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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hello all! Here are 2 scripts for any and all feedback. One is for Sam Adams, and one is a poem by Donna Ashworth. Having fun choosing background music. Let me know how they sound – thank you!
Mary
Sam Adams Beer
No matter how hard you try, you can not twist off the bottle cap of a Sam Adams. All that Sam Adams flavor is locked beneath a twenty one crimp bottle cap. So you’ll need a bottle cap opener to get at it…at the very least. Sam Adams, a better glass of beer.Poem by Donna Ashworth
“Don’t prioritize your looks my friend,
they won’t last the journey.
Your sense of humor though, will only get better.
Your intuition will grow and expand like a majestic cloak of wisdom.
Your ability to choose your battles, will be fine-tuned to perfection.
Your capacity for stillness, for living in the moment, will blossom.
And your desire to live each and every moment will transcend all other wants.
Your instinct for knowing what (and who) is worth your time, will grow and flourish like ivy on a castle wall.
Don’t prioritize your looks my friend,
they will change forevermore,
that pursuit is one of much sadness and disappointment.
Prioritize the uniqueness that makes you you, and the invisible magnet that draws in other like-minded souls to dance in your orbit.
These are the things which will only get better.”-
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Hi Mary! Wow! I can tell you’ve really been putting in the time to perfect your reads—-lovely stuff!
SAM ADAMS – Love the “laugh” delivery at :07, really cements your natural, folksy demeanor. Definitely hear the “smile” in your voice at the end as well. One thought: you might look at your pronunciation of “fl” in “flavor” (:10)-—it sounds a touch muddy to my ear.
POEM – Lovely music choice, again it complements the inviting quality of your voice. Another clear, inviting performance. (I agree with others that at :17 it sounds as if you’re saying “find tuned” rather than “fine tuned”.)
Again, really well done!
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Thanks for the feedback Rogue1! I was having fun with this one, and I’m glad it sounded authentic and that I was smiling, which I definitely was. I tried a few music choices, but the laid back guitar track worked the best (I also had a harmonica and ska version, which were not right). I will check out the “flavor” and see if that can be sharpened a bit.
On the poem, yes “fine-tuned” did sound like “find tuned” – totally not right but something I think I would not miss the next time I worked on recording, that part needs to flow better. Thanks again!
Mary
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Hi Mary! I think the Sam Adams read is your finest work yet! It’s the most natural-sounding, smoothly delivered, just-talking-to-me performance I’ve heard from your submissions. The only thing I would change is actually the chuckle–it didn’t seem necessary, as the words themselves will pull a chuckle out of the listener. Such a great read!!
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Hi Mitch, thanks for your feedback! I’m glad you liked Sam Adams – I’m a true fan of all their beers. 🙂 I did record that one a few weeks ago and decided this time to just not take it so seriously. The chuckle was just part of having fun with it, and is something I could see myself speculating about it with a friend, Thanks for your comments! I’m working to sound more natural, so I’m happy to hear that. Thanks again!
Mary
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Hi Mary!
Sam Adams read was nice. I liked the guitar in the background and the chuckle about the bottle cap. The audio might sound a little muffled, though that may be my hearing. I think this script was used for one of the monthly script-reading contests here at Edge. For some reason I had trouble making a smooth read of this one.On the poem I think the mix of your voice and music was really good. Be careful with some of your words, you are using a lot of “yer” for “your” and you said “fined-tuned” instead of “fine-tuned”. Watch out for glottals. Still, great voice that a listener can relate to.
Don/docr15
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Hi Don, thanks for the feedback! On the Sam Adams read, I read it previously a month or so ago and struggled a bit. It was a little easier this time for some reason, I just decided to totally relax and have fun with it, and it sounded better as a result.
Yes, the “fine-tuned” was not right, in a previous version I left out the “to” after fine-tuned and over compensated on fine-tuned as a result. I will work on that as well as the “yer”s, of which there are many in this script – my accent is coming through for sure on that! Thank you,
Mary
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Hey everyone,
a little more practice. Any and all feedback (eg; technical or performance) is welcome. Thanks!===
Everybody can use a little help when they’re out on the road- and that’s where MailBoxes Etcetera comes in. We get it done, and we get it done right. Mailboxes Etcetera.
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Meet the Mazda CX-9. Room for seven. Sophisticated. And thoughtfully engineered by a team of gearheads and car fanatics who only build SUVs worth driving.
We build Mazdas.
What do you drive?
—
They never told me what to expect. I never realized how delicate her skin would be, but the hospitals did — they put her in PAMPERS. They’ve got this lock-away core that holds wetness away and keeps it away, to help keep her skin dry. No regular diapers protect her better or keep her happier, which makes me happy, too.-
Hi Amitofu! You have an amazing aural grit to your voice and I feel the scripts you picked suit it well—-especially the quick, clipped tempo of Mailboxes Etc. and Mazda. Surprisingly (and I mean that as a compliment), your gruff timbre also works as a counterpoint for the “softness” of the Pampers spot giving the script a heartfelt gravitas where it might have just as easily come off as syrupy or insincere.
Keep up the great work!
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Amitofu, I love your voice for these readings! Especially the Mailboxes one…the short reads are just ideal for your super cool voice. One thing on Mailboxes, check your pronunciation of Etcetera. The first time it sounds like Ex-cetra, the second is different…Ex-cedra (with the d sound). You may need an extra syllable in there for pronunciation: Et-cet-er-a. Check how he says it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISdl4DmCJZk
The Mazda read is great (I just got a CX-5 last month!). And the Pampers read was great too–You sounded very genuine in your care/concern for your loved one–I imagine you were thinking about if one of your own parents was currently in this situation. Great read–perhaps skip the pause after the word “which” at the end. I want to keep listening to you! -
Hi Amitofu! Excellent work! Very clear, crisp delivery for all three scripts. In the second script I liked the emphasis on “…who only…” which really helped focus on the differentiation of why someone should drive a Mazda (therefore helping to sell the product). I like how you varied the tone on the third script to give a sensitive feel, really good work for all three!
Mary
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Continued practice! Thanks for all of the comments on previous posts- all comments are welcome, especially those focused on performance. Thanks!
Swift River Bank
When you bank at Swift River Bank you’re a friend and a client. With over 80 years experience, our trained staff is here to assist you with all of your financial needs. From deposit accounts, to auto and personal loans, up to commercial business loans. We provide sound knowledge and a solid background. Consultations are always free, with 24 hour customer service. Swift River Bank. Lending a helping hand since 1930. Member FDIC.
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Hello CYeschenko, Great performance! Your read has all the trustworthiness and authority one would expect of a bank while at the same time seamlessly adding the key human element of being warm and inviting. Very crisp and clear read, perhaps a touch clipped here and there for diction (as apposed to being a bit more relaxed), but still a performance very germane to the brand.
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CYeschenko, this is a great read! If I could nitpick (as I must if I am to find ANY flaws), maybe extend your pauses between periods for an extra millisecond, as some of the sentences seem to run in to each other. Example…the pauses between “…client. With…” and “…service. Swift…” are perfect. However, “…needs. From…” and “…loans. We…” have transitions that sound more like a comma with a louder breath. You may have planned it that way for timing, and it is VERY subtle. I LOVE how you read Member FDIC slightly faster, as I remember banks always doing in the ads in the past! I also think this is an ideal genre for your voice–very trusting, down to earth, and neighborly.
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Hi CYeschenko, very good! “..our trained staff…” sounded like “…our trained-a staff…”, I understand you were trying to enunciate everything and everything was very well done on that end, but maybe just a little more smoothing between “trained” and “staff” would sound a little bit more natural. Also “…and a solid background.” did not sounds like a statement, but more like it ended with a comma, which made it sound less certain. I’m being nitpicky but this is really good!
Mary
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Any feedback is always appreciated. Thanks!
Glenfiddich Single Malt Scotch Whiskey
The quickest thing we accomplish takes 12 years. It takes at least that long for our handcrafted oak casks to work their magic on our single malt, slowly surrendering their flavor to create our smooth, superbly balanced, rich, oaky Special Reserve. Glenfiddich Single Malt Scotch Whisky. Family owned and dominated since 1887. 40% alcohol by volume. Imported by William Grant & Sons, New York. Our family reminds you, enjoy this whisky responsibly.-
Hi Robert, Wow! Your voice was truly “distilled” for this brand! Your read is very rich, full-bodied, and inviting. If I had any tiny nit-picks (and they are just that—-tiny), this passage: “It takes at least that long for our handcrafted oak casks to work their magic on our single malt,” seems a touch problematic to my ear. I almost feel you pausing a millisecond to navigate “handcrafted oak casts” and then it sounds strange to my ear for you to go up in tone on “malt” (it’s like you’re treating the following comma as a period). Again, super nit-picky comments for a very polished read!
Well done!
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Hi Robert! Great read–your voice IS ideal for a nice smokey whisky. I heard the pause after ‘to work their magic’ too, and maybe after oak casks. But I like how you sped up the reading ever so slightly on the two sentences toward the end–40% and Imported by. Maybe extend your pause ever so slightly after …New York, in order to separate your final sentence a tiny bit more. Love that voice!
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Hi! Looking for some more feedback on technique and performance. Thanks in advance!
“Dead battery at your rustic rental? Must be nature’s way of telling you it’s switching time. Make the switch to up to 12 hours of battery life. Switch to Chromebook.”
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Hi Adrothfield, good read! I heard a bit of choppiness as well, you might try just re-reading it over and over again until it’s memorized (this one is short enough for that) and then it will sound smoother once you record it. Also I noticed that some of your “to”s sound like “tuh”s like on “switch to up to”. I do that too and it can sound a little unnatural but better to slow down on those parts so you can hear the full word more clearly. I like your voice! Keep it up.
Mary
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it sounded pretty choppy, and maybe a bit fast. I could hear mouth clicks and breaths very easily (though idk if that’s something you’re worried about at this point). It also sounds like you might have an after effect that fades out some of your words (‘life’ in ‘batterylife’). Maybe a noise gate problem. “Must be nature’s way…” – the ‘M’ in ‘Must’ was kinda chopped off. I think your voice is good, but slowing down and enunciating while visualizing an audience, will make it a great read.
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Hi! Looking for feedback on technique and performance. Thanks in advance!
“Taste the awesomeness of 7-Eleven with our new classic chicken sandwich. 100% white meat chicken with barbecue-honey-mustard sauce for only a dollar 99.… can I have a bite?
7-Eleven. Awesomeness guaranteed.”-
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You started out with great energy and ended with it too! but the middle sagged a bit imo. eg; ‘new’ ‘classic’ ‘chicken sandwhich’ all need a small pepper of variety from each other. Or like “100% white meat chicken with barbecue honey mustard sauce” every one of those words, should be spoken to evoke a distinct flavor. like, the mentality is that you’re not just excited that it’s a sandwich, but it’s THE sandwich with the BEST sauces! or to put it another way, every detail that you add should be more astonishing than the one before. Your enthusiasm for this VERY specific sandwich (that you can only get at 7-11 for $2) needs to be contagious (pardon the phrasing).
“Can I have a bite?” I really liked the way you read it. good work.
Also, overall, mind the plosives. You might be a little too close to the mic.
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My take on the currently airing Celebrity Cruises: “Ready for Takeoff” spot. There’s a bit of irony here as I used to be a software application engineer for Royal/Celebrity until the pandemic emptied the ships of passengers – and revenue.
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I love your smooth delivery for this cruise spot! You’ve captured the relaxing vibe really well. However, I wonder if you can add a little more urgency/excitement into the mix? There are moments that you’re so smooth I start to zone out. Otherwise, you’ve done a nice job with this!
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This is really smooth! I can see images of vineyards and glistening grapes in the sun. The only sort of negative I would say is the possible balance of the background music and your voice. However, I am stretching to come up with anything critical to say. I’d be interested in hearing what others say of the mix. Nicely done.
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Here’s my third of 3 homework assignments. Looking forward to doing my commercial demo session next week. Thanks in advance for any comments on any part of my reads.
AARP
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In communities just like yours, there are many who need help.
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Start today. It can be as easy as giving food or money to your local area food bank, or getting tips to start your own food drive.
Whatever level of involvement is right for you, we’ve made it simple to find and help people in your area.
So get involved. Go to http://www.createthegood.org/hunger.
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Very nicely done! The pacing and tone fit the copy perfectly for me, and as far a choosing copy you picked one that your voice suits well and would likely give you a solid shot at booking the job. Good luck on the demo!
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Next is my second of three homework reads in prep for my commercial demo session next week. I appreciate comments of any kind!
Gameboy
“It’s not just another mind-numbing family road trip to Grandma’s. It’s a tongue-biting, seat-wetting ride with GAME BOY ADVANCED ! Now with wider screen, enhanced graphics, and multi-player options. Game boy…ride with it.”-
Hi Docr15, really good! I think you could really lean into and have fun with this one, and emphasize “GAME BOY ADVANCED!” like your hair is on fire, I mean really get excited!!!! I agree too that some of the listed items could be a little more varied in tone – you are trying to convince grade and middle school kids and are trying to get their attention – you have permission to cut loose! 🙂
Mary
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