My homework from my last coaching session was to post several scripts for feedback as I nervously inch closer to making a demo. Any and all feedback on any of these will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Hi Michele – Your voice has such a lovely tone! Terrific job all around. Sign me up for the protein with oatmilk – and I don’t even like oatmilk. In Relax the Spa, once you hit “utilize” and from there on, you sped up a bit. I’d be curious to hear what it sounds like if you keep the same pace you started at the beginning. BJ
Thanks so much, BJ- I agree- I was also wondering if speeding up was the right choice on the Spa read. I was thinking maybe “rejuvenate” called for it, but now I’m thinking it distracts from the relaxing overall feel. Thank you for your feedback!
Hey friends, I should have just put these all in on entry. But here’s my last option for my demo. If anyone has time to give me feedback I greatly appreeciate it.
Wonderful voice! I would say to speed up just a tad. Your pacing was very smooth and uniform the whole way through the read so you’ve got that nailed. The only other thing would be to add a little more tone to the read. I know it’s hard to sound enthusiastic about credit cards (lol) but I would give it some more life. Wonderful read all-in-all. I think it will make a great demo!
I think it sounds fantastic! I agree with the other comment that suggested speeding it up just a tad. I don’t think the subject matter calls for quite so much “slow and thoughtful” of a tone- but just a slight tweak! 🙂
Hi everyone, have another submission for my demo. All feedback welcome
Dunkin’ Donuts
This fall at Dunkin’ Donuts get lost in pumpkin, with a 1.99 medium macchiato or latte from 12 to 6 PM. Sip in the season today. America runs on Dunkin.
You have such a nice voice with a solid, lovely delivery. It seems and sounds very natural for you!
Suggestion: If you want to keep the pace of the read as is, I bet you could dig deep and add some more emotion. I hear a tad bit of it already with “get loooost in pumpkin” so try going with that for a read or two. I can hear the smile in “pumpkin” and it is really appealing.
If the pace something you would consider changing, I would suggest adding some pep/energy and pace (it is caffein after all). Also, the alliteration of “Sip in the season” offers you a chance to have a little fun with those Ss!
Another fantastic read. You have such a great sound. I would just suggest that in the last line “America rubs on Dunkin” that you infuse it with a touch more pep/energy. Given that “runs on Dunkin” likely infers getting energy from their caffeinated drinks, I think a slightly more upbeat and energetic (nothing crazy, just a touch more) would be a nice fit for this read. Great piece!
Working on scripts for my commercial demo. Would like some feedback on the read. Still getting my home studio together, but if there are any glaring issues please let me know. I did not clean these takes up, they are just for practice. Thank you!!!
Hi A! I thought your voice and tone was a great fit for the Tom’s script. (I’m just arbitrarily picking that read to comment on, not because I like it more or less than the others). I really enjoyed your time and how you made it seem like a nice versatile match for a child OR adult.my suggestion would be to read it without some of the pauses to increase smoothness of delivery. (I’m working on this suggestion from my coach, myself).You have a clear, professional sound IMO!
Hello aasterita. Great job on the reads and interpretation of the context. A few comments…
Swiffer – great humorous delivery! I noticed some nasal breathing/unnecessary pauses after “mopping,” “I switched to swiffer wet jet,” “inside,” “plus,” “swiffer wet jet,” “ever,” and “love it.” All else was really smooth and allowed the message to be conveyed without distraction. I really liked the playful way you turned this dreaded chore into something funny.
Tom’s: GREAT fit for your youthful and flavorful voice! It was clear and succinct. I heard a couple of disruptive breaths e.g., “children (breath) uses,” “flavor (breath) appeals” but enjoyed the read and the way evoked the senses with “delicious real fruit”. Nicely done!
Door – great job. it was really clear and flowed easily.
Overall, really nice work! Suggestion: assign breaths before you read and think about the muted nasal exhale, which does suggest a slight laugh, but might be slightly distracting.Overall
Hello Unity. Good job on the reads. there is some tricky alliteration (e.g., “surprisingly simple”) that you handle well and a very sensory story that you tell. My overall suggestion for both reads and variations of each, would be to really emphasize those words that give you clues to their meaning. The obvious ones – “JOYS!” “bask” “warmth” “tender” “juicy” “celebrate”…- have a built in meaning and conjure up recollections in the listener’s mind. These images, flavors, smells and feels can be easily tapped into with just a little nudge from you, the speaker: try saying “warmth” the way if feels, “juicy” and “tender” the way they taste..etc…. The butterball turkey script is great and gives you an opportunity to really “ham’ it up! Great job. You’re on the right track and sound like you can dig in and really bring these scripts to life.
Hey Y’all! Here’s another possible script im trying out for my demo. Feedback on everything besides equipment is welcome. Specifically if you can tell who my audience is and if it has a beginning middle and end. But cetainly other tips! Thank you 🙂
Hello monibr16! I think this read is great..it’s engaging, interesting and told with nice variation, pitch and tone. Maybe take a listen to the the word “fit” in “guaranteed to find the perfect fit” – the intonation sounds slightly forced to me when compared to the natural conversational tone of the rest of the piece; but otherwise, it was very appealing. thanks!
Artist 7 – great high energy for both. Pam: good tone. great articulation. good ob on delivery!! Sesame was a little rushed for me. There is a lot to pack in there with the rides and the furries and the splashes and roller coasters and the …. (!) but I think maybe taking it down on pace slightly and relaxing the predictable up and down peaks and valleys in pitch, might serve the piece well. on the flip side, all of that energy really allows dme to envision the park and put me in the midst of the splashing water and the fuzzy characters.
Artist 7. I thought Pam for Grilling was a great read. Good Tone, nice energy. Sesame place was a good read but a little tense. Thought the read could be a little more relaxed, maybe a tad slower.
cbadloc, great tone nice voice! a couple things: I hear the finishing “g” on both “commuting” and “running” but you take a more casual (southern?) approach with “pickin’ up groceries” and “enjoyin’ a ride.” For me the two different approaches conflict – maybe stick to one or the other with the pronounced, ending ‘g” being my preference. Also, take a listen to “anintagraded battery” and “annafully…” I can’t quite hear the distinction between the words.
I can see this read going in more than on direction…e.g., casual, entertainment/excercise to an individual adult and a serious business pitch to a city/municipality to perhaps sign on a for a full contract for their). Perfect pace on the read. really nice sound!
I thought your tone was perfect for the John Deere ad and sounded pretty d**n good to me. I would say the same tone maybe doesn’t work as well for the cool FM ad but still sounds good. Both ads sound really good but voice/tone works better for the JDeere ad is my point.