Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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My admittedly newbie-ish feedback:
You have a great voice for this copy.
Be careful of the pauses. E.g., poor neighborhoods <pause> where the chance to thrive… It sounds choppy at times due to some of the microbuses.
Also, maybe hit the words “grow up” less as it sounds a little unnatural. Also, watch for glottal stops, e.g., on the word “and” after “learn”. Make sure you enunciate clearly. Open your mouth more.
On the list: Leader, Contributor, productive citizen, instead of hitting each and pitching down, I would go up on the pitch for leader, and down on contributor and productive citizen.
Hope this helps!
Jeff -
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Hello all,
I had my third coaching session and was asked to upload more practice pieces to the feedback forum, so here goes. Any comment is appreciated! Among other things, I have been working on trying to make dense scientific and medical stuff sound “friendly,” per my coach’s instructions. I worry that my attempts at friendliness often lead to my speeding up too much and pitching my voice up too high, though. I’d be grateful for your thoughts!
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Hello everyone,
Here are two narration scripts I was working on for homework. Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you!
Superman Museum Voice Over Script
Welcome to the Metropolis Superman Museum. Throughout the museum you will find numerous examples of Superman merchandise and memorabilia, illustrating the long and grand history of the world’s most beloved superhero.
To begin your tour, please proceed to the right.
Superman began as a series of daily comic strips created by writer Jerry Siegel and artist Joe Shuster. The first adaptation of the comic was a radio drama starring Bud Collyer as Superman.Explainer video for website Voice Over Script
For a manufacturer: Visibility, Performance and Predictability are paramount to success.But how do industry professionals in sewn products manufacturing meet the challenges of reducing cycle times, increasing productivity, and delivering greater quality at lower costs?
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Hi Ryan,
I like your voice! Comments on your pieces:Superman Museum
-I think you can slow down significantly and take longer pauses between beats. Museum-goers are presumably going to be moving at a leisurely pace so that they can look around. There’s no need for you to rush.
-“Welcome to the Metropolois Superman Museum” can sound more excited and grand. You’ve got cool stuff to show people; you can be delighted that they’re there to see it all!
-Words that I think you might consider hitting at least slightly harder: “find NUMEROUS examples” “of SUPERMAN merchandise” “the LONG and GRAND history” “most BELOVED superhero”
-I don’t think “memorabilia” needs to be emphasized.Explainer Video
-I think you might try hitting “paramount” slightly harder.
-I’m losing the word “in” in “professionals *in* sewn products”–it sounds like it could be “N” or “and” and I’m having to infer from context (“sewn” could be slightly clearer, too, because when it’s not pronounced with extreme delicacy it is at risk of sounding like “zone,” since that’s a more common word); just watch your enunciation there.
-The list of “reducing cycle times, increasing productivity, and delivering greater quality at lower costs” could use a little more variation in tone. (You did very well with the first list–“Visibility, Performance and Predictability”!)
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Hi All – Appreciate any feedback you may have on these narration scripts, particularly in the areas of pacing and naturalness. Thank you!
Advance Technologies
Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.4/H
It began with the seed of an idea. In 1902, the heartland needed folks to embrace new advances in agriculture. But leaders with open minds, strong hearts and willing hands weren’t in abundance. Luckily, kids were. By empowering the next generation to lead, 4/H took root. And grew. Grew kids who are confident and strong; Who are curious enough to question. And capable enough to find the answer. True leaders aren’t born. They’re grown. 4/H GROWS HERE -
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I think your explanation of Liquidband was great. It was very clear and easy to follow. In the opening text, it took me a minute to understand what you were talking about. I think you could add a little pause before the brand name the first time you say it, and perhaps slow down that beginning section just a tad. The directions were very natural and sounded right in the pocket.
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I’d love feedback, specifically on pronunciation, pace and tone. Thanks so much for taking the time to listen!
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The 3 seem similar, but i agree that 3 is probably my fave. I wouldn’t hit the word “camouflage” because “Masters of camouflage” should sound like a unit and it breaks up the phrase. I’d just hit “Masters”. i also wouldn’t hit the word “Skill”, which will accentuate the words USE, and OTHER TOO (you may want to play around with not hitting “communicate” also, or hit it less).
Hope this helps,
Jeff -
I think as a submission your pace, tone, and pronunciation are dead on and appropriate for the material! Any of the 3 takes would be sufficient, though take 3 is my personal favorite.
However, if you were submitting these 3 takes in an audition, i don’t hear much difference in tone or pacing between take 1 and take 3.
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Hello everyone,
Here are two recording for narration feedback. I tend to go quickly so would like feedback on my pacing as well as conversational style. The copy is listed below:Age of Samurai
1551, Japan is in chaos. After centuries of rule, the central government has lost control… and the nation has been plunged into a brutal civil war.
Anarchy reigns as heavily armed warlords called daimyo fight for power and territory.
In the small province of Owari, in an unremarkable clan known as the Oda, one unlikely samurai is about to launch a blood-soaked campaign that will put thousands to the sword and set the course of Japanese history for the next 300 years.The Making of an Emperor
It was the greatest empire the world has ever known. Unmatched in its brutality, its genius, its l**t for power. For centuries, Rome ruled over a quarter of the people on the planet. This series tells the story of six critical moments that shaped that empire. How it rose, how it became great, and how it fell.
There are stories of great soldiers, huge battles, and doomed rebels. There are tales of love and betrayal. And there are the emperors. The mad, the cruel, and the brilliant. This is the 500-year story of the rise and fall of the civilization that shaped our own. And it starts with the most famous Roman of them all, Julius Caesar. How he overthrew the government he served and brought revolution to Rome.
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