[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

• This topic was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 7 months ago by David Goldberg.

Topic

[swester]

Good Day! I’ve uploaded a narration for a travel video on the Mexican city of Guanajuato. I would appreciate your feedback on the read, thank you.

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[jliebert]

Hi! I listened a bunch of times to your recording. Here’s my 2 cents, and note that I’m not a coach…just a student at Edge in the midst of preparing my first Narration demo.

I love your smiling tone, particularly on the first sentence. You have a beautiful voice and it’s a nice clean recording. And I love Mexico, and really want to visit Guanajuato, so I was particularly attracted to your recording.

It sounds like you’re hitting a lot of words and syllables within words, it seems a little excessive and not as natural as it could be for that reason. For example, at the beginning, the word Guanajuato – sounds like you hitting “Guan” and “Jua”. Try just the first one, or hit the “Jua” with less gusto. For another example, listen to the sentence that begins “The 16th century…”, and note the number syllables you are hitting. Experiment with fewer hits and see if you like it.

Listen back for glottal stops. There are a lot of them here that you may want to smooth out or avoid.

Also a small thing, but your voice starts to fry when you say “built out of”. Not sure if that was intentional, but I think it would be better to avoid that.

Hope this helps,
Jeff

[jliebert]

Hi All –

I’m uploading a few homework scripts. Appreciate any feedback you may have, in particular on pace, naturalness, and diction. Scripts are below.

Thank you!
Jeff

Aetna/US Healthcare
No matter where we live–when it comes to something as important as health care, we all want the best. That’s why AETNA and US HEALTHCARE have joined forces to create a partnership that will set a new standard for quality and caring. AETNA and US HEALTHCARE. Raising a standard for your town, for your family, and for you.

Black Diamond
Here at Black Diamond it’s all about climbing and skiing. We share the same experiences that you do on rock, ice and snow and these experiences push us to make the best gear possible for our worldwide family of climbers and skiers.
What began with a backyard anvil and a hammer has now grown into a global company with offices on three continents. Black Diamond is a company that’s not just for rock climbers and skiers, but one that stands for the spirit of the sports we live, their values and goals, past, present and future. Since 1957, our innovative gear designs have set the standard in numerous areas. This is partly the result of dedication, desire and diligence on the part of an incredible team of people. It’s also a product of the fact that each of us are climbers and skiers ourselves.

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[billmull]

Aetna/US Healthcare: Your pace, naturalness, and diction are excellent! Very nice job.

Black Diamond: To be blunt, you sound like you’re reading. You also sound like you’re trying a bit too hard to sound excited which makes it sound not entirely believable. If you could figure out a way apply the same style you used for the Aetna/US Healthcare script to the Black Diamond script you would probably get the end result you want.

Best of luck.

[jliebert]

Thank you Bill! I love blunt and honest feedback. It will help me improve. I was trying for a more excited tone in the Black Diamond script, and perhaps it came across as too unnatural, and I absolutely don’t want to sound as if I’m reading. I’m going to try it again, toned down a bit. If you (or anyone) has any commentary on the naturalness and flow of this take as compared to the original, i’d appreciate that.

The original version is “Take 1” and the new one is “Take 2”.

Thanks Bill and everyone,
Jeff

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[billmull]

Jeff,

I hope my initial feedback on Black_Diamond didn’t sound overly harsh. It’s just that when I heard the Aetna read I felt like I was hearing a very polished professional voice talent. I just didn’t feel that I was hearing the same natural quality when I listened to the initial black_diamond read. However, I think Black_diamond_2 is definitely moving in the right direction. It sounds more authentic, and you sound like believe what you’re saying. Awesome!

[jliebert]

No that’s great…I welcome the criticism! Thank you.

[billmull]

Happy New Year!

I appreciate any feedback with a few caveats:

1) Please, no technical feedback.
2) I’m intentionally pausing between lines since the script is associated with a video which is moving between different kinds of images.
3) I’m aware that you can hear breathing between lines. I could have edited these out but chose not to.
4) Seafoam makes products for engines so I see the target audience as people who are into cars, trucks, boats, motorcycles, etc.

Thanks

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[TimberTykes]

Hey there!

This was a good read! Everything was clear, and your voice is nice and descriptive- perfect for this reading, in my opinion.

I have only two things that I’m at odds with: I feel that with every second line (evening cruises, fishing until dark, etc.) lacks variance, or rather that each second line sounds like every other second line, if that makes sense? Like, the first line has a good buildup, and then the second one falls a little flat.

My second issue isn’t too much, but I feel that ‘Seafoam,’ as a money word, could be better emphasized.

Hopefully you’re able to understand where I’m coming from through my rambling. An enjoyable job, nonetheless!

[LiamS]

Hello everyone, I have a read I’d love some feedback on. Please let me know if you hear any issues with pace and diction as well as anything else. Thank you.

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[Earthbul]

It’s not a race. Take some time to sell me on it. More inflection. You’ve got a nice voice. Use it to it’s full potential.

[ShellyMadison]

It sounded like you did what I do which is start at my regular talking speed, then remember I should slow down. Your energy is great. I think slowing down would help with the small diction issues and let you find more flow between the phrases.

[ShellyMadison]

A PSA and an ad for your feedback. Not looking for technical feedback. All other feedback welcome! Diction, conversational tone, glottal stops, pacing; hit me with it!

Thanks in advance.

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[Terry Davis]

Shelly, I really liked the Special K read. I could feel your smile coming through on that one. On both reads there was some breaths and glottal stops that could be taken away with editing. Pacing was really good for Special K. I think the pacing for Asthma could have been a bit faster. Overall great natural voice and good job.

[ShellyMadison]

Thank you for the feedback!

[H]

Hi All, I’m working on a couple scripts to use for my demos. I’m using a Blue Mic at home. Feedback on whether you hear different styles across the four scripts would be appreciated and if the energy/tone is consistent throughout each read. Thanks so much!

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[Declan Waters]

Hi H,

I listened to your copy and thought I’d give my two cents.
You have an excellent voice, I like it a lot. I think you could do with a bit more differentiation of tone between scripts.
A particular thing I noted that might help for some auditions: The Witcher 3. Careful of pronunciation – before recording, check the pronunciation of special words, in this case, the name Geralt, pronounced with a G as in Good, rather than a G as in Gentle, if that makes sense. I hope this helps!

[Benn Pharr IV]

Good day all! Hope everyone had a enjoyable and safe holiday. Here are a couples reads from my homework assignment. I appreciate the feedback!

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[billmull]

I like these reads. I am going to disagree a bit with the two prior feedbacks you received. Your tone is a bit low key, but this may be OK depending on the direction as well as the visual associated with the scripts. There are low key voice overs I hear on TV commercials these days which work very well. You may want to experiment with different levels of energy just for the sake of practice, but otherwise I think these are very good reads. Keep up the good work!

[LiamS]

Good pace and diction on both reads, but there is a lack of energy. Try going at it like your talking to your friend just to see how it goes.

[H]

Benn, good reads. I’d suggest trying them again with a bit more energy so that the listener’s FOMO is built up and they just have to check out the product especially since its free.

[Bil-Bo]

A-1 Steak Sauce

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[billmull]

I can’t really come up with any constructive feedback regarding your vocal delivery since it’s a very good read. Some nitpicky feedback is that the background music is a bit loud and didn’t allow me to hear your voice as clearly as I would like.

[H]

Where can I get some A1?! Really good read in my opinion!

[ryanp.bogie]

Happy New Year everyone! Attached are two scripts I’ve been working on for homework. Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you.

Disney’s Oceans Opening (Soft Spoken) Voice Over Script
A boy comes running up, and he asks, “What exactly is the ocean? What is the sea?”
You could hit him with a lot of statistics and Latin names, but the answer isn’t something you’ll find in a book. To really know what the ocean is, you have to see it for yourself. And hear it. And taste it. You have to feel its power.

E-Learning VO tutorial Voice Over Script
This video will show you how to create a new email account in Outlook XP. The first step in creating a new email account is to open Outlook XP. Once the program is open, move your mouse to the upper hand menu and click the tools button. Scroll down, and click”‘email accounts”. The “email accounts” box will appear. Select the “add a new email account” option, and then click “Next”. You will now be prompted to enter the type of server that operates your email account. Select “Pop3”, and click “Next”.

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[billmull]

Nice job Ryan! Here’s my feedback: I liked the e-learning script better. Your pace is good and you annunciate well. It would be easy for someone to follow along as you’re speaking and understand what they need to do. Regarding disneys-ocean, I think your pace is too slow. Otherwise, these are good.

[Steven]

Hello! I’m practicing to hone my commercial skills, and I thought I should upload these for feedback. I’m trying to focus on my diction and conversational tone, but any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

-Steven

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[Terry Davis]

Good job on both of these reads. I like your warm natural voice on the bartending school spot. There are parts that sound really relaxed and conversational and a bit that stray just a bit. In particular the first line sounds like you’re reading a question instead of asking a question. The Tennessee whiskey spot was also very nice. I think the pace was good for that style of spot but could maybe be picked up just a notch. As I listened, I felt like your voice got a little more twangy as the read went on. I think it would be perfect if you used more of your natural voice and just used a small amount of the twang. Overall, great job.

[Steven]

Thank you; I appreciate it!

[Author]

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