Feedback Forum
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Hi all. Commercial practice script (see below). Feedback on anything and everything appreciated. Does my voice suit this kind of commercial? Any other thoughts on what it might be suited for? Thanks. Toque
Script:
Purina One Special Formula for Cats is made with real chicken. Good news for your cat. Great news for your canary. For a complete adult diet for your cat and the real chicken he wants, give him Purina One Special Formula. Your canary will thank you for it. Purina One. Second to none.
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Hi Toque!
Great voice & good read! I would recommend working on your tone when reading it. Like, give us a bit of a playful sarcasm when telling us “it’s great news for the canary” and “your canary will thank you for it”.
I did like how you hit “Purina One” letting us know like “haha we’re laughing… Now go buy the product!” 🙂
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Hi, This is some practice for an up coming coaching session, Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks for listening!
Deck Care Script:
Deck care is easy with an all-in-one solution like the Signature Series Stain and Sealer from Thompson’s Water-Seal—the leader in waterproofing protection!
This innovative water-based formula is quick and easy to use.
Just apply one coat. It dries to the touch in two hours.
And clean-up only involves soap and water !-
Hello!
Awesome voice! Definetly could see you doing this commercial! My one suggestion is think about who you’re talking to. Picture this… It’s a beautiful Summer day, a few of your friends and/or neighbors came over to your house for a backyard bbq. Some of the guys are complaining about how the winter really messed up their decks BUT YOUR DECK… wow man, what did you do to get your deck so shiny and brand new looking?!
Now’s your chance to brag a little.. tell them ALL ABOUT the Signature Series Stain & Sealer from Thompsons Water-Seal you used on your deck! 😉 -
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Great read! I agree with Tiffany, you’d be perfect for this kind of ad. Your voice has an authoritative yet friendly sound. There’s one wrong word in the first sentence. You read “THE all-in-one solution” instead of “AN all-in-one solution”. I think correcting this will help with what sounded a bit like a loss of breath with the product name. Make “Deck care is easy with an all-in-one solution” one connected phrase and “like the Signature Series Stain and Sealer from Thompson’s Water-Seal” another. Not a pause, mind you, but it may make that long product name more manageable.
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Hello there! This is my first coaching sessions homework I am to upload. Would love any feedback. I am looking forward to learning more. Thanks!
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Hi! Great job on both readings! I have a few suggestions that I’m learning myself! Okay, so on the first read I’d recommend thinking of a lead-in like your talking to an older aunt or uncle and even though it’s not the greatest conversation, you still want to try and get them kind of excited about this new option of surgery! Also, I’d recommend slowing down… Which you did do a little ways into the read!
And for the second read, you definetly sounded more comfortable doing this one! My thought is, think as if you’re talking to someone in their hmm… Early 20’s, you know make it a little more of an informal convo with a little less articulation.
Keep up the great work! 👌🏾
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Oooo thanks for these suggestions! I had taken the Medical one as an informative video if you will, kind of like something someone would find on a site they end up on researching the surgery. Didn’t think to interpret it as talking to a family member. That’s a good angle. And I definitely am a fast talker in general. Slowing down is going to be one of my biggest hurdles lol.
And I was definitely more comfortable with the second read. Me and my coach went over thinking it felt like a slideshow of sorts for kids learning about recycling. Still want to make it fun and approachable without coming off as condescending(?). Looking at it like I’m explaining it to an adult would change my tone I’m sure. Thanks!
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Not too bad! I think the first one was a little too fast. The second was better. Good job overall, Keep working at it!!
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Reading fast will be probably the biggest thing I have to get over. I talk fast naturally and I feel so weird slowing down! But it’s fun nontheless. Thanks!
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Very nice reads. You have a nice youthful sound which I see called for in many auditions. Adding to the comments already provided, I heard a lot of plosives, especially in the first one. (If this unfamiliar to you, it is percussive base notes caused by bursts of air from consonants like p’s and b’s). Some things to help: Use a pop filter if not already. Position the mic at a slight angle from your mouth so you are not speaking directly into it. And a speaking trick is smile while speaking the p’s or b’s. This will reduce their force. Great job. Good luck with your coaching and your VO journey.
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Thanks for the feedback! Plosives were definitely something I worked to soften in the editing but still came across some that were just being troublesome. I left them in after doing what I could for the express purpose of hearing feedback on them. I only just learned about changing the angle of my mic, so that will something I use for sure going forward. Didn’t know about smiling while pronouncing those sounds though. I’ll get used to that technique and add it to my limited, but growing, toolkit. Thank you!
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All feedback appreciated. Thanks!
Barneys Mens apparel 60s from 70s TV
In 1923 Barney Pressman opened a little store on 7th Avenue and 17th Street. He opened that store with a grand total of 40 suits. He sold the suits during the good times and he got by on the seat of his pants during the bad times. He worked long…and he worked hard. But if he did anything, he always gave the people in this town what they wanted. Their money’s worth. He named his store Barney’s. And today his store is still giving people their money’s worth. Only now, Barney’s has a lot more to give. Today that little hole in the block is not only the whole block, it’s the single largest men’s store in the world. Barney’s has changed a lot since 1923…but the idea of giving people their money’s worth hasn’t. -
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Hello, everyone! Two quick reads to test out my newly-padded hall closet/sound booth. Certainly welcome any and all performance feedback, but mainly looking for thoughts on recording quality (I’m hoping I’ve managed to shed the “room buzz” and “recording in a tin can” quality I was getting in earlier records). As always, my thanks for taking the time to listen!
E*TRADE
Who do you trust to handle your investments? The brokers? The pundants? Your sister’s neighbor’s boyfriend? When it comes to investing, there’s one person you should trust above all others–yourself. It’s time for E*TRADE.VISA
Your “everywhere” can be your wildest dreams, or rise from the battle within. A challenge to push yourself further. Your “everywhere” can be anywhere. It’s not a place on any map, it’s a place you reach in life. Visa. Everywhere you want to be.-
The sound is MUCH better. Nice job with whatever treatment you did. I’d reach out to a more expert person on this to see if there is any fine tuning that can help or artifacts my untrained ear can’t hear. But, you definitely improved the sound a lot.
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Thanks, Tom! Relieved that a spare comforter tacked to the walls can make such a marked difference (and, yes, I’ll be sure to check with a professional outfit for any other underlying aural problems before recording anything official). Thanks again for taking the time to weigh in–as always, I appreciate your input!
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I’m working with a few commercial scripts similar in style to a few that will be on my demo. Here’s the latest I would appreciate your feedback on. Still working on studio buildout so pardon the echo.
Tx – ChasThere’s a place close by that celebrates nature’s beauty and man made grandeur. That’s steeped in history where you can follow in a family’s footsteps and let your imagination soar. Explore the many wonders of Biltmore Estate and discover a quick getaway close to home.
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Sadly, the audition closed before I could submit, but I liked the direction this ended up going…the brief called for “dramatic, slow, poignant, and a hint of a whisper”, with the note that it would be over dark imagery.
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Good morning everyone! So, part of my homework assignment was to upload two commercial script reads. As you’ll see below, I did one commercial and one interactive kid’s game. I wanted to test out my versatility and so I’m looking forward to your feedback! Thank you in advance for taking the time to listen to my reads and providing your thoughts.
For my first practice read, I chose The Travelers Insurance Company (television Commercial).
We all share the same same goals in business and in life. Security… protection… trust. What every man, woman, and child seeks from birth. What we at The Travelers have been dedicated to providing for 130 years. A difference backed by over $100 billion in assets, and the knowledge that every customer under America’s umbrella is our most important one. The Travelers Insurance Company.For my second practice read, I chose Pixels (interactive computer game).
1. Which on of these things start with the letter “B”? A pencil… a car… a ball… or an apple? Touch your answer on the screen and hit “Enter”
– Hey you got it! You could hear the “buh” sound in the word “ball”.
– I’m sorry, that is not correct. Try again.2. Hey, somebody ripped up this picture. Can you figure out what it was? Was it a horse, a cat, a pig or a dog?
– Good going! It was a dog. You have sharp eyes.
– Oops, that is not right, Try again.3. All of these things are neat to eat, but three of them aren’t a treat for your teeth. Which thing is good for you and your teeth?
– That’s right! The carrot is very good for you.
– That is not the right answer. Try again-
Hi Tiffany!
Great reads! Nice clarity. The only thing I noticed on the first read is the consonant on “child” was lost, and that’s a word I lose it on, so just make sure you get that sound in. Other than that it sounded great!
Nice energy in the second read. Great read with enthusiasm and you can definitely tell that your audience is meant to be young. I think this might just be personal preference, but if you say “uh” instead of “ay” when you list the things I think it might punch up the object more and put less focus on the A. Ex. “A pencil, a car, a horse, etc.” Maybe try it once that way and see how it feels to you and see if you know what I mean? I hope this is helpful!
Have a great day!
Tina
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Ahhh okay I see what you’re saying with “child” thank you!
Okay, I see what you’re saying with “Uh” instead of “Ay”… Thank you so much for your feedback!!
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Hi Guys!
I tried a script for a virtual tour! Thanks for any feedback. 🙂
Welcome to Morton Arboretum, home to more than 36 HUNDRED native trees, shrubs, and plants. This virtual guide provides a snapshot of what to expect when you visit our Wheaton, Illinois location. First, let’s look at how to get the most from your virtual tour. See the 5 Main tabs across the top of your screen–Introduction, Trees, Shrubs, Plants, and Frequently Asked Questions? The “Introduction” tab is highlighted because your tour automatically started here when you clicked the “Enter” button on the home page. Use your mouse to click on a different Key page. Each Key page lists subcategories in its left pane. Hover your mouse over each subcategory to view a drop-down menu, then click the subtopic you want. Use the black scroll bar to navigate subcategories. Use the white scroll bar at the right of your screen to navigate each Main page. Now let’s continue.
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Hi Tina,
I liked your warm, enthusiastic tone – made me feel welcome from the very beginning. I imagined looking at (your) screen and following the instructions – pacing very comfortable for me. I feel that it was the sincerity in your voice that really made the reading so compelling.
Thank you for sharing.
John
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Hello there,
just dropping off some commercial reads that I did as homework for my coach.
BLACKBRIDGE MOTORS
Here’s to the Mavericks. Here’s to the rebels and renegades.
The square pegs who were anything but square.
You got this far by never blending in, and never compromising your soul.
Why bend now when you’ve lived the adventure on your terms?Blackbridge Motors
Because the only road worth taking is the one you’ve forged yourself.
CARNATION BREAKFAST ESSENTIALS
Kids can change minds. They can even change the world around us. Packed with protein plus 21 vitamins and minerals, we nourish them with Carnation Breakfast Essentials. Because today could change everything.ELIXINOL
Now more than ever, we could all use a break.
A little time to take a deep breath. Close our eyes, and know that it’s all going to work out.
At Elixinol we’ve created our new CBD and ashwaganda liquid capsules for just that.
Because don’t we all just want to Stress Less?
Elixinol -
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