Trying to work on improving diction and adding variety. Feedback is appreciated as always!
Thanks!
9 PLANETS
About 12 billion years ago, scientists think, from a singular explosion, the universe was born. In those first moments, intensely hot hydrogen and helium raced outward – thinning, cooling, and clumping into vast, organized structures.
Within a few billion years, countless galaxies had emerged. Each one containing hundreds of billions of stars – constantly changing in cycles of birth, death and rebirth. In one of these galaxies, about 5 billions years ago, one average-sized star, our sun, captured in its gravitational field the gas and dust that would become 9 planets.
OFFICIAL ALASKA PLANNING VIDEO
This Official Alaska Vacation Planning Video is filled with plenty of breathtaking scenes. But more important, it’s loaded with all the information you need for planning a trip to Alaska. Like when to go, what to wear, and what to see. So if you’ve got Alaska on your mind, you’re going to love this video. Let’s begin with snow sports. This is definitely the place. For cross-country and down-hill skiing. For snow boarding, tobogganing, and even ice fishing.
Hey carynbell,
I agree with andrea that the Alaska one needs a bit more energy; like you’re actually there breathing in the mountain/snowy air. What ‘may’ help with articulation (more in the astronomy one) is adjusting your distance to the mic as well as your speaking volume. Felt maybe like you were a little quiet and adjust your tech around that instead of the other way around. If you want a more elaborate tech dissection, let me know, but if you’re just using a non-pro studio for practice, I won’t overload you, haha.
Hi,
Sorry, for some reason, the message intended for SuperLuke keeps getting posted here.
Here’s the feedback I meant to give you:
You sound knowledgeable; I like that.
9 PLANETS: It seemed to me that some of the Ss and Rs were maybe to soft. Words like hydrogen, organized, average-sized, gas could be articulated more clearly.
ALASKA: Maybe you could put a bit more energy into the read to make it sound more inviting? Also, you could find the elements in the lists at different pitches to add variety.
Keep up the good work!
I am in the process of preparing for my narration demo record. Just uploading a couple of samples (not exact pieces from my demo) here for feedback/practice. Looking for more creative and technical critiques, rather than audio quality related ones.
Thanks!
Sara Jester
Script 1: Creativity
Creativity is not the same as hard work or effort, it requires genuine inspiration. It’s the product of a mind thoroughly intrigued by a question, a situation or a possibility. Therefore creativity does not come in exchange for money or rewards, but when we focus our attention on something because we want to.
Script 2: Starbucks About
Every day, we go to work hoping to do two things: share great coffee with our friends and help make the world a little better. It was true when the first Starbucks opened in 1971, and it’s just as true today.
Back then, the company was a single store in Seattle’s historic Pike Place Market. From just a narrow storefront, Starbucks offered some of the world’s finest fresh-roasted whole bean coffees. The name, inspired by Moby D**k, evoked the romance of the high seas and the seafaring tradition of the early coffee traders.
Hi Sarah, I enjoyed the performance. There weren’t any tech problems and the performances were both really well done. I guess it depends on the kind of Voice Over Demo you are aiming for. If you’re aim is to be a commercial V.O talent, I think you are in the right spot with your performances. I was taught in an Audition class that sometimes the first words you say will be what the casting director look for. I was also taught that the goal of voice actors is to emphasize the key words that the director wants to hear.
I think you will do just fine when it comes to doing your demo. Remember that we’re all here for you and that your coach is your best friend as well as your teacher!
Hey Michelle! I really enjoyed your read. Nice use of pauses and great audio quality. You also have a nice voice for these types of ads.
The only thing I’d say is that the first sentence could have a little more inflection – perhaps in the same way that you read the second sentence (which I like as far as your character here – emphasizing that a high fever is no fun at all). Other than that, great work! Keep it up!
Hi Michelle, the first sentence is audible. But it’s not audible enough. When you say, “You know what it’s like to wait it out, you have greater energy. Why not use that similar energy in the first sentence? It could be better: “she has a high fever” sound more like you’re sad and then being given the Advil you sound really happy and relieved, like a “product guaranteed to work” (you nailed the last line perfectly)
Hi all. I posted a question over on the home studio forum under the “hardware and software recommendations” section. But I see now that it doesn’t look like anyone’s been in that section for months. If you have a chance to take a peek and have any thoughts, please let me know. Thanks. Toque.
GREY GOOSE V***A
THIS IS WHERE MUSICIANS GO TO HEAR EACH OTHER PLAY. THE ROOM IS
ALIVE. THE CROWD IS FULL OF FAMILIAR, KNOWING FACES WHOSE
EXPRESSIONS ARE AS MUCH A PART OF THE PERFORMANCE AS THE
MUSIC ITSELF. FROM THIS ROOM, YOU’RE TRANSPORTED TO PLACES ALL OVER
THE WORLD….AND FEELINGS FROM ALL OVER YOUR LIFE. THAT’S WHY YOU
COME HERE…..BE TAKEN THERE. GREY GOOSE. WORLD’S BEST TASTING V***A.
HARDWARE PLUS
I JUST FOUND THE MOST AMAZING STORE IN STRATFORD. HARDWARE PLUS. NO ORDINARY HARDWARE STORE. HARDWARE PLUS IS AN HONEST-TO-GOODNESS FACTORY OUTLET. NOT ONLY ARE THE PRICES AND SELECTION INCREDIBLE, BUT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE REALLY KNOW HARDWARE. I NEVER GET THAT KIND OF KNOW-HOW AND SERVICE AT THOSE WAREHOUSE-TYPE HOME CENTERS OR SO-CALLED “CLUBS”. EASY TO GET TO – RIGHT OFF EXIT 59 OF THE CONNECTICUT TURNPIKE. HARDWARE PLUS — YOU’LL SEE THE DIFFERENCE.
bil-bo
i too liked both of the commercials! you have a great voice. I am wondering if for the hardware one.. you can slow it down a bit. Overall, great work.
Good job with the commercial performances. Nice recording quality, including the music, and the southern accent. You hit and nailed all, or most of the key words too. I felt like I was in a commercial.
Hello! These are some scripts I wrote up and recorded as part of my homework. If you’d like to give some feedback on either the writing or recordings themselves as I’m new to both I’d be much appreciated!
Battle House Laser Combat
Hmm, something absolutely thrilling! Something adrenaline pumping! Wait, Battle House Laser Combat has a massive, multi-story, 15,000 square foot laser arena. Let’s go there!
Uncle Jacob’s Stout
Go ahead, grab one of my Uncle Jacob’s Stouts. You will love it! Its got this incredibly robust, silky smooth, full-bodied Imperial Stout taste.
Aura App
I find my inner peace with Aura. Its an Apple award-winning app for emotional health & sleep. Let Aura be your one-stop solution for emotional health.
Good recording quality. Good performances. What was the homework, write a commercial? Create characters?
1) Laser cannon arena was cool to hear. Although, I thought your character was in the same mood throughout the performance. I can see this as a commercial. But one thing I learned was that the more high notes you have in your commercial/ character performances, the more low notes you may need. Try performing it faster and maintaining high and low notes: like something you might see on a commercial advertisement: example “Rated E for Everyone”, “Join your favorite characters on this epic adventure…”
2) The Stout was an engaging read and you sound like you’re being conversational and inviting to buy the product. Very nice!
3) Aura App was nice, you sound like you’re advertising the best solution for relaxation and going to sleep/ having inner peace. Good job!
Thank you! Yeah the homework was to come up with my own commercial scripts and record as though it were real work. Definitely understand your first point. I’ll keep that in mind for the future. Your comment was very helpful, thank you for taking the time to critique them!!
Hi everyone! This is my first time posting in the feedback forum. I’m a complete amateur when it comes to VO, but I do have fascinations with speech, accents, dialects, and the like. I do have a great friend who sometimes acts as my voice coach, and he has given me helpful tips for VO on an occasional basis over the past few years.
I’m far more experienced with radio imaging and promos than commercials/spots, so for starters, I went into the script library and found a radio promo and a TV news promo (I’ve never done anything like the latter before). I would love any and all feedback that you may have!
I should also let you guys know that I do have an unusual way of saying the CH, SH, J, and soft G sounds in my natural speech. I’ve had them all my life, and I’m still trying to work on that over time.
Hey Stuart, Great reads. Very casual and upbeat. I really like listening to you lean into your natural voice without attempting to ‘hide’ it. The flow you have is to be admired.
For the Smooth Jazz read it may be fun to try a little (hard to say this without being a little cheeky) more ‘smooth jazz’ flavor – again just for fun. Just to see what that point of view does to the read
For eyewitness news I’ be curious to hear what more of the bass notes of your voice sound like (again just for fun)
Great job with the Commercial and Radio V.O performances! Very upbeat, interesting to listen to, you got me thinking of some tv shows I used to watch when I still had cable; Join us next week for another episode of…Stay tuned and see the winners of this contest..”. Stuart, you would be great as a DJ Radio personality!
Thank you so much, SuperLuke! I really appreciate your kind words!
I actually used to host a podcast that I created a while back, and I kind of had that type of voice in mind. I now own a tiny radio station in my apartment (where my username comes from) which I do a morning show on, and that has given me amazing practice. My friend who is sometimes my voice coach is in fact the imaging voice of my station, and I am now gaining production practice experience by making imaging pieces for the station. (If you search Blue 96.7 on SoundCloud, you can feel free to hear what I’ve done with my station!)
Hey All,
Putting up some more commercial homework.
Definitely attempting to avoid pitching down at the end of sentences. Also thought I’d try some short copy for fun.
1. Foxwoods
2. Georgia Aquarium
3. Steak-Umm
Always happy to get more feedback. Thanks!!!
Great reads, Brad! My favorite was the Georgia Aquarium read. I love the sense of humor you gave in that one. I also love the recording quality of your setup and microphone.
In your Foxwoods spot, I’d probably not over-accentuate the word “rooms” as much since it’s not as important as some of the other words in your script. I do love the overall delivery of that ad, though!
For Steak-Ummm, I love the contrast that you have in the three “Steak-Ummm” examples. I did notice a few mouth sounds in your pauses, though. I also probably wouldn’t have paused as long as you did between “and win” and “on Facebook,” but overall, nice reads! Keep it up!
Howdy! I’m currently developing my commercial chops with the aim of recording my demo in June. Feel free to have a listen to these samples and let me know what you think. Thanks!
Commercial 1: ADIDAS ANTI-PERSPIRANTS AND DEODORANTS
Total control. Total performance. Introducing Adidas Anti-Perspirants and Deodorants.
Adidas…when life is rough.
Commercial 2: SPOTIFY
Sometimes you don’t quite know what you want.
Hip hop or k-pop?
Modern country or classic R&B?
EDM or EMO?
Sometimes, you just gotta skip through until you find just what you’re looking for.
Right now, you’re limited to 6 skips an hour.
But with premium, you can have as many skips as you want. Want to try it out free for 30
days? Tap the banner to learn more.
Nice work Markos! Seems like you are pretty confident in your voice and where you fit. Well done.
Adidas, very minor thought to tap the word ‘and’ as it seems to get slightly swallowed in-between antiperspirants ‘and’ deodorants making to set up that there are two separate items being sold.
for Spotify again minor – I might try to make the things you are comparing a just a little more different, example Hip hop or K-Pop sound a little the same.
also I might try to take the whole thing and make it a little more personal. Who are you talking to? Doesn’t it s**k when you can’t skip more than 6 times. If you haven’t heard of this, I’ve got a solution…
I enjoyed your reads, Markus! You have a nice voice and great overall pace in both scripts. I did feel that you kind of lost your energy on the word “deodorant” in the Adidas commercial, though. Your Spotify Premium ad is spot-on! The only thing I have in this ad is that the last two sentences seemed a bit rushed, especially compared to your earlier pace. You also lost your energy in the last few words. Other than that, keep up the great work!
Practicing for narration demo–any feedback appreciated. Thank you!
A Guide to Healing Crystals
People’s fascination with semi-precious stones is nothing new. From China to Babylon and Egypt, ancient civilizations dating back thousands of years have used them in rituals, healing, and meditation, believing that certain crystals have protective abilities and energetic qualities.
Scientifically speaking, crystals are made up of atoms of certain elements arranged in a regular grid pattern. Because of their molecular composition, crystals have a specific vibrational frequency that can coincide with that of the human body.
Really nice, smooth, steady, articulate technical quality to this read! Great finishing on the ends of your sentences. The pace was right on for this type of material/spot.
Creatively I would say you could infuse a bit more intrigue in the first section, as the script says- use of the words fascination, energetic qualities, rituals, believe- lend itself to that. But once you got into the scientific jargon, that same approach to the read really worked.
What a warm voice you have! Great for inviting people to listen and learn about crystals and the like. A few points you may find useful to consider could be:
In the first sentence, spend less time on “is” to reduce emphasizing it; what word deserves more time in that sentence instead?
In the second sentence, perhaps you can add some varied weighting to the names of the ancient civilization to reinforce the wonder of how such distanced peoples all came to the same conclusion to use crystals in some way
In the second sentence, “believing” sounds like it’s the start of a new thought; any way to realign it with the rest of the previously listed items?
Hope this helps, and thanks for sharing!
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by MarkosKandilis.