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This topic was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by David Goldberg.
Hey there everyone. Posting some homework reads for my commercial demo prep. As always, thanks for any and all comments on anything about them, warts and all!
2020 Mercedes E-Class
A car that can actually see like a human.
Using stereoscopic cameras it can even stop itself if it has to.
The technology may be hard to imagine, but why you would want it, is not.
The 2020 E-class.
It doesn’t just see the future…
Here are a couple more practice narrations of kids’ material. Thanks for your feedback.
Recycling
I don’t know about you, but I like our planet a lot! And one of the
easiest ways we can help protect the Earth is by recycling. That’s
where instead of throwing things like plastic in the trash, you put
them in a special bin so they go to a kind of factory to be reused.
You’ve probably recycled things like plastic bottles before. There
might even be a recycling bin in the room you’re in right now!
Recycling is important because it helps keep the Earth clean,
especially from trash made of plastic.
Making Candy
What exactly goes into candy to make it so sweet and yummy? Join
Professor Hoody on a fantastic journey to find out how candy is really
made. In Making Candy, the professor’s quantum transporter sends him
to a real chocolate factory to explore the candy world. You can just
taste the excitement in this candy-coated adventure.
Great reads swy619! For script 1 I heard what sounds like genuine interest in our planet, and effective pleading with people to recycle. Good tone, pace and clarity.
For script 2, I heard a nice smiling tone in your voice, which was very effective for this read. Really good job!
Wow your voice sounds amazing I love it for animation or narration for children in my opinion. I only critique would be some of your inflections went up in pitch at the end of a sentence when not necessary especially in the second recording. Otherwise great work on this and good luck!
Nice reads! Your tone and pace were good in both scripts, although I felt like your pitch and emphasis could of varied with certain words.
In the first script, try changing your pitch upward at the end of your opening line (… a lot!), like you did with “… right now!” Maybe emphasis “easiest” in the second sentence, and “Recycling is important…” in your last line. Just my thoughts.
With the second script, the opening line, “What exactly goes into candy to make it so sweet and yummy?”, seemed to lack the enthusiasm and excitement compared to the rest of your read.
Hello everyone! Here is a script for your feedback, any and all feedback is welcome. It’s recorded on my phone, and this is just for practice. I’m going for a natural delivery while still emphasizing the appropriate words. Thank you!
Mary
Reusable Tote: Handy Haulin’ Is in the Bag
Save the world one angry b****r at a time! This handy bag cuts the waste of plastic and paper so you can say goodbye to guilt and get going! The Reusable Tote packs into its own inside pocket and scales down to the size of a small wallet for easy storage. Keep it in your car, handbag or tool belt so you’ll always be prepared for a last-minute errand. Sturdy ripstop polyester will hold multiple plastic bags worth of groceries, so you can make fewer trips back and forth from the car. Conquer errands with the sack that will save you some sweat – only from Duluth Trading.
mkell755: Overall a nice read. For a phone recording the quality isn’t that bad, though best for practice as you stated. You do sound natural but I might try to put some “smile” into your voice. Remember, we don’t read things like we “talk” things. I suggest memorizing a line and simply say it out loud a number of times, just like regular conversation, for practice.
Thank you for the feedback Docr15! More smiling in the read, got it. Definitely trying to sound like I’m talking and not reading, so I will work on that. Thanks again!
Hello everyone! I’m back with more homework practice and I really appreciate the feedback from my first post here! This time I have 3 narration scripts from the library so thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to listen and critique.
Nature’s Recyclers
Did you know that mold and bacteria and higher level organisms like beetles, centipedes and, of course, earthworms are all busy recyclers? By breaking down organic matter – stuff like dead plants, p**p, and decaying animals – they create valuable nutrients necessary for rich and fertile soil. Take it from me, a worm who knows, we are doing you a big favor.
Working From Home
Working in your pajamas. Skipping traffic. Oh yeah. Knowing that your lunch is safe from poachers. That’s the blissful reality of working from home.
But as anyone who has done it can tell you, the reality is a lot less dreamy.
There are no annoying coworkers snapping gum in your ears, but then again, there are no co-workers at all, which can lead to loneliness and isolation. And when there’s non one around to catch you Facebooking or Candy Crushing, it can be hard to stop doing those things and actually work.
PADI Open Water Diver Course
After enrolling, PADI’s eLearning system presents you with interactive presentations that include videos, audio, graphics and reading. Short quizzes let you gauge your progress, and review and correct anything you might happen to miss. This lets you move through the program efficiently and at your own pace.
Prior to certification as a PADI Open Water Diver, you’ll visit your PADI Dive Center or Resort to complete your training. You’ll take a short eLearning Quick Review to confirm your understanding of safety-related material from the course, and you must successfully complete five confined water divers and four open water training dives with your PADI Instructor. You learn and master each of the required skills in confined water (swimming pool like conditions) first before moving on and showing your instructor that you can comfortably repeat those skills in open water. As a PADI Open Water Diver, you will be a certified entry-level diver able to rent dive gear, get air fills, and dive anywhere in the world in better or similar conditions to those you’ve trained in.
Hi Amanda! These were all good reads!
Script 1 – I liked the tone and pace and emphasis on the appropriate words
Script 2 – Great tone and feel for the read, seemed very well suited for you
Script 3 – I liked this read too, but it seemed a little rushed to me. It was a longer script, but sounded like you were reading to get to the end of the script moreso than just explaining steps to someone.
Overall great enunciation and clarity, good job!
Hi Amanda,
Very nice reads! I do think there could have been a bit more interesting pitch variation in the first sentence of the “working from home” scrip, but I think the rest of the read was spot-on. As far as the third one, I think I’d agree with what Kathy provided. Keep up the good work!
Very nice reads! They each had a different tone, and you varied your pitch where needed. The pacing was good, as well. The only thing I would tell you to be mindful of is micro pauses not intended in the script. I noticed this in your third copy, but you did a great job tackling it! Keep it up!
Here a script for Acadia National Park from the Tours/Travelogue section in the script library.
Still struggling with “an” on some occasions… overall how was the pace, and pronunciation?
All feedback is welcome and appreciated!
Thank you! — Kathy
Acadia National Park
Among the many aspects of natural beauty in Acadia National Park is the view of the starry night sky, which provides stunning views of the Milky Way to thousands of visitors.
The natural night sky is an integral part of the park, an element of cultural heritage, and a source of inspiration for visitors.
Hi Kathy,
Nice Job! I do think it could have been even a bit slower, especially the phrase, “Milky Way,” which I feel is important enough to have more emphasis and to not sound rushed. I think overall pronunciation was good though. It is true that I’m not used to hearing “integral” pronounced that way. I would stress the first syllable and pronounce the “e” like “uh,” but this could all be regional variation as you and Amanda pointed out. I’m not sure I would say it’s incorrect. Good work. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Kathy! Good read! I noticed a couple of words that stood out to me – “aspects” sounded somewhat stretched out “aaaspects”, and “integral” sounded like “inteegral” (long e). Otherwise good and clear read with good pacing, tone and pitch. As you have pointed out there are more than one way to pronounce things depending on where you live (I’m from the mid-west), so take that with a grain of salt. Good job!
Hi Kathy! I’m so new to VO that I’m reluctant to offer any advice and I really liked how you emphasized some of the key words. One thing that stood out to me was “integral.” In my part of the United States, I’ve heard it with a “eh” sound instead of a long E, but I know that some words have multiple ways to pronounce them so I wasn’t sure about this one. -Amanda
I am a beginner as well! Many of us here are. All feedback is welcome and appreciated! I always knew that pronunciation varies depending on what part of the US you are from, but hearing it here is a new experience! I am working on this, as well as enunciation, so my readings come out clear. The word “integral” did stand out, as did “aspect”.
Hello all! Looking for any and all feedback on this script, which was from the Duluth Trading Christmas catalog. This is on my phone, so please know that I will be upgrading to a mic soon. Thank you all!
Mary
Better Sweaters – Duluth
Now you can have another great reason to turn down the thermostat. Sweaters with swagger – only from Duluth. If you need to stay warm and comfortable, put one on. Give ‘em as gifts, too. We’re talking burly retirement sweaters that feel so good, you’ll feel like you retired. Or thick Shetland wool sweaters with a hardworking, high seas heritage. Innovative Coolerino and rocket science sweaters, strongarm cotton sweaters and unbelievably hefty and soft Woolpaca. You can get one just as resilient and cozy as Santa wears – in your pick of classic or military styles – only from Duluth Trading.
I am taking a practice script from the library here, trying to relax so much I just let my arms dangle down to give a more realistic read, then bring on the ending with more enthusiasm, any thoughts are appreciated!
Wintergreen Resort
If you’re in the dark about where to ski, let us shed some light on the subject. High in Virginia’s Blue Ridge Mountains, discover what’s been called the Mid-Atlantic’s finest overall ski experience. Wintergreen offers ten slopes, five lifts, and an extensive snow-making system. Not to mention luxurious accommodations, an indoor spa, and a nationally-recognized children’s program. For more information, call 1-800-ski-green. That’s 1-800-ski-green. Wintergreen and Virginia…the perfect combination!
I think this was well done! I enjoyed it. This could be nitpicky, but it felt slightly too long of a pause after “five lifts.” It just felt a little off from the flow from the first two, if that makes sense. And I would play around with the second ski-green. Part of me feels saying it like the first would be fine, but can certainly see bringing the enthusiasm earlier.
Hi RYoung! This was a great read for your warm and clear voice. I liked the pace and energy and the appropriate emphasis and enunciation on several key words such as “Wintergreen”. The music too sounded very good and uplifting for this script. There was a slight pause between “…snow-making system” and “not to mention” that might have been treated more like a comma to string together those 2 thoughts. I see that there is a period there and the list of items gets long as a result, but it makes more sense as a comma to me. Great job!