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  • #79358
    Donnamichelle444
    Participant

    #79353
    Rise well had great volume and flowed well, though it seemed low in energy.

  • #79353
    Logan DFD
    Participant

    Hoping to get some feedback on my natural delivery. Does this sound like a commercial?

    RiseWell Toothpaste

    How do you get clean?
    
At RiseWell we believe oral hygiene should be natural and safe, without nasty toxins.

    Our natural mineral flavours will have you feeling fresh all day.
    
Your teeth will not only feel healthier but also look visibly whiter.
    
RiseWell mineral toothpaste – as effective as a chemical clean, without nasty toxins.
    
Time for a mineral clean, time to RiseWell.

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    • #79398
      Hazaro
      Participant

      Sounded natural, yes! There was just a couple of words that got a little muddled towards the end (will have you feeling), but overall good read!

    • #79365
      MayeWest
      Participant

      It does sound like a commercial!! Good job!!!

    • #79355
      Nikka Kowidge
      Participant

      Logan, that’s a great read! I like the emphasis on words like nasty toxins and visibly whiter. The pace quickens a bit during the second half of the read, you might consider taking it a tiny bit slower.

  • #79345
    markvaughn
    Participant

    Please take a listen.

    Thanks,

    Mark

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    • #79357
      Nikka Kowidge
      Participant

      Mark, great reads! Your voice is right on especially on the Freshly one. For Sesame Place I really liked how you emphasized certain words; I think you can slow the pacing on this one a little especially on the back half of the read.

    • #79349
      jliebert
      Participant

      For the theme park one, the energy seemed to go down after the first phrase which ended “Ever!”. I’m not sure if you punched in a recording, but it sounded disconnected.

  • #79344
    markvaughn
    Participant

    Please take a listen,

    Thanks,

    Mark

  • #79337
    ikrani
    Participant

    I have once again been instructed to upload a read per my coach’s instructions.

    This one was focused on pronunciation, to avoid “squishing” words together, like “butwitha”, or reading “-or” sounds as “-er”, like “yerself” and “fer”.

    That said… Heaven help me if re-recording that first line about remote mountain trails over and over again drew my attention away from my pitch, focusing so heavily as I was on not slurring “from a remote” as “frum uh ruhmote”, or going back after I accidentally said “yerself” again. Please, a second opinion would be most welcome.

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    • #79366
      MayeWest
      Participant

      Nice and clear!! Good job!!!

    • #79343
      Will-Reierson
      Participant

      If your coach is telling you to focus on pronunciation, I’d listen to them. I’ll just add a couple of my own thoughts/opinions.

      Firstly, pronunciation is important, but only to a point. Having perfect diction will not serve you if you’re trying to connect with a listener or have them believe what you’re saying. Nobody speaks perfectly, and so hearing someone with perfect diction subconsciously makes the listener disconnect from what is being said. If you’re speaking to someone from North America that hasn’t been raised in the upper echelons of society (most people), chances are that you’re going to hear them say “yer” and “fer”, not “your” and “for”. Focusing on pronouncing things correctly is important if you’re just starting out and don’t have control over how you are saying things. Once you have control, then you can start making intelligent decisions (based on the character) as to how refined your speech is going to be.

      In the same way, pitch/timing is only important to a point. Focusing on pitch is helpful as a teaching tool, but not beyond that. Learning about pitch and timing teaches us to think about how we say things, and how different prosody patterns affect the meaning of what we’re saying. Once that is understood, however, pitch/timing becomes a stumbling block. I can promise you that Al Pacino doesn’t think about pitch when he’s acting. He’s thinking about the character- correction, he is BEING the character. That is his focus, and through that, his performance comes naturally.

  • #79330
    jliebert
    Participant

    Hi All –

    This is my first time posting for Feedback. I would really appreciate feedback on these recordings I did as a homework assignment for my coaching session. I’m looking specifically for creative feedback, specifically on diction (coach said I need to watch for the words “and” and “to”, and those ending in “t” and “d”), pacing (e.g., am I too fast?), and conversational tone.

    I did notice on replay that I am pronouncing “to” as “tah”, which was feedback I got from my coach…gotta watch that.

    Thanks all!
    Jeff

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    • #79451
      Kent
      Participant

      Cosmic: Conversational tone comes across as the strongest part of this to my ear. Well done.
      Sibilants and breaths are what I’d work on, and part of that is just editing.

      • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by Kent. Reason: Clarification of specific script
      • #79640
        jliebert
        Participant

        Thank you so much for the feedback! I do need to start editing my recordings, but for now just working on my technique.

    • #79405
      Hazaro
      Participant

      Great Reads! I did notice the “to” as “tah” a couple of times, but it might have gotten by me if not mentioned. Some parts were fast but I was still able to follow what you were saying so IMO, it didn’t take away from the narration as there were beats where it felt like natural storytelling.

      • #79443
        jliebert
        Participant

        Thank you so much for the feedback!

    • #79335
      jliebert
      Participant

      Replying to my own…I thought it might help with feedback if I posted the scripts I used. Here goes:

      Cosmic Narration
      This is the story of a small planet-in-space called, Earth.
      Today it has mighty oceans; scorched deserts; and frozen wildernesses.
      It supports a multitude of diverse creatures, and is home to more than 6 billion people and their technological civilization.
      But how did all this come about? Where do we come from?

      Annie E Casey
      Every child deserves to grow up with opportunities to learn and thrive. With his skills, her talents, each is a potential leader, a contributor, a productive citizen. How kids grow up will determine their success as adults. But sadly, more than one in five children in America are growing up in poor families and poor neighborhoods, where the chance to thrive is anything but a given. The Annie E. Casey Foundation is dedicated to changing that.

      Kids Activity TV
      Every day is an adventure with Activity TV. It’s the place to be for hundreds of Awesome activities in dozens of categories! – Cartooning to magic to cooking and more – ready for you day or night. This month learn some gross out magic. Watch closely as Ryan teaches you, to perform the severed finger trick!

  • #79328
    mcarter
    Participant

    Hi All! I don’t have a treated set-up at the moment, but any feedback on the read is appreciated! Thanks.

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    • #79336
      jliebert
      Participant

      Great read. I’m far from an expert but one comment I had was where you say “actually gets recycled, no matter how dutifully…”, I think it would sound more natural if you paused less after the word “recycled”.

  • #79309
    Silver Wit
    Participant

    Ok, messed up on the format, but I think I got it right. My first round (part 3) of assignments, any and all advice is appreciated.

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    • #79356
      Nikka Kowidge
      Participant

      Great reads! The pace and tone are right on, I love the intonation on “happy thanks-grilling!” My one thought is to hit the last “t” on words like “beat” especially when they end the sentence.

    • #79320
      MayeWest
      Participant

      Good job on your pace!

  • #79304
    Silver Wit
    Participant

    Ok, messed up on the format, but I think I got it right. My first round (part 2) of assignments, any and all advice is appreciated.

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    • #79406
      Hazaro
      Participant

      Great reads! Your pacing, flow and pitch is all great. Heard a little loss of energy and couple of words in the Sandals spot (“luxury resorts”). Finding more of a connection to the material overall might help to punch it.

    • #79339
      madtrammell
      Participant

      You have a very pleasant speaking voice and good pacing. One thing you might try is “lifting” the subject of your read to give it more life

  • #79299
    Silver Wit
    Participant

    Ok, messed up on the format, but I think I got it right. My first round of assignments, any and all advice is appreciated.

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