Feedback Forum
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August 7, 2020 at 9:27 am #15468
David Goldberg
Edge Studio StaffHi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by
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CreatorTopic
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AuthorReplies
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April 4, 2023 at 6:55 pm #85982
RCampos
ParticipantHi Gang,
I would really appreciate your thoughts on this VO. I’m working on varying my tone and smoothing out my read. Welcome your suggestions.
Thank you!
RobertAttachments:
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April 7, 2023 at 2:06 pm #86054
CMcHugh
ParticipantHi RCampos, first off I wanted to thank you for the feedback you provided, I really appreciate it. For your read I thought you sounded great, it had a good energy throughout, the only thing I would say is for the transition between “He’s back” and “Each year” is to add a slightly longer pause as you switch between the flows of the read.
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April 6, 2023 at 11:05 pm #86039
Renita
ParticipantHi Robert,
I like the tone of your voice and enjoyed the reads. I agree with the comments already made. Let your voice match the music’s energy and the message’s sentiments. Keep up the good work! -
April 5, 2023 at 8:17 pm #86005
Artist7
ParticipantHi, RCampos!The read was very good! Just a couple of suggestions: “He’s taking salsa lessons as a surprise for his wife” needs to be smoothed out a bit, as it sounds like you’re reading the script. Would also suggest delivering “He’s back!” with a bit more enthusiasm (sounds like the script itself is about relief from back pain?) Also, if this is one continuous script, would recommend using the same background music throughout…..almost sounds like two separate reads. Hope this helps!
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April 7, 2023 at 4:46 pm #86067
RCampos
ParticipantThanks very much for your notes, Artist7. I think I’ll try memorizing my next script and see if I can shed the sound of “reading.” My background is in documentaries and news (writing/producing, not voicing), so I think I need to break some old modes and ramp up the enthusiasm when the script calls for it. I will also take another look at the music and see if I can make one piece work throughout. Appreciate your time!
Robert
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April 5, 2023 at 7:51 pm #86000
T Hayes
ParticipantHi Robert,
I thought your tone and pace went well with the different sections of this read. My one suggestion would be to pick up the excitement and pace a little on the salsa section. Good luck to you!
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April 5, 2023 at 2:50 pm #85992
JDM_VO
ParticipantOverall, clear and relaxed read, which is good! If I were to offer one piece of advice, try relishing the script more, and let something unexpected and more spontaneous come through. The words, while feeling relaxed enough, seem to still flow too steadily, removing the potential for further emotional impact and connection. I struggle with this too!
Keep up the good work,
Justin M.
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April 4, 2023 at 5:00 pm #85976
CMcHugh
ParticipantHello, posting two recordings for homework, and comments and feedback would be much appreciated.
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April 5, 2023 at 8:00 pm #86001
T Hayes
ParticipantHello,
There is a smoothness to the tone of your voice that I enjoy listening to. You did a nice job varying the delivery between these two reads based on the subject. My suggestion for improvement would be, on the words you gave emphasis and inflection to, I would put a little more punch behind them. Great job! -
April 4, 2023 at 7:15 pm #85984
RCampos
ParticipantHi CMcHugh, I think you capture the spirit of the Rinsewell VO nicely. You have some good variety in your tone, but I do think, for this topic you could bring even more variation in pitch and stronger inflection. Rinsewell might appreciate it if you slowed down and emphasized a little more the first time you say their company name. You have a micro-pause at :06 between “with” and “out.” I get that you want to emphasize this, but I think this would work better if you run the words together and punch the word “out.” Final note – your pronunciation of “toxins” sounds more like “toxens” to me. But those are all small tweaks. Nice work overall! If you have a moment, I would appreciate your thoughts on a VO I just posted: Back pain. Thank you!
Robert
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April 3, 2023 at 8:46 pm #85951
Artist7
ParticipantHello! I would really appreciate some feedback on these two reads. Thanks so much!
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April 4, 2023 at 7:21 pm #85985
RCampos
ParticipantHi Artist7,
Just listened to Earthbound-Farm, I like your intonation throughout. You have a nice voice, variety of pitch, and style. I like the way you broaden out the dreaded “pesticides” at the end. Good touch. You have a pause at about :08 after vegetables and before “are,” which I don’t think you need, and another pause at about :23 between “crisp, delicious bite,” and “you can take comfort…” Don’t think that pause helps the VO either. I really like the musicality of your final phrase: Food to live by. Nice work. If you have a moment, I would welcome your thoughts on the Back Pain VO I just posted. Thank you!
Robert
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April 3, 2023 at 6:27 pm #85945
Pamela B
ParticipantHello, looking for some feedback on the attached narration samples.
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April 5, 2023 at 8:11 pm #86004
T Hayes
ParticipantHello Pamela,
Your voice has a lovely, clear sound. For the Tiny Dancer read, I would suggest slowing down and imagining yourself actually in the room introducing this painting to a group. A slower read will allow the viewers time to note the different elements of the painting. For the women at work read, I would suggest putting more emphasis on the name of the survey “Women at Work ” and some of the keywords “inclusion, diversity, voluntary, anonymous”. Great Job! -
April 4, 2023 at 7:46 pm #85986
RCampos
ParticipantHi PamelaB, Nice choice of VO – Little Dancer. Very interesting subject that leaves you wanting to know more. You have a nice, resonant voice, and you articulate clearly. I think you could slow this down and “feel the room” a bit more – really take us in there and make us experience Degas’ bold revelation. At :06 I’m not sure what the word is: this “culture” was exhibited. Is culture, in fact, what you say there? If so, I’m not sure I understand the use of the word, but if that’s the way it’s written, so be it. I think in addition to slowing down, you could give us more variation in pitch, more mystery and more excitement. Good work and wish you all the best in VO. If you have a moment, please listen to my “Back Pain” VO – just posted. Thank you!
Robert
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April 3, 2023 at 5:03 pm #85936
RCampos
ParticipantHello VO artists,
I would love some feedback on this VO about an erupting volcano. Welcome any of your thoughts about pacing, whether or not it’s conversational enough…and any other critiques (or even praise) that might occur to you. Thank you!Attachments:
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April 3, 2023 at 9:57 pm #85957
Graceson
ParticipantHey RCampos! You have a very captivating voice! I think what would help the read is a bit more connection with the material. The tone was a little flat through out, I would try picking a tone such as “mysterious” and then trying to incorporate that into the read. I would also say that the read needs a bit more smoothness. Think of speaking to a person when reading the script rather than just reading should help. The only way to get smoother with reading is to just read more lol! You have a great voice I could seriously watch a documentary narrated by you! Keep up the hard work!
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April 4, 2023 at 1:16 am #85962
RCampos
ParticipantHi Graceson, Thanks very much for your thoughts! I do think I tend to detach from the material at times and appreciate your note about picking a tone and incorporating that. It’s also helpful to be reminded to speak to a person. I’ll work on those that, too. Thank you!
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April 3, 2023 at 11:07 pm #85959
Michele Martin
ParticipantHi Graceson- I enjoyed listening to your read and appreciated your tone, including how it was serious when discussing destruction and economic impact. It sounded respectful while not too flat or conversely, overly emotional. Pacing felt like it could be smoothed out a touch, but it sounds like that would come naturally with familiarity with the script. Nice job!
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April 3, 2023 at 9:55 pm #85956
mlewis327
ParticipantVery well done. I like your voice in this type of read. Pacing and tone seems spot on to me.
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April 3, 2023 at 8:56 pm #85954
Artist7
ParticipantHi! Good read overall! I seem to be picking up on some breath sounds. Would work on controlling them during the read and also editing them from future recordings.
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April 4, 2023 at 1:20 am #85965
RCampos
ParticipantHi Artist7,
Thanks very much for your feedback. My coach suggested leaving in a hint of the breaths, rather than taking them out completely. She said that if they’re entirely removed, you sound like an automaton rather than a human. Is that your understanding of it? Or, do you think the breaths should be taken out completely? Curious about your take on that. All the best,
Robert
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April 3, 2023 at 3:49 pm #85933
annellakaine
ParticipantI’d love a little help on my homework/some feedback if anyone has a few moments to spare!
Thanks all!
Annella
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April 3, 2023 at 5:22 pm #85938
RCampos
ParticipantHi Anella, I think you capture very effectively the tone of a corporate in-house read. (I’ve listened to tons of those). I have just a few notes:
1. :08 future “together” – the “er” sounds like it’s coming from he back of your mouth, which skews a little younger than I would expect from a company voice over. So, I’d say practice and listen to this word ending and try saying it more from the front of your mouth and see if you prefer that difference.
2. I think you start with a good sense of the company’s conviction – and you end on a strong note. But in the middle between about :31 and :42, you seem to lose that focus a bit. I think this is where the VO is really building, and you need to sustain the sense of mission. This is a challenge, because they’re talking about being the greatest company in history.That’s it, and if you have a moment, please take a listen and send me your thoughts on my Volcano VO – just posted. Wishing you all the best,
Robert
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April 3, 2023 at 2:58 pm #85928
Graceson
ParticipantHi guys! Just dropping this here asking what tone you guys are getting from this. Thank you!
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April 3, 2023 at 5:33 pm #85941
RCampos
ParticipantHey Graceson,
I like this read a lot. Selling me on the intuition (even though I use razor blades). Couple of notes: Soap opera is obviously an important play on words here. I hear an ever so slight glottal stop between soap and opera, and I think this would sound better if you ran those words together. Your inflection is great throughout, like at :12 “You’ll never” – and at the end, “shaving’s never been so simple.” If you have a moment, I would welcome your comments on the Volcano VO I just posted. Thank you!
Robert
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April 2, 2023 at 9:27 am #85888
Michele Martin
ParticipantHi Friends-
Here are two commercial scripts. Open to feedback- thank you!Attachments:
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May 2, 2023 at 7:04 pm #86733
melodyz
ParticipantLove your tone Michele! Both reads captivated my attention.
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April 3, 2023 at 5:48 pm #85944
RCampos
ParticipantHi Michele,
I think the Tilex VO is very nice. I have one suggestion. Sometimes you can look at these VO’s like a piece of music. In your Tilex VO, you hit very close to the same note at :14 – “reach” – and at about :24 “roots.” If you vary the pitch of these, I think the VO will sound more varied overall. On the Jack Daniels, I agree with Graceson that you may have slowed down a little too much. The script is going for a slower country feel, and in fact, if there was music and imagery, your pace might fit perfectly – but without those, you probably want to pause a little less. If you have a moment, I’d be very grateful for your thoughts on my Volcano VO – just posted today. Thank you!
Robert-
April 3, 2023 at 11:19 pm #85960
Michele Martin
ParticipantThank you Robert! I appreciated your tip to think of the script as a piece of music and the specifics you provided in your feedback. I think visualizing scripts in that way is going to be a nice help to me! If I were to re-submit these reads, I’d definitely pick up the pace on them and decrease the pauses. Really appreciate the time you took to listen and provide your thoughts. I commented on volcano, but my apologies, I think I wrote to Graceon instead of replying directly to you. I tried to edit it but am not seeing my edited version appearing.
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April 3, 2023 at 3:04 pm #85930
Graceson
ParticipantGood work overall! I would pick up the pace on both just a bit. There were a few long pauses in between sentences that could be shortened a bit. The tilex script needed a bit more variation with each sentence. For example the “u**y nasty mold stain” sentence could really get that “Yuck!” tone in your voice to spice up the read. You have a wonderful voice though. Keep up the good work!
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April 3, 2023 at 3:15 pm #85932
Michele Martin
ParticipantThank you Graceson! I totally agree! Am going to try to infuse more “life” and tone variations into the Tilex script and speed them both up a bit. I mean, alcohol may be a depressant, but I don’t want it putting the listener to sleep 🙂
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March 31, 2023 at 12:10 pm #85834
enhawthorne
ParticipantHi all! I am just getting started on my journey and need some honest feedback to help me improve.
Thank you in advance!
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April 3, 2023 at 3:11 pm #85931
Graceson
ParticipantHi! Welcome to the forum! Just my 2 cents: your reads need to be smoothed out. There was a lot of pauses throughout the read. You’ll definitely want to smooth those out to sound nice and natural. Make sure you sound like you are talking rather than reading as it will make your script sound much better. I would try reading some books or articles and just focus on reading smoothly without those long pauses. Good luck on your journey I wish you well!
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March 30, 2023 at 3:28 pm #85825
Nikka Kowidge
ParticipantHello! Thank you so much for previous feedback! I’m working towards my commercial demo. Here are two sample reads. I appreciate any feedback you would like to provide. Thanks again!
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April 3, 2023 at 10:21 pm #85958
mlewis327
ParticipantNikka, Great voice and tone. In the Dupixent ad, I felt your pronunciation of “Dupixent” was a bit harsh. A smoother pronunciation to make it more appealing would be my suggestion. Of course, the advertiser will be listening for that too. The second ad for Loreal seemed more natural. The tone and pace are good. In the phase, “the original brush separates every lash,” I would read “lash” more smoothly. I might also emphasize a bit more the phrase “American’s number one masacara.” Overall, I hear your voice and delivery as very good, but would be even better by smoothing out words that you emphasize.
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March 31, 2023 at 12:12 pm #85837
enhawthorne
ParticipantI work in pharma and we have such a difficult time with audio ads. I thought the Dupixent ad was great because you sound like someone a person would really be talking to.
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