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August 7, 2020 at 9:27 am #15468
David Goldberg
Edge Studio StaffHi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by
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This topic was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by
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February 20, 2021 at 11:29 am #63484
docr15
ParticipantHappy Saturday! Recording my commercial demo next week. I am posting some practice script reads for homework. I always appreciate any and all comments.
First one is on Invisalign:
“Your smile says a lot about you. If you let it. When you’re uncomfortable about your teeth, it’s easy to hold back your smile. Invisalign’s advanced technology now lets you straighten your teeth invisibly – so you can express yourself fully. And because they’re invisible, no one has to know about it. Hundreds of thousands of people already have discovered Invisalign. Maybe it’s time you were one of them.”
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February 19, 2021 at 6:05 pm #63466
katelyndawnvo
ParticipantHey everyone, here is a biography narration for Beyonce! It is similar to the T Swift biography going on my narration demo. Just working on similar scripts for practice. ALl feedback is appreciated.
Beyoncé Knowles is a founding member and chief songwriter of Destiny’s Child, one of the biggest selling female acts of all time. With many of the group’s***t songs co-written and co-produced by Beyoncé, Destiny’s Child has sold more than 33 million records worldwide. When Beyoncé won the 2001 ASCAP Pop Songwriter Of The Year Award, she became the first African-American woman — and the second woman ever — to receive that honor.
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February 20, 2021 at 8:05 pm #63510
Robert Broussard
ParticipantKatelyn, your pace and tone are really good. You do really well on this type of reads. Very good work!
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February 20, 2021 at 12:00 am #63482
mkell755
ParticipantHi Katelyn, really nice! Your voice sounds really good for this and the script flows nicely. You might consider spelling out the award letters ” A – S – C – A – P” instead of making it into a word (ASCAP). Maybe that’s how they announce the winners when they award them, as in “and the GRAMMY goes to…” I love pop music but am out of the loop for this award, so I could be wrong on that, just a suggestion. Really solid work!
Mary
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February 19, 2021 at 8:12 pm #63472
tomnunes
ParticipantKatelyn, this is great. Your voice is very clear and lovely to listen to. You have a nice youthful quality. You applied just the right amount of billboarding to the opening ‘Beyonce Knowles’. Your admiration and, in some places, awe of Beyonce comes through nicely, especially in the last line talking about her ASCAP honor. Nothing much technical to mention. “She became the first” felt a little rushed, but the words were clear to me. One thing to pay attention to: listening just to pitch and tempo, there is a repeated melody pattern that occurs with the start of each sentence. This can take away from a conversational quality if that is something you’re going for. Nonetheless, well done, Katelyn.
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February 22, 2021 at 6:00 pm #63646
katelyndawnvo
ParticipantThank you! I appreciate you pointing out the repeated melody. Makes total sense to my music brain 🙂
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February 19, 2021 at 12:41 pm #63453
touzet
ParticipantCNN Promo piece : American Dynasties – The Kennedys
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February 19, 2021 at 11:50 pm #63481
mkell755
ParticipantHi Touzet, really good! Your voice is really perfect for this, sounds like it is already out there. Good job!
Mary
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February 19, 2021 at 6:07 pm #63468
katelyndawnvo
ParticipantGorgeous I mean really.. what is there to say? lol 🙂 Well done!
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February 19, 2021 at 12:15 pm #63449
Tina
ParticipantHere’s a practice script I tried. Thanks for any feedback!
Like many other philosophers, who greatly extended our knowledge of nature, Galileo had a remarkable aptitude for the invention of instruments designed for philosophical research. To facilitate his practical work, we find that in 1599, he had engaged a skilled workman, who was to live in his house, and be constantly at hand to try the devices, which were forever springing from Galileo’s fertile brain.
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February 22, 2021 at 9:07 pm #63654
Azalealearning
ParticipantHi Tina. Great read. Your words were clear and diction was good. There was one section that sounded muddled which was pointed out above (“to try”). There is also emphasis on “designed” that stood out among that sentence. The pace is a bit slow for me but I am one of those people who speeds up playback on videos. Nice voice and good work. Best, Kristen
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February 19, 2021 at 11:49 pm #63480
mkell755
ParticipantHi Tina, very good read! I liked the clarity and pacing and tone for the script. “at hand to try the devices” sounded like “at hand t’ try the devices” the “to” sounded like “t'”. I smush my to’s and for’s also, which is why I tend to notice them. I too heard a bit of a pause or noise of some sort right before “…Galileo’s fertile brain.” Overall really good! These are little things. Good job!
Mary
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February 19, 2021 at 6:15 pm #63470
katelyndawnvo
ParticipantHey Tina, really nice work on this script, I love your voice for this copy. I think you could have paced this a bit quicker as it would make it sound more conversational, particularly the sentence “Galileo had a remarkable aptitude for the invention of instruments designed for philosophical research” I think there was too much attention given to each word here and it sounded like you were reading. Between the words “springing from” there was a but of a glottal stop or pause that took me out from what you were saying, so I think if you smooth that out it would be even better. Really nice work Tina!
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February 18, 2021 at 11:07 am #63421
RYoung
ParticipantSome contrast for affected delivery vs. conversational. Thanks for listening and let me know what you think!
D***y Harry
I know what you’re thinking. “Did he fire six shots or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?-
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February 19, 2021 at 11:41 pm #63479
mkell755
ParticipantHi Ryoung! I liked both deliveries, they both made me smile! The first read really builds the script from the beginning to the end and is more dramatic. The second read is kind of unexpected to hear in the conversational manner and is very well done, I liked hearing both versions. Well done!
Mary
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February 19, 2021 at 11:39 am #63445
PrettyLoud
ParticipantHey RYoung,
What a great script! Love it for your voice. I think that in both deliveries, a read with fewer breaks would be helpful in keeping the drama. For example, the two descriptive phrases about the .44 Magnum really are extraneous verbiage…it’s just some filler until you get to, “You’ve got to ask yourself…” It’s fantastic that you have 3 questions in this short excerpt. It’s really packed with a lot of punch. Especially the fact that you get to speak so directly to the listener/or is the listener a character in the story? This is perfect for you! So great to get to hear you in this. -
February 18, 2021 at 11:27 am #63425
RYoung
ParticipantNever mind the second upload just a duplicate came up when I edited it to add the script, thanks.
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February 18, 2021 at 12:00 am #63415
Robert Broussard
ParticipantPracticing
Smooth Gambler
I understand. Being upset if I have lost as many hands as you, I’d be furious. But you need to understand, you can lose more than your money son. Now put the gun down and keep playing, or leave while you still have a chance.Attachments:
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February 19, 2021 at 11:37 pm #63477
mkell755
ParticipantHi Robert, good read! This one is hard to critique for me because I’m trying to imagine the intent of the script, but other than practicing a character voice, it does not seem to be advertising a product. If that’s the case, I think you could really lean into and emphasize key words more like “furious” and “put the gun down” Your voice is good for the script, keep it up!
Mary
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February 19, 2021 at 11:51 am #63448
PrettyLoud
ParticipantSeems to me the copy has punctuation errors, and if this came from the script library, it probably does. I’ve done some copy editing and you might have fun re-reading it with the mistakes corrected.
I understand being upset. If I’d have lost as many hands as you, I’d be furious. But you need to understand, you can lose more than your money son. Now put the gun down and keep playing, or leave while you still have a chance.Also, have fun with the key words at play: understand (I vs You need to), lose more, put gun down, or leave.
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February 19, 2021 at 12:45 pm #63455
Robert Broussard
ParticipantAppreciate it
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February 18, 2021 at 10:44 am #63420
RYoung
ParticipantHi Robert your delivery seem to start out okay with I understand it even was slurred to give a natural effect however after that it seemed more like a read and somewhat disjointed. I know we I’ll get caught up in trying to put out our best performance but in this case I would just relax more and let it flow more conversationally than trying to imitate the cowboy gambler. All throw up my d***y hairy one as an example. I did enjoy your Chevy truck commercial down below it sounded much more authentic hope that helps and thanks for sharing those!
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February 18, 2021 at 12:42 pm #63426
Robert Broussard
ParticipantThanks for the feedback. Always trying to do something different in a way.
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February 17, 2021 at 11:27 pm #63411
Robert Broussard
ParticipantTrying this out for practice this evening. A appreciate any feedback.
Chevy Silverado Trail Boss
The Chevy Silverado Trail Boss
When you have a two inch lift…
When you have Goodyear Duratrack tires…
When you have Rancho shocks…and an integrated dual exhaust…
When you have all that…
The last thing you’ll need…is a road…
The Chevy Silverado Trail Boss…
Ready to off-road…right from the factory.
Chevy….find new roads…Attachments:
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February 19, 2021 at 11:29 pm #63476
mkell755
ParticipantHi Robert, good read! Your voice is very well-suited for this script, very good fit and natural. There were lots of statements with pauses and the pacing was really good too. Good music too. I think the “The last thing you’ll need…is a road…” line could be delivered with just a little more attitude, like maybe you imagine “this truck is so great that it can drive ANYWHERE, and you NEED one!” in your head as you are saying it. Very good read!
Mary
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February 19, 2021 at 12:26 pm #63451
Tina
ParticipantYou have a great voice for this read. My first suggestion is to visualize the different car parts that you are speaking about and pretend that you are showing them to somebody and maybe running your hand along them, just to connect more with each individual part. The second suggestion is to notice the way you say “The last thing you’ll need” because the way it sounds right now to me is as if it’s a hassle and the last thing you need is a hassle, instead of a list that is finishing off with “The last thing you need is the road”. More like anticipatory excitement rather than something that comes off as a headache. I hope that makes sense.
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February 19, 2021 at 12:48 pm #63456
Robert Broussard
ParticipantThanks, I was trying to emphasize not needing a road with this truck. But you have some good points. I appreciate your advice and will give it a try.
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February 17, 2021 at 10:24 pm #63401
mkell755
ParticipantHi everyone here are 2 reads for any and all feedback. Let me know what you think! Working to get sound levels right. This is my first time to add music (fun!)
Mary
Documentary on Jazz
It is America’s music. It is an improvised Art, making itself up as it goes along. It rewards individual expression. But demands selfless collaboration. It is forever changing. But nearly always rooted in the blues. It has a rich tradition and its own rules. But it is brand new every night.Fats Waller
Thomas “Fats” Waller began his jazz career early, learned fast, rose quickly, lived hard, and died young. A child prodigy who was playing piano at age six, his life was a furious burst of energy –and it was all reflected in his music. Welcome to the world of Fats Waller: Joe Louis, Legs Diamond, George Gershwin –he knew them all; Harlem, Hollywood, Paris, London –he saw it all; S*x, fame, success, money –he had it all. His incredible gusto made him one of a kind. Fats was a giant, and he might just live, through his music, forever.Attachments:
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February 19, 2021 at 6:13 pm #63469
katelyndawnvo
ParticipantHey Mary, nice work! I will make notes on the second piece. I think this one was really well done. There were a couple things that popped out to me:
on six at “age six” your inflection was in an upspeak so if you are ending a sentence or phrase with an upspeak it sounds like you are asking a question or are unsure of what you are saying. So since this is a statement I would suggest not using upspeak there. I also thing there are more commas in this script than are needed. Sometimes you have to let go of certain commas otherwise it will just sound more choppy. Pausing between ideas instead of abiding by every comma will sound more natural. But really nice work! I could tell this is a topic that you really enjoy, way to go!-
February 19, 2021 at 11:20 pm #63475
mkell755
ParticipantThanks for the feedback Katelyn! I’m working on upspeak, for some reason it is a hard habit to break for me. There were a lot of commas in this; I will work on stringing the phrases together a little better to smooth it out. Yes, as a long-time piano student, this script and the character were interesting to me – definitely a personal interest! Thanks again,
Mary
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February 19, 2021 at 12:36 pm #63452
Tina
ParticipantHi Mary,
Great job with the music! I think on the first piece you could probably let it breather a little bit more. Even a cool thing to think about would be to insert some cool jazz in between the talking, like when you say “it is an improvised art” it would be cool to hear a small improvised trill from a sax, or skat or something. I totally pictured you reading this on that Sunday morning news show. I think it’s CBD sunday morning. 🙂
My suggestion for your second piece on Fats Waller is to go through the script and pick words that you want to emphasize. There are so many good adjectives, and descriptors in this piece and I feel like you can punch it up more and add a little bit more intrigue to the read. Hope this helps! Also a lot of moments that you could add music to emphasize what you are saying such as “furious burst of energy”. Overall, great reads and I think just adding a few touches to them to ignite them will totally make them epic.
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February 19, 2021 at 11:12 pm #63474
mkell755
ParticipantThanks for the feedback Tina! Yes I can see stretching out the first piece a little more with more pauses in between thoughts, it’s definitely a contemplative piece. On the music, this was my first time to add a music track, but other that cutting a pasting parts of it, don’t know how to edit at this point. I like the idea of a well-timed solo as a backdrop to that script, especially after “improvised art” or “it is different every night”. For the Fats Waller piece I will try punching up phrases even a little more to keep the interest. Thanks again!
Mary
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February 17, 2021 at 11:30 pm #63413
Robert Broussard
ParticipantMary, those were nice. Good selection of background music. Good for topics and your voice. Good work!!
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February 17, 2021 at 9:30 pm #63391
touzet
ParticipantMessin’ around with some imaging/promo kinda stuff
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February 17, 2021 at 11:32 pm #63414
Robert Broussard
ParticipantWow, that was good. You voice followed with the energy needed for each topic. Well done.
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February 17, 2021 at 10:30 pm #63404
mkell755
ParticipantHi Touzet – nice! I like this genre for your voice. It sounds like it is already out there on the tv or radio. It was very loud for me, but I am working on sound levels myself, so mine is probably too low. Great energy!!!
Mary
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February 17, 2021 at 4:10 pm #63372
katelyndawnvo
ParticipantHello, good day! I’m going for relaxed, natural, and friendly narration for what I can assume is a travelogue video for the town of Hershey. I specifically wanted to tone it down and just sound natural VS commercial. Any feedback is appreciated!
Hershey Tour
Welcome to Hershey, the Great American Chocolate Town, where families come together for a taste of the sweet life. Tucked in the rolling hills of Central Pennsylvania, this idyllic escape offers the latest and greatest in entertainment and hospitality, fused with the traditions of one of America’s original success stories. Even the smiles seem sweeter! With attractions, accommodations, amenities and activities in all flavors, a trip to “The Sweetest Place on Earth” is an easy treat.Attachments:
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February 17, 2021 at 10:34 pm #63405
mkell755
ParticipantHi Katelyn! Good read. I could hear the smile in your voice. It had good pacing and clarity and sounded nice and conversational – very good!
Mary
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February 17, 2021 at 9:53 pm #63393
Robert Broussard
ParticipantKatelyn, very good pacing and tone. You may could have used and little fluctuation in your tome some to sound a little more conversational. But your voice is excellent for this. Good job.
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