Feedback Forum

Viewing 3,175 reply threads
  • Author
    Replies
  • #85681
    HMW
    Participant

    Hey Everyone;

    My homework from my last coaching session was to post several scripts for feedback as I nervously inch closer to making a demo. Any and all feedback on any of these will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
  • #85620
    Michele Martin
    Participant

    Hi! Here are two scripts I’m working on. Please provide feedback if you feel inclined 🙂

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #85642
      M
      Participant

      Both reads resonated. Great job! They are articulate, interesting and paced nicely.

      • #85748
        Michele Martin
        Participant

        Thank you M! I appreciate you giving feedback 🙂

    • #85625
      BJ
      Participant

      Hi Michele – Your voice has such a lovely tone! Terrific job all around. Sign me up for the protein with oatmilk – and I don’t even like oatmilk. In Relax the Spa, once you hit “utilize” and from there on, you sped up a bit. I’d be curious to hear what it sounds like if you keep the same pace you started at the beginning. BJ

      • #85626
        Michele Martin
        Participant

        Thanks so much, BJ- I agree- I was also wondering if speeding up was the right choice on the Spa read. I was thinking maybe “rejuvenate” called for it, but now I’m thinking it distracts from the relaxing overall feel. Thank you for your feedback!

        • #85627
          Michele Martin
          Participant

          P.S. Ha ha on the oat milk. I prefer coconut milk myself 🙂

  • #85593
    monibr16
    Participant

    Hey friends, I should have just put these all in on entry. But here’s my last option for my demo. If anyone has time to give me feedback I greatly appreeciate it.

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #85612
      Graceson
      Participant

      Wonderful voice! I would say to speed up just a tad. Your pacing was very smooth and uniform the whole way through the read so you’ve got that nailed. The only other thing would be to add a little more tone to the read. I know it’s hard to sound enthusiastic about credit cards (lol) but I would give it some more life. Wonderful read all-in-all. I think it will make a great demo!

      • #85617
        Michele Martin
        Participant

        I think it sounds fantastic! I agree with the other comment that suggested speeding it up just a tad. I don’t think the subject matter calls for quite so much “slow and thoughtful” of a tone- but just a slight tweak! 🙂

  • #85589
    monibr16
    Participant

    Hi everyone, have another submission for my demo. All feedback welcome

    Dunkin’ Donuts
    This fall at Dunkin’ Donuts get lost in pumpkin, with a 1.99 medium macchiato or latte from 12 to 6 PM. Sip in the season today. America runs on Dunkin.

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #85609
      M
      Participant

      You have such a nice voice with a solid, lovely delivery. It seems and sounds very natural for you!
      Suggestion: If you want to keep the pace of the read as is, I bet you could dig deep and add some more emotion. I hear a tad bit of it already with “get loooost in pumpkin” so try going with that for a read or two. I can hear the smile in “pumpkin” and it is really appealing.

      If the pace something you would consider changing, I would suggest adding some pep/energy and pace (it is caffein after all). Also, the alliteration of “Sip in the season” offers you a chance to have a little fun with those Ss!

      You sound great…and don’t forget to smile!

      • #85618
        Michele Martin
        Participant

        Another fantastic read. You have such a great sound. I would just suggest that in the last line “America rubs on Dunkin” that you infuse it with a touch more pep/energy. Given that “runs on Dunkin” likely infers getting energy from their caffeinated drinks, I think a slightly more upbeat and energetic (nothing crazy, just a touch more) would be a nice fit for this read. Great piece!

  • #85580
    AAsterita
    Participant

    Working on scripts for my commercial demo. Would like some feedback on the read. Still getting my home studio together, but if there are any glaring issues please let me know. I did not clean these takes up, they are just for practice. Thank you!!!

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #85619
      Michele Martin
      Participant

      Hi A! I thought your voice and tone was a great fit for the Tom’s script. (I’m just arbitrarily picking that read to comment on, not because I like it more or less than the others). I really enjoyed your time and how you made it seem like a nice versatile match for a child OR adult.my suggestion would be to read it without some of the pauses to increase smoothness of delivery. (I’m working on this suggestion from my coach, myself).You have a clear, professional sound IMO!

    • #85608
      M
      Participant

      Hello aasterita. Great job on the reads and interpretation of the context. A few comments…
      Swiffer – great humorous delivery! I noticed some nasal breathing/unnecessary pauses after “mopping,” “I switched to swiffer wet jet,” “inside,” “plus,” “swiffer wet jet,” “ever,” and “love it.” All else was really smooth and allowed the message to be conveyed without distraction. I really liked the playful way you turned this dreaded chore into something funny.
      Tom’s: GREAT fit for your youthful and flavorful voice! It was clear and succinct. I heard a couple of disruptive breaths e.g., “children (breath) uses,” “flavor (breath) appeals” but enjoyed the read and the way evoked the senses with “delicious real fruit”. Nicely done!
      Door – great job. it was really clear and flowed easily.

      Overall, really nice work! Suggestion: assign breaths before you read and think about the muted nasal exhale, which does suggest a slight laugh, but might be slightly distracting.Overall

      Super job.

      • #87134
        AAsterita
        Participant

        Thank you so much! I really appreciate all the details!

  • #85548
    Unity
    Participant

    Feedback would be most appreciated

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Unity.
    • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Unity.
    • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Unity.
    • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Unity.
    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #85568
      M
      Participant

      Hello Unity. Good job on the reads. there is some tricky alliteration (e.g., “surprisingly simple”) that you handle well and a very sensory story that you tell. My overall suggestion for both reads and variations of each, would be to really emphasize those words that give you clues to their meaning. The obvious ones – “JOYS!” “bask” “warmth” “tender” “juicy” “celebrate”…- have a built in meaning and conjure up recollections in the listener’s mind. These images, flavors, smells and feels can be easily tapped into with just a little nudge from you, the speaker: try saying “warmth” the way if feels, “juicy” and “tender” the way they taste..etc…. The butterball turkey script is great and gives you an opportunity to really “ham’ it up! Great job. You’re on the right track and sound like you can dig in and really bring these scripts to life.

      • #85571
        Unity
        Participant

        M thanks so much for your feedback. Sooo helpful. Sorry for all the duplicates… Appreciate ya.

        • #85576
          M
          Participant

          my pleasure!

  • #85544
    monibr16
    Participant

    Hey Y’all! Here’s another possible script im trying out for my demo. Feedback on everything besides equipment is welcome. Specifically if you can tell who my audience is and if it has a beginning middle and end. But cetainly other tips! Thank you 🙂

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #85569
      M
      Participant

      Hello monibr16! I think this read is great..it’s engaging, interesting and told with nice variation, pitch and tone. Maybe take a listen to the the word “fit” in “guaranteed to find the perfect fit” – the intonation sounds slightly forced to me when compared to the natural conversational tone of the rest of the piece; but otherwise, it was very appealing. thanks!

      • #85587
        monibr16
        Participant

        You’re so right! thank you for your help!

  • #85533
    Artist7
    Participant

    Hello! I would definitely appreciate some feedback on these two reads. Thanks in advance!

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #85572
      M
      Participant

      Artist 7 – great high energy for both. Pam: good tone. great articulation. good ob on delivery!! Sesame was a little rushed for me. There is a lot to pack in there with the rides and the furries and the splashes and roller coasters and the …. (!) but I think maybe taking it down on pace slightly and relaxing the predictable up and down peaks and valleys in pitch, might serve the piece well. on the flip side, all of that energy really allows dme to envision the park and put me in the midst of the splashing water and the fuzzy characters.

    • #85539
      Unity
      Participant

      Artist 7. I thought Pam for Grilling was a great read. Good Tone, nice energy. Sesame place was a good read but a little tense. Thought the read could be a little more relaxed, maybe a tad slower.

  • #85520
    cbadloc
    Participant

    Creative feedback only. No studio set up yet

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #85575
      M
      Participant

      cbadloc, great tone nice voice! a couple things: I hear the finishing “g” on both “commuting” and “running” but you take a more casual (southern?) approach with “pickin’ up groceries” and “enjoyin’ a ride.” For me the two different approaches conflict – maybe stick to one or the other with the pronounced, ending ‘g” being my preference. Also, take a listen to “anintagraded battery” and “annafully…” I can’t quite hear the distinction between the words.
      I can see this read going in more than on direction…e.g., casual, entertainment/excercise to an individual adult and a serious business pitch to a city/municipality to perhaps sign on a for a full contract for their). Perfect pace on the read. really nice sound!

    • #85527
      monibr16
      Participant

      Hey cbadloc great energy and pacing. I would say just give a little more veriation in the list of benefits.

  • #85513
    Dominic
    Participant

    Hello!

    Here’s a couple of commercial VO reads. Any feedback welcome.

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    • #85517
      cbadloc
      Participant

      I thought your tone was perfect for the John Deere ad and sounded pretty d**n good to me. I would say the same tone maybe doesn’t work as well for the cool FM ad but still sounds good. Both ads sound really good but voice/tone works better for the JDeere ad is my point.

Viewing 3,175 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.