Feedback Forum

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  • #15468
    David Goldberg
    Edge Studio Staff

    Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

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  • #82457
    ryanp.bogie
    Participant

    Hello everyone,

    Here are two more narration scripts I have been working on for homework. Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you!

    Christopher Reeve Voice Over Script

    The whole world held its breath when Christopher Reeve struggled for life on Memorial Day, 1995. On the third jump of a riding competition, Reeve was thrown headfirst from his horse in an accident that broke his neck and left him unable to move or breathe. In the years following the accident, Reeve raised much awareness and money for spinal cord research. And in 1998, he penned the heartbreaking, funny and courageous autobiography, “Still Me”. As we look back, you’ll hear from the Man of Steel himself through interview footage as he talks about his early success on Broadway opposite the legendary Katherine Hepburn, and later the adventure of filming Superman on the streets of New York, and how the movie made him a star. With dignity and sensitivity, he describes the journey he has made – physically, emotionally, spiritually. This is the determined, passionate story of one man, a gifted actor and star.

    Meditation Voice Over Script

    Make yourself comfortable, sitting upright, with a straight spine. With your eyes closed, look at the point midway between the eyebrows on your forehead. Inhale slowly, counting to eight. Hold the breath for the same eight counts while concentrating your attention at the point between the eyebrows. Now exhale slowly to the same count of eight. Repeat three to six times.

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    • #82475
      Jaljr
      Participant

      Hey, Ryan –

      Both good reads. The Reeve script felt a little fast, but otherwise did well in drawing the listener in.
      on the meditation script, I was going to say that it needed to be more relaxed, but then you made me inhale for 8 counts, etc. Although that feels like forever on the read, it was effective in getting the listener to do exactly what you were reading. nice job.

  • #82452
    SteveVO
    Participant

    A couple corporate narration reads. Thanks for any feedback.
    Steve

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    • #82554
      jliebert
      Participant

      I like your tone and flow on both of these scripts a lot. My only comment is that the Baxter Industries one sounded a little fast-paced given the amount of detail. If you slowed it down a bit, I think it would be perfect.

  • #82324
    Tati Milbourne
    Participant

    Hello!
    Here’s my first narration recording for feedback. Thank you for listening!

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    • #82476
      Jaljr
      Participant

      Hey Tati –

      I liked the first of the two reads better. I have found that when one reads a script like this, you really need to envision someone on the other end, listening to your good work so that you can make it more conversational. Great job

    • #82432
      jliebert
      Participant

      My admittedly newbie-ish feedback:

      You have a great voice for this copy.

      Be careful of the pauses. E.g., poor neighborhoods <pause> where the chance to thrive… It sounds choppy at times due to some of the microbuses.

      Also, maybe hit the words “grow up” less as it sounds a little unnatural. Also, watch for glottal stops, e.g., on the word “and” after “learn”. Make sure you enunciate clearly. Open your mouth more.

      On the list: Leader, Contributor, productive citizen, instead of hitting each and pitching down, I would go up on the pitch for leader, and down on contributor and productive citizen.

      Hope this helps!
      Jeff

      • #82553
        jliebert
        Participant

        I just realized I wrote “microbuses”, and meant “micropauses”! I’m going to attribute that to autocorrect!

  • #82296
    Jaljr
    Participant

    Hello, friends –

    Here are two lightly edited commercial reads for an upcoming coaching session. All comments appreciated.

    JAL

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  • #82276
    JDM
    Participant

    Hello all,

    I had my third coaching session and was asked to upload more practice pieces to the feedback forum, so here goes. Any comment is appreciated! Among other things, I have been working on trying to make dense scientific and medical stuff sound “friendly,” per my coach’s instructions. I worry that my attempts at friendliness often lead to my speeding up too much and pitching my voice up too high, though. I’d be grateful for your thoughts!

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    • #82427
      SuperLuke
      Participant

      Hello,
      Listening to both takes, I understand that this is an educational presentation, maybe? If so, you are doing an excellent job of keeping the Documentary/ presentation vibe.
      My only suggestion is to emphasize the importance of your topic/ keep the listener engaged.

  • #82244
    ryanp.bogie
    Participant

    Hello everyone,

    Here are two narration scripts I was working on for homework. Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you!

    Superman Museum Voice Over Script
    Welcome to the Metropolis Superman Museum. Throughout the museum you will find numerous examples of Superman merchandise and memorabilia, illustrating the long and grand history of the world’s most beloved superhero.
    To begin your tour, please proceed to the right.
    Superman began as a series of daily comic strips created by writer Jerry Siegel and artist Joe Shuster. The first adaptation of the comic was a radio drama starring Bud Collyer as Superman.

    Explainer video for website Voice Over Script
    For a manufacturer: Visibility, Performance and Predictability are paramount to success.

    But how do industry professionals in sewn products manufacturing meet the challenges of reducing cycle times, increasing productivity, and delivering greater quality at lower costs?

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    • #82275
      JDM
      Participant

      Hi Ryan,
      I like your voice! Comments on your pieces:

      Superman Museum
      -I think you can slow down significantly and take longer pauses between beats. Museum-goers are presumably going to be moving at a leisurely pace so that they can look around. There’s no need for you to rush.
      -“Welcome to the Metropolois Superman Museum” can sound more excited and grand. You’ve got cool stuff to show people; you can be delighted that they’re there to see it all!
      -Words that I think you might consider hitting at least slightly harder: “find NUMEROUS examples” “of SUPERMAN merchandise” “the LONG and GRAND history” “most BELOVED superhero”
      -I don’t think “memorabilia” needs to be emphasized.

      Explainer Video
      -I think you might try hitting “paramount” slightly harder.
      -I’m losing the word “in” in “professionals *in* sewn products”–it sounds like it could be “N” or “and” and I’m having to infer from context (“sewn” could be slightly clearer, too, because when it’s not pronounced with extreme delicacy it is at risk of sounding like “zone,” since that’s a more common word); just watch your enunciation there.
      -The list of “reducing cycle times, increasing productivity, and delivering greater quality at lower costs” could use a little more variation in tone. (You did very well with the first list–“Visibility, Performance and Predictability”!)

  • #82218
    jliebert
    Participant

    Hi All – Appreciate any feedback you may have on these narration scripts, particularly in the areas of pacing and naturalness. Thank you!

    Advance Technologies
    Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.

    4/H
    It began with the seed of an idea. In 1902, the heartland needed folks to embrace new advances in agriculture. But leaders with open minds, strong hearts and willing hands weren’t in abundance. Luckily, kids were. By empowering the next generation to lead, 4/H took root. And grew. Grew kids who are confident and strong; Who are curious enough to question. And capable enough to find the answer. True leaders aren’t born. They’re grown. 4/H GROWS HERE

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    • #82240
      Ksmack
      Participant

      Great voice. Just got to noise gate the breaths. Im learning to do that now.

      • #82431
        jliebert
        Participant

        Thanks so much. I’ll try that for the next one.

    • #82233
      Kira_DanNext
      Participant

      Clear and pleasant voice. I’d just suggest to watch your breathing.

  • #82213
    SteveVO
    Participant

    A couple medical narrations I’m trying out. Thoughts?

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    • #82217
      LindsayLaVelle
      Participant

      I think your explanation of Liquidband was great. It was very clear and easy to follow. In the opening text, it took me a minute to understand what you were talking about. I think you could add a little pause before the brand name the first time you say it, and perhaps slow down that beginning section just a tad. The directions were very natural and sounded right in the pocket.

      • #82222
        SteveVO
        Participant

        Thanks a lot. I appreciate that.

  • #82172
    LindsayLaVelle
    Participant

    I’d love feedback, specifically on pronunciation, pace and tone. Thanks so much for taking the time to listen!

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    • #82221
      jliebert
      Participant

      The 3 seem similar, but i agree that 3 is probably my fave. I wouldn’t hit the word “camouflage” because “Masters of camouflage” should sound like a unit and it breaks up the phrase. I’d just hit “Masters”. i also wouldn’t hit the word “Skill”, which will accentuate the words USE, and OTHER TOO (you may want to play around with not hitting “communicate” also, or hit it less).

      Hope this helps,
      Jeff

    • #82177
      Stephen Winburn
      Participant

      I think as a submission your pace, tone, and pronunciation are dead on and appropriate for the material! Any of the 3 takes would be sufficient, though take 3 is my personal favorite.
      However, if you were submitting these 3 takes in an audition, i don’t hear much difference in tone or pacing between take 1 and take 3.

  • #82168
    LindsayLaVelle
    Participant

    I’m counting down to demo day. I’d love feedback on these 3 reads for a corporate narration script. Thanks!

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