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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi All,
More practice for my Narration demo. Would appreciate any and all feedback – thanks in advance!!
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I’m working on my natural delivery for my Demo coming up. Do these reads sound good? Do they sound like commercials?
Harvey Home Theatre
He has a 160 IQ, performs cardiac surgery for a living.
And now, he can even operate his home entertainment system.
Introducing Harvey Home Theater.
It’s so sophisticated, it’s simple.
Dimensions of sight and sound unheard of, until now.
All at your fingertips.
Now, if he could only operate the microwave.
Home Theater from Harvey, not your ordinary electronics store.
Call for the Harvey near you.McCholesterol’s
Come to Mclesterole’s and try our Triple Bacon and cheese Heart Attack Burger and triple fat fries!
This Friday, for only fifty cents, at Mclesterole’s.
Eat like there’s no tomorrow…
Death by fast food, why not?
… Oh, is this thing still on?
Oh yes, this Friday at Mclesterole’s…
Eat like there’s no tomorrow-
Logan,
I really like your variation on McCholesterols nice job on your imagination with that script. I think if you play around with Harvey Home Theatre you’ll notice what a fun script it is once its broken down correctly. Mike did a nice job of breaking down the sections. Maybe try it again with his advice and see how it sounds. -
The last two lines of the Harvey Home Theatre spot sounded really good and natural to me. Some of the early lines sounded like they were a little similar though. The script to me looks like it’s broken up into 4 small sections: Joke / Product Description / Joke Callback / Tagline. If you can weave those variations into your delivery, you can tell the story the script is trying to tell better.
You nailed that variation in the McCholesterol’s spot where it starts off announcery (on purpose), transitions to a candid hot-mic situation, then back to announcer voice for the end.
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Hi all – looking for some feedback on the attached – delivery, tone (was going for the ever-popular “conversational”), record quality – all feedback welcome! It was specified as 15 seconds, so keep that in mind regarding the pacing. Always appreciate the comments here, it’s super helpful. Thanks.
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Thanks for the feedback – sounds like I have to work on the mouth noise/clicks, something I didn’t hear. I’ve had that problem when talking directly into the mic, instead of “past” it or at a slight angle. Cutting back the coffee probably wouldn’t hurt, though I never drink it in the booth. Thanks again.
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Sounds great! You have the right tone for the kind of commercial you’re reading. The mouth sounds you make in the recording might be solved with drinking more water, maybe? I think the mouth sounds occur when the mouth is dry. Also, try to avoid coffee or any other caffeinated drink, as well as honey. On one of the last lines, where you say “eyes on the road”, you put the emphasis on the word “on”, where I think it would be better to stress the word “road” instead. Otherwise, great work!
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Hey all! I’m hoping for some feedback on some of the following pieces. It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been able to record, and I’m trying to knock some dust off and get back into the swing of things.
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I thought you did a good job over-enunciating so that things were clear.
I heard a slight accent come out at times, i’m not entirely sure if that is good or bad. I was just noticing some words have more of a dip in them and are held longer.
I also felt the pace was good so that everything was understood, but it could be picked up slightly so the energy doesn’t drag. -
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These are great reads. Not much to say in terms of critique because they are technically sound and would make great e-learning books.
My only caution would be to make sure that you monitor your levels. It may be the case that my headphones need adjusting, but it sounded like some of your sounds were clipping 3db’s.
But really good job. -
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I’m working on a natural delivery, does this sound like a commercial?
RiseWell Toothpaste
How do you get clean?
At RiseWell we believe oral hygiene should be natural and safe, without nasty toxins.
Our natural mineral flavours will have you feeling fresh all day.
Your teeth will not only feel healthier but also look visibly whiter.
RiseWell mineral toothpaste – as effective as a chemical clean, without nasty toxins.
Time for a mineral clean, time to RiseWell.-
Hi Logan DFD – I find the opening and the closing line the strongest/most conversational and most like a commercial. In between sounds like you’re happy, but a bit disinterested. I think much of this is the script. There’s a lot of repetition (i.e. “without nasty toxins” and “mineral clean/mineral toothpaste/mineral flavors”). Of course not all jobs you win are going to have great scripts! I find if you’re gonna have to do repetition, trying to make each repeated word/phrase a little different than the other. Maybe hit “without” in the first instance and add a little “ewwww” to nasty toxins on the second. Perhaps give a little “sparkle” to fresh. Your voice sounds naturally positive and upbeat – relax and go with that, it’s not a gift that everyone has!
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Great work! You have a good voice!
Don’t have any feedback on the Carnation-Essentials read or the Fresh read, they sound great! The Cosmos read might need more pitch variation. I notice because I struggle with it too. The Star Wars read was good too. The only pointer I have on that one is that, knowing the full scene, the line needs to be delivered a bit more desperate and crazy.
That’s all! Keep up the good work!
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You have a very unique voice with a lovely accent. The sound treatment you have sounds good to my ear but there are distinct mouth clicks which are easily removed with different plugins like iZotope. Example at :10 on the first read. There is another click at :45 which is something other than a mouth click on the second read and a pause that I’m not sure needs to be there. Add a little bit of pitch change so you aren’t “reading” throughout but all in all you’ve got the stuff to do great in my opinion.
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Hello Everyone –
I’m seeking some feedback on the attached brief recordings. One is a redo of a recording that I posted a few weeks back (Math PSA). Thanks in advance for your time.
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Hello tstuger,
You have a lovely warm voice. I would suggest thinking more about the audience you are talking to. When talking about Covid-19 and students, I would imagine there should be more a sense of urgency and reassurance to get these kids back on track. Other than that, both recordings sounded great!
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Listened to both takes and you have a nice voice. The post edit however sounds different between the two, like they were recorded in different rooms. Math PSA in opinion sounds much cleaner and is a much more pleasant read. Nice work.
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Good Evening,
Hoping for some feedback as I prep for my commercial demo. Does it sound conversational? Diction and pacing? Thank you. Ryan.
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Nice job on both reads overall. I would say Ziploc was the stronger of the two. I actually did that one for my practice as well. Purina — pacing was good other than the pause. Maybe a lighten up the tone just a bit. Ziploc — very solid. Good pacing, good diction. And like others said, bring out the smile!
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Nice smooth voice, great diction (wish I and that! Always working on it) and the record quality sounds fine. I think the tone of both could be a bit lighter/fun, especially Purina since pets are great for humor. Do you have both reads planned for your demo? I only ask because to my ear, your voice seems like a natural for luxury brands, computer/tech or anything “dad-centric”…perhaps more than for everyday consumer goods.
Best of luck with the demo! I’m recording a narration demo next week, so pardon me if I’m a little obsessed with scripts and what bests showcases each voice. I’m in the thick of it!
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Thank you! I’m always working on bringing out the smile and fun side. Not gonna use these for demo, but as you mentioned will be doing things more like John Deere, or Lowes, and Dad stuff. These help me open up a little more since I’m not great with the emotive side. Really appreciate it. I did my narration demo late last year and working on my commercial now. Best of luck to you!
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Hello RBenesVO,
Great reads! Regarding the first one for Purina, I feel as though there could be more warmness and pep in your voice. Imagine talking to a friend who is also a fellow pet owner, and you are really excited to recommend a new pet food for them. Other than that, I thought the pacing was excellent, and your voice is very smooth.
The second read was solid. Sounded conversational, good diction, and great pacing. IF I had to nitpick, I would probably recommend bringing out that “smile” as others have recommended.
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They were very straight forward with no excitement in your voice.
Maybe think about your talking to an actual friend. I have the same problem.
Ever hear of the emotional wheel? Goggle it, it had helped me. -
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I thought these were really good. You have a very smooth voice. I thought that the pacing and diction on both were also good. My only critiques would be that on the Purina piece, there was an audible breath at the 16 second mark right before “your canary will thank you…” I also think that your diction and pacing were good in the Ziplock piece. The only point that I would say in that one would be that it seemed a tad serious for a ziplock ad – the tone could be somewhat lighter – maybe ending with a smile.
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