Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Working on scripts for my commercial demo. Would like some feedback on the read. Still getting my home studio together, but if there are any glaring issues please let me know. I did not clean these takes up, they are just for practice. Thank you!!!
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Hi A! I thought your voice and tone was a great fit for the Tom’s script. (I’m just arbitrarily picking that read to comment on, not because I like it more or less than the others). I really enjoyed your time and how you made it seem like a nice versatile match for a child OR adult.my suggestion would be to read it without some of the pauses to increase smoothness of delivery. (I’m working on this suggestion from my coach, myself).You have a clear, professional sound IMO!
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Hello aasterita. Great job on the reads and interpretation of the context. A few comments…
Swiffer – great humorous delivery! I noticed some nasal breathing/unnecessary pauses after “mopping,” “I switched to swiffer wet jet,” “inside,” “plus,” “swiffer wet jet,” “ever,” and “love it.” All else was really smooth and allowed the message to be conveyed without distraction. I really liked the playful way you turned this dreaded chore into something funny.
Tom’s: GREAT fit for your youthful and flavorful voice! It was clear and succinct. I heard a couple of disruptive breaths e.g., “children (breath) uses,” “flavor (breath) appeals” but enjoyed the read and the way evoked the senses with “delicious real fruit”. Nicely done!
Door – great job. it was really clear and flowed easily.Overall, really nice work! Suggestion: assign breaths before you read and think about the muted nasal exhale, which does suggest a slight laugh, but might be slightly distracting.Overall
Super job.
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Hello Unity. Good job on the reads. there is some tricky alliteration (e.g., “surprisingly simple”) that you handle well and a very sensory story that you tell. My overall suggestion for both reads and variations of each, would be to really emphasize those words that give you clues to their meaning. The obvious ones – “JOYS!” “bask” “warmth” “tender” “juicy” “celebrate”…- have a built in meaning and conjure up recollections in the listener’s mind. These images, flavors, smells and feels can be easily tapped into with just a little nudge from you, the speaker: try saying “warmth” the way if feels, “juicy” and “tender” the way they taste..etc…. The butterball turkey script is great and gives you an opportunity to really “ham’ it up! Great job. You’re on the right track and sound like you can dig in and really bring these scripts to life.
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Hey Y’all! Here’s another possible script im trying out for my demo. Feedback on everything besides equipment is welcome. Specifically if you can tell who my audience is and if it has a beginning middle and end. But cetainly other tips! Thank you 🙂
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Hello monibr16! I think this read is great..it’s engaging, interesting and told with nice variation, pitch and tone. Maybe take a listen to the the word “fit” in “guaranteed to find the perfect fit” – the intonation sounds slightly forced to me when compared to the natural conversational tone of the rest of the piece; but otherwise, it was very appealing. thanks!
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Artist 7 – great high energy for both. Pam: good tone. great articulation. good ob on delivery!! Sesame was a little rushed for me. There is a lot to pack in there with the rides and the furries and the splashes and roller coasters and the …. (!) but I think maybe taking it down on pace slightly and relaxing the predictable up and down peaks and valleys in pitch, might serve the piece well. on the flip side, all of that energy really allows dme to envision the park and put me in the midst of the splashing water and the fuzzy characters.
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cbadloc, great tone nice voice! a couple things: I hear the finishing “g” on both “commuting” and “running” but you take a more casual (southern?) approach with “pickin’ up groceries” and “enjoyin’ a ride.” For me the two different approaches conflict – maybe stick to one or the other with the pronounced, ending ‘g” being my preference. Also, take a listen to “anintagraded battery” and “annafully…” I can’t quite hear the distinction between the words.
I can see this read going in more than on direction…e.g., casual, entertainment/excercise to an individual adult and a serious business pitch to a city/municipality to perhaps sign on a for a full contract for their). Perfect pace on the read. really nice sound! -
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Okay, here’s another. Creative feedback only. Short 15 second ad for upcoming class session next week
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You’ve got a wonderful voice! I would say to focus on being nice and smooth throughout the read. It helps to kinda look a head a few words while you read so you don’t get all tripped up. Another thing is try and incorporate some tone while you read. Pick an way you want the read to sound and really try and bring it to life. You’ve got the voice man. Good luck!
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Hello. Great voice, cbadloc! I would consider taking out the pauses bt “delivers” and “great,” “seafood” and “and,” “nuggets” and “in,” and “box” and “for.” They make it difficult to track the content and context of the message.
You sound naturally talented, so these minor suggestions should be easy for you to implement if you feel like they would be helpful.
great job!
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You’ve got a wonderful voice! I would say to focus on being nice and smooth throughout the read. It helps to kinda look a head a few words while you read so you don’t get all tripped up. Another thing is try and incorporate some tone while you read. Pick an way you want the read to sound and really try and bring it to life. You’ve got the voice man. Good luck!
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