[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

• This topic was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 11 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 11 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 11 months ago by David Goldberg.
• This topic was modified 11 months ago by David Goldberg.

Topic

[Just_Journey]

**not working from a professional home studio yet, NO technical feedback, please!**

-Does my read sound conversational?

-How is my diction?

-Working on my pace – how is it?

-Am I reading my copy with a good flow or do I sound choppy?

Attachments:

You must be logged in to view attached files.

[jliebert]

I love the “Journey Always” script. Very natural sounding, good pace, great tone. The Disney Princess game sounds like you are doing a character. Your voice is higher than natural. I’d suggest you try it more in your own tone of voice, more natural. Hope this helps.

Jeff

[Just_Journey]

Thanks Jeff; I appreciate it!

[Bil-Bo]

MR. COFFEE ELITE PLUS COFFEEMAKER
NOW WHEN YOU STUMBLE OUT OF BED WITH A MILLION THINGS TO DO, AT
LEAST THE COFFEE’S READY. MR. COFFEE ELITE PLUS COFFEEMAKER STARTS
BREWING WHENEVER YOU SAY. YOU DECIDE THE NIGHT BEFORE, PUSH A FEW BUTTONS AND GO TO BED.
YOU’LL WAKE UP TO A FRESH, HOT P*T OF STEAMING SALVATION.
NOW THAT’S WHAT WE CALL A REAL EYE-OPENER.

Attachments:

You must be logged in to view attached files.

[jliebert]

This is really good. And you took the time to add music. Sounds really professional. Is this for your demo?

[Bil-Bo]

Hi
Thanks for listening. It’s in consideration for demo.
BH

[Jaljr]

Hello, friends –

Here are a couple more commercial reads for an upcoming coaching session. All feedback appreciated.

Have a great holiday!!

Attachments:

You must be logged in to view attached files.

[ryanp.bogie]

Hello everyone,

Here are two more narration scripts I have been working on for homework. Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you!

Christopher Reeve Voice Over Script

The whole world held its breath when Christopher Reeve struggled for life on Memorial Day, 1995. On the third jump of a riding competition, Reeve was thrown headfirst from his horse in an accident that broke his neck and left him unable to move or breathe. In the years following the accident, Reeve raised much awareness and money for spinal cord research. And in 1998, he penned the heartbreaking, funny and courageous autobiography, “Still Me”. As we look back, you’ll hear from the Man of Steel himself through interview footage as he talks about his early success on Broadway opposite the legendary Katherine Hepburn, and later the adventure of filming Superman on the streets of New York, and how the movie made him a star. With dignity and sensitivity, he describes the journey he has made – physically, emotionally, spiritually. This is the determined, passionate story of one man, a gifted actor and star.

Meditation Voice Over Script

Make yourself comfortable, sitting upright, with a straight spine. With your eyes closed, look at the point midway between the eyebrows on your forehead. Inhale slowly, counting to eight. Hold the breath for the same eight counts while concentrating your attention at the point between the eyebrows. Now exhale slowly to the same count of eight. Repeat three to six times.

Attachments:

You must be logged in to view attached files.

[Jaljr]

Hey, Ryan –

Both good reads. The Reeve script felt a little fast, but otherwise did well in drawing the listener in.
on the meditation script, I was going to say that it needed to be more relaxed, but then you made me inhale for 8 counts, etc. Although that feels like forever on the read, it was effective in getting the listener to do exactly what you were reading. nice job.

[SteveVO]

A couple corporate narration reads. Thanks for any feedback.
Steve

Attachments:

You must be logged in to view attached files.

[jliebert]

I like your tone and flow on both of these scripts a lot. My only comment is that the Baxter Industries one sounded a little fast-paced given the amount of detail. If you slowed it down a bit, I think it would be perfect.

[Tati Milbourne]

Hello!
Here’s my first narration recording for feedback. Thank you for listening!

Attachments:

You must be logged in to view attached files.

[Jaljr]

Hey Tati –

I liked the first of the two reads better. I have found that when one reads a script like this, you really need to envision someone on the other end, listening to your good work so that you can make it more conversational. Great job

[jliebert]

My admittedly newbie-ish feedback:

You have a great voice for this copy.

Be careful of the pauses. E.g., poor neighborhoods <pause> where the chance to thrive… It sounds choppy at times due to some of the microbuses.

Also, maybe hit the words “grow up” less as it sounds a little unnatural. Also, watch for glottal stops, e.g., on the word “and” after “learn”. Make sure you enunciate clearly. Open your mouth more.

On the list: Leader, Contributor, productive citizen, instead of hitting each and pitching down, I would go up on the pitch for leader, and down on contributor and productive citizen.

Hope this helps!
Jeff

[jliebert]

I just realized I wrote “microbuses”, and meant “micropauses”! I’m going to attribute that to autocorrect!

[Jaljr]

Hello, friends –

Here are two lightly edited commercial reads for an upcoming coaching session. All comments appreciated.

JAL

Attachments:

You must be logged in to view attached files.

[JDM]

Hello all,

I had my third coaching session and was asked to upload more practice pieces to the feedback forum, so here goes. Any comment is appreciated! Among other things, I have been working on trying to make dense scientific and medical stuff sound “friendly,” per my coach’s instructions. I worry that my attempts at friendliness often lead to my speeding up too much and pitching my voice up too high, though. I’d be grateful for your thoughts!

Attachments:

You must be logged in to view attached files.

[SuperLuke]

Hello,
Listening to both takes, I understand that this is an educational presentation, maybe? If so, you are doing an excellent job of keeping the Documentary/ presentation vibe.
My only suggestion is to emphasize the importance of your topic/ keep the listener engaged.

[ryanp.bogie]

Hello everyone,

Here are two narration scripts I was working on for homework. Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you!

Superman Museum Voice Over Script
Welcome to the Metropolis Superman Museum. Throughout the museum you will find numerous examples of Superman merchandise and memorabilia, illustrating the long and grand history of the world’s most beloved superhero.
To begin your tour, please proceed to the right.
Superman began as a series of daily comic strips created by writer Jerry Siegel and artist Joe Shuster. The first adaptation of the comic was a radio drama starring Bud Collyer as Superman.

Explainer video for website Voice Over Script
For a manufacturer: Visibility, Performance and Predictability are paramount to success.

But how do industry professionals in sewn products manufacturing meet the challenges of reducing cycle times, increasing productivity, and delivering greater quality at lower costs?

Attachments:

You must be logged in to view attached files.

[JDM]

Hi Ryan,
I like your voice! Comments on your pieces:

Superman Museum
-I think you can slow down significantly and take longer pauses between beats. Museum-goers are presumably going to be moving at a leisurely pace so that they can look around. There’s no need for you to rush.
-“Welcome to the Metropolois Superman Museum” can sound more excited and grand. You’ve got cool stuff to show people; you can be delighted that they’re there to see it all!
-Words that I think you might consider hitting at least slightly harder: “find NUMEROUS examples” “of SUPERMAN merchandise” “the LONG and GRAND history” “most BELOVED superhero”
-I don’t think “memorabilia” needs to be emphasized.

Explainer Video
-I think you might try hitting “paramount” slightly harder.
-I’m losing the word “in” in “professionals *in* sewn products”–it sounds like it could be “N” or “and” and I’m having to infer from context (“sewn” could be slightly clearer, too, because when it’s not pronounced with extreme delicacy it is at risk of sounding like “zone,” since that’s a more common word); just watch your enunciation there.
-The list of “reducing cycle times, increasing productivity, and delivering greater quality at lower costs” could use a little more variation in tone. (You did very well with the first list–“Visibility, Performance and Predictability”!)

[jliebert]

Hi All – Appreciate any feedback you may have on these narration scripts, particularly in the areas of pacing and naturalness. Thank you!

Advance Technologies
Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.

4/H
It began with the seed of an idea. In 1902, the heartland needed folks to embrace new advances in agriculture. But leaders with open minds, strong hearts and willing hands weren’t in abundance. Luckily, kids were. By empowering the next generation to lead, 4/H took root. And grew. Grew kids who are confident and strong; Who are curious enough to question. And capable enough to find the answer. True leaders aren’t born. They’re grown. 4/H GROWS HERE

Attachments:

You must be logged in to view attached files.

[Ksmack]

Great voice. Just got to noise gate the breaths. Im learning to do that now.

[jliebert]

Thanks so much. I’ll try that for the next one.

[Kira_DanNext]

Clear and pleasant voice. I’d just suggest to watch your breathing.

[jliebert]

Thank you

[Author]

Replies