Feedback Forum
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August 7, 2020 at 9:27 am #15468
David Goldberg
Edge Studio StaffHi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by
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May 18, 2021 at 2:53 pm #67721
Brad
ParticipantHi Friends, Uploading some more homework. Working on clarity, pace, natural speech, connection, you know… all the things
Happy to get feedback!Bayer Aspirin
Your heart isn’t just yours. Protect it, with Bayer aspirin. Be sure to talk to your doctor before you begin an aspirin regimen.Missouri Tourism
Take a one tank trip to Missouri. If outdoor fun is your M O, the St. Charles area is for you. Grab a bike and pedal through the heart of Missouri’s wine country. You’ll find charming towns and BnB’s along the way. Plan your one tank trip, at visit MO dot comTractor Supply Stores
Out here, we know you’re ready for a fresh start in a new season. When gardeners dig into fresh ground. When land owners need a little horse power to get property looking its best and when taking care of pets and animals gives us new purpose. Out here, 42,000 of us in over 1,900 Tractor Supply stores are here to help with home grown know how and everything you need for spring and with the services that make shopping easier than ever. Tractor Supply. Everything for your life, out here.Attachments:
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May 18, 2021 at 4:14 pm #67728
Shmuel
ParticipantGreat voice in general, sound perfect. All the tech stuff you nailed.
Bayer: like it. Good acting. Very slight hard T’s, but it’s minor.
Missouri: I don’t know how, but I heard the smile. Good. I would up the pacing a bit more, and vary the pitch a bit.
Tractor: Missing the feeling of “out here”. That’s the theme of this “out here”. It starts and ends with it. You need to really feel that this is seriously cool stuff. I’m not quite getting that. Wow, 42,0000 of us, that’s a lot. And in 1200 stores that a lot of stores, too. Wow, need to feel that. And when you say easier, you need to make it a bit upbeat. The final Tractor Supply should sound like this is the best thing since sliced bread. ‘Cause it supplies the wheat that makes that bread.-
May 19, 2021 at 7:37 pm #67766
Lilbelle1487
ParticipantBayer: Was very pleasant
Missouri: I thought it ran smoothly just needed to maybe hear more than one tone. It doesn’t feel adventurous. Hope that helps.
Tractor Supply: I really like this one. I do agree with Shmuel. It could stand to be a little more upbeat.
Your tone overall is great! And so is the pace.
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May 18, 2021 at 1:46 pm #67719
Lilbelle1487
ParticipantSound check. I did homework a couple weeks ago that was difficult to hear. It had some other vocal flaws, but I got technical help. Here is the same clip but improved sound hopefully. All feedback is welcomed.
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May 18, 2021 at 3:06 pm #67725
Brad
ParticipantGreat work Lilbelle, I remember your previous read. Definite improvement!
I might add thinking about being excited as you read this… not more volume but excitement in your voice. Imagine telling about a cool thing you just did. We tell friends fun things with a different kind of animation. Just as a suggestion.
Also it seems you may have run out of breath at the end. ‘at staying here’ sort of dropped off. Perhaps try to find other places to get your catch breath to be able to complete the line.
again great work!-
May 19, 2021 at 7:31 pm #67765
Lilbelle1487
ParticipantThanks so much Brad for your feed back. I’m posting again today, hope you’ll follow up to see if I took the feedback correctly.
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May 18, 2021 at 11:12 am #67710
TimDKietzman
ParticipantIt’s been a while since I uploaded any scripts. I have begun prepping for my next demo in Narration. Any feedback is appreciated. My main goal was to speak at a suitable tempo and perform lists in a way that’s varied and interesting. Also, I tried something new with my recording setup, whatcha think?
4H (Corporate)
It began with the seed of an idea. In 1902, the heartland needed folks to embrace new advances in agriculture. But leaders with open minds, strong hearts and willing hands weren’t in abundance. Luckily, kids were. By empowering the next generation to lead, 4H took root. And grew. Grew kids who are confident and strong. Who are curious enough to question and capable enough to find the answer. Who stick to a job until the job gets done. Who know how to work with others. And how to lead. 4H has kept right on growing. Out of the farms and into the towns. From the suburbs to the cities. Anywhere curiosity roams. And confidence thrives. Anywhere technology can be advanced. And achievement is valued. Anywhere positive change is possible. And giving back moves entire communities forward. When you think about it, it makes sense that we began with farming. After all, True leaders aren’t born. They’re grown. 4H GROWS HEREChildren’s Educational Space Game (e-learning)
Today we’re going to explore all of the planets in our solar system, and some other places as well. We’ll travel into the future when astronauts live throughout the solar system. On each world we’ll see what the weather is like, what we would wear, and what we would do to have fun! Grab your oxygen, put on your seatbelt, and let’s blast off!California (Travel Narration)
It’s easy to understand why the United States went to war to get California. A land full of wonders, where one man’s chance discovery triggered a mad rush for gold. And where a new generation of marijuana growers is testing the limits of the law. Full of ancient forests and volcanic forms and a valley that’s also the hottest place on earth.
Enjoy spectacular views along the Pacific Coast Highway or soar over beaches and wine country. Explore Big Sur redwoods and cross the Golden Gate Bridge into the heart and soul of this magnificent state. It’s a region full of character, from movie stars to silicon valley giants to amazing natural wonders. Join us as we visit the Golden State of California.Attachments:
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May 18, 2021 at 3:20 pm #67726
Brad
ParticipantHi Tim! Good stuff here!
Solid clear reads, and I think your set up sounds good, and your lists are varied I can hear the choice making (not in a bad way)
I’m a little new to narration so please take my feedback with a grain of salt.
for 4H you appear to have a sort of either natural or added (i’m not sure) sort of up and down flow to your speech. I might try to limit the operative words picked in a sentence to help limit the up and down flow. Example ‘It BEGAN with the SEED of an IDEA’ Try just just one or two as operative. example “It BEGAN with the seed of an idea” This may help to make your flow a little smoother and allow a quicker tempo if that is what you were after
I would track this same idea for the other two, looking at where you can tone down some operatives with flow. Again just ideas. I think you obviously know your voice and copy best.
Again great work!
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May 18, 2021 at 10:37 am #67706
JNardecchia
ParticipantHello Everyone!
I have uploaded a couple of reads (it’s my first time), I’d love to get some feedback! Thanks!!
1. INVISALIGN:
Your smile says a lot about you. If you let it. When you’re uncomfortable about your teeth, it’s easy to hold back your smile. Invisalign’s advanced technology now lets you straighten your teeth invisibly – so you can express yourself fully. And because they’re invisible, no one has to know about it. Hundreds of thousands of people already have discovered Invisalign. Maybe it’s time you were one of them.2. American Express:
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business, and American Express keeps it that way.-
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May 19, 2021 at 7:41 pm #67767
Lilbelle1487
ParticipantHey there, Definitely agree with Brad You have a great start going. I would slow down a tad bit. Especially Amex, you seem to get winded in the last sentence and rush it to get it all out in one beat. Overall really great stuff!!
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May 18, 2021 at 3:29 pm #67727
Brad
ParticipantSolid work fellow newbie 🙂
I can totally hear the command and knowledge of what you are saying and why.Invisalign – Keep trying to connect to another person, perhaps you are speaking to a co-worker who said hey I see you did invisalign, why did you do that. Well, your smile says alot about you…and try to think about adding variety into your conversation (which is the ad copy) to make is seem more natural rather than ‘read’
AMEX – When given question marks… ask the question, don’t make them rhetorical, or periods. (I struggle with this all the time) Also with this copy try making the person you’re talking to perhaps a person who just had identity theft occur and you are trying to console them, or you are convincing a friend why protecting privacy is important rather than just ‘read’
Again just ideas.
Congratulations on jumping in with solid work!
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May 17, 2021 at 11:56 pm #67703
darleneharris
ParticipantHi Everyone,
I’m working on scripts for my narration demo and would love some feedback.
Script 1: Music is a language just like you would read aloud from a book. The symbols you will see on pages of sheet music have been used for hundreds of years. They represent the pitch, speed, and rhythm of the song they convey, as well as expression and techniques used by a musician to play the piece. Think of the notes as the letters, the measures as the words, the phrases as the sentences and so forth. In the following video, we will explore the basics of learning to read music, first by going through the staff and the two clefs, and then the notes on the staff.
Script 2: The Battle of Gettysburg was a significant Union victory considered by many to be the turning point of the Civil War. In the summer of 1863, Confederate General Robert E. Lee launched his second invasion of the Northern states, hoping to capitalize on recent Confederate victories and defeat the Union army on Northern soil. Union Major Generals Joseph H****r and George Meade pursued Lee, colliding at the crossroads town of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, on the morning of July 1. The battle lasted 3 days, ending with the failure of Lee’s second invasion of the North. Said to be the bloodiest single battle of the entire Civil War, there were an estimated 51,000 casualties on both sides.
Thanks!
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May 17, 2021 at 11:30 pm #67696
mkell755
ParticipantHi all! I’m looking for any and all feedback on this narration piece, 3 takes on the same script. Let me know which one you prefer. I’m going for conversational and authentic. Thanks!
Mary
Gertrude Käsebier was an American photographer who was known for her images of motherhood and her portraits of Native Americans; her portraits of the Sioux focused more on the expression and individuality of the person than their costumes and customs. She helped establish the Women’s Professional Photographers Association of America and promoted photography as a career for women.
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May 18, 2021 at 11:52 am #67718
TimDKietzman
ParticipantMary, your voice is just right for Narration and the way you hit the words really kept my attention. You do sound authentic in your tone and as if your giving a tour to museum goers, though it does sound a little mechanical. Your tempo was also well paced, but it still sounded choppy due to your pausing in the middle of a sentence. You should only pause at full stops, commas, and semicolons. Also, some words like “career” sounded more like “creer.” I think the first one was best, but I would recommend you do the script again.
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May 17, 2021 at 9:00 pm #67690
SarahCoblewrites@gmail.com
ParticipantHi everyone. I’m practicing some commercial reads before recording my demo. How did I do on this one? Was going for a conversational tone.
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May 18, 2021 at 11:44 am #67717
TimDKietzman
ParticipantI am loving the tone you adopted. It sounds very fitting to a script like this. However, I’m with others in how it sounds awful choppy, more like your reading. Try pretending that you’re talking to someone and make it flow. Also, don’t overemphasize because that’s not something we do in a conversation. (Unless your eccentric, but most folks aren’t)
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May 17, 2021 at 11:39 pm #67700
mkell755
ParticipantHi Sarah – I like it! Your voice is very nice and light, and good for this genre of script. I could hear the smile in your voice. It sounded almost like a marching rhyme (“send them to sleep”) in spots; you might try just reading it a little more straightforward / smoother manner to make it sound more conversational, just a few less pauses. Great job on this!
Mary
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May 17, 2021 at 11:17 pm #67694
darleneharris
ParticipantHi Sarah. This read sounds a bit choppy which is affecting the pacing. I would try this read and think about telling your best friend (or have someone in mind), which may help pick up the pace and make it sound more conversational.
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May 17, 2021 at 7:39 pm #67686
Shmuel
ParticipantThese are a couple of higher energy commericial reads. Bass Pro store, And A1 steak sauce.
Your feedback would be appreciated.Attachments:
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May 18, 2021 at 11:40 am #67716
TimDKietzman
ParticipantYou have a great voice for these type of reads and for the target audience. I love the way you brought them to life and I would definitely consider the product. Only problem I have is that the Bass Pro shop read sounds like an announcer and I can clearly hear you breathing in the A1 commercial. In addition to performing, we need to know basic audio editing. Breaths are not what people should hear.
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May 17, 2021 at 11:43 pm #67701
mkell755
ParticipantHi Schmuel! Great job! I like them both and the fact that they sounded different from one another. Good energy on both. A-1 sounded nice and warm and with good emphasis on key words. Very good!
Mary
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May 17, 2021 at 11:19 pm #67695
darleneharris
ParticipantHi Shmuel. Great reads! I only have one note on your second recording. Is there a comma in between “…bite count”? The pause in between those two words kind of sounds like two separate sentences, and I would try without the pause. Other than that, great work.
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May 16, 2021 at 11:04 pm #67656
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May 17, 2021 at 11:51 pm #67702
mkell755
ParticipantHi Don! Good reads. For Jaguar, it seemed a bit rushed in spots. I think the script has a lot of statements within it, so I would just let it breathe a little more. By pausing after the statements you are giving the listener time to catch up with what you are telling them, and it becomes more believable. I liked the tone of the Denali piece, good variation in tone and pacing. Good job!
Mary
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May 16, 2021 at 8:58 pm #67647
JustJohn
ParticipantI’ve offered some feedback on this forum before, but this is my first time posting a VO sample. Hope I’m doing it right. This narration script for the Martin Guitar Factory Tour may be a script for my demo; we’ll see. I’m posting two slightly-different versions. I’m not sure, on the phrase “visual appointments,” whether I want to stress”visual” or “appointments.” See what you think. (I know the acoustics are less than ideal; when the time comes for the “real deal,” I’ll record in a less live space.)
MARTIN GUITAR FACTORY TOUR
Exquisite taste, structural integrity, and adherence to high Martin quality are standard in every Custom Martin.
The Martin D-45 is the top-of-the-line dreadnought, using premium tone woods and visual appointments.-
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JustJohn.
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May 18, 2021 at 11:24 am #67714
TimDKietzman
ParticipantHey John, I listened to both of them and I have to say they are both very good. I think the second read was best. My experience tells me you should generally avoid emphasizing the last word in a sentence unless it’s a question or an exclaimation. If I were you, I’d emphasis visual and the first half of “appointments.” They’re both important words for the script. Your tempo and tone worked well, but I think the way you read: “using” was a little forced or too quick.
(On a side note, don’t make your sound file any longer than it has to be. I found it confusing and even with the script written out, feedback people may take a pass on your upload, because they don’t want to critique such a long read.)
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