Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hello! This is my first post to the forum and I’m nervous and excited! My homework was to read, record, and post two narration scripts from the Edge library. Here are my scripts and I appreciate any and all feedback.
Thank you!
AmandaIce Fishing Product Videos
The Eskimo Pistol Bit is the lightest, fastest and smoothest auger of it’s kind. Its high strength extreme cold rested polymer flight and cutting head paired with its rigid aluminum hexagon shaft keep the auger lighter than the competition while maintaining incredible strength and durability.How to set up an Excel Expense Worksheet
This video will share how to set up an Excel spreadsheet for tracking expenses. First, go to Menu, new, and select Workbook. Click on any cell to get started. I will use cell C2. Name this field something that is meaningful to your business, I’ll use my company name. Right next to that, let’s title this column the amount due.-
Hi Amanda! Welcome!
I agree with the previous comments, there was more enthusiasm in your second read.
In your first read, the second sentence is very long, however, be mindful of micro-pauses where they are not intended. I did notice you read I will use cell C2. as “I’ll” use cell C2. Remember to read the script as it is written.
Good first read!
Kathy
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Hi Kathy! Thank you for the feedback! I need to look up micropauses and understand that more. I’m so new to coaching that that hasn’t been addressed yet. I was trying to pause like there would be action on the screen and then tighten them up some but wasn’t sure what to do. I did intentionally chose “I’ll” over “I will” to attempt to make it a little more casual but thank you for pointing out that was probably not OK. Really appreciated the feedback!
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Hi Amanda! I lied both reads, but I agree with the previous comment in that the ice fishing read, though interesting to listen to, could have had a little more variation in pitch to draw the listener in. I liked the second read about excel – you sounded more excited about teaching someone how to use the product, which made it a better read. Good reads!
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Thank you! You are correct that I connected more with Excel – that’s my day job and I know nothing about ice fishing! I was trying for variation in the reads overall but lost the variation within them.
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First, welcome to the forum!
Of the two reads, the second was your best. I could hear the smile as you read, and it felt more genuine and natural. The first was a little flat; I didn’t hear you connecting with the material.
In both cases, there were a couple of rushed parts that slurred together a bit: in read 1, “lighter than the competition”, and in read 2 “for tracking expenses” and “meaningful to your business”.
Good luck! Keep at it!
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Hey everyone! I’m trying to work on enunciating words completely but please feel free to leave your thoughts on anything and everything! I really appreciate it!
Script 1: Would you like to buy a house?
Maybe it’s your first house, or even your 2nd and you just think that MAYBE you didn’t think hard enough about the last one.
Listen, I love Real Estate. And in most cases, even a bad deal can work to your advantage in the very long run.
But there are dumb things that people do without realizing it when they buy a house.
Humor me for a short story before we get into the meat of this video.Script 2: Welcome to Advantage Technology Incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training, and education opportunities.
Script 3: One of the most popular tourist destinations in the world, Italy represents a stunning combination of history, architecture, natural beauty, and culinary excellence. There are just a few places in the world that boast such a wide range of different landscapes, traditions, and cultural riches.
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Hi Isabrandon 30! These are good reads for your voice.
Script 1 – Good pace and energy. The last line sounded a little choppy, and like you were reading the script vs. just going to tell someone a story.
Script 2 – Good read and variation in tone. I think you enunciate well, and that the 2 times you said “important” it felt like too much enunciation to me. Otherwise great read.
Script 3 – Great read, I liked this one the best. You sounded relaxed and interested in the topic, and your voice is well-suited to this type of script. I think you added a word (can) in-between “that boast” which is not a huge deal for practice, but would be something to watch for if this had been a job. Otherwise very good overall! -
Good afternoon!
So a few things jump out that you may want to address:
– You sometimes slur between words, specifically a few times where you say “t'” instead of “to”, and “‘n” instead of “and”. One fix that my coach taught me was that, where appropriate (such as in a corporate or very formal video/VO) to scratch out the word “to” and write the number “2”.
– “The” with a long “e” should be used when it precedes a word that begins with a vowel (“Thee apple”), and a short “e” when preceding words beginning with a consonant (“Thugh pear”).
– “A” should only be a long “a” (like the Canadian “eh”) when emphasizing a strong emotion. (“Give. Me. A. Chance.”) Otherwise, “a” should be a short “a” as in “ah”.
– There are few times, especially in the second script, where you hit really h*****n the “t” sounds and it’s a bit jarring. Enunciation doesn’t mean having to pronounce every letter individually, especially if it takes away from the overall read. It’s possible to hit the “t” sound in words like “important” without hitting the letter so hard.Overall, a good start.
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Hi everybody! I am looking for feedback for this documentary read to prepare for my narration demo. Any feedback is appreciated!
Documentaries
About HorrorTake a trip back to a time when late night creature features were all the rage and the personalities that presented them were just as popular as the movies.
Beginning in the 1950s, the horror fest was a staple of regional television. From ghouls to vampires – to werewolves and crypt keepers – every host had a persona to suit their unique personalities.
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Hi Kfvoice! Interesting read. I wanted to hear a little more variation in the tone, but I agree that documentaries can be tricky to not oversell / over emphasize what you are talking about. Maybe just pick a few words to emphasize here and there? I’m new to this, so feel free to take my thoughts with a grain of salt. Good read!
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First: “Take a trip”…the “a” should be a short “a”, like “ah”, not a long “a” like the Canadian “eh”.
Second…it comes across overall as rather flat. There isn’t much in the way of change in inflection, and I’m not getting any emotion behind this. Try to find the important words and ways to emphasize them by changing the inflection. Try to find who this read is for, and talk to them.
Also, the second part of the first sentence really feels mashed together, like you’re rushing through it. Slow it down, let it breathe.
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Thanks for the feedback, Brian!
Pronunciation: I am trying hard to work on the pronunciations. I live in the northeast, and I have really become aware of dialect as a result of starting the program.
First sentence: This was the slowest read of my practice. I feel like if I go any slower, I’ll sound too choppy, but, I’m definitely trying to find the balance. I almost felt like this sentence really needed a micro-pause in it.
Flat: I do have a rather monotone voice. I’m pretty chill, so reflecting enthusiasm into copy is something I’m practicing to convey. I think I’m trying too hard to remember everything. It is important to interpret the script, to find ones audience, but picturing them in my mind is throwing me off for some reason. When watching documentaries, narrating voices usually sound flat to me; not much emotion. Is it just me who hears that?
Thank you for the constructive criticism!
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No worries, and I’m from the NE as well, so I feel your pain. I actually had someone tell me about 12 years ago when I first tried getting into VO that my accent was “too thick” and that he couldn’t ever work with me again (after he paid me $30 for what should have been around $150 worth of work). Don’t worry, it will all come together with patience and practice. Are you working with any of the coaches through Edge? The ones I’ve been fortunate enough to work with have been awesome and really helped me along.
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Hello all! I am looking for feedback for my upcoming commercial demo. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
Jaguar
I was born fast. Faster than those who would challenge me. I was born strong. Quiet in confidence. And blessed with might. I was born with instinctive quickness. Quick to recognize. To adapt. To respond. Quick to be quick. I was born to be seen by everything but the wind. I was born at the beginning of the last century, but I am undoubtedly of the next century. I am Jaguar. Born to perform.-
There’s some inflection there, but I’m not really getting any emotion from the read, overall.
What are the qualities of Jaguar that you are trying to convey? What does the brand say about the person who drives this car? Find those emotional touch points, and find the words that emphasize that image and emotion and give it more punch.
Also, is this a scratch track (it’s OK if it is) or is this the equipment you will be recording on? If it’s the latter, I can hear a lot of compression, so there is a lot of body missing from your voice.
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Hi BrianWiggins, thanks for the feedback, very helpful. I’m just getting started, and this recording was done on my phone in the closet in an attempt to make the background completely silent (due to the quiet tone of the read implied), so yes this is not the equipment I will use to record. Thanks again!
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Hi All,
Looking for feedback on these two performances for a narration demo (food network-type script). Also, feedback on which copy you believe suits me better would be super helpful!
Script 1: Tito’s cranks every hour that it’s open. Whether you’re rubbing shoulders with the mechanic or the mayor, everyone can agree that while they may not be the most authentic Mexican street food, the hard shell tacos and bean and cheese burritos are the most authentic So-Cal interpretation of a taco. Taste on and you’ll see why—it’s comfort food at its best.
Script 2: Pack up the chowder or take the lobster roll to-go, because the blondie sundae at Connie & Ted’s is worth saving room for. The warm blondie comes topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and the whole shebang is doused in a fabulously gooey caramel sauce.Thank you!!
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Hi all, I’m looking for feedback on performance. Not quality as I recorded this on my phone. Hoping to maybe use a chunk of this for my narration demo:
The Great Barrier Reef is one of the Natural Wonders of the World. It’s the world’s largest single structure formed by living organisms and can be seen from outer space. This system of coral reefs and islands supports a wide range of wildlife, including fish, birds, sharks, sea turtles, and crocodiles. One sobering statistic is that since 1985, the Great Barrier Reef has lost nearly half of its coral. The biggest threats to the reef are climate change, pollution, and overfishing.
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Hello all! Here is a test read for my upcoming commercial demo. Thank you for any and all feedback!
Functional Fitness
Welcome to our functional training series. Breaking it down, functional training is simply turning your attention to training the body for movements we perform as we go about our daily lives. Movements like standing , sitting, stepping, reaching, pushing, pulling, getting balanced. Our training series has broken down those movements into a series of workouts to help you draw attention to how you perform those activities on a daily basis. This is designed to bring your awareness to your posture and your form, to the muscle groups that allow you to work in those capacities and hopefully keep you safe and keep you strong. -
hi mtrip09,
I like how you tried to perform Edgar Allen Poe. It was a good performance. Although, I think you can do better than that. -
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1st Script: I think the tone fits well. The pace shifts in the middle at about 11 seconds in to a little fast but returns to a slower pace later on. Also in the beginning it feels like there’s a couple pauses that are a bit too long. Other than that I think this read is pretty good.
2nd Script: It sounded really informative! I think if you hit the names of the anchors it will make it even better. Also maybe add a little more enthusiasm to make the read really pop.
3rd Script: I agree with some others in saying this was your best one. Great energy and flow to this one. I could hear the smile in this one if that makes sense.
Keep going you are doing great! Good luck on your demo and your future recordings!
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Hi there. Love your voice for all these types of copy! Keep working on being a bit more conversational. That starts with really connecting to the copy and having a specific listener in mind. That would probably help with pacing and variance in energy. Other than that I really think you did a great job!
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Hi ThomasGreene, I liked all 3 performances, but I feel like the third one for Opti-Green seemed to be the one that was most interesting to listen to, and that I wanted to hear more. I think it’s because your tone was a little more varied on that one, and the words that were hit stood out a little more. Your voice is warm and relaxed and suits commercial well. Good reads!
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Hello every one , its my first time here am trying to get out of my shell into this amazing VO world
Here is my first post , an attempt at the “The Raven ” please need your opinion and advice, Thanks“The Raven,” by Edgar Allen Poe<
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
“’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—
Only this and nothing more.”Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore—
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore—
Nameless here for evermore.And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
“’Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door—
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;—
This it is and nothing more.”Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
“Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,-
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Hi mrtripo9! I love you attempted a poem! Great job in varying your pitch in the last verse. Be careful of micro-pauses not intended in the verses. Keep it up!
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