Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi! Looking for feedback on technique and performance. Thanks in advance!
“Taste the awesomeness of 7-Eleven with our new classic chicken sandwich. 100% white meat chicken with barbecue-honey-mustard sauce for only a dollar 99.… can I have a bite?
7-Eleven. Awesomeness guaranteed.”-
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You started out with great energy and ended with it too! but the middle sagged a bit imo. eg; ‘new’ ‘classic’ ‘chicken sandwhich’ all need a small pepper of variety from each other. Or like “100% white meat chicken with barbecue honey mustard sauce” every one of those words, should be spoken to evoke a distinct flavor. like, the mentality is that you’re not just excited that it’s a sandwich, but it’s THE sandwich with the BEST sauces! or to put it another way, every detail that you add should be more astonishing than the one before. Your enthusiasm for this VERY specific sandwich (that you can only get at 7-11 for $2) needs to be contagious (pardon the phrasing).
“Can I have a bite?” I really liked the way you read it. good work.
Also, overall, mind the plosives. You might be a little too close to the mic.
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My take on the currently airing Celebrity Cruises: “Ready for Takeoff” spot. There’s a bit of irony here as I used to be a software application engineer for Royal/Celebrity until the pandemic emptied the ships of passengers – and revenue.
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I love your smooth delivery for this cruise spot! You’ve captured the relaxing vibe really well. However, I wonder if you can add a little more urgency/excitement into the mix? There are moments that you’re so smooth I start to zone out. Otherwise, you’ve done a nice job with this!
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This is really smooth! I can see images of vineyards and glistening grapes in the sun. The only sort of negative I would say is the possible balance of the background music and your voice. However, I am stretching to come up with anything critical to say. I’d be interested in hearing what others say of the mix. Nicely done.
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Here’s my third of 3 homework assignments. Looking forward to doing my commercial demo session next week. Thanks in advance for any comments on any part of my reads.
AARP
It’s right in your own backyard.While it may be hard to believe, roughly five million Americans don’t even know where their next meal will come from.
In communities just like yours, there are many who need help.
Join people across the country who are coming together with AARP Create the Good, to end hunger.
Start today. It can be as easy as giving food or money to your local area food bank, or getting tips to start your own food drive.
Whatever level of involvement is right for you, we’ve made it simple to find and help people in your area.
So get involved. Go to http://www.createthegood.org/hunger.
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Very nicely done! The pacing and tone fit the copy perfectly for me, and as far a choosing copy you picked one that your voice suits well and would likely give you a solid shot at booking the job. Good luck on the demo!
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Next is my second of three homework reads in prep for my commercial demo session next week. I appreciate comments of any kind!
Gameboy
“It’s not just another mind-numbing family road trip to Grandma’s. It’s a tongue-biting, seat-wetting ride with GAME BOY ADVANCED ! Now with wider screen, enhanced graphics, and multi-player options. Game boy…ride with it.”-
Hi Docr15, really good! I think you could really lean into and have fun with this one, and emphasize “GAME BOY ADVANCED!” like your hair is on fire, I mean really get excited!!!! I agree too that some of the listed items could be a little more varied in tone – you are trying to convince grade and middle school kids and are trying to get their attention – you have permission to cut loose! 🙂
Mary
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Happy Saturday! Recording my commercial demo next week. I am posting some practice script reads for homework. I always appreciate any and all comments.
First one is on Invisalign:
“Your smile says a lot about you. If you let it. When you’re uncomfortable about your teeth, it’s easy to hold back your smile. Invisalign’s advanced technology now lets you straighten your teeth invisibly – so you can express yourself fully. And because they’re invisible, no one has to know about it. Hundreds of thousands of people already have discovered Invisalign. Maybe it’s time you were one of them.”
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Hey everyone, here is a biography narration for Beyonce! It is similar to the T Swift biography going on my narration demo. Just working on similar scripts for practice. ALl feedback is appreciated.
Beyoncé Knowles is a founding member and chief songwriter of Destiny’s Child, one of the biggest selling female acts of all time. With many of the group’s***t songs co-written and co-produced by Beyoncé, Destiny’s Child has sold more than 33 million records worldwide. When Beyoncé won the 2001 ASCAP Pop Songwriter Of The Year Award, she became the first African-American woman — and the second woman ever — to receive that honor.
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Hi Katelyn, really nice! Your voice sounds really good for this and the script flows nicely. You might consider spelling out the award letters ” A – S – C – A – P” instead of making it into a word (ASCAP). Maybe that’s how they announce the winners when they award them, as in “and the GRAMMY goes to…” I love pop music but am out of the loop for this award, so I could be wrong on that, just a suggestion. Really solid work!
Mary
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Katelyn, this is great. Your voice is very clear and lovely to listen to. You have a nice youthful quality. You applied just the right amount of billboarding to the opening ‘Beyonce Knowles’. Your admiration and, in some places, awe of Beyonce comes through nicely, especially in the last line talking about her ASCAP honor. Nothing much technical to mention. “She became the first” felt a little rushed, but the words were clear to me. One thing to pay attention to: listening just to pitch and tempo, there is a repeated melody pattern that occurs with the start of each sentence. This can take away from a conversational quality if that is something you’re going for. Nonetheless, well done, Katelyn.
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Here’s a practice script I tried. Thanks for any feedback!
Like many other philosophers, who greatly extended our knowledge of nature, Galileo had a remarkable aptitude for the invention of instruments designed for philosophical research. To facilitate his practical work, we find that in 1599, he had engaged a skilled workman, who was to live in his house, and be constantly at hand to try the devices, which were forever springing from Galileo’s fertile brain.
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Hi Tina. Great read. Your words were clear and diction was good. There was one section that sounded muddled which was pointed out above (“to try”). There is also emphasis on “designed” that stood out among that sentence. The pace is a bit slow for me but I am one of those people who speeds up playback on videos. Nice voice and good work. Best, Kristen
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Hi Tina, very good read! I liked the clarity and pacing and tone for the script. “at hand to try the devices” sounded like “at hand t’ try the devices” the “to” sounded like “t'”. I smush my to’s and for’s also, which is why I tend to notice them. I too heard a bit of a pause or noise of some sort right before “…Galileo’s fertile brain.” Overall really good! These are little things. Good job!
Mary
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Hey Tina, really nice work on this script, I love your voice for this copy. I think you could have paced this a bit quicker as it would make it sound more conversational, particularly the sentence “Galileo had a remarkable aptitude for the invention of instruments designed for philosophical research” I think there was too much attention given to each word here and it sounded like you were reading. Between the words “springing from” there was a but of a glottal stop or pause that took me out from what you were saying, so I think if you smooth that out it would be even better. Really nice work Tina!
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Some contrast for affected delivery vs. conversational. Thanks for listening and let me know what you think!
D***y Harry
I know what you’re thinking. “Did he fire six shots or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?-
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Hey RYoung,
What a great script! Love it for your voice. I think that in both deliveries, a read with fewer breaks would be helpful in keeping the drama. For example, the two descriptive phrases about the .44 Magnum really are extraneous verbiage…it’s just some filler until you get to, “You’ve got to ask yourself…” It’s fantastic that you have 3 questions in this short excerpt. It’s really packed with a lot of punch. Especially the fact that you get to speak so directly to the listener/or is the listener a character in the story? This is perfect for you! So great to get to hear you in this. -
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