[David Goldberg]

Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!

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Topic

[kfvoice]

Hello everyone! Telephony narration for critique. Recorded this one with a mic (no pop filter at the moment), so I am still getting used to it. All feedback is welcome and appreciated!

Telephony

AC Rebates

A representative will be with you shortly. Meanwhile, summer is already here at L.G. Energy! If it’s time to enjoy a new air conditioner, you’ll also enjoy knowing about our money-saving rebates. Ask your representative about them.

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[AlexisVO]

Hi kfvoice,
Nice job with this read. Your recording quality sounds good, and your pace and diction are good as well. I agree with mkell755 that it could use a little more energy. I didn’t hear the exclamation point in the second sentence, and the script tells the customer to get excited about the rebates they offer if they are considering a new AC. I think bringing some of that energy into the script would be great.
–Alexis

[kfvoice]

Hi Alexis!

I agree, I do need to bring more enthusiasm to the read.

I am happy to know the sound quality is good, though, and my pace and diction here is good as well. The enunciation and slower pace is something I have been struggling with. I am confident all pieces of the puzzle will fit together soon!

Thank you much for the feedback! I appreciate it!

Kathy

[AlexisVO]

You’re welcome! Keep at it and things will get better and better 🙂 I used to struggle with reading slow, and still do — in my head it sounds fine, but when I listen back to the recording I think “Why did I do that so slow??” It sometimes sounds different to what I thought I was doing.

I think a big part of the training is learning how things sound in your own head vs. how they actually sound when you record and play back (and have others listen too). I think it’s about learning how to make those adjustments.

Take care,
Alexis

[mkell755]

Hi Kfvoice, this was a good read. I think you could use even more excitement in the second sentence where there is an exclamation point, like you are really excited about it being summer already!!! Your voice dropped down there, and I would think that the company (L.G. Energy) might want their name emphasized a little more. Otherwise, good enunciation and reading.
Mary

[kfvoice]

Hi Mary!

Noted! Appreciate the feedback!

I agree about the pitch. Definitely need to work on that. However, I am glad to know my enunciation was good — that is something I am trying to better achieve before putting everything together, so to speak.

Thanks again!
Kathy

[mkell755]

Hey you are welcome Kathy! I feel like I’m beginning to recognize some names with the voices! It’s nice to receive the positive and honest feedback from all, so we can all learn and improve. The forum is great!
Mary

[mkell755]

Hello all! I’m looking for any and all feedback in an effort to improve. I recorded on my phone and the wind is raging tonight, so hoping that is not too distracting. Thanks for your help!
Mary

Freshii
At Freshii you can customize your entree and be your own culinary master. So what’s in your custom bowl? Tex Mex with black beans and a little salsa fresca? Teriyaki twist with a pop of pineapple? Whatever your fresh idea, get any 2 bowls for just $12.99! Freshii – Eat. Energize!

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[AlexisVO]

Hi Mary, I think you did a great job with this read. It was clear and you had good pitch variation. I agree with other comments that it could use a little more energy in some places. Imagine that you just ate this for lunch and you’re excited to tell a friend about Freshii and how delicious it is. That could help bring in the feeling to the read.
–Alexis

[mkell755]

Hi Alexis, thanks for the feedback! I will work on my energy, I like your suggestion to be more excited about telling a friend how great it was. That sounds like somethign I would actually do, if I liked the food a lot. Thanks again!
Mary

[swy619]

Hi Mary,
I think you had a nice, clear reading for the Freshii script, and I feel there was some good pitch variation, such that it was interesting to listen to and definitely did not sound flat. I might suggest trying it with a bit more volume and more of an upbeat tone. You captured some of the excitement I’m suggesting toward the end of the script, from “$12.99” onward, so I might suggest more of that throughout.
Very nice job. Look forward to hearing more.
Best,
Sarah

[mkell755]

Hi Sarah – realizing now that if I reply to another’s feedback it might not also show up when you check for specific feedback to report back to your coach. Thanks again for your feedback, and I will work on the excitement and upbeat feel of the read. Thanks!
Mary

[kfvoice]

Hi Mary! I like how you billboarded “Freshii” in your opening line. Try varying your pitch when you are asking (to your audience) your questions. Hope this helps. Keep it up!

[mkell755]

Thank you kfvoice and Sarah! Really appreciate the feedback. In my head I feel like I am being somewhat sing-songy, but it sounds like I could vary it even more, and also keep it more upbeat and excited. Thank you!
Mary

[kfvoice]

I completely understand where you are coming from, where it sounds one way to you when reading, but sounds different when listening. We will get there!

Kathy

[amandavoice]

Hello! This is my first post to the forum and I’m nervous and excited! My homework was to read, record, and post two narration scripts from the Edge library. Here are my scripts and I appreciate any and all feedback.
Thank you!
Amanda

Ice Fishing Product Videos
The Eskimo Pistol Bit is the lightest, fastest and smoothest auger of it’s kind. Its high strength extreme cold rested polymer flight and cutting head paired with its rigid aluminum hexagon shaft keep the auger lighter than the competition while maintaining incredible strength and durability.

How to set up an Excel Expense Worksheet
This video will share how to set up an Excel spreadsheet for tracking expenses. First, go to Menu, new, and select Workbook. Click on any cell to get started. I will use cell C2. Name this field something that is meaningful to your business, I’ll use my company name. Right next to that, let’s title this column the amount due.

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[kfvoice]

Hi Amanda! Welcome!

I agree with the previous comments, there was more enthusiasm in your second read.

In your first read, the second sentence is very long, however, be mindful of micro-pauses where they are not intended. I did notice you read I will use cell C2. as “I’ll” use cell C2. Remember to read the script as it is written.

Good first read!

Kathy

[amandavoice]

Hi Kathy! Thank you for the feedback! I need to look up micropauses and understand that more. I’m so new to coaching that that hasn’t been addressed yet. I was trying to pause like there would be action on the screen and then tighten them up some but wasn’t sure what to do. I did intentionally chose “I’ll” over “I will” to attempt to make it a little more casual but thank you for pointing out that was probably not OK. Really appreciated the feedback!

[mkell755]

Hi Amanda! I lied both reads, but I agree with the previous comment in that the ice fishing read, though interesting to listen to, could have had a little more variation in pitch to draw the listener in. I liked the second read about excel – you sounded more excited about teaching someone how to use the product, which made it a better read. Good reads!

[amandavoice]

Thank you! You are correct that I connected more with Excel – that’s my day job and I know nothing about ice fishing! I was trying for variation in the reads overall but lost the variation within them.

[mkell755]

Hi Amanda! I think it is usually easier to talk more confidently about things you know, at least it is for me. You are doing great, just keep at it!

Mary

[BrianWigginsVO]

First, welcome to the forum!

Of the two reads, the second was your best. I could hear the smile as you read, and it felt more genuine and natural. The first was a little flat; I didn’t hear you connecting with the material.

In both cases, there were a couple of rushed parts that slurred together a bit: in read 1, “lighter than the competition”, and in read 2 “for tracking expenses” and “meaningful to your business”.

Good luck! Keep at it!

[amandavoice]

Thank you so much, Brian! I was trying for a subdued “quiet” read in hushed tones like ice fishing but apparently was very off the mark. The second read is most certainly more my natural delivery. This was very helpful!

[isabrandon30]

Hey everyone! I’m trying to work on enunciating words completely but please feel free to leave your thoughts on anything and everything! I really appreciate it!

Script 1: Would you like to buy a house?
Maybe it’s your first house, or even your 2nd and you just think that MAYBE you didn’t think hard enough about the last one.
Listen, I love Real Estate. And in most cases, even a bad deal can work to your advantage in the very long run.
But there are dumb things that people do without realizing it when they buy a house.
Humor me for a short story before we get into the meat of this video.

Script 2: Welcome to Advantage Technology Incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training, and education opportunities.

Script 3: One of the most popular tourist destinations in the world, Italy represents a stunning combination of history, architecture, natural beauty, and culinary excellence. There are just a few places in the world that boast such a wide range of different landscapes, traditions, and cultural riches.

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[mkell755]

Hi Isabrandon 30! These are good reads for your voice.
Script 1 – Good pace and energy. The last line sounded a little choppy, and like you were reading the script vs. just going to tell someone a story.
Script 2 – Good read and variation in tone. I think you enunciate well, and that the 2 times you said “important” it felt like too much enunciation to me. Otherwise great read.
Script 3 – Great read, I liked this one the best. You sounded relaxed and interested in the topic, and your voice is well-suited to this type of script. I think you added a word (can) in-between “that boast” which is not a huge deal for practice, but would be something to watch for if this had been a job. Otherwise very good overall!

[BrianWigginsVO]

Good afternoon!

So a few things jump out that you may want to address:
– You sometimes slur between words, specifically a few times where you say “t'” instead of “to”, and “‘n” instead of “and”. One fix that my coach taught me was that, where appropriate (such as in a corporate or very formal video/VO) to scratch out the word “to” and write the number “2”.
– “The” with a long “e” should be used when it precedes a word that begins with a vowel (“Thee apple”), and a short “e” when preceding words beginning with a consonant (“Thugh pear”).
– “A” should only be a long “a” (like the Canadian “eh”) when emphasizing a strong emotion. (“Give. Me. A. Chance.”) Otherwise, “a” should be a short “a” as in “ah”.
– There are few times, especially in the second script, where you hit really h*****n the “t” sounds and it’s a bit jarring. Enunciation doesn’t mean having to pronounce every letter individually, especially if it takes away from the overall read. It’s possible to hit the “t” sound in words like “important” without hitting the letter so hard.

Overall, a good start.

[kfvoice]

Hi everybody! I am looking for feedback for this documentary read to prepare for my narration demo. Any feedback is appreciated!

Documentaries

About Horror

Take a trip back to a time when late night creature features were all the rage and the personalities that presented them were just as popular as the movies.

Beginning in the 1950s, the horror fest was a staple of regional television. From ghouls to vampires – to werewolves and crypt keepers – every host had a persona to suit their unique personalities.

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[mkell755]

Hi Kfvoice! Interesting read. I wanted to hear a little more variation in the tone, but I agree that documentaries can be tricky to not oversell / over emphasize what you are talking about. Maybe just pick a few words to emphasize here and there? I’m new to this, so feel free to take my thoughts with a grain of salt. Good read!

[BrianWigginsVO]

First: “Take a trip”…the “a” should be a short “a”, like “ah”, not a long “a” like the Canadian “eh”.

Second…it comes across overall as rather flat. There isn’t much in the way of change in inflection, and I’m not getting any emotion behind this. Try to find the important words and ways to emphasize them by changing the inflection. Try to find who this read is for, and talk to them.

Also, the second part of the first sentence really feels mashed together, like you’re rushing through it. Slow it down, let it breathe.

[kfvoice]

Thanks for the feedback, Brian!

Pronunciation: I am trying hard to work on the pronunciations. I live in the northeast, and I have really become aware of dialect as a result of starting the program.

First sentence: This was the slowest read of my practice. I feel like if I go any slower, I’ll sound too choppy, but, I’m definitely trying to find the balance. I almost felt like this sentence really needed a micro-pause in it.

Flat: I do have a rather monotone voice. I’m pretty chill, so reflecting enthusiasm into copy is something I’m practicing to convey. I think I’m trying too hard to remember everything. It is important to interpret the script, to find ones audience, but picturing them in my mind is throwing me off for some reason. When watching documentaries, narrating voices usually sound flat to me; not much emotion. Is it just me who hears that?

Thank you for the constructive criticism!

[BrianWigginsVO]

No worries, and I’m from the NE as well, so I feel your pain. I actually had someone tell me about 12 years ago when I first tried getting into VO that my accent was “too thick” and that he couldn’t ever work with me again (after he paid me $30 for what should have been around $150 worth of work). Don’t worry, it will all come together with patience and practice. Are you working with any of the coaches through Edge? The ones I’ve been fortunate enough to work with have been awesome and really helped me along.

[mkell755]

Hello all! I am looking for feedback for my upcoming commercial demo. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Jaguar
I was born fast. Faster than those who would challenge me. I was born strong. Quiet in confidence. And blessed with might. I was born with instinctive quickness. Quick to recognize. To adapt. To respond. Quick to be quick. I was born to be seen by everything but the wind. I was born at the beginning of the last century, but I am undoubtedly of the next century. I am Jaguar. Born to perform.

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[BrianWigginsVO]

There’s some inflection there, but I’m not really getting any emotion from the read, overall.

What are the qualities of Jaguar that you are trying to convey? What does the brand say about the person who drives this car? Find those emotional touch points, and find the words that emphasize that image and emotion and give it more punch.

Also, is this a scratch track (it’s OK if it is) or is this the equipment you will be recording on? If it’s the latter, I can hear a lot of compression, so there is a lot of body missing from your voice.

[mkell755]

Hi BrianWiggins, thanks for the feedback, very helpful. I’m just getting started, and this recording was done on my phone in the closet in an attempt to make the background completely silent (due to the quiet tone of the read implied), so yes this is not the equipment I will use to record. Thanks again!

[fleishman619]

Hi All,

Looking for feedback on these two performances for a narration demo (food network-type script). Also, feedback on which copy you believe suits me better would be super helpful!

Script 1: Tito’s cranks every hour that it’s open. Whether you’re rubbing shoulders with the mechanic or the mayor, everyone can agree that while they may not be the most authentic Mexican street food, the hard shell tacos and bean and cheese burritos are the most authentic So-Cal interpretation of a taco. Taste on and you’ll see why—it’s comfort food at its best.
Script 2: Pack up the chowder or take the lobster roll to-go, because the blondie sundae at Connie & Ted’s is worth saving room for. The warm blondie comes topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and the whole shebang is doused in a fabulously gooey caramel sauce.

Thank you!!

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[BrianWigginsVO]

Agree with the previous two folks, you seem to connect with the first script more. If you did decide to give the second one another go, I would really lay it on thick with how decadent the warm blondie is be slowing it down just a hair.

…now I need to get a taco.

[mkell755]

Hi fleishman619 – both reads were very good – good pace and energy for both. I like the first script slightly better because it showcases a nice longer sentence (the second one) that has a lot of information but flows well and is easily understandable – good reads!

[kfvoice]

I enjoyed both reads! A great job on both, however, I would go with Script 1. Just something about it. Be careful of slight micro-pauses, but otherwise, awesome work!

[fleishman619]

Hi all, I’m looking for feedback on performance. Not quality as I recorded this on my phone. Hoping to maybe use a chunk of this for my narration demo:

The Great Barrier Reef is one of the Natural Wonders of the World. It’s the world’s largest single structure formed by living organisms and can be seen from outer space. This system of coral reefs and islands supports a wide range of wildlife, including fish, birds, sharks, sea turtles, and crocodiles. One sobering statistic is that since 1985, the Great Barrier Reef has lost nearly half of its coral. The biggest threats to the reef are climate change, pollution, and overfishing.

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[mkell755]

Hi Fleishman619, great style of read for your voice! Very clear, good pace and variation of pitch. I found myself visualizing the items in the lists (birds, sharks, sea turtles and crocodiles) and really paying attention to what was being said. Great job!
Mary

[kfvoice]

Hi fleishman619 — you did a great job with the tempo in this read! I would be careful of sounding “breathy” between sentences. Understandable, as you say, it was recorded on your phone, so it does pick up the littlest sounds. Overall, you have a great voice for this style of narration. Keep it up!

[mkell755]

Hello all! Here is a test read for my upcoming commercial demo. Thank you for any and all feedback!

Functional Fitness
Welcome to our functional training series. Breaking it down, functional training is simply turning your attention to training the body for movements we perform as we go about our daily lives. Movements like standing , sitting, stepping, reaching, pushing, pulling, getting balanced. Our training series has broken down those movements into a series of workouts to help you draw attention to how you perform those activities on a daily basis. This is designed to bring your awareness to your posture and your form, to the muscle groups that allow you to work in those capacities and hopefully keep you safe and keep you strong.

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[SuperLuke]

hi mtrip09,
I like how you tried to perform Edgar Allen Poe. It was a good performance. Although, I think you can do better than that.

[mrtripo9]

Thanks Luke , I greatly appreciate yr comment, do you have specific areas you think i should work on?

[Author]

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