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Hello folks! Here is an audition I submitted for a fun read. The direction was to sound “Serious when we need but also playful and a bit sassy” So this was a total blast to do! Any feedback is appreciated Thank you!
Katelyn
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Hi Katelyn, Nice! Well done making CRM sound “sassy”–no mean feat putting a little juice in something traditionally so dry. If I were to nip-pick anything, I hear a touch of hiss on some of your “S” sounds (like “scooter dealershipsssss” at :20) Something I struggle with myself, so I might be simply be overly sensitive to it when I think I hear it. Break a leg!
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Hi all! Here is one script recorded twice, which do you prefer? Trying to gage the appropriate pace for this script – it seems serious and thoughtful which would suggest slower to me, but not too slow so as to lose the listener’s interest. If you hear thunderstorms in the background, that was intentional! 🙂 Thanks!
Duluth – un 9 to 5ers
These are the blind faithful visionaries.
The hard-headed architects of adventure.
The dripping with drive, forward-thinking “un 9 to 5ers”.
They don’t take the road less-traveled, they forge their own roads.
They dream wildly.
They make bravely.
They build boundlessly.
These are the way-forgers.
This is how they forge their way.
Duluthtrading.com-
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Hi Mary! The top one is definitely the winner as you speak at a more natural pace and it has fewer pauses within sentences and phrases. Things that stood out to me is the term “un 9 to 5ers” this needed some more clarity and that could be achieved by making sure you pronounce to as “two” instead of “t’fivers.” nice work Mary! 🙂
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You have a very nice voice and it was a pleasure listening to this. I think that this ad has moments of awesome alliteration in it and I think (just opinion) that it’s meant to be a little bit more invigorating and like a call to action
“architects of adventure”
“dripping with drive”So by the last line the listener is like HECK YES I WANT TO BE THAT PERSON. I hope this is helpful! You read it very well I just think it would be beneficial to try it a little edgier since it’s a company representing hardworking, outdoor, take no c**p, people.
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Hi Mary, As always you have lovely, inviting quality to your voice and your read is very clear. I agree with others that the first take seems more natural. Might I suggest trying one where you read the script in a more aspirational tone–like you are *celebrating* these Duluth -un 9 to 5ers; perhaps even slightly in awe of them and all they do as they “make bravely and build boundlessly.” Keep up the great work!
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Hello mlanham!
You have a lovely richness to your voice which gives a gravity and inherent interest to your read. I would suggest slowing down a bit and, as you are talking about some very heady topics, injecting some further emotional conviction into your read. To me, such lines as “If you lived before our time, who would you be? Would you fight your brother?” seems to beg some pause for internal reflection. As always, perhaps visualize who you are talking to when you perform and let their imagined reactions guide you.
Listened to both your reads (History-channel.m4a and History-channel-2.m4a) and I must say that your first read (History-channel.m4a) already starts to capture some of that emotion (though I would still slow down a bit and luxuriate in what your imparting).
Beautiful craft–keep up the great work!
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Hi Michelle, welcome!
I like your tone and nice soothing quality of your voice, very nice! It was really good for this script. I agree too that you could slow down the pace just a bit to pose the strong questions and give the listener a beat to catch up and think about “who would you be” for example. Good work!
Mary
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Hi Michelle – I think that may have been a different version of the recording right before it? It sounded even a little faster than the one I just commented on, so my comments are similar in that I would recommend slowing it down just a bit and let the questions hang in the air for a tiny bit longer. I did hear some background noises on this one that I did not hear on the other one too. I’m not fully set up yet with my studio, just something I noticed. Keep it up!
Mary
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This had a nice cadence to it. There was a tiny bit of a rushed feel towards the end so I would just be cognizant of that. I feel like you could punch it up even more because some of the things you are describing, such as the m****r of prostitutes and the mutilation can have more weight to what you’re saying. Overall, nice read!
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You have a lovely resonance to your voice. I would suggest finding some pauses or beats to break up the flow of this read and taking your time with it. You definitely reflect a serious tone in your voice appropriate for the piece, but I would also suggest playing with going up and down on certain words as it feels a little flat or monotone right now! Hope this helps.
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mlanham, I wrote that script with my coach for my demo. It was a good performance overall, with good recording quality too. May want to eliminate the background noise. As far as critiquing your performance, you don’t want to be monotone with this script because it is meant to be like Obi Wan Kenobi from Star Wars when he talks about the Force. Maybe add some more emotion into the recording, embody the feelings in the moment, (war, apocalypse, thief and bandits etc.) as you perform.
hope this critique was helpful. -
Hi Michele – good work! I like the tone of your voice. I would suggest a little more tone variation throughout, while still keeping the tone somber in general. I’m not fully set up yet for my studio, but I’m hearing some background noise as well, just something to listen for in your practicing. I think too that this script could be a little more theatrical to help describe the visuals you are seeing while you perform it, just a suggestion. Keep it up!
Mary
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Hi Tina! Wonderful read–your voice is both authoritative and inviting and would be pleasurable to have accompanying one through a long museum trek. My one thought would be to slow down a bit and allow your read to breathe a bit. Perhaps envision yourself actually walking along with the listener in person for a more natural flow of narration. (You’re imparting a lot of information all at once so I feel some judicious pausing would be welcomed by the listener as they “drink it all in”). Great work!
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That tone and pace- sounds great for a relaxing session of yoga. Maybe too much pause in “table top…position” around 41 seconds, but overall a wonderful read!
John
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