a lot of weight to them you don’t need to add any drama or weight or anything. You can make it a nice conversational read, as if you were were saying to a young adult, “Listen, this is a crazy story! It was like this:” A lead-in like that draws the listener in. If you’d like, here in the forum, keep it in the recording so we can hear how you’re workin’ it.
You also have nice diction, and that means you don’t have to over-enunciate. One thing you can do to get into the conversationally of a script is to summarize that first little bit in your own words like: “So, back in ’72 President Nixon seemed like a great guy but nobody knew he actually was hiding some pretty bad stuff.” How do you think that might affect your read?
Thanks for posting! Great to hear you!
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