Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi all! I’m looking for some feedback to this script for my upcoming narration demo. Please let me know what you think. I’m trying for friendly / conversational. Thanks!
Mary
Henri Cartier-Bresson was a French humanist photographer born in 1908. He is considered a master of candid photography, viewing the craft as an avenue to capture a decisive moment. He was one of the earliest photographers to use 35mm film and shot almost exclusively in black and white. Though his large body of work, which included a variety of street photography, was impressive, he turned his attention solely to painting later in life.
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Hi Mary, I agree with Oktober10 – that moment when you fold the pamphelt and start paying attention to the audio. I can see what nettipo1 mentioned about changing tone to give more attention to his changing paths. Overall, great job!
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Hello,
Your delivery is friendly, smooth, and soothing, and you have no issues with reading or doing any unnecessary pausing, which is wonderful. I still tend to think that you could be more conversational. Be mindful of the down inflection at the end of his name “Bresson.”, which ends up slightly halting the sentence mid-way. Also, the last sentence contains a bit of interesting information (changing to painting later on in life), which you might want to call to the listener’s attention by changing your tone or inflection so that it’s “audibly” different from the preceding sentences. -
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AWESOME! I imagined myself in a museum with the audio learning about the work. Great pace and tone and very informative speak.
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Hi! Here are two of my latest scripts. Looking forward to your feedback!
Official Alaska Vacation Planning Video
This Official Alaska Vacation Planning Video is filled with plenty of breathtaking scenes. But more important, it’s loaded with all the information you need for planning a trip to Alaska. Like when to go, what to wear, and what to see. So if you’ve got Alaska on your mind, you’re going to love this video. Let’s begin with snow sports. This is definitely the place. For cross-country and down-hill skiing. For snow boarding, tobogganing, and even ice fishing.
Advance Technologies
Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.
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Good Day,
I am attaching 3 narration recordings for my HW assignment. I would appreciate your general feedback as well as specific feedback around my pace, tone, ability to switch up style in a way that compliments the read and glottal stops (which has been a bit of a challenge for me). Suggestions on how to improve are always appreciated.
Of the three recordings, I wrestled the most with the Jazz recording. I have two versions, but decided to upload the “smoother” versus the “upbeat” version here.
Scripts:
Children’s Educational Space Game:
Today we’re going to explore all of the planets in our solar system and some other places as well. We’ll travel into the future when astronauts live throughout the solar system. On each world we’ll see what the weather is like, what we would wear, and what we would do to have fun! Grab your oxygen, put on your seatbelt, and let’s blast off!Documentray on Jazz:
It is America’s music. It is an improvised Art, making itself up as it goes along. It rewards individual expression. But demands selfless collaboration. It is forever changing. But nearly always rooted in the blues. It has a rich tradition and its own rules. But it is brand new every night.Advance Tech:
Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.Thank you!
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Hi Bevy,
As others have mentioned, you have a nice smooth delivery; for the children’s educational space game, you’re trying to get kids interested in playing your game, so I think it could use a little more excitement and inflection. I’m curious to hear the “upbeat” reading of the jazz script. As someone who has spent many a night in NYC jazz clubs, this is a little too laid back. It’s exciting music that is “brand new every night”.
Advance tech has a nice balance of corporate but friendly. -
Hi bevy,
I enjoyed your reads. Overall, they were smoothly delivered with a friendly and credible tone. As others noted, the Space Game was rushed throughout. In the Jazz script, I think what might be happening is the tendency to rush the beginnings of sentences, or the parts of the sentence that do not contain any key words that are being emphasized. I know this because I do the same thing. So phrases like “it rewards” and “but demands” could be delivered a tad bit slower so that it’s clearer for the listener. Also, make sure you remember your audience for each script and talk to them on their level. Again, you have a credible tone that has the flexibility to work for multiple audiences. -
Hi Bevy, good work! I liked the first script but agree with Radioguy in that there needed to be a bit more pausing with the punctuation; it sounded a bit rushed. I liked the tone on this one. For the second script on jazz it sounded a bit monotone to me. I think you could vary the tone a bit more, and still keep it smooth. The words themselves are describing lots of variation, so I think your voice could mimic that more. The third script was a nice variation from the first two and sounded nice and corporate. Good job!
Mary
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Got some more homework recordings! I went with a political ad and a History Channel ad. Id love to hear what people have to say! Im really trying to work on pronunciation, especially “For” instead of “fer” and “to” instead of “ta”, so hopefully I didnt over do the effort on those!
Ill paste the scripts here too!CLEANER ELECTIONS
Smear campaigns…mud slinging…twisting the truth.
Why do politicians resort to such underhanded tactics?
Do they think it really helps their campaign?
It’s u**y, uncalled for, and deceitful.
So why do we allow them to continue?
It’s time to level the playing field.
You want our vote? Then focus on the issues that affect all of us.
This election season, advocate for a clean election process.
Paid for by the committee for cleaner elections.HISTORY CHANNEL
If you lived before our time, who would you be?
Would you fight your brother for the rights of another? Who would you be?
Would you find new dreams or create wonders?
What if you could choose from a 1,000 yesterdays; a 1,000 lives, when the past was today and the new took your breath away.
Who would you be? What would you feel? How would you live? Who would you love?
Remembering every generation before us;
Remembering for generations to come.
The History Channel. Where the past comes alive.-
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Hi, Colton!
Listening to these clips, your voice is very crisp and clear. Your diction is great–I can understand every word you say–and your pacing on the Cleaner Elections read was good!
One thing I believe you can improve on is creating more stakes in each read. Think about who you’re talking to in both pieces of copy. In Cleaner Elections, why is it important to stop the constant mudslinging tactics politicians use? Why is it so urgent that this system gets fixed? In the History Channel, what strikes your scene partner’s curiosity about living in another era? Is it their sense of right and wrong? Are they interested in the lives people of other time periods lived? Think about the emotional response you want from them both. You have incredibly clear reads and a wonderful voice, but it’s missing the substance that makes it sound conversational: Convey that urgency, heighten their curiosity, get them to FEEL something!
I would definitely keep these for practice and maybe edit the copy for a demo (never rip the exact copy, but don’t spoof the names). You picked really good options for reads!
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Hello,
I really enjoyed your interpretation of the Cleaner Elections script. Your pace was excellent-you read with clarity and conviction and it felt personal/conversational.
On the History Channel read, my only suggestion would be on the pacing, it went a bit quickly, specifically after the line “would you fight your brother for the rights of another”. Otherwise, nice read!
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Hi All! Thank you for any feedback you can provide.
Acura Future
Great design challenges more than just the eyes. It challenges the future. We designed the RDX to challenge not just the future of SUVs, but also the future of Acura. The future starts now. The future is the Acura RDX.
Acura. Everything we ever imagined. And then some. -
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Hi all! I’m looking for some feedback on my upcoming narration demo. I’m going for conversational and friendly. Let me know what you think. Thanks!
Mary
How to Build a Beehive – Step 4: Once you have installed bees, the setup is called an “apiary.” When the bees have filled the bottom brood box about 80 percent full, place another brood box on top. Once that box is 80 percent full, top it with a super box, which is slightly shorter than a brood box. Continue this process as much as needed. Beekeepers harvest honey from super boxes, which once full can weigh up to 60 pounds.
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Nice work Mary. I like your authoritative tone however I suggest maybe lightening it a bit, I mean bee keeping is fun right? Not like you’re speaking to a kid, but still with a sense of authority and knowledge. Hope that makes sense.
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Hello,
I enjoyed the read overall. Your tone was friendly, you presented as one who is knowledgable about the subject. Your pace was on target and it was pleasant to listen to.
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Hello Everyone, I have attached (2) narration homework for your feedback. As always, it is so much appreciated. Thanks again!
Amelia Earhart (Biography)
Amelia Earhart dared to go where no one had gone before. The public adored the pioneering pilot. And news reels of the day captured her every move. Yet the private side of Amelia would always remain an enigma.
Disney’s Oceans Opening (Soft Spoken)
A boy comes running up, and he asks, “What exactly is the ocean? What is the sea?”
You could hit him with a lot of statistics and Latin names, but the answer isn’t something you’ll find in a book. To really know what the ocean is, you have to see it for yourself. And hear it. And taste it. You have to feel its power.-
Hi there. I love the expression in your voice! I would say make note of how long your pauses are between sentences. Try maybe to smooth it out a tad? If there’s video which these scripts seem like they may be used for, then it makes sense to pause to time with the visuals.
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Hi Gene, You have a great tone! Your pace just a tad bit fast. Slow down a little, but overall nice job! Good luck with it all.
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Hey Y’all!
My name is Max, I’m new here to the forum and relatively new to the world of VO. I pulled some copy from the script library and would love and really appreciate some feedback/constructive criticism if anyone has a minute.
Thanks!
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