Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi all! I’m looking for any and all feedback on this narration piece, 3 takes on the same script. Let me know which one you prefer. I’m going for conversational and authentic. Thanks!
Mary
Gertrude Käsebier was an American photographer who was known for her images of motherhood and her portraits of Native Americans; her portraits of the Sioux focused more on the expression and individuality of the person than their costumes and customs. She helped establish the Women’s Professional Photographers Association of America and promoted photography as a career for women.
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Mary, your voice is just right for Narration and the way you hit the words really kept my attention. You do sound authentic in your tone and as if your giving a tour to museum goers, though it does sound a little mechanical. Your tempo was also well paced, but it still sounded choppy due to your pausing in the middle of a sentence. You should only pause at full stops, commas, and semicolons. Also, some words like “career” sounded more like “creer.” I think the first one was best, but I would recommend you do the script again.
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Hi everyone. I’m practicing some commercial reads before recording my demo. How did I do on this one? Was going for a conversational tone.
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I am loving the tone you adopted. It sounds very fitting to a script like this. However, I’m with others in how it sounds awful choppy, more like your reading. Try pretending that you’re talking to someone and make it flow. Also, don’t overemphasize because that’s not something we do in a conversation. (Unless your eccentric, but most folks aren’t)
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Hi Sarah – I like it! Your voice is very nice and light, and good for this genre of script. I could hear the smile in your voice. It sounded almost like a marching rhyme (“send them to sleep”) in spots; you might try just reading it a little more straightforward / smoother manner to make it sound more conversational, just a few less pauses. Great job on this!
Mary
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These are a couple of higher energy commericial reads. Bass Pro store, And A1 steak sauce.
Your feedback would be appreciated.-
You have a great voice for these type of reads and for the target audience. I love the way you brought them to life and I would definitely consider the product. Only problem I have is that the Bass Pro shop read sounds like an announcer and I can clearly hear you breathing in the A1 commercial. In addition to performing, we need to know basic audio editing. Breaths are not what people should hear.
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Hi Don! Good reads. For Jaguar, it seemed a bit rushed in spots. I think the script has a lot of statements within it, so I would just let it breathe a little more. By pausing after the statements you are giving the listener time to catch up with what you are telling them, and it becomes more believable. I liked the tone of the Denali piece, good variation in tone and pacing. Good job!
Mary
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I’ve offered some feedback on this forum before, but this is my first time posting a VO sample. Hope I’m doing it right. This narration script for the Martin Guitar Factory Tour may be a script for my demo; we’ll see. I’m posting two slightly-different versions. I’m not sure, on the phrase “visual appointments,” whether I want to stress”visual” or “appointments.” See what you think. (I know the acoustics are less than ideal; when the time comes for the “real deal,” I’ll record in a less live space.)
MARTIN GUITAR FACTORY TOUR
Exquisite taste, structural integrity, and adherence to high Martin quality are standard in every Custom Martin.
The Martin D-45 is the top-of-the-line dreadnought, using premium tone woods and visual appointments.-
Hey John, I listened to both of them and I have to say they are both very good. I think the second read was best. My experience tells me you should generally avoid emphasizing the last word in a sentence unless it’s a question or an exclaimation. If I were you, I’d emphasis visual and the first half of “appointments.” They’re both important words for the script. Your tempo and tone worked well, but I think the way you read: “using” was a little forced or too quick.
(On a side note, don’t make your sound file any longer than it has to be. I found it confusing and even with the script written out, feedback people may take a pass on your upload, because they don’t want to critique such a long read.) -
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Well, I think both sound as animated as they should be for the types of reads they are. You hit good words and were mostly succinct in your pronunciation. Your tempo on the other hand needs work. I haven’t done promos, but I’m sure you need to consider the attention span of the viewers. Be quick but clear, as if they’re only stopping to catch their breath.
As for the tone, I think you need to be more interested in what your talking about. In promos and commercials, your trying to sell something to the listener, convince them to come by and sample your product. They won’t trust someone who doesn’t seem all that sure of herslef…
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