[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

• This topic was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.

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[edixon310]

Okay, trying again for a more conversational character read. Let me know what you think.

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[Rachel MSP]

This sounded really good in my opinion. I would suggest enunciating a bit more on “memories” I like that you’re making it sound dark but I didn’t understand what you said at first. I also notice you kind of went out of character slightly when you sped up a little bit.

[Declan Waters]

This was beautifully done. I really like your voice and tone. Given that it’s the Joker, I think you could get away with sounding a little bit more unhinged. Your best moments were toward the beginning and near the end, when there was a bit more venom in your voice.

[annellakaine]

Hi all! New here and would love some feedback on the below narration copy. Thanks for your help!

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[elizbrooksbell]

Wow! The American Airlines one was so good! I felt like I could hear you smiling, and I felt like I was actually on an airplane!

[Rachel MSP]

Hi, I think you had a nice pace for what these type of scripts.
I feel like your tone sounded a little too animated and/or jumpy for these scripts; Almost as if you were over-acting to create a character. There were instances when you did sound natural and not exaggerated, I think you do overall have a nice sound.

[annellakaine]

Thanks for giving it a listen!

[edixon310]

Hi all.
I fixed some of the glitches in this read. Your feedback is welcome.

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[Mike T]

The first half felt less natural than the delivery of the 2nd half. I have a tendency to do micro-pauses with my reads, and I heard those here. But the delivery from :38 on, starting with “no,” was rock solid. It reminded me of the narrator Scott Brick. I can (and have) spent hours listening to him narrate.

[edixon310]

Thanks Mike T. You’re right. I think I was concentrating too much on correcting some earlier issues. I will keep that in mind.
I like Scott Brick as well. You should listen to Michael Thompson or Jonathan Davis as well. They are very good. I listen to them all the time.

[smarlowe]

Hello, Looking for feedback on these commercial reads. Thanks!

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[edixon310]

Hi Smarlowe,
Great job on these. You got more conversational as you went along, but I would continue to be mindful of that. In the Excedrin read, it sounded like you were presenting it in phrases.
In the Excedrin read, I would imagine myself talking to my 6-year-old about headaches, because we all tend to be more animated when talking to children. That will bring out a more animated and conversational delivery.

[JNMullett]

Hi All,

More practice for my Narration demo. Would appreciate any and all feedback – thanks in advance!!

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[Mike T]

I liked this a lot. There’s nothing negative jumping out to me, it’s all positive. The only nit-pick would be that at times it feels like the delivery is a little rushed. You’ve got a great voice for this.

[Logan DFD]

I’m working on my natural delivery for my Demo coming up. Do these reads sound good? Do they sound like commercials?

Harvey Home Theatre

He has a 160 IQ, performs cardiac surgery for a living.
And now, he can even operate his home entertainment system.
Introducing Harvey Home Theater.
It’s so sophisticated, it’s simple.
Dimensions of sight and sound unheard of, until now.
All at your fingertips.
Now, if he could only operate the microwave.
Home Theater from Harvey, not your ordinary electronics store.
Call for the Harvey near you.

McCholesterol’s

Come to Mclesterole’s and try our Triple Bacon and cheese Heart Attack Burger and triple fat fries!
This Friday, for only fifty cents, at Mclesterole’s.

Eat like there’s no tomorrow…

Death by fast food, why not?
…
Oh, is this thing still on?
Oh yes, this Friday at Mclesterole’s…
Eat like there’s no tomorrow

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[Gill]

Logan,
I really like your variation on McCholesterols nice job on your imagination with that script. I think if you play around with Harvey Home Theatre you’ll notice what a fun script it is once its broken down correctly. Mike did a nice job of breaking down the sections. Maybe try it again with his advice and see how it sounds.

[Mike T]

The last two lines of the Harvey Home Theatre spot sounded really good and natural to me. Some of the early lines sounded like they were a little similar though. The script to me looks like it’s broken up into 4 small sections: Joke / Product Description / Joke Callback / Tagline. If you can weave those variations into your delivery, you can tell the story the script is trying to tell better.

You nailed that variation in the McCholesterol’s spot where it starts off announcery (on purpose), transitions to a candid hot-mic situation, then back to announcer voice for the end.

[Tim Kraft]

Hi all – looking for some feedback on the attached – delivery, tone (was going for the ever-popular “conversational”), record quality – all feedback welcome! It was specified as 15 seconds, so keep that in mind regarding the pacing. Always appreciate the comments here, it’s super helpful. Thanks.

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[Tim Kraft]

Thanks for the feedback – sounds like I have to work on the mouth noise/clicks, something I didn’t hear. I’ve had that problem when talking directly into the mic, instead of “past” it or at a slight angle. Cutting back the coffee probably wouldn’t hurt, though I never drink it in the booth. Thanks again.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Tim Kraft.

[Logan DFD]

Sounds great! You have the right tone for the kind of commercial you’re reading. The mouth sounds you make in the recording might be solved with drinking more water, maybe? I think the mouth sounds occur when the mouth is dry. Also, try to avoid coffee or any other caffeinated drink, as well as honey. On one of the last lines, where you say “eyes on the road”, you put the emphasis on the word “on”, where I think it would be better to stress the word “road” instead. Otherwise, great work!

[Mike T]

Really good! The biggest thing that stood out to me was towards the end. I think you’re saying “eyes on the road,” but road sort of sounds like world to me. There also are little mouth noises/clicks that I can hear that distract a bit from the delivery.

But overall, I think this sounds great!

[Mike T]

Hey all! I’m hoping for some feedback on some of the following pieces. It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been able to record, and I’m trying to knock some dust off and get back into the swing of things.

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[Rachel MSP]

I thought you did a good job over-enunciating so that things were clear.
I heard a slight accent come out at times, i’m not entirely sure if that is good or bad. I was just noticing some words have more of a dip in them and are held longer.
I also felt the pace was good so that everything was understood, but it could be picked up slightly so the energy doesn’t drag.

[Mike T]

Thank you! I’m trying to work on correcting the dips in some words that you mentioned and finding the goldilocks zone for the pacing. I think I naturally speak too fast, so I’m trying to slow down and find the right rhythm.

[edixon310]

These are great reads. Not much to say in terms of critique because they are technically sound and would make great e-learning books.
My only caution would be to make sure that you monitor your levels. It may be the case that my headphones need adjusting, but it sounded like some of your sounds were clipping 3db’s.
But really good job.

[Mike T]

Thanks! It’s not your headphones, by the way. I typically aim to keep the peaks at -3db, but here I went with -1db for some reason. Sorry!

[Logan DFD]

I’m working on a natural delivery, does this sound like a commercial?

RiseWell Toothpaste

How do you get clean?

At RiseWell we believe oral hygiene should be natural and safe, without nasty toxins.

Our natural mineral flavours will have you feeling fresh all day.

Your teeth will not only feel healthier but also look visibly whiter.

RiseWell mineral toothpaste – as effective as a chemical clean, without nasty toxins.

Time for a mineral clean, time to RiseWell.

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[Tim Kraft]

Hi Logan DFD – I find the opening and the closing line the strongest/most conversational and most like a commercial. In between sounds like you’re happy, but a bit disinterested. I think much of this is the script. There’s a lot of repetition (i.e. “without nasty toxins” and “mineral clean/mineral toothpaste/mineral flavors”). Of course not all jobs you win are going to have great scripts! I find if you’re gonna have to do repetition, trying to make each repeated word/phrase a little different than the other. Maybe hit “without” in the first instance and add a little “ewwww” to nasty toxins on the second. Perhaps give a little “sparkle” to fresh. Your voice sounds naturally positive and upbeat – relax and go with that, it’s not a gift that everyone has!

[VoicesByJeff]

A few more to round out this session! Thank you!

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[Logan DFD]

Great work! You have a good voice!

Don’t have any feedback on the Carnation-Essentials read or the Fresh read, they sound great! The Cosmos read might need more pitch variation. I notice because I struggle with it too. The Star Wars read was good too. The only pointer I have on that one is that, knowing the full scene, the line needs to be delivered a bit more desperate and crazy.

That’s all! Keep up the good work!

[Author]

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