[Brownjr.gregory]

Hi everyone, submitting my narration homework for coaching. Please let me know if you have any feedback. Thanks!

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[Rosy]

Hi Gregory,

I like your tone, sounds rich and articulate. In both reads I noticed a pattern of downward intonation (except the end of Hemingway). You could try varying the pattern. Also it sounded slightly “choppy”. List-Jumbo was smoother and I liked your energy. I thought the word “epic” could be stressed a little more, but overall great stuff!
Rosy

[Rosy]

Hi everyone! I’m a first timer on the forum, sharing a couple of (raw) narration pieces before my coaching session. I’m just setting up my home studio and trying out my DAW so no fancy editing or acoustics here. I’d be grateful for your feedback and areas for improvement (loads I’m sure!)

Thanks so much 🙂

1.
The heart is a remarkable organ. It is a muscle that relaxes and contracts, pumping blood carrying oxygen and nutrients throughout the body.
The steady rhythm of these contractions is controlled by electrical impulses that travel through the heart, first through the upper chambers, called the atria; and then through the lower chambers, called the ventricles.
In order to reach the ventricles, electrical impulses must pass here, at the atrioventricular node.

2.
Welcome to the new employee training course. Today’s course will focus on “Conflicts of Interest”.
For the next 15 minutes, you’ll explore the work life of company employee “Ann” and assess if she is experiencing conflicts of interest on the job.
By the end of this course, you’ll be able to:
– Explain what our company means by a “conflict of interest”;
– Identify a situation where a gift may be considered a conflict of interest;
– And identify the appropriate steps to quickly resolve a conflict of interest.
Click the “Start” button to begin.

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[1stassi]

Hello Rosy

I wish I could critique better but I absolutely didn’t even hear a problem with this read. If I was speaking technical then I guess I heard a few pops in there but other than that it was GREAT!

[Rosy]

Hey there and thank you (so sorry I don’t know how to address you by name 1stassi)!

I was really nervous about my first upload. Now thanks to you I’m breathing a huge sigh of relief.

Looking forward to engaging with you and other members on the forum and getting tips to improve.

Rosy

[Rosy]

I’m reloading the conflicts recording as I got an error first time

[Rosy]

Oh well, not having much luck with the conflict of interests piece.

[IvyEdgeCEO]

Hello all – Here is more of my homework from my first narration demo session. Thanks in advance for your feedback!
Podcast:
From the New York Times and WBUR Boston, this is Modern Love: stories of love, loss, and redemption.

Welcome:
SAS Curiosity Forever: We ask the questions that move the world forward. Curiosity Forever is a promise. We will never stop exploring data, analyzing it, learning from it. Because when curiosity meets capability, the world moves forward.

E-Learning:
NYU offers a variety of online courses for students to learn asynchronously via innovative online tools and instructional methods. NYU’s Big Ideas course series provides a unique academic experience featuring faculty experts from across the University. Courses are available to all students, regardless of school or department.

Edge Studio Narration Script:
In ancient times, a king had his men place a boulder on a roadway. He then hid in the bushes, and watched to see if anyone would move the boulder out of the way. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers passed by and simply walked around it. Many people blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none of them did anything about getting the stone removed.  

One day, a peasant came along carrying vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to push the stone out of the way. After much pushing and straining, he finally managed. After the peasant went back to pick up his vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king explaining that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the road.

Moral of the story – Every obstacle that we come across gives us an opportunity to improve our circumstances, and while the lazy complain, others are creating opportunities through their kind hearts, generosity, and willingness to get things done.

Edge Studio Narration Script:
I know that you’re scared, and it’s a good thing to be scared. Because with that fear, you realize that there is a strange adrenaline rush that takes over you, akin to most of the top athletes and singers right before they play and start their performance. As you feel scared, you can begin to, you know…use this emotion for the better. Use the rush, use the adrenaline, use all of this nervous energy. You get scared because your mind pictures things not going in your favor, however the mind is creative. One of the scenarios it can create, can come from the space of courage. It’s all a picture in your head at the end of the day. So why don’t you take this opportunity to think of the outcome that you want, the one in which you’ll feel happy, satisfied and excited about this journey that you’re about to take. Yes, use all the nervous energy to imagine a level of euphoria unfathomable so far in your life. It’s bright and vivid. You put aside the negative images you were seeing with these new, beautiful and breathtaking ones. Yes, you can…NOW…BEGIN TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by IvyEdgeCEO.

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[maxspitz]

Hey Y’all!

Uploading some more commercial HW recordings. As always, love and appreciate any and all feedback/comments.

Thanks!
Max

Carnation: Kids can change minds. They can even change the world around us. Packed with protein, plus 21 vitamins and minerals, we nourish them with Carnation Breakfast Essentials. Because today could change everything.

JC Penney: Your brain has 2 sides. The right side: creative, buys things, has fun. The left side: organized, practical, saves money. Now JC Penney makes both sides happy. It’s the buy more, save more sale. It’s simple, the more you buy, the more you save. 20 to 30%. So use your head. Buy more-Save more. Only at JC Penney.

AllState: Truth is, most motorcycle insurance costs about the same. What’s not the same, is the coverage. Now you can get the AllState protection you need for a price you can afford. Talk to an AllState agent today. Are you in good hands?

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[salmaperez001]

Greetings,

You have a really nice, soothing voice! For the Carnation read, it sounded very much professional with a bit of personality. It almost sounds conversational, especially in the specific change in tonality parts. However, I think you could allow it to be a little more conversational, talking as if you’re having a real conversation with a child or with the parent of a child who’s interested in this product perhaps.

For the JC Penny read, it sounded much more conversational and enthusiastic. However, I noticed that there are certain portions where your voice sounds kind of performed if that makes sense. For instance, in the “So use your head. Buy more, Save more. Only at JC Penney” line, although it’s hard to actually say those kinds of things in a real life conversation, incorporating reasons for why you’re saying what you’re saying can really help (I struggle with this myself). And same for the Allstate read, it had parts that sounded kind of performed. You’ve got the professional quality down, now it just needs to be a little more conversational (which I struggle with). This is just my impression, I’m not an expert of course. But, overall good job! Keep up the good work!

[Swkeys]

Hi @Maxspitz,

All three of these were very good reads!I actually thought a commercial pop’d up on my computer until I realized it was actually you.

Tone, clarity and pitch were all great the only thing I would have you pay attention to is your speed. The JCPenny and Carnation reads seemed a little rushed, and I had to really focus to comprehend what you were saying. Other than that. Great Job!

KUDOS!

SWK

[Don Sack]

Hey Max!
Nice work! Cheerful voice! I want to listen!
The Carnation spot; it sounds like kids are packed with protein, not the drink, figure out how to delineate that? I think the line should start with Carnation myself..
Perhaps slow down a bit (if there is no slate) with all three? Go up at the end when you say JC Penny? I don’t know, sometimes, apparently, that’s not the way to go but I like it!

[maxspitz]

Thanks to all who provided feedback for these reads! Your comments were very helpful!!

[Rosy]

Hi,

E-learning script for feedback please. Thanks!

Welcome to the new employee training course. Today’s course will focus on “Conflicts of Interest”.
For the next 15 minutes, you’ll explore the work life of company employee “Ann” and assess if she is experiencing conflicts of interest on the job.
By the end of this course, you’ll be able to:
– Explain what our company means by a “conflict of interest”;
– Identify a situation where a gift may be considered a conflict of interest;
– And identify the appropriate steps to quickly resolve a conflict of interest.
Click the “Start” button to begin.

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[salmaperez001]

Hi everyone. This is my latest commercial homework. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thanks.

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[Swkeys]

HI @SalmaPerez001,

Thanks for posting…Overall, I think you did a good job getting through the script. You have a youthfulness to your voice that was very pleasant to hear.

I would suggest going through and making sure you remain conversational throughout…There we a couple of times where it was a bit choppy but it might just mean being comfortable with the script.

I would also say work on trying to get the listeners to envision what you’re talking about… Tell a story as if there is nothing there for us to see but the words that you’re saying.

Good Job… I do hope this helps.

Best,
SWK

[Swkeys]

Hi Everyone,

This is my latest homework assignment. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

SWK

Atlanta Bread Company
When you think of Atlanta Bread Company, don’t just think ‘bread’. Think of an entire breakfast menu – fresh-baked pastries, hot breakfast sandwiches and specialty coffees. Think of our Cafe with savory sandwiches, daily soups and crisp salads. And don’t forget…we can cater your next special event or meeting! Atlanta Bread Company – more than just bread.

History Channel
If you lived before our time, who would you be?
Would you fight your brother for the rights of another? Who would you be?
Would you find new dreams or create wonders?
What if you could choose from a 1,000 yesterdays; a 1,000 lives, when the past was today and the new took your breath away.
Who would you be? What would you feel? How would you live? Who would you love?

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[Evette75]

Hi,
Nice recordings. You have a soothing, mellow tone which draws on in. The reads were clear and I was able to embrace the pitch. My only feedback is around the pauses in the History Channel read; they seemed a little extended at the end.

[Don Sack]

Hey All!
Been a while. Demo is done! Just keep practicing, eh?
Rock On!

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