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  • #71601
    mkell755
    Participant

    Hi everyone! Here is a onboarding script for your review for my upcoming narration demo. I was going for pleasant (but not irritating) enthusiasm. Let me know what you think!

    Mary

    Texicon Family
    Hey there new employee, or should we say, new family member. As a member of the Texicon family, we want to formally introduce you to your new home, but not too formal because that’s just not our style. Now you’ve already got your new uniforms and met with our incredible CEO, or head of the family as we like to call him. Now it’s time for me to bring you up to speed on what your days are going to be filled in with. Make sure you grab some of the complimentary cake you have in front of you, we love cake here so you’re going to have to get used to that, and see what the rest of your time at the Texicon household has in store for you!

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    • #71680
      RoxyMel
      Participant

      Hi Mary, this is enjoyable because it sounds interesting, and your intonation is pleasant. I do hear your breaths in-between phrases which are subtly distracting and am not sure how or if that would be altered. But wonderful job on keeping the listener engaged!

      • #71985
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback Roxy! Yes, I definitely included breaths, my coach told me to keep those in. I tried some narration scripts without and ended up holding my breath and then it sounded really weird, AND I ran out of breath too! I will work on not breathing too heavy however, do not want it to sound distracting 🙂 Thanks!

        Mary

    • #71607
      suecat
      Participant

      Hey Mary,
      I liked your performance. I thought that tempo was good and you sound relaxed and excited about your new “family member.” I liked your inflections. Great work!

      • #71622
        mkell755
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback Sue! I’m glad your impression was favorable, appreciate it! 🙂

        Mary

  • #71595
    naderaliamer
    Participant

    Hi Guys. New student to Edge Studios and I’m also a newbie to the industry. I was given some homework to do and I thought I’d submit something early to get some feedback(this is my very first recording with my new studio). I’m hoping you guys can have a listen to my reading of the ‘Cosmos’ script:

    “Welcome to the planet earth. A place of blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, soft meadows; A world positively rippling with life. From the cosmic perspective, it is, for the moment, unique. The only world on which we know with certainty that the matter of the cosmos has become alive, and aware. There must be many such worlds scattered through space, but our search for them begins here, with the accumulated wisdom of the men and women of our species, acquired at great cost, over a million years.”

    Thanks in advance!

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    • #71604
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Nader, very nice! Your voice has a nice warm and calm quality and sounds very good for this genre and script. Your pacing was nice and not rushed and you took the time to paint a visual picture. Very good! You are on the right track.

      Mary

  • #71579
    Tom_Connelly
    Participant

    Here’s my first homework assignment. Let me know what you think. Thanks!

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    • #71608
      suecat
      Participant

      Hey Tom, I agree with Mary your enthusiasm was great! Just that ‘introducing’ was kind of mangled, for lack of a better term. Other than that, I really liked it. Keep it up!

    • #71605
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Tom, good work! I liked the smile in your voice and the enthusiasm for the script and choices made on which words to emphasize – very good!

      Mary

  • #71570
    mkell755
    Participant

    Hi all! Here is a script for review – the first one is without music, the second is with you guessed it, piano music (same spoken recording for both). Let me know what you think!

    Mary

    This is a guide for piano beginners. Ten chapters guide you all the way from zero knowledge to the point where you are sitting with your hands at the keyboard with all the understanding and resources you need. This guide cannot replace learning and practicing, but we can show you how to get the most out of your time. So even if you already have some playing experience, you can still find something valuable here.

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  • #71563
    dvnblnt
    Participant

    Hi everyone! I’m new to the Edge Studio VO demo program and excited to see what yall have to say about these readings 🙂

    Starbucks: We’ve been told that perfect mornings exist for the lucky few. That morning people own the waking hours. But the truth is mornings belong to all of us. and while your morning might look like this. Or this. Or even this. Your mornings are what you make them. All it takes is saying Yes. Starbucks. Morning. Yes.

    Allstate: Welcome to Allstate. A place where everyone lives life well protected. And even when things go a bit wrong, we got your back. Here things work the way you wish they would and better protection costs a whole lot less. You’re in good hands with Allstate.

    Happy weekend,
    Devon

    Misfits Market: Hi. We’re Misfits Market. We rescue organic produce and surplus pantry staples from sustainably minded farmers and food makers and deliver them straight to your door at up to 40% off grocery store prices. Just build your box online, we’ll pack it with the best stuff: quality, affordable groceries ..for everyone! (Just the way it should be.) Get started at misfitsmarket.com.

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    • #71609
      suecat
      Participant

      Hey Devon,
      You have a really nice voice. Your tempo was great, but the reads sounded a bit choppy. Some of your words weren’t clear, example: Misfits ‘at up to 40%’ sounded like ‘add up to 40%.’ Minor stuff. Your volume was a bit low. I think if you find the one person you want to share your information with, and speak directly to them, all of the choppy-ness, if there’s such a word, will vanish! Add that smile in your performances and you’ve got it made. Can’t wait to hear more!

      • #71664
        dvnblnt
        Participant

        Thanks so much suecat! I really appreciate your feedback – especially on the volume.

    • #71597
      sydneyrachel
      Participant

      Great job! I would work on your pacing a bit more. Really visualize what you are saying and what kind of video it may be paired with. Painting a scene in your head may really help your delivery! It could even be helpful to imagine talking to someone you know about the service to sound genuinely interested about the service/product.

      • #71663
        dvnblnt
        Participant

        Thank you! Have you worked with my coach Jenn? LOL you’ve reminded me of one of her notes that I need more work on – try to have a person in mind who I’m talking to. I really appreciate your feedback 🙂

    • #71573
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Devon, good work!
      Misfits: There seemed to be a lot of unnecessary pauses in this one in the first sentence, which made it a little choppy sounding and less conversational. The last “misfitsmarket.com” seemed to get low and trailed off, to emphasize the brand in a more positive light, I would bring up the tone more. Also “for everyone!” sounded like “fer”. I do this too and it is a hard habit to break as part of my natural accent. Per my coach, I will write in “4” instead of “for” to tell my brain to not to skip over it with a “fer”.
      Allstate: This was nice, but you might try it with more smile in your voice, which will sound warmer and more reassuring to the listener.
      Starbucks: Nice smile in your voice. I liked the variation of tone your use in the list “and while your morning might look like this. Or this. Or even this.” I liked this one the best for you. Keep it up!

      Mary

      • #71662
        dvnblnt
        Participant

        Thanks so much! You’re right – it’s so hard to drop my accent. I’ll definitely try what you’ve suggested.

  • #71556
    SteveVoice2
    Participant

    Hello Everyone:

    Thanks for taking the time to listen to my latest homework assignments. Really appreciate any feedback as I am always looking to improve!
    Cosmos
    Welcome to the planet earth. A place of blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, soft meadows. A world positively rippling with life.
    From the cosmic perspective, it is, for the moment, unique. The only world on which we know with certainty that the matter of the cosmos has become alive, and aware. There must be many such worlds scattered through space, but our search for them begins here, with the accumulated wisdom of the men and women of our species, acquired at great cost, over a million years.

    AEC Foundation

    Every child deserves to grow up with opportunities to learn and thrive. With his skills, her talents, each is a potential leader, a contributor, a productive citizen. How kids grow up will determine their success as adults. But sadly, more than one in five children in America are growing up in poor families and poor neighborhoods, where the chance to thrive is anything but a given. The Annie E. Casey Foundation is dedicated to changing that.

    The Time Capsule

    A computer, a new wonder drug, your favorite snack or light bulb. What would you put in a time capsule that could be opened in 1000 years?
    How will you want to be remembered? Look around-is it your wedding pictures, your favorite book, or those old jeans? Which treasures will tell the story of how we lived, who we loved, what we overcame? A world premiere event “The Times Capsule” Tonight at 9 Eastern 10 Pacific on The History Channel.

    Once again, thanks very much

    Steve

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    • #71574
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Steve! Very nice! I like your deep warm and clear voice – it cuts through nicely!
      Cosmos: This was my favorite for you, your voice is very well suited for space narration. Great pacing, pauses and emphasized words throughout. After “…rippling with life.” it seems like you could take just a micro-pause longer, like you are setting the stage for the rest of the story. The word “cost” had a slight accent, sounded like “cawst” (Boston area maybe?) that I did not hear for the rest of the script, just an observation from me, a mid-westerner.
      AEC: This was clear and had good pacing, but you did not sound as connected / interested in the script.
      Time Capsule: I liked this one, but it felt a tiny bit rushed. You could perhaps pause a tiny bit more after some of the questions, which will allow listeners to take a beat and think about the questions, not a big deal. Really nice work!!

      Mary

  • #71349
    jwreickel
    Participant

    Good afternoon everyone!

    Doing some more homework and have a few more scripts! I’d appreciate any feedback everyone has, thanks!

    Jimmy

    ——————————–

    Educational Explainer Video Intro Only – Real Estate

    Company Website Greeting

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  • #71534
    jwreickel
    Participant

    Good afternoon everyone!

    I’m completing my homework for this past session and have attached some scripts.

    Thanks for any feedback you can provide!

    Sincerely,

    Jimmy

    —————————–

    Educational Explainer Video Intro Only – Real Estate

    Company Website Greeting

    Social Security

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    • #71576
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Jimmy good work! Your voice is friendly, approachable and clear, I agree that it sounds trustworthy.
      Real Estate: – Good pacing on this one and it got my attention, I liked this one the best for you.
      Company website: Very believable and good pacing for this one, like you were talking with a friend.
      Social Security: No specific criticisms on this one. Good work!

      Mary

    • #71560
      dvnblnt
      Participant

      Hi Jimmy! You really have a very trustworthy voice 🙂

      I enjoyed this one the most. I’d recommend picturing who you’re talking to throughout the reading to really emphasize how you make this feel like a conversation or a narration of the viewer’s own thought. However, casual and conversational really suits you!

      The Company Website Greeting sounds a bit like you’re chuckling at Bob at the beginning and I enjoyed that quite a bit. The pace on this one could be sped up a bit but you had me picturing a commercial with this one.

      On your reading of the Social Security script – your annunciation is perfect and I really appreciate the time you take to pause. I’d recommend catching the down pitch at the end of some sentences and speeding up the reading a bit.

      Hope you find this helpful!

      • #71676
        jwreickel
        Participant

        Thanks dvnblnt! Appreciate the Feedback!

  • #71505
    Bil-Bo
    Participant

    Jack Daniels

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    • #71577
      mkell755
      Participant

      Hi Bil-Bo, really nice and well produced! Great pacing, clarity and variation in tone, I can hear this on the radio as is! Very good.

      Mary

  • #71483
    Hartblam
    Participant

    Hello!

    I am uploading 2 of my recent sample scripts I read after my first coaching session. I am working towards a narration demo. Thank you for any feedback you may have.
    Scripts are below for reference.

    Advance Technologies
    Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.

    American Express
    Thank you for holding. Did you know that you can now receive your American Express statement completely online. No more paper bills! We’ll even send you an email reminder when your statement is ready for viewing. To see if you can take advantage of this free service; log on to americanexpress.com/paperless. Or ask your representative.

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    • #71538
      jwreickel
      Participant

      Hello!

      I like your professional tone and I think you are reading these very articulately. I do think the Advance Technologies script is a little fast, and you may want to emphasize the name of the company (I know it’s fake but trying to highlight the company itself a little for a read like this is likely going to be appreciated for real applications).

      I really liked the second read, specially the first few sentences. It seems a little sped up near the end but I thought this one was really good.

      Sincerely,

      Jimmy

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