Hi there! Here’s the first of my narration scripts for session #1 homework. Absolutely brand new to voiceover, recorded on Mac computer in my freezing-cold basement(no husband, dog or extraneous noise there…) & looking forward to any tips, feedback, suggestions, etc. Big thanks! ~colleen
A nice first read! I know sometimes pace can be hard in the beginning, but you did a really good job with that here.
As for voice memo download — I don’t have experience with a MacBook, but on my iPhone, I recorded on the Voice Record Pro app, not the voice memos on the phone, when starting out, and then emailed it to myself as a MP3 file. I am not sure if this helps at all, but I thought I would mention it.
Sounds like you found a good spot to record if you can keep warm. I like the pace and tone of your voice. I think you may have your voice slightly louder. Over all a good effort!!
Hi Colleen! First off, welcome! I’m pretty new as well and always learning.
The recording sounded great, but was very quiet on my end. Your voice sounds really nice and smooth for this sort of read. I liked the pace and tone, but there seemed to be a few micro pauses throughout that might not be needed, like they did not seem to be at periods or at the end of a thought. Overall really good!
Mary-
Thanks so much for your feedback! This is definitely a big learning curve…especially when you also need pretty savvy computer skills (which I definitely do NOT have!!) Looking forward to more listening & learning.
It’s going to need to be an mp3 instead of an m4a. Google something like “m4a to mp3 on mac” and some converters will popup. You just need to make sure there’s no malware in the one you choose.
Hello everybody! First time posting on here for my homework for my commercial demo recording coaching sessions! I have currently two commercials worked on – American Express and Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh. The scripts themselves are below and I appreciate any and all feedback (on the reads themselves or the way I should set up these posts as I never had to do it for my animation voice over work.
Commercial 1 – American Express
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business, and American Express keeps it that way.
Commercial 2 – Pittsburgh
In this city… There’s an expectation in the air. We all pay it forward. We all earn it. There’s a currency that connects us. The karma we share. The way we celebrate. If you’re not from here, that’s okay. All comers are welcome. Here’s one more tip. There’s only one place in Pittsburgh we all come together. Whatever your game… Rivers is where Pittsburgh comes to play.
Hi Hulykulani! Welcome! I liked both scripts. I too heard an echo in the background. Good pace and emphasis on the key product words such as Private Payments, American Express and Rivers. Very good!
Howdy! On the first commercial in the middle, specifically the “I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make” section, it sounds more like you’re reading off the script instead of having a conversation compared to the rest of the reading. Don’t be afraid to vary your speed a little. Other than that, good job!
In Script 1, I liked your low tone. I believe I heard “a” pronounced like “ah”. I have been struggling with this, as well.
In Script 2, I liked the natural, casual delivery approach, but I agree with a previous comment to try to vary your pitch and tone.
In Script 3, just … awesome. I can’t find anything to critique here. This sounds commercial ready!
Hi Jack! All 3 scripts were good for your voice and nicely read.
Nike – good low tone
Wranlger – great casual and easygoing tone!
All State – good variation in tone throughout
Really nice work! I also really loved the allstate read. The wrangler read I thought could have been a bit more enthusiastic or have a varied pitch/tone to it while still maintaining that “wrangler” edge. Good stuff!
I completely agree with the comment before me – I loved your allstate reading! It sounded casual, charming, and you lifted important words without making it sound unnatural. I really liked the Nike copy too, and thought it served as a great contrast to the Allstate one. However it sort of sounded like the final line “it’s nike” was thrown away a bit, and the word Nike felt a bit like an afterthought. Make sure to lift up the product name! great work, though!
Jack-
Nice work! I especially liked the All State script: you sounded confident, natural, personable, trustworthy & had a nice flow…I wanted to buy insurance from you 🙂 I thought the Wrangler script sounded a bit flat & slow…but a good start. I really like your voice & think you have amazing potential!
Another read with new, different, equipment. This is an Interactive Voice Response script from the library. The last two lines are actually a second take, so my tone and pitch vary slightly than in the first part of the read. Is it noticeable, or does it fit the script? Any feedback is appreciated.
Thanks!
IVR
You have reached Animal Wellness Center. Please listen as our menu options have changed. Our hours are Monday through Friday from 8 am to 6 pm. We are closed from 12:30 to 1:30 for lunch and on Wednesday from 12:30 to 2:00. We are closed on weekends. To schedule an appointment or reach the front desk, press 0. For Kathy Miller, head of reproduction, press 1.
Hi Kathy! Good read! The flow was nice and the reading smooth and clear. Since “…on Wednesday from 12:30 to 2:00” is something different from all other times on other days, I think emphasizing “Wednesday” might be helpful.
I did not notice any difference in tone and pitch from the first part of the script as compared to the last 2 lines. Good read!
Your pace here sounded good to me, and your voice, with a warm and welcoming tone, is well suited for eLearning/Education/Explainer/Training scripts. Good read! Keep it up!
Hi guys! Been a couple days. My demo record went so great! Here is a script I put together for a commercial read. Any feedback is appreciated! Have a great day.
Katelyn
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A nice “sunny” and “bright” read, Katelyn! Pace was good, and enunciation was clear. I did notice a very slight micro-pause at “and protect” in your opening line. Again, very slight. It works if the line is rewritten with an intended break. Overall, good job!
P.S. I use Andalou products, and your voice works well for this kind of script.
Hi everyone! Looking for any and all feedback here for this read (recorded on my phone). Thank you all!
Mary
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Great read, i can totally hear this on radio, I agree with kathryn , there is a warmness to you voice , the bracket (–) tip she shared is awesome , i will apply it to my reads too.
Very nice work Mary. Your tone is so warm and inviting. I think that the pace is a little carefully spoken and paced out a but slow. There were some pauses in the first sentence: “Planning a group event can be an enormous undertaking whether it’s a work meeting,” and with this whole part being 1 idea does not need any pausing. My coach suggested putting brackets around ideas [—-] that signify that it is 1 idea and so there does not need to be pauses there. Nice work! 🙂
Thanks for the Feedback Katelyn! I definitely like the bracket idea to keep phrases and thoughts together, thanks for that! I will work on unnecessary pauses too. In my head I’m trying t o keep it moving but no too fast, but a random pause doesn’t help that. Thanks again!
This was well done. You enunciated good words and sounded conversational. You were pausing a lot though, and much of it was midsentence. My coach Art advised me to only pause at periods and commas. Also, it sounded like you said “ken” instead of “can.” Your tone leaves something to be desired. Indeed you sound confident but not very interested and I think that is crucial for commercial scripts.
Hi Tim! Thanks for the feedback. I hear “ken” now instead of “can”, so I will work on that. I think too that I may be unintentionally pausing to make sure I’m not reading too quick, but if it sounds like a pause that needs work as well. I really was interested in this but will work on a more interested-sounding tone. Thanks again!