[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

• This topic was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 1 month ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 1 month ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 1 month ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 1 month ago by David Goldberg.

Topic

[Rachel MSP]

Rachel Summers assignment of 10 commercial scripts for first VO private lesson. Looking for constructive feedback. TIA

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[Mike T]

I really like the Six Flags spot. I didn’t hear you, I heard the character! The only thing on that spot might be to deliver the final “Yes!” in a way that contrasts more with the no’s from earlier in the script.

[edixon310]

Rachel, this demo is very good. My only suggestion would be to give us more of a roller-coaster ride, i.e. more highs and lows in terms of animation. And remember to billboard the company name with a bit of a space before and after.

[Declan Waters]

Hello All,

Some more practice scripts. Any and all feedback is welcome!
The Sesame Place recording I found challenging because I wanted to find a balance between my unaffected voice and the classic over-the-top theme park commercial guy. Let me know what you think. Thanks!

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[Silver Wit]

Great read, but I have to agree that you should have fun with the Sesame read. Tap into your inner child and let the good times roll.

[samsheeks]

The sound is great! Overall, really good reads with good understanding of the scripts. In Freshii, I wanted you to really paint the picture of the bowls, make me really want to eat that right now! And in Sesame, have more fun and make it feel more lively and animated – more character!

[edixon310]

Declan, these are both very good Reads. I like that they are conversational.
I’ll give my opinion because the reads were very good.
In the Freshii read, when you ask the questions, there should be more inflection to accentuate that they are questions. Yours sound more like statements.
The Sesame Place read, should be more animated, as if talking to children. Essentially the ad is directed to catch a child’s attention so they bug their parents about going.
Overall, very good job.

[Cheechman]

This my last read of 10 for coaching.

#1 is over the top, very masculine I would say.
#2 is a little more reserved.

All comments are welcome but would really like to know which one is the one YOU li9ke.

Thanks again.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Cheechman.

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[madtrammell]

I enjoyed number 1, I feel that for this type of read the over the top performance is more appropriate.

[Declan Waters]

Hello,
I really like #1, I think your voice is suited to be powerful. The words invoke a sense of authority, and your voice in #1 delivered that more thoroughly, I think.

[Cheechman]

I really enjoy “over the top” reads, but the coach and others tell me it only represents approx. 20% of available work?

[Cheechman]

Here is 9 of ten reads.

Wanted to thank all who have made comments on my recent reads.

I am trying to put all the things said into my last 2 reads, this being one of them.

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[Rachel MSP]

Hi,
I feel this was a good read in general.
I would suggest for the product/script to increase the pace and a change of tone. I would suggest this because the tone sounds like you are appealing to a much younger audience in my opinion. I don’t think that is a bad thing but I wouldn’t suggest it for this script.

[edixon310]

Okay, trying again for a more conversational character read. Let me know what you think.

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[Rachel MSP]

This sounded really good in my opinion. I would suggest enunciating a bit more on “memories” I like that you’re making it sound dark but I didn’t understand what you said at first. I also notice you kind of went out of character slightly when you sped up a little bit.

[Declan Waters]

This was beautifully done. I really like your voice and tone. Given that it’s the Joker, I think you could get away with sounding a little bit more unhinged. Your best moments were toward the beginning and near the end, when there was a bit more venom in your voice.

[annellakaine]

Hi all! New here and would love some feedback on the below narration copy. Thanks for your help!

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[elizbrooksbell]

Wow! The American Airlines one was so good! I felt like I could hear you smiling, and I felt like I was actually on an airplane!

[Rachel MSP]

Hi, I think you had a nice pace for what these type of scripts.
I feel like your tone sounded a little too animated and/or jumpy for these scripts; Almost as if you were over-acting to create a character. There were instances when you did sound natural and not exaggerated, I think you do overall have a nice sound.

[annellakaine]

Thanks for giving it a listen!

[edixon310]

Hi all.
I fixed some of the glitches in this read. Your feedback is welcome.

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[Mike T]

The first half felt less natural than the delivery of the 2nd half. I have a tendency to do micro-pauses with my reads, and I heard those here. But the delivery from :38 on, starting with “no,” was rock solid. It reminded me of the narrator Scott Brick. I can (and have) spent hours listening to him narrate.

[edixon310]

Thanks Mike T. You’re right. I think I was concentrating too much on correcting some earlier issues. I will keep that in mind.
I like Scott Brick as well. You should listen to Michael Thompson or Jonathan Davis as well. They are very good. I listen to them all the time.

[smarlowe]

Hello, Looking for feedback on these commercial reads. Thanks!

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[edixon310]

Hi Smarlowe,
Great job on these. You got more conversational as you went along, but I would continue to be mindful of that. In the Excedrin read, it sounded like you were presenting it in phrases.
In the Excedrin read, I would imagine myself talking to my 6-year-old about headaches, because we all tend to be more animated when talking to children. That will bring out a more animated and conversational delivery.

[JNMullett]

Hi All,

More practice for my Narration demo. Would appreciate any and all feedback – thanks in advance!!

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[Mike T]

I liked this a lot. There’s nothing negative jumping out to me, it’s all positive. The only nit-pick would be that at times it feels like the delivery is a little rushed. You’ve got a great voice for this.

[Logan DFD]

I’m working on my natural delivery for my Demo coming up. Do these reads sound good? Do they sound like commercials?

Harvey Home Theatre

He has a 160 IQ, performs cardiac surgery for a living.
And now, he can even operate his home entertainment system.
Introducing Harvey Home Theater.
It’s so sophisticated, it’s simple.
Dimensions of sight and sound unheard of, until now.
All at your fingertips.
Now, if he could only operate the microwave.
Home Theater from Harvey, not your ordinary electronics store.
Call for the Harvey near you.

McCholesterol’s

Come to Mclesterole’s and try our Triple Bacon and cheese Heart Attack Burger and triple fat fries!
This Friday, for only fifty cents, at Mclesterole’s.

Eat like there’s no tomorrow…

Death by fast food, why not?
…
Oh, is this thing still on?
Oh yes, this Friday at Mclesterole’s…
Eat like there’s no tomorrow

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[Gill]

Logan,
I really like your variation on McCholesterols nice job on your imagination with that script. I think if you play around with Harvey Home Theatre you’ll notice what a fun script it is once its broken down correctly. Mike did a nice job of breaking down the sections. Maybe try it again with his advice and see how it sounds.

[Mike T]

The last two lines of the Harvey Home Theatre spot sounded really good and natural to me. Some of the early lines sounded like they were a little similar though. The script to me looks like it’s broken up into 4 small sections: Joke / Product Description / Joke Callback / Tagline. If you can weave those variations into your delivery, you can tell the story the script is trying to tell better.

You nailed that variation in the McCholesterol’s spot where it starts off announcery (on purpose), transitions to a candid hot-mic situation, then back to announcer voice for the end.

[Author]

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