[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

• This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by David Goldberg.

Topic

[Logan DFD]

Hi! I’m working on sounding natural in my delivery. Hope you all can help me out!

Atlanta Bread Company

When you think of Atlanta Bread Company,
don’t just think ‘bread’. Think of an entire breakfast menu
– fresh-baked pastries, hot breakfast sandwiches and specialty coffees.
Think of our Cafe with savory sandwiches, daily soups and crisp salads.
And don’t forget…we can cater your next special event or meeting!
Atlanta Bread Company – more than just bread.

Special K Red Berries

Putting strawberries in cereal wasn’t our idea.
Putting them in the box was.
With slices of real strawberries and crunchy sweet flakes, looking good never tasted so good.
Special K Red Berries.

A1 Steak Sauce

With steak, you want to make every bite count.
That’s why we use A-1 Steak Sauce.
A-1 brings out every single bite of steak, or even hamburger.
Mmmmm, delicious.
For me, there’s only one steak sauce, A-1.
Because A-1 has all the taste that makes every bite count.

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[Shaun Cruz]

Hi Logan!

I like your tone, I’d love to hear you doing some narration/explainer type stuff. I think you’d do really well at that. Keep up the good work!

[Swkeys]

Hi Logan,

Thanks for the uploads. These were very good and you have a very stately/ professorial tone to your voice and your annunciation is great. For the sake of sounding natural I would suggest acting out (while recording) like you are talking to some friends. Which would help reduce some of the “formalness” that I suspect your voice naturally gives.

Overall, I think these were pretty good and look forward to hearing more.

SWK

[Logan DFD]

Thank you! I’ll try my best!

[superfixappliances]

Hi Everyone!
Here I am gonna discuss about Refrigerator services provider.
There are a variety of refrigerator repair businesses that can handle any problem you may have. Refrigerator repair provides professional service at a reasonable price and handles their customers with the utmost respect. Superfix Appliances offers a variety of service contracts to suit your customers’ requirements. The best part about this company is that you can quickly get all of your appliance repair needs met. Contact us to get best Refrigerator Technician Dubai.

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[Shaun Cruz]

Hello Friends!

Just uploading a couple more commercial reads… I appreciate all the feedback.

Thanks!

At Freshii you can customize your entree and be your own culinary master. So what’s in your custom bowl? Tex Mex with black beans and a little salsa fresca? Teriyaki twist with a pop of pineapple? Whatever your fresh idea, get any 2 bowls for just $12.99! Freshii – Eat. Energize!

Hey… if life were perfect, magazines would never smell like perfume, dogs would walk themselves, and algebra would really come in handy. Well,look on the bright side, at least there’s AMSTEL LIGHT. It has only 95 calories,but you still get real imported taste. You don’t give up a thing. Who says nothing’s perfect?…Amstel Light.

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[bevy]

Hi Shaun,

I really enjoyed the Amstel Light read, you presented as a light-hearted and neighborly which fits well with the tone of the script.

I also enjoyed the Freshii read but agree that slowing down just a little bit, specifically when listing ingredients would make it better. Overall great recordings!

[Shaun Cruz]

Hello Bevy,

Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it. definitely will be slowing down. Thank you for listening!

[Logan DFD]

Sounds good! You have a good calming, relaxing voice.

On the Freshii reading, you might want to slow down a bit and pronounce each word clearly, ESPECIALLY the word Freshii (the money word). Also, be sure to have good variation in your pitch in the middle of sentences. And when you pause, let your words naturally end, but don’t cut them off too soon. Do that, and your reading will be just that much better! Good work!

Your Amstel Light reading was really good! Sounds like it came from an official commercial. Creative variation in pitch, great accent, not too fast, but not slow either. Great job! Keep it up!

[Shaun Cruz]

Hey Logan,

Thank you for the great feedback! I really appreciate it.

[kicking]

I really like your voice – friendly, trustworthy, cool.
Careful of the p pops (plosives) on the “perfect” (say that 10 times in a row, lol).

[Shaun Cruz]

I Will Keep the P notes in mind, I’ll try that exercise lol. Thanks so much for the feedback, I appreciate it!

[TimberTykes]

Good Evening!

I have a couple of recordings here for homework- two commercial readings.

My main focus was making sure the reading was akin to a short story- I have to make sure my readings had a beginning, middle, and end. Any feedback is much appreciated, and thank you for your time!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by TimberTykes.

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[jwreickel]

Good morning Timber Tykes,

I tried to provide some feedback for you below on each of your reads, well done!

Sincerely,

Jimmy

Saying No – lots of personality and definitely sounds like a conversation! I like the chuckle and do feel like this has a distinct beginning/middle/end. really nice!

Get More – this definitely sounds like a real commercial so that’s great! There is a good amount of tonal shift throughout, especially at the end, but in the beginning/middle sections you may want to change one of the exclamatory sentences to not end on a high inflection (e.g. depending on how much smartphone data YOU USE! and get a new phone ON US!)

[salmaperez001]

Hello everyone! I would greatly appreciate any feedback on any of my narration recordings below as I have tried to apply the feedback I received in my last post. Thank you so much in advance!

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[jwreickel]

Good morning salmaperez!

I’ve copied some feedback below for each of your scripts, hope this helps!

Jimmy

—————–

Aetna/US Healthcare – Based on a quick Google search I think this may be pronounced as ‘et – na’ vs. ‘a – et – na’ but I could be wrong about that. I think your pace and annunciation are very consistent and convey a warm feeling but it does come off as if you’re reading a script. You may want to change your tone/inflection a few places to try and make it sound more like a conversation

Relaxation – I think your voiceprint fits really well with this one! Good pacing, good pauses, I thought this was very good.

Apollo 16 – To me this one definitely sounds like it’s got more of your personality but I would suggest even more. To try and relay your point of view (amazement, awe, etc.) about this incredible event in history I think would be helpful to grabbing listener attention

Hershey Tour – I think this also offers more of your personality but similar to the healthcare one seems to have very consistent tone that makes it sound like you’re reading a script. For example your first three sentences all end with an ‘up’ inflection (welcome to Hershey! the great american Chocolate Town! where american families come together for the Sweet Life!)

[Sheila Harris]

Hi all! See below for recent script submission…

GORDON COLLEGE:

Welcome to Gordon College! This tour begins just outside the tunnel that goes under College Drive near the flagpole. We will tour East campus first, followed by West Campus, and end the tour back here at the tunnel. Periodically, I will ask you to pause the recording so that you can walk to the next point or take a few minutes to independently tour the area. I will always use the word “pause” when you need to pause the recording. And I will always use the word “stop” when you need to stop walking while I continue speaking. This tour is intended to be listened to while walking around campus and does not include tours of any of the buildings. If you are taking this tour on a day when the buildings are open, please feel free to pause the recording and enter the buildings along the way. As you resume listening to the tour, remember to return to the location where you were last when you pushed pause on the recording.

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[kicking]

Hey – love the voice. Smooth, warm and a pleasure to listen to. If I had a criticism, I’d say the read was too upbeat – if that makes sense.

[mkell755]

Hi everyone! Here is a script for feedback. I’m working towards recording my narration demo. Let me know what you think. Thanks!

Mary

Mini Supermarket
This may look like the front of a vending machine. In fact, to make a purchase, all you do is dial a code and a robot sales clerk does the rest.
Instead of just sodas or crackers, this machine offers more than five hundred items – like p***y hose, shampoos, lotions, pacifiers, tooth paste, batteries – even dog food.

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[kicking]

Great voice! Good read. I would say the intonation on that last “dog food” might sound better going up rather than down.

[mkell755]

Thanks for the feedback! There were so many items in the list I had a hard time figuring out different intonations for all of them. Thanks!

Mary

[1stassi]

Hi everyone.
This is my first homework assignment to record a commercial and upload it on the forum. I would love to get some feedback from some of my fellow actors/ actresses. Thanks in advance.

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[mkell755]

Hi 1stassi! First of all, welcome! I liked your energy for this one. It sounded upbeat and appropriate for the script. I did hear some echoing in the background, but my guess is if it’s your first time you may not be fully set up yet for soundproofing. Keep it up!

Mary

[Dbryson69]

Daniella New to the VO feedback forum I uploaded 2 versions of the same copy please feel free to give me all the feedback you can

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[Bil-Bo]

Woodies
I hate Woodies! I’m the only dog on the block who doesn’t get any love, and I tell ya, I’m fed up! It’s just Woodies, Woodies, Woodies … every doggone day. She never has time for me anymore. When I want to romp in the park — “Sorry, darling. Mummy has to go to Woodies to buy a new dress.” When I want to play fetch the stick — “Not now, Canine Cutey, WOODIES is having a sale on shoes.” I thought it was supposed to be a dog’s world out there. If only I were a cat! (Meow SFX)

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[Dbryson69]

I actually could see your sad puppy dog face listen to your read maybe a little slower is the only thing I could think of if I had to critique it but good work.

[Author]

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