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  • #82276
    JDM
    Participant

    Hello all,

    I had my third coaching session and was asked to upload more practice pieces to the feedback forum, so here goes. Any comment is appreciated! Among other things, I have been working on trying to make dense scientific and medical stuff sound “friendly,” per my coach’s instructions. I worry that my attempts at friendliness often lead to my speeding up too much and pitching my voice up too high, though. I’d be grateful for your thoughts!

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    • #82427
      SuperLuke
      Participant

      Hello,
      Listening to both takes, I understand that this is an educational presentation, maybe? If so, you are doing an excellent job of keeping the Documentary/ presentation vibe.
      My only suggestion is to emphasize the importance of your topic/ keep the listener engaged.

  • #82244
    ryanp.bogie
    Participant

    Hello everyone,

    Here are two narration scripts I was working on for homework. Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you!

    Superman Museum Voice Over Script
    Welcome to the Metropolis Superman Museum. Throughout the museum you will find numerous examples of Superman merchandise and memorabilia, illustrating the long and grand history of the world’s most beloved superhero.
    To begin your tour, please proceed to the right.
    Superman began as a series of daily comic strips created by writer Jerry Siegel and artist Joe Shuster. The first adaptation of the comic was a radio drama starring Bud Collyer as Superman.

    Explainer video for website Voice Over Script
    For a manufacturer: Visibility, Performance and Predictability are paramount to success.

    But how do industry professionals in sewn products manufacturing meet the challenges of reducing cycle times, increasing productivity, and delivering greater quality at lower costs?

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    • #82275
      JDM
      Participant

      Hi Ryan,
      I like your voice! Comments on your pieces:

      Superman Museum
      -I think you can slow down significantly and take longer pauses between beats. Museum-goers are presumably going to be moving at a leisurely pace so that they can look around. There’s no need for you to rush.
      -“Welcome to the Metropolois Superman Museum” can sound more excited and grand. You’ve got cool stuff to show people; you can be delighted that they’re there to see it all!
      -Words that I think you might consider hitting at least slightly harder: “find NUMEROUS examples” “of SUPERMAN merchandise” “the LONG and GRAND history” “most BELOVED superhero”
      -I don’t think “memorabilia” needs to be emphasized.

      Explainer Video
      -I think you might try hitting “paramount” slightly harder.
      -I’m losing the word “in” in “professionals *in* sewn products”–it sounds like it could be “N” or “and” and I’m having to infer from context (“sewn” could be slightly clearer, too, because when it’s not pronounced with extreme delicacy it is at risk of sounding like “zone,” since that’s a more common word); just watch your enunciation there.
      -The list of “reducing cycle times, increasing productivity, and delivering greater quality at lower costs” could use a little more variation in tone. (You did very well with the first list–“Visibility, Performance and Predictability”!)

  • #82218
    jliebert
    Participant

    Hi All – Appreciate any feedback you may have on these narration scripts, particularly in the areas of pacing and naturalness. Thank you!

    Advance Technologies
    Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.

    4/H
    It began with the seed of an idea. In 1902, the heartland needed folks to embrace new advances in agriculture. But leaders with open minds, strong hearts and willing hands weren’t in abundance. Luckily, kids were. By empowering the next generation to lead, 4/H took root. And grew. Grew kids who are confident and strong; Who are curious enough to question. And capable enough to find the answer. True leaders aren’t born. They’re grown. 4/H GROWS HERE

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    • #82240
      Ksmack
      Participant

      Great voice. Just got to noise gate the breaths. Im learning to do that now.

      • #82431
        jliebert
        Participant

        Thanks so much. I’ll try that for the next one.

    • #82233
      Kira_DanNext
      Participant

      Clear and pleasant voice. I’d just suggest to watch your breathing.

  • #82213
    SteveVO
    Participant

    A couple medical narrations I’m trying out. Thoughts?

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    • #82217
      LindsayLaVelle
      Participant

      I think your explanation of Liquidband was great. It was very clear and easy to follow. In the opening text, it took me a minute to understand what you were talking about. I think you could add a little pause before the brand name the first time you say it, and perhaps slow down that beginning section just a tad. The directions were very natural and sounded right in the pocket.

      • #82222
        SteveVO
        Participant

        Thanks a lot. I appreciate that.

  • #82172
    LindsayLaVelle
    Participant

    I’d love feedback, specifically on pronunciation, pace and tone. Thanks so much for taking the time to listen!

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    • #82221
      jliebert
      Participant

      The 3 seem similar, but i agree that 3 is probably my fave. I wouldn’t hit the word “camouflage” because “Masters of camouflage” should sound like a unit and it breaks up the phrase. I’d just hit “Masters”. i also wouldn’t hit the word “Skill”, which will accentuate the words USE, and OTHER TOO (you may want to play around with not hitting “communicate” also, or hit it less).

      Hope this helps,
      Jeff

    • #82177
      Stephen Winburn
      Participant

      I think as a submission your pace, tone, and pronunciation are dead on and appropriate for the material! Any of the 3 takes would be sufficient, though take 3 is my personal favorite.
      However, if you were submitting these 3 takes in an audition, i don’t hear much difference in tone or pacing between take 1 and take 3.

  • #82168
    LindsayLaVelle
    Participant

    I’m counting down to demo day. I’d love feedback on these 3 reads for a corporate narration script. Thanks!

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  • #82136
    Emunor
    Participant

    Hello everyone,
    Here are two recording for narration feedback. I tend to go quickly so would like feedback on my pacing as well as conversational style. The copy is listed below:

    Age of Samurai
    1551, Japan is in chaos. After centuries of rule, the central government has lost control… and the nation has been plunged into a brutal civil war.
    Anarchy reigns as heavily armed warlords called daimyo fight for power and territory.
    In the small province of Owari, in an unremarkable clan known as the Oda, one unlikely samurai is about to launch a blood-soaked campaign that will put thousands to the sword and set the course of Japanese history for the next 300 years.

    The Making of an Emperor
    It was the greatest empire the world has ever known. Unmatched in its brutality, its genius, its l**t for power. For centuries, Rome ruled over a quarter of the people on the planet. This series tells the story of six critical moments that shaped that empire. How it rose, how it became great, and how it fell.
    There are stories of great soldiers, huge battles, and doomed rebels. There are tales of love and betrayal. And there are the emperors. The mad, the cruel, and the brilliant. This is the 500-year story of the rise and fall of the civilization that shaped our own. And it starts with the most famous Roman of them all, Julius Caesar. How he overthrew the government he served and brought revolution to Rome.

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  • #82129
    Bil-Bo
    Participant

    Duracell Quantum Batteries TV Audio Track

    SFX: Children Giggling: Then Music Under

    This Duracell truck has some very special power.
    It’s filled with new Duracell Quantum batteries.
    These red batteries are so powerful that this year
    they’ll power all the Hasbro toys donated to “Toys for Tots”.
    Wanna help power some smiles?

    SFX: Children Giggling: Then Music Under

    Duracell. Trusted everywhere.

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    • #82162
      IlikeGlen
      Participant

      Hi Bill
      Great voice and pace but maybe a little smile while reading would go a long way I heard laughter but didn’t get that happy feeling from the read.

  • #82108
    riteshpatil
    Participant

    https://mobisoftinfotech.com/mobisoft-company/app-development-company-in-pune

  • #82104
    jr.roop
    Participant

    Hello all,

    Any feedback is appreciated!

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    • #82299
      RCori
      Participant

      I agree with pp the reads sound a little on the performance side, and would benefit from being more conversational (working on this as well my coach). I like your diction in the pieces, but I think as you work on them being more conversational the flow of your words and pitch will sound much better. Great job though!

    • #82189
      Stephen Winburn
      Participant

      Pronunciation and diction are excellent and the reading is very smooth!
      My only notes are on tone and conversationality in both pieces. I played both pieces backn to back and the tone was remarkably similar.

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