[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

• This topic was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 6 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 6 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 6 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 6 months ago by David Goldberg.

Topic

[CHRISTOPHER WHITING]

Hi all, I’m getting ready for my first commercial coaching session and am doing a little pre-work. Please take a listen and let me know your thoughts. Thanks! Chris

Quality Inn
When he checked in, he was Mr. Simmons. When he checked out, he was just plain Bob. Quality Inn. We’ll see you there.

Trendi.com
Trendi.com. It’s the #1 shopping site for top name brands at up to 75% off. Great style, great value and everything ships free. Trendi.com. Everything you love, for less.

NO!
Kids hate the word no. As in no you can’t stay up late, no you can’t have more ice cream and no, you may not paint the cat. No, no, NO! Well isn’t it time for a yes? We think so. Six Flags Great Adventure. Yes!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by CHRISTOPHER WHITING.

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[Shmuel]

Hi Christophe,
Good voice in general. Technical aspects of the recording are fine.
You need to work on varying it a bit.
Quality Inn: Make the first sentence a tad more formal, but the whole sentence. The second sentence should be informal, and I mean the whole sentence, not just “Bob”. Say “We’ll see you there” like you are saying so long to somebody, maybe with a very very slight country accent.
No: Your voice was the same throughout. On the no part, I might talk like a kid, like a bit frustrated (not a faux child voice). Take your time a bit more. And then, like a lightbulb goes off, come up with the yes – the Great Adventure. Best thing since sliced bread.
Trendi – ah, this is your wheelhouse read. Only thing I would change is to stress the #1.
Wish you success!

[Haley Gross de Jimenez]

Hi Chris,

I have the same thought for all of them. You have great tone, your timing is good, but it feels like there is a little something missing. Perhaps some energy/excitement, especially Six Flags – I think since its a theme park, it should have high energy/excitement levels.

[Stacey Scarff]

Hi, Chris!
Nice job! I really enjoyed them. I do think the first sentence of the Trendi one seemed like it was all at the top of your range pitch wise. I think it would be more natural sounding if you brought the pitch down a bit.

[SteveVO]

Feedback on this Advil script?
Muscle aches? Nothing is proven more effective or longer lasting than Advil. For long-lasting relief of muscle aches, count on Advil. In a recent clinical study, Advil was found to work better than Tylenol in relieving the pain of sore muscles the day after exercise. No wonder doctors recommend Advil for muscle aches more than any other non-prescription brand. ADVIL — Advanced medicine for pain.

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[1stassi]

Hi Steve!

I loved this read. It actually sold me the product. Your voice captured my attention. It didn’t sound ready at all.
Keep up the good work!

[Stacey Scarff]

Hi, Steve! I think overall it’s a nice read. The recording quality sounds good and you sound natural and friendly. In terms of constructive criticism, I think the middle section (“relieving the pain of sore muscles the day after exercise…”) felt a little bit rushed and not quite clear. Otherwise, good job!

[Logan DFD]

Hey everyone! I’m practicing my conversational delivery, and I was wondering if you guys would listen and see what I could improve. Thanks!

Butterball

Butterball brings you the joys of turkey day.
Friends and family drop in to bask in the warmth
of the season. Celebrate this summer with Butterball
turkey on the grill. Tender, juicy, surprisingly simple.
HAPPY THANKSGRILLING from Butterball.

Popeye’s

Got a cravin’ for Cajun?
Come along for some New Orleans style fried chicken,
cajun battered fries, and buttermilk biscuits.
Love that chicken at Popeye’s.

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[Alexandra Potocka]

So you’re working on sounding conversational?! Ergh.. the hardest part in my opinion! lol. One think I noticed in your reads (which I have issues with too) is ending all your sentences on the same note. Try going up on grill, for example. Also, stretch out “joys of turkey day” or emphasize joys.. The hard part of sounding natural is when they also tell you you have to sound happier at the same time! lol But I do find it helps to actually be smiling when I’m doing some of these scripts.
Pretty much the same comments on the second read. Try to sound a little more excited about what you’re selling!
But you’ve got a good voice so keep at it!

[Logan DFD]

Thanks for the feedback! It can be challenging to sound natural. I’ll try to implement your tips you gave. I appreciate your advice!

[Alexandra Potocka]

Hi everyone! Below I’m attaching 3 scripts for your review and feedback. They’re all for a narration demo. What do you think? Too fast, too slow, emphasis on wrong word? Any feedback will be GREATLY appreciated!!
Cheers,
Alexandra

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[Logan DFD]

Great job! Your narration is really good. Your Met Art Tour reading sounds like it could come from a museum commercial! The Cosmic Kids demo sounded good, I would just say that when you say “Yoga, Stories, and Fun!”, you might want to shorten your pauses between each word. As for the Breast Cancer segment, I’d say to slow down a smidgen when it comes to the long, scientific words, so people are sure to understand what the word is. Overall, great work! Hope this helps!

[Alexandra Potocka]

Thanks for the great tips! I’ll definitely try playing around with my kids one more and shortening the pauses as you suggested. Thanks for taking the time to listen and giving me your thoughts!

[Oktober10]

Hi everyone, here’s my demo! feedback appreciated 😀

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[Logan DFD]

Wow. You transitioned to each different commercial really smoothly. For a second, I thought they were part of the same commercial! Good job! As for your voice, you did good at transitioning your tone between the different moods of each commercial. That’s valuable. Good work!

[Alexandra Potocka]

Honestly, it sounds great!! Good job and Congrats!

[SteveVO]

Would love some feedback on this commercial read for Honey Bunches of Oats:

It’s amazing! I never thought one cereal would make my whole family stay for breakfast. HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS. There’s never been a cereal like it. With big corn flakes and crunchy bunches of oats. Finally … a cereal my whole family loves.

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[Alexandra Potocka]

Sounds really great! I think that you could amp up the excitement a little. It seems silly to do but I think that in a real commercial, with music and video, it would sound good. You’re on the right track!

[maxspitz]

Hey Y’all!

Below are 2 reads for my 1st session HW. Comments and feedback of any kind would be awesome and super appreciated! Would love to hear what you have to say.

Thank you!
Max

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[maxspitz]

Thanks so much for your feedback!! Listening again I definitely hear what both of you are saying about Mr. Coffee needing more smile and warmth. I’ll be sure to work on that!

[Haley Gross de Jimenez]

Hi Max,

On Mr. Coffee, I think your timing is great and as Alexandra said, adding a smile is in the right direction. It needs a little warmth. That just-up-in-the-morning-and-here’s-that-beautiful-cup-of-coffee-that-is-going-to-be-your-salvation-for-the-day kind of warmth.

Staples sounds pretty spot on.

[Alexandra Potocka]

I think you’re on the right track! I personally would add a little “smile” to my reads.

[bnielsen15]

Hi everyone! Below is my second session’s homework. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated!

American Express:
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business.

Special K: Putting strawberries in cereal wasn’t our idea. Putting them in the box was. With slices of real strawberries and crunchy sweet flakes, looking good never tasted so good. Special K Red Berries.

IPhone 4: It’s the end of the day. And you missed it. Where did those hours go? Get in the driver’s seat and capture your life with the iPhone 4s – the fastest, most powerful smartphone on the market. Voice activation, video, and much more. In stores now.

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[Alexandra Potocka]

Hi there! So you have a great voice, with lots of potential. My advice to you, which I got when I first started..is that you really have to feel the script, rather than just read it. It was your idea to put the strawberries in the box.. Be proud of that!! Crunchy flakes…imagine you’re eating them right now and they’re the best thing you’ve ever tasted… Keep going with it! You’ll get there!

[Esandyii]

VO Homework for Art Bruder.
Many thanks to those that have left previous comments.
ES

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[Don Sack]

Greetings!
Submitting three scripts for my fifth and last(?) coaching session with Art.

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[Alexandra Potocka]

Hi there!
What an amazing voice you have!! For the Nike commerical, try slowing it down. Imagine visuals between each thing you say reinforcing your statement..

[Author]

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