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  • #67612
    Bil-Bo
    Participant

    APPLE COMPUTER 60 SEC TV VOICE SPOT
    HERE’S TO THE CRAZY ONES. THE MISFITS. THE REBELS. THE TROUBLEMAKERS.
    THE ROUND PEGS IN THE SQUARE HOLES. THE ONES WHO SEE THINGS
    DIFFERENTLY. THEY’RE NOT FOND OF RULES. AND THEY HAVE NO RESPECT FOR
    THE STATUS QUO. YOU CAN QUOTE THEM, DISAGREE WITH THEM, GLORIFY OR
    VILIFY THEM. ABOUT THE ONLY THING YOU CAN’T DO IS IGNORE THEM.
    BECAUSE THEY CHANGE THINGS. THEY PUSH THE HUMAN RACE FORWARD. AND
    WHILE SOME MAY SEE THEM AS THE CRAZY ONES, WE SEE GENIUS. BECAUSE
    THE PEOPLE WHO ARE CRAZY ENOUGH TO THINK THEY CAN CHANGE THE
    WORLD, ARE THE ONES WHO DO.

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    • #67630
      Shmuel
      Participant

      Good read, audio great, music a bit distracting, you’ve got a great down-home voice, but you know that.
      I’ve heard your other work, and although this is good, you can do much better. Yes, I’m being demanding, because you are uber talented, and can do it. You are the Sandy Koufax of VO.
      Add some acting to this. That is, some contrast when you say ” … the only thing you can’t do is ignore them”. And then respond to the listener saying to himself “why can’t I ignore them?” Well, I’ll tell you why: “because they change things” ….. and then at the end they are the ones who change the world.

      • #67636
        Bil-Bo
        Participant

        Hey Shmuel
        Thanks for listening and the great advice. Really appreciate it.
        BillH

    • #67615
      JustJohn
      Participant

      Sounds very, very good. Your voice is perfectly suited for voice over. I might personally make a couple different choices (e.g., in “status quo,” I would emphasize the word “quo” rather than “status”), but that’s not to say that I find anything wrong with your choices. I do wonder if you might read just slightly faster, particularly in the last sentence. But honestly, it’s really good as-is.

  • #67605
    Don Sack
    Participant

    Greetings!
    Posting two: A redo of The Wall Street Journal and a script for a Mercy Health spot.
    Tempo, Tone, Pitch, Volume; Sound quality?

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    • #67608
      Shmuel
      Participant

      Hi Don,
      Great voice, sounds reliable.
      Sound good on the WSJ, but the Mercy Health sounds echo-y. Something happened there.
      On both readings, I’m missing some acting. They both sounded like you are just reading the words with a little bit of inflection here or there.
      The WSJ is kind of a tongue in cheek thing. That is, you get all your “daily requirements”, which is a quote from every breakfast cereal box, but it’s put also on the WSJ. Ooooooo, it’s healthy !! Say that you *need* your copy of the WSJ. You need the WSJ to stay healthy, it’s like a good breakfast. It’s like taking vitamins. It’s just common sense to stay healthy. Well, shucks, you do that by reading the WSJ.
      Mercy Health needs some empathy. You got injured, and we feel for you. This feeling needs to stay up to “…. back to the life you enjoy”. THEN, the superhero comes in to save the day. MercyHealth Man !!!! Finally you need to love in the “…. we’ll get you back to the active life you love ” .
      Good luck, and I wish you success.

  • #67602
    EliBosworth2003
    Participant

    My new recording.

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    • #67632
      Shmuel
      Participant

      Good voice, need to remove background noise from the audio. Maybe too much background noise or echo in the room. Are you using a professional mic?
      When you say ” what could have turn out disastrous” with a slight trepidation in your voice. Ohmygawd, a disaster, and then contrast it with “delicious” at this point forward, I need to hear that it is indeed delicious. The whole combination. Make our mouth water just listening to it. Daaang, I want to order one of those !!!!
      Wish you success !

    • #67619
      mvacc
      Participant

      Nice read! I could picture what would be happening in accompanying video. My advice would be to slow the pace down a bit during the story of the collision – the Big Mouth Burger part seems a little fast. Maybe add a smile during “delicious” and the end tag line to give the product a little extra excitement.

  • #67599
    EliBosworth2003
    Participant

    Hey everyone, I’m working on my commercial reads, let me know what you think!

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  • #67595
    Hilltowner
    Participant

    Hi! This is my first time using the Feedback Forum. I was supposed to do my narration demo later next month, but need tooth surgery on a front tooth, so need to speed things up a bit – LOL! I welcome any input for improvement, especially in regards to breathes (which I’m still unsure about 🙂 ) Thank you for your time and knowledge! Take care!

    Marla

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    • #67609
      Shmuel
      Participant

      Hi Marla,
      Good voice, good audio quality.
      Some clicks and breathing sounds, not too much. You can work on this, but it’s not a big problem, IMO.
      However, there are other issues, that are more of a problem:
      In both reads, you are paying too much attention to the original punctuation in the text. Ignore the punctuation, and use your own. Even periods. Ignore them. Do what’s right for you.
      Also, there is no change of pitch or tone to keep my interest.
      Keep it moving, there were too many pauses.
      New employee at Advanced Technologies: I need to hear your excitement about the growing business, and the fact that the job of a new employee is important. Make it sound important.
      Museum: It needs to sound exciting about discovering all that cool stuff that the scientists have discovered. And that you, our dear visitor are going to learn about all that. As an aside, I would consider removing the 12,000 visitors since 1953, because that’s a long time, and not too many people.

      Wish you success, Marla !

      • #67614
        Hilltowner
        Participant

        Thank you, Shmuel! Great advice! I’ll keep working on it and make those changes you mentioned. Thanks again for your time!

  • #67588
    Shmuel
    Participant

    Here are two more commercial demos for my demo reel.
    Tommy John underwear
    Signet Jewelers

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    • #67620
      mvacc
      Participant

      Tommy John Underwear: Good read! I like how the “here’s the rub” part sounds like you’re telling a secret. My advice is to try adding a little more emotion/excitement to the beginning when you’re announcing the arrival of the underwear – it could show a nice contrast between the arrival “announcement” and the “secret.”

      Signet Jewelers: Nice tone and pacing! My one comment would be that “best friend” in “being in love with your best friend” seems a little fast. Since “best friend” comes up again at the end, a little more focus on it when it’s first mentioned could add more importance.

      • #67633
        Shmuel
        Participant

        Thanks, mvacc, this helps.

  • #67587
    Don Sack
    Participant

    Thank You all! Great feedback! Funny….the feedback from each of you….where have I heard that before???….AH! From my Coach!! LOL!!
    Got to get that to sink in!!

  • #67579
    steph319
    Participant

    Hey all! This is my first time in this forum, and I would love any feedback you can provide on a few recent auditions takes. I’m mostly looking for feedback on audio quality, but would also gladly accept notes about performance! Thanks so much, and I’m loking forward to hanging out around here more! 🙂

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    • #67604
      Hilltowner
      Participant

      I really enjoyed the pace of the second one. You have a very sweet, happy voice which I think worked well on both!

  • #67574
    ceciliashaw
    Participant

    Hi all, first time poster!
    Any feedback greatly appreciated.
    Thanks:)

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    • #67610
      Shmuel
      Participant

      Hi Cecilia,
      Audio good on both.
      Some mouth clicks. My coach told me this is because of a lack of hydration, and one should drink an hour before recording. There is also an option in Audacity to remove the clicks in post production (Effect -> Click Removal).
      You have a fun, cute voice, which is good for both of the audio samples.
      As an aside, you would be wonderful doing the voice of a Disney Princess, ’cause you ARE a Disney Princess.
      Crayola: You started out being uber excited about the wonder markers, and I would tone it down a bit in those first few words. But then “with less mess” is the key, and that needs to be stressed. It was said with the same pitch as everything else, and I would take the pitch of the other text down a bit, and move this up a bit. I would add a TINY pause between “starts” and “with Crayola” at the end.
      Suave:Keep it moving, and add some differential acting. That is, the “fancy extensions” is the bad guy, and the “skip the tricks” is the beginning of the good news. I need to hear that this is good news, and right now, everything sounds the same.
      My $0.02
      I wish you success, Cecelia !

  • #67561
    Shmuel
    Participant

    Hi everyone, my demo is coming up, so here are samples of what we are planning to do. The forum apparantly limits us to 4 files (I have another 2). Your feedback is appreciated.
    Endurance: Car insurance
    Jeep: Need I say more?
    Pool Safety: A PSA
    RobinHood: A financial app

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