Feedback Forum
- This topic has 10,022 replies, 717 voices, and was last updated 1 day, 4 hours ago by
.
-
Topic
-
Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
-
Replies
-
It’s been a while since I uploaded any scripts. I have begun prepping for my next demo in Narration. Any feedback is appreciated. My main goal was to speak at a suitable tempo and perform lists in a way that’s varied and interesting. Also, I tried something new with my recording setup, whatcha think?
4H (Corporate)
It began with the seed of an idea. In 1902, the heartland needed folks to embrace new advances in agriculture. But leaders with open minds, strong hearts and willing hands weren’t in abundance. Luckily, kids were. By empowering the next generation to lead, 4H took root. And grew. Grew kids who are confident and strong. Who are curious enough to question and capable enough to find the answer. Who stick to a job until the job gets done. Who know how to work with others. And how to lead. 4H has kept right on growing. Out of the farms and into the towns. From the suburbs to the cities. Anywhere curiosity roams. And confidence thrives. Anywhere technology can be advanced. And achievement is valued. Anywhere positive change is possible. And giving back moves entire communities forward. When you think about it, it makes sense that we began with farming. After all, True leaders aren’t born. They’re grown. 4H GROWS HEREChildren’s Educational Space Game (e-learning)
Today we’re going to explore all of the planets in our solar system, and some other places as well. We’ll travel into the future when astronauts live throughout the solar system. On each world we’ll see what the weather is like, what we would wear, and what we would do to have fun! Grab your oxygen, put on your seatbelt, and let’s blast off!California (Travel Narration)
It’s easy to understand why the United States went to war to get California. A land full of wonders, where one man’s chance discovery triggered a mad rush for gold. And where a new generation of marijuana growers is testing the limits of the law. Full of ancient forests and volcanic forms and a valley that’s also the hottest place on earth.
Enjoy spectacular views along the Pacific Coast Highway or soar over beaches and wine country. Explore Big Sur redwoods and cross the Golden Gate Bridge into the heart and soul of this magnificent state. It’s a region full of character, from movie stars to silicon valley giants to amazing natural wonders. Join us as we visit the Golden State of California.-
Hi Tim! Good stuff here!
Solid clear reads, and I think your set up sounds good, and your lists are varied I can hear the choice making (not in a bad way)
I’m a little new to narration so please take my feedback with a grain of salt.
for 4H you appear to have a sort of either natural or added (i’m not sure) sort of up and down flow to your speech. I might try to limit the operative words picked in a sentence to help limit the up and down flow. Example ‘It BEGAN with the SEED of an IDEA’ Try just just one or two as operative. example “It BEGAN with the seed of an idea” This may help to make your flow a little smoother and allow a quicker tempo if that is what you were after
I would track this same idea for the other two, looking at where you can tone down some operatives with flow. Again just ideas. I think you obviously know your voice and copy best.
Again great work!
-
-
Hello Everyone!
I have uploaded a couple of reads (it’s my first time), I’d love to get some feedback! Thanks!!
1. INVISALIGN:
Your smile says a lot about you. If you let it. When you’re uncomfortable about your teeth, it’s easy to hold back your smile. Invisalign’s advanced technology now lets you straighten your teeth invisibly – so you can express yourself fully. And because they’re invisible, no one has to know about it. Hundreds of thousands of people already have discovered Invisalign. Maybe it’s time you were one of them.2. American Express:
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business, and American Express keeps it that way.-
-
Solid work fellow newbie 🙂
I can totally hear the command and knowledge of what you are saying and why.Invisalign – Keep trying to connect to another person, perhaps you are speaking to a co-worker who said hey I see you did invisalign, why did you do that. Well, your smile says alot about you…and try to think about adding variety into your conversation (which is the ad copy) to make is seem more natural rather than ‘read’
AMEX – When given question marks… ask the question, don’t make them rhetorical, or periods. (I struggle with this all the time) Also with this copy try making the person you’re talking to perhaps a person who just had identity theft occur and you are trying to console them, or you are convincing a friend why protecting privacy is important rather than just ‘read’
Again just ideas.
Congratulations on jumping in with solid work!
-
-
Hi Everyone,
I’m working on scripts for my narration demo and would love some feedback.
Script 1: Music is a language just like you would read aloud from a book. The symbols you will see on pages of sheet music have been used for hundreds of years. They represent the pitch, speed, and rhythm of the song they convey, as well as expression and techniques used by a musician to play the piece. Think of the notes as the letters, the measures as the words, the phrases as the sentences and so forth. In the following video, we will explore the basics of learning to read music, first by going through the staff and the two clefs, and then the notes on the staff.
Script 2: The Battle of Gettysburg was a significant Union victory considered by many to be the turning point of the Civil War. In the summer of 1863, Confederate General Robert E. Lee launched his second invasion of the Northern states, hoping to capitalize on recent Confederate victories and defeat the Union army on Northern soil. Union Major Generals Joseph H****r and George Meade pursued Lee, colliding at the crossroads town of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, on the morning of July 1. The battle lasted 3 days, ending with the failure of Lee’s second invasion of the North. Said to be the bloodiest single battle of the entire Civil War, there were an estimated 51,000 casualties on both sides.
Thanks!
-
Hi all! I’m looking for any and all feedback on this narration piece, 3 takes on the same script. Let me know which one you prefer. I’m going for conversational and authentic. Thanks!
Mary
Gertrude Käsebier was an American photographer who was known for her images of motherhood and her portraits of Native Americans; her portraits of the Sioux focused more on the expression and individuality of the person than their costumes and customs. She helped establish the Women’s Professional Photographers Association of America and promoted photography as a career for women.
-
Mary, your voice is just right for Narration and the way you hit the words really kept my attention. You do sound authentic in your tone and as if your giving a tour to museum goers, though it does sound a little mechanical. Your tempo was also well paced, but it still sounded choppy due to your pausing in the middle of a sentence. You should only pause at full stops, commas, and semicolons. Also, some words like “career” sounded more like “creer.” I think the first one was best, but I would recommend you do the script again.
-
-
-
Hi everyone. I’m practicing some commercial reads before recording my demo. How did I do on this one? Was going for a conversational tone.
-
I am loving the tone you adopted. It sounds very fitting to a script like this. However, I’m with others in how it sounds awful choppy, more like your reading. Try pretending that you’re talking to someone and make it flow. Also, don’t overemphasize because that’s not something we do in a conversation. (Unless your eccentric, but most folks aren’t)
-
Hi Sarah – I like it! Your voice is very nice and light, and good for this genre of script. I could hear the smile in your voice. It sounded almost like a marching rhyme (“send them to sleep”) in spots; you might try just reading it a little more straightforward / smoother manner to make it sound more conversational, just a few less pauses. Great job on this!
Mary
-
-
-
These are a couple of higher energy commericial reads. Bass Pro store, And A1 steak sauce.
Your feedback would be appreciated.-
You have a great voice for these type of reads and for the target audience. I love the way you brought them to life and I would definitely consider the product. Only problem I have is that the Bass Pro shop read sounds like an announcer and I can clearly hear you breathing in the A1 commercial. In addition to performing, we need to know basic audio editing. Breaths are not what people should hear.
-
-
-
-
-
Hi Don! Good reads. For Jaguar, it seemed a bit rushed in spots. I think the script has a lot of statements within it, so I would just let it breathe a little more. By pausing after the statements you are giving the listener time to catch up with what you are telling them, and it becomes more believable. I liked the tone of the Denali piece, good variation in tone and pacing. Good job!
Mary
-
-
I’ve offered some feedback on this forum before, but this is my first time posting a VO sample. Hope I’m doing it right. This narration script for the Martin Guitar Factory Tour may be a script for my demo; we’ll see. I’m posting two slightly-different versions. I’m not sure, on the phrase “visual appointments,” whether I want to stress”visual” or “appointments.” See what you think. (I know the acoustics are less than ideal; when the time comes for the “real deal,” I’ll record in a less live space.)
MARTIN GUITAR FACTORY TOUR
Exquisite taste, structural integrity, and adherence to high Martin quality are standard in every Custom Martin.
The Martin D-45 is the top-of-the-line dreadnought, using premium tone woods and visual appointments.-
Hey John, I listened to both of them and I have to say they are both very good. I think the second read was best. My experience tells me you should generally avoid emphasizing the last word in a sentence unless it’s a question or an exclaimation. If I were you, I’d emphasis visual and the first half of “appointments.” They’re both important words for the script. Your tempo and tone worked well, but I think the way you read: “using” was a little forced or too quick.
(On a side note, don’t make your sound file any longer than it has to be. I found it confusing and even with the script written out, feedback people may take a pass on your upload, because they don’t want to critique such a long read.) -
-
-
-
-
Well, I think both sound as animated as they should be for the types of reads they are. You hit good words and were mostly succinct in your pronunciation. Your tempo on the other hand needs work. I haven’t done promos, but I’m sure you need to consider the attention span of the viewers. Be quick but clear, as if they’re only stopping to catch their breath.
As for the tone, I think you need to be more interested in what your talking about. In promos and commercials, your trying to sell something to the listener, convince them to come by and sample your product. They won’t trust someone who doesn’t seem all that sure of herslef…
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
