[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

• This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by David Goldberg.

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[cammons01]

Hey everyone,

Uploaded a couple of practice scripts for commercial demo. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. 🙂

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[Silver Wit]

You have a great voice, but I feel like you’re taking a few too many long pauses for your lego land read. I agree with the “lead-in” strategy, it’s something I need to remind myself of too.

[Mike T]

You’ve got a great voice! I think you can work a bit on the delivery. It sounded to me like you were reading instead of performing. The Home Depot spot was the best. It won’t take much to get that one to have a more natural delivery.

The Lego Land spot sounded to me like a radio live read, where the host is reading off a sheet of paper live. That’s not a total negative (I love radio and worked in the industry), but probably not the sound you want on your demo.

Also, watch your breathing. I didn’t notice this in the Home Depot spot, but you had some sharp in-breaths on the Lego Land spot. Some breaths are good, but I think those added to the sensation of it sounding like a radio live read vs a produced commercial.

Keep at it!

[cammons01]

Thank you so much for the feedback! Greatly appreciate it.

I agree with the breathing. I find it challenging sometimes to breath at certain times throughout the script without making the delivery sound so “choppy” (for lack of better words).

Maybe using more of the “lead-in” technique could help deliver a more conversational, natural delivery for the Lego Land spot?

[Mike T]

I’ve found the lead-in technique definitely helps me keep things conversational, which I struggle with. There are breathing techniques that would probably be able to help as well. Unfortunately, I haven’t had a chance to research any yet myself, even though I need to. I also get sharp in-breaths at the beginning of some sentences.

Keep working at it!

[madtrammell]

Hello everyone, hope you are all having a great and productive start to the week! I am looking to get some feedback on my second practice read for narration as I am preparing to record my first official narration demo in a few weeks.

Thank you!

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[samsheeks]

Great voice!! But this could have been a bit more lively with some more variety. Shakespeare and the theatre are supposed to be fun and inspiring!

[cammons01]

Very nice and textured voice. The pacing was great. I think you can bring a tad-bit more variety to it to give more “life” to the delivery. Other than that, it was really good. Keep up the good work!

[Mike T]

It sounds good! Try to have a little more variety in your read. Even though this is only 25 seconds long, it still has a beginning, middle, and end. If you can vary your performance a bit, you can connect to the listener more and better tell the story.

[Rachel MSP]

Rachel Summers assignment of 10 commercial scripts for first VO private lesson. Looking for constructive feedback. TIA

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[Mike T]

I really like the Six Flags spot. I didn’t hear you, I heard the character! The only thing on that spot might be to deliver the final “Yes!” in a way that contrasts more with the no’s from earlier in the script.

[edixon310]

Rachel, this demo is very good. My only suggestion would be to give us more of a roller-coaster ride, i.e. more highs and lows in terms of animation. And remember to billboard the company name with a bit of a space before and after.

[Declan Waters]

Hello All,

Some more practice scripts. Any and all feedback is welcome!
The Sesame Place recording I found challenging because I wanted to find a balance between my unaffected voice and the classic over-the-top theme park commercial guy. Let me know what you think. Thanks!

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[Silver Wit]

Great read, but I have to agree that you should have fun with the Sesame read. Tap into your inner child and let the good times roll.

[samsheeks]

The sound is great! Overall, really good reads with good understanding of the scripts. In Freshii, I wanted you to really paint the picture of the bowls, make me really want to eat that right now! And in Sesame, have more fun and make it feel more lively and animated – more character!

[edixon310]

Declan, these are both very good Reads. I like that they are conversational.
I’ll give my opinion because the reads were very good.
In the Freshii read, when you ask the questions, there should be more inflection to accentuate that they are questions. Yours sound more like statements.
The Sesame Place read, should be more animated, as if talking to children. Essentially the ad is directed to catch a child’s attention so they bug their parents about going.
Overall, very good job.

[Cheechman]

This my last read of 10 for coaching.

#1 is over the top, very masculine I would say.
#2 is a little more reserved.

All comments are welcome but would really like to know which one is the one YOU li9ke.

Thanks again.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Cheechman.

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[madtrammell]

I enjoyed number 1, I feel that for this type of read the over the top performance is more appropriate.

[Declan Waters]

Hello,
I really like #1, I think your voice is suited to be powerful. The words invoke a sense of authority, and your voice in #1 delivered that more thoroughly, I think.

[Cheechman]

I really enjoy “over the top” reads, but the coach and others tell me it only represents approx. 20% of available work?

[Cheechman]

Here is 9 of ten reads.

Wanted to thank all who have made comments on my recent reads.

I am trying to put all the things said into my last 2 reads, this being one of them.

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[Rachel MSP]

Hi,
I feel this was a good read in general.
I would suggest for the product/script to increase the pace and a change of tone. I would suggest this because the tone sounds like you are appealing to a much younger audience in my opinion. I don’t think that is a bad thing but I wouldn’t suggest it for this script.

[edixon310]

Okay, trying again for a more conversational character read. Let me know what you think.

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[Rachel MSP]

This sounded really good in my opinion. I would suggest enunciating a bit more on “memories” I like that you’re making it sound dark but I didn’t understand what you said at first. I also notice you kind of went out of character slightly when you sped up a little bit.

[Declan Waters]

This was beautifully done. I really like your voice and tone. Given that it’s the Joker, I think you could get away with sounding a little bit more unhinged. Your best moments were toward the beginning and near the end, when there was a bit more venom in your voice.

[annellakaine]

Hi all! New here and would love some feedback on the below narration copy. Thanks for your help!

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[elizbrooksbell]

Wow! The American Airlines one was so good! I felt like I could hear you smiling, and I felt like I was actually on an airplane!

[Rachel MSP]

Hi, I think you had a nice pace for what these type of scripts.
I feel like your tone sounded a little too animated and/or jumpy for these scripts; Almost as if you were over-acting to create a character. There were instances when you did sound natural and not exaggerated, I think you do overall have a nice sound.

[annellakaine]

Thanks for giving it a listen!

[edixon310]

Hi all.
I fixed some of the glitches in this read. Your feedback is welcome.

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[Mike T]

The first half felt less natural than the delivery of the 2nd half. I have a tendency to do micro-pauses with my reads, and I heard those here. But the delivery from :38 on, starting with “no,” was rock solid. It reminded me of the narrator Scott Brick. I can (and have) spent hours listening to him narrate.

[edixon310]

Thanks Mike T. You’re right. I think I was concentrating too much on correcting some earlier issues. I will keep that in mind.
I like Scott Brick as well. You should listen to Michael Thompson or Jonathan Davis as well. They are very good. I listen to them all the time.

[smarlowe]

Hello, Looking for feedback on these commercial reads. Thanks!

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[edixon310]

Hi Smarlowe,
Great job on these. You got more conversational as you went along, but I would continue to be mindful of that. In the Excedrin read, it sounded like you were presenting it in phrases.
In the Excedrin read, I would imagine myself talking to my 6-year-old about headaches, because we all tend to be more animated when talking to children. That will bring out a more animated and conversational delivery.

[Author]

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