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  • #85762
    Talia Hankin
    Participant

    Hi! I would love some feedback on these two narration reads: one is corporate explainer and one is documentary. Thanks so much!

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    • #85839
      enhawthorne
      Participant

      Oh – loved this. Now, I wanna know what T-Rex was!

    • #85805
      Thomas_D
      Participant

      Hey Talia, loved your voice on both reads, as they both sound very welcoming and engaging throughout. I was expecting the documentary to sound a little more low energy than the explainer, but the way you read it also sounded phenomenal.

      The only thing that stood out to me as odd was in the explainer read. Toward the end, it sounded like there was an awkward pause between “Select the” and “Add a new account…”

  • #85726
    cbadloc
    Participant

    Okay, about to have my last coaching session so wanted to see how these turned out after getting some earlier feedback.

  • #85722
    DillonP
    Participant

    It has been some time but I finally got done editing the latest reads. Both Narration and Commercial. Please listen and give feedback please, Thank you.

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    • #85885
      Michele Martin
      Participant

      I like your voice Dillon- clear and easy to listen to. I agree with the other commenter to just slow down a touch on “ESPN” so that each letter is clearly enunciated. Sounds great!

      • #86638
        Inspire
        Participant

        Hi Dillon. Slow down a bit and be a little more enthusiastic. Didn’t hear any background noise. Your heading in the right direction.

    • #85770
      Graceson
      Participant

      Hi! I think you sounded great on your reads. As for the ESPN read I would slow down when you say the word “ESPN.” It was a little rushed and crammed together as you read over it, remember the brand name should be all nice and pretty when you go through the read. I would also say the same for your Creativity read. Overall it was a good read with a nice pace, but the word “creativity” was ran through too fast. Slow down just a bit and I think you’ll do great!

  • #85716
    BJ
    Participant

    Hi Forum Friends –

    A big thank you to everyone participating in this Forum. I learn so much each time I listen to your Posts and read your feedback.

    Would you weigh in on my reads? Are you hearing any difference between each of the Trader Joe’s/ TJ’s reads? How about the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America/AAFA reads? Any and all feedback is appreciated.

    BJ

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    • #85756
      Michele Martin
      Participant

      Also, I just realized I hadn’t answered your specific question regarding whether a difference between the TJ’s reads was noticed. I liked the overall sound of your voice on the v2 one- felt a little “lighter” and more cheerful to me. The first comment I left on this thread was in reference to the initial version of the Trader Joe’s script. Just FYI 🙂

    • #85751
      Michele Martin
      Participant

      Hi BJ- I thought the Allergy and Asthma Foundation read was spot on. Your voice has a knowledgeable and trustworthy sound to me, like a smart and warm doctor with appealing bedside manner. I especially enjoy how you utilize emphasis, pitch and tone in all your reads. It seems like you have an intuitive sense of what needs to be emphasized without it feeling like you’re trying too hard, and your placement always feels just right to me. Only edit tweek I might consider would be to reduce certain pauses. I noticed one before “and” somewhere and in another spot I don’t recall without listening again, but that’s it!

    • #85750
      Michele Martin
      Participant

      Hi BJ! On Trader Joe’s, I loved “Who wants to wait that long? Not you” It gave me a chuckle. I thought you did a perfect job infusing it with a hint of humor and familiarity and I enjoyed your interpretation of the entire script: pace, tone, emphasis and intonation felt just right to me, with nothing under or overdone IMO. The only observation I have that might or might not be “accurate” (I sometimes can’t tell if some things are subjective, personal preferences and not “right or wrong”), is that the read felt just a tiny bit tense or formal, as if you were preforming it- for example on a theatre stage instead for a movie, if that makes sense. Subtle and maybe not an accurate observation on my part. I’d be curious if you or others get that vibe or perhaps not.

  • #85704
    annellakaine
    Participant

    Hi all! Heading into another private coaching session and would love some help with my homework. I’m naturally a fast talker in life and am having some trouble slowing down in my reads without the tone getting too presentational because of it, since what feels “conversational” to me is usually too fast. Any advice welcome, thanks!

    (Some upload errors– there is a duplicate of the Pet Adoption file, it’s not two different takes. The Apple file is a lower export quality because for some reason the Forum won’t let me upload my preferred export quality eve though it’s under the file size limit. So not too worried about sound quality there. Mostly looking for creative/performance help!)

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by annellakaine.
    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by annellakaine.
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    • #85713
      BJ
      Participant

      Hi – Being from NJ, I definitely understand the talking fast thing:). I think the pace of your individual sentences is good. The only place you may want to slow down is on the sentence that includes “so this is an important decision,” just so you’re giving the listener/viewer a chance for it to sink in. Also, consider cutting down a bit on the pause between your first and second sentences. I really like the smile I hear in your voice when you say “puppy kindergarten and teaching your dog tricks.” Nice job.

  • #85686
    HMW
    Participant

    OK…I have a couple more – Thx!

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    • #85715
      BJ
      Participant

      Hi – I needed Crazy Uncle today. You made me laugh out loud! I really like how you transitioned from a scary laugh to a more light-hearted one. It reinforced that you were kidding around. You were kidding, right? 🙂 If not, I need a shot of Tennessee Whiskey! Nice tone and pacing. The last word in each of your first three sentences gets a bit lost. I’d like to hear a version of this where you give it a more gritty read.

      • #85921
        HMW
        Participant

        Hey BJ; Thx for listening and the constructive comments. I’m so glad “Crazy Uncle” got you laughing – and maybe a shot of Tennessee Whiskey 🙂

        I’ll see if I can get a few more takes in to improve in the suggested areas this week.

        Peace/Blessings

      • #85749
        Michele Martin
        Participant

        Hi HMW- love your voice! To me, it feels “cool” and wise at the same time. On Tennessee Whiskey- I think that in “law unabidin’”, the “un” syllable could use the emphasis in order to differentiate it from “law abidin”. That’s all I got! Really enjoyed your read and thought your voice was a great for it.

        • #85761
          Michele Martin
          Participant

          P.S. My comments were for the whiskey read 🙂

        • #85922
          HMW
          Participant

          Hey Michele, thank you for listening and for the feedback – much appreciated! I will keep that in mind for the next recording.

          Kind Regards.

  • #85681
    HMW
    Participant

    Hey Everyone;

    My homework from my last coaching session was to post several scripts for feedback as I nervously inch closer to making a demo. Any and all feedback on any of these will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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  • #85620
    Michele Martin
    Participant

    Hi! Here are two scripts I’m working on. Please provide feedback if you feel inclined 🙂

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    • #85642
      M
      Participant

      Both reads resonated. Great job! They are articulate, interesting and paced nicely.

      • #85748
        Michele Martin
        Participant

        Thank you M! I appreciate you giving feedback 🙂

    • #85625
      BJ
      Participant

      Hi Michele – Your voice has such a lovely tone! Terrific job all around. Sign me up for the protein with oatmilk – and I don’t even like oatmilk. In Relax the Spa, once you hit “utilize” and from there on, you sped up a bit. I’d be curious to hear what it sounds like if you keep the same pace you started at the beginning. BJ

      • #85626
        Michele Martin
        Participant

        Thanks so much, BJ- I agree- I was also wondering if speeding up was the right choice on the Spa read. I was thinking maybe “rejuvenate” called for it, but now I’m thinking it distracts from the relaxing overall feel. Thank you for your feedback!

        • #85627
          Michele Martin
          Participant

          P.S. Ha ha on the oat milk. I prefer coconut milk myself 🙂

  • #85593
    monibr16
    Participant

    Hey friends, I should have just put these all in on entry. But here’s my last option for my demo. If anyone has time to give me feedback I greatly appreeciate it.

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    • #85612
      Graceson
      Participant

      Wonderful voice! I would say to speed up just a tad. Your pacing was very smooth and uniform the whole way through the read so you’ve got that nailed. The only other thing would be to add a little more tone to the read. I know it’s hard to sound enthusiastic about credit cards (lol) but I would give it some more life. Wonderful read all-in-all. I think it will make a great demo!

      • #85617
        Michele Martin
        Participant

        I think it sounds fantastic! I agree with the other comment that suggested speeding it up just a tad. I don’t think the subject matter calls for quite so much “slow and thoughtful” of a tone- but just a slight tweak! 🙂

  • #85589
    monibr16
    Participant

    Hi everyone, have another submission for my demo. All feedback welcome

    Dunkin’ Donuts
    This fall at Dunkin’ Donuts get lost in pumpkin, with a 1.99 medium macchiato or latte from 12 to 6 PM. Sip in the season today. America runs on Dunkin.

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    • #85609
      M
      Participant

      You have such a nice voice with a solid, lovely delivery. It seems and sounds very natural for you!
      Suggestion: If you want to keep the pace of the read as is, I bet you could dig deep and add some more emotion. I hear a tad bit of it already with “get loooost in pumpkin” so try going with that for a read or two. I can hear the smile in “pumpkin” and it is really appealing.

      If the pace something you would consider changing, I would suggest adding some pep/energy and pace (it is caffein after all). Also, the alliteration of “Sip in the season” offers you a chance to have a little fun with those Ss!

      You sound great…and don’t forget to smile!

      • #85618
        Michele Martin
        Participant

        Another fantastic read. You have such a great sound. I would just suggest that in the last line “America rubs on Dunkin” that you infuse it with a touch more pep/energy. Given that “runs on Dunkin” likely infers getting energy from their caffeinated drinks, I think a slightly more upbeat and energetic (nothing crazy, just a touch more) would be a nice fit for this read. Great piece!

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