Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi everyone! Got some more Narration homework for you. As always, any feedback is welcome and appreciated.
Thank you!
Apollo 16: The year was 1967, and the astronauts of Apollo 16 were going to the moon. This is Charlie Duke, Lunar Module Pilot on Apollo 16. This amazing little capsule went by the call-sign CASPER, and it was the heart of an immense system of rocket engineering that got the astronauts safely to the moon and back.
Recycling: I don’t know about you, but I like our planet a lot! And one of the easiest ways we can help protect the Earth is by recycling. That’s where instead of throwing things like plastic in the trash, you put them in a special bin so they go to a kind of factory to be reused. You’ve probably recycled things like plastic bottles before. There might even be a recycling bin in the room you’re in right now!
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Mornin friends –
Here are three reads for an upcoming narration coaching session
Brevard College Admission video
JFK and Vanderbilt are toursAll lightly edited. Thanks for your comments
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Hello All! This is my 1st time posting here!
This is 2 reads about cereal! One is Happy/Energetic and the other is Angry (lol! -
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Hello everyone,
Here are 3 narration audios. I would love feedback on any of them. Blue Angels and Covideo are sales videos, and Space Camp is a children’s museum exhibit. Thank you!
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Hello everyone,
Here are my 3 narration audios in mp3 this time. I would love feedback on any of them. Blue Angels and Covideo are sales videos, and Space Camp is a children’s museum exhibit. Thank you!
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Hi, Grace
All great reads
Blue Angels could use more excitement and drive
Covideo is good as a conversational instruction piece. Very relatable
Space Camp is the best of the three for me. Grabs the listener and pulls them in.
Good work -
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Concur with Grace17. You have a nice conversational tone which is hard to find naturally. It doesn’t sound forced. I also agree with Grace on not upticking so much on the syllables but changing the pitch for each item listed instead. If you can be believable you’re ahead of the vast majority of people out there!
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#1 sounds very conversational but I think up-ticking the last syllables of each phrase in the list(ex: expertise, technology, counseling, nutrition) removes from the confidence of the read and makes it sound too casual in my opinion.
In #2 you sound more confident in your list of items, but I would advise you to explore listing them without elevating the last syllables, as i mentioned above. I also advise exploring varying the pitch on each item, just to explore other ways of listing the items.
I really liked how down-to-earth and conversational this read was. Your read is believable and you don’t try too hard.
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Hi everyone, I’m looking to get feedback on a narration read. All feedback is welcome. Thanks in advance
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Great voice and I like the tone overall. I would slow down the pace a bit, as it is a little hard to follow and sounds rushed. Also, echoing feedback I just got from my coach, it sounds a little choppy. Be mindful of longer-than-needed pauses in the middle of a phrase (for example after “too much time…”).
In the sentence “Due to the nature…”, I would hit more words to emphasize meaning and clarity.
I would hit: “nature”, “frequently”, “split up”, “scattering”, and “legwork”.I liked the following part, albeit a little slower, and slightly less pause after “moving”: “Pacing is critical for keeping your players interested. Keep the game’s pace moving smoothly using these tips”
Just my 2 cents. Best of luck!
Jeff
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First of all, I want to start out by saying that I thought that both of your readings were very good. Now I’m going to knitpick just a little bit. The first reading that are a couple of places where, at the end of your phrase, you went up instead of down. I have been told that, unless there’s a specific reason for going up at the end of a phrase, the natural tendency is to go down. The word ‘mind’ in the phrase keep this in mind and the word ‘you’ in the phrase keep this card with you. In the second reading I would put a little more emphasis on the word ‘and” just before the phrase about marijuana growers. Also, in my opinion, the phrase ‘heart and soul’ show be read together (the word heart has a bit of a space between it and the rest of the phrase). Otherwise, you did a good job! I could just hear some kind of nature background music playing when I listened to the second one. Hope this helps!
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Good Afternoon,
I’ve got one session left before I record my commercial demo and looking for final feedbacks please. Inflections, pitch, pacing. Thanks as always! Ryan
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Just a quick note about the middle two demos. My wife and I both agree that there are two things about these: 1) You tend to be ‘singsongy’ and 2) You need to flow a little better. some spacing is fine, but it seemed to us kind of choppy. The first one was okay (a little singsongy, but I think it works with the demo). But the last one was beautiful! Hope this helps!!
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Hey Folks. Here is some homework for my next coaching session. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank You! I went easy on the Irish accent on the second one. I did a recording with my normal voice, but my wife liked this one better.
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Dexterius, I listened to both and you got a smile out of me with the fairies one! Accent came across well and I liked the delivery. The Jack Daniels had correct inflections are the right points. I think your audio may need a little work but that comes with time, equipment, and sound treatments, and you pry aren’t as worried about it on the forum as you would be with auditioning. Nice work.
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Hey Folks. Here is some homework for my next coaching session. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank You!
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Here are my thoughts on your performances:
Sandals: I think that there are two main issues 1) you need to speed it up just a little bit, and 2) I agree with Michael that the ‘wry smile’ mentality needs to be throughout your performance. I did like the smoothness of it, though.
Harvey Home Theatre: In this one, you need to bring down the tone to your normal register (too high), and I would recommend a slightly sarcastic attitude throughout this script. The script, in my opinion, lends itself to this kind of attitude. It will also make the reading more entertaining. Hope this helps!!! -
“Harvey Home Theater”. For your tone and pitch, think about the message you are delivering which is that electronics systems are typically so complicated that someone as sophisticated as a doctor can’t operate them, but here’s one simple enough for anyone to operate”. Your delivery sounds a bit unnatural, like maybe you are pushing your voice into a higher register. Try to imagine explaining this to an individual, like a friend.
“Sandals”: I like this one better. Again, try to imagine telling this to a friend, particularly in the first sentence, to add more naturalness. I agree with Michael above that “everything else is included” was my favorite part.
Hope this helps, and I should mention that I am not a coach, just someone like you learning, so take my feedback accordingly :).
Jeff
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What up, my dude. Listening to both, here are my recommendations. Take em or leave em 🙂
Sandals: Delivery is too slow. Pick up the pace a bit, and I think you’ll hit the sweet spot with the relaxed feel you’re trying to convey. The line “Because everything else is included” was your best moment on this one. I heard the wry smile coming through. Try to do that throughout.
Harvey Home Theatre: A few good moments on this one. I feel you might be trying too hard to be cool when you end your sentences on this one. Again, speed of delivery. Start is a little slow and then there’s some back and forth. “…he can even operate his…” is the meter and tone you want throughout. If you can match that everywhere, I think we’ve got a winner.
In general, relax. Be aware of how each sentence is ending the same and try to change it up a bit. When I started out, I sounded like I was trying too hard to act. I’m still having to overcome that at times, but the faster you can get your mind around imagining talking to a person and keeping their attention, the better this will click.
Keep up the good work!
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Hi All –
I’d greatly appreciate some feedback on the attached recordings. I didn’t use a pro mic, so just technique comments please. Specifically, I worked on pacing, and “flow” (painting a picture, finding “beats” in the script, ensuring it has a beginning/middle/end). Feedback on those aspects are particularly welcome, although any feedback is great!Here is the copy I used:
Real Estate Educational Explainer:
Would you like to buy a house?
Maybe it’s your first house, or even your 2nd and you just think that MAYBE you didn’t think hard enough about the last one.
Listen, I love Real Estate. And in most cases, even a bad deal can work to your advantage in the very long run.
But there are dumb things that people do without realizing it when they buy a house.
Humor me for a short story before we get into the meat of this video.Cosmos Documentary:
Welcome to the planet earth. A place of blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, soft meadows; A world positively rippling with life. From the cosmic perspective, it is, for the moment, unique. The only world on which we know with certainty that the matter of the cosmos has become alive, and aware. There must be many such worlds scattered through space, but our search for them begins here, with the accumulated wisdom of the men and women of our species, acquired at great cost, over a million years.Biogenetic Law:
Commonly summarized as “ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny” (on-TA-jeh-nee re-cah-PIT-you-lates fill-AH-jeh-nee), biogenetic law posits that the embryonic stages in the development of an individual (its ontogeny) repeat the evolutionary history of its ancestors (its phylogeny). A corollary of the biogenetic law is the idea that new evolutionary features are typically added at the end of development, with formerly adult, or “terminal” stages gradually being compressed into progressively earlier stages (or sometimes being eliminated outright).Thanks so much!
Jeff-
Jeff, I listened to Cosmos as that’s one of my favorite scripts. I’ll try and touch the feedback you requested. I think you found the flow and the beats. I would look at changing up the inflection in “at the moment, unique”. Moment ends on an up, and then go flat to slightly up with unique. May try and down inflection with moment, then end it higher with unique. There are also larger spaces in time than are pry necessary when describing the cosmos. You may be thinking of images being played, but without being able to see that they seem to far apart. Overall, I like the tone, pitch, pacing.
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