Hi guys! Been a couple days. My demo record went so great! Here is a script I put together for a commercial read. Any feedback is appreciated! Have a great day.
Katelyn
Andalou Naturals sunflower & citrus styling gel gives you a healthy shine and protects your hair against heat and humidity.
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A nice “sunny” and “bright” read, Katelyn! Pace was good, and enunciation was clear. I did notice a very slight micro-pause at “and protect” in your opening line. Again, very slight. It works if the line is rewritten with an intended break. Overall, good job!
P.S. I use Andalou products, and your voice works well for this kind of script.
Hi everyone! Looking for any and all feedback here for this read (recorded on my phone). Thank you all!
Mary
Hotelplanner.com
Planning a group event can be an enormous undertaking whether it’s a work meeting, sporting event or family reunion. Simplify your event planning with HotelPlanner.com —
We’re number one in group travel. We’ll work with you and the hotels to obtain the finest hotel, best prices, and group booking policies available.
Great read, i can totally hear this on radio, I agree with kathryn , there is a warmness to you voice , the bracket (–) tip she shared is awesome , i will apply it to my reads too.
Very nice work Mary. Your tone is so warm and inviting. I think that the pace is a little carefully spoken and paced out a but slow. There were some pauses in the first sentence: “Planning a group event can be an enormous undertaking whether it’s a work meeting,” and with this whole part being 1 idea does not need any pausing. My coach suggested putting brackets around ideas [—-] that signify that it is 1 idea and so there does not need to be pauses there. Nice work! 🙂
Thanks for the Feedback Katelyn! I definitely like the bracket idea to keep phrases and thoughts together, thanks for that! I will work on unnecessary pauses too. In my head I’m trying t o keep it moving but no too fast, but a random pause doesn’t help that. Thanks again!
This was well done. You enunciated good words and sounded conversational. You were pausing a lot though, and much of it was midsentence. My coach Art advised me to only pause at periods and commas. Also, it sounded like you said “ken” instead of “can.” Your tone leaves something to be desired. Indeed you sound confident but not very interested and I think that is crucial for commercial scripts.
Hi Tim! Thanks for the feedback. I hear “ken” now instead of “can”, so I will work on that. I think too that I may be unintentionally pausing to make sure I’m not reading too quick, but if it sounds like a pause that needs work as well. I really was interested in this but will work on a more interested-sounding tone. Thanks again!
I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving, despite the unusual circumstances this year.
I had some new studio equipment come in this week, and today was my first day test driving some of it.
This script is from the library; found under documentaries, but it sounds like a script for a travel app.
(Note: Where I come from, we say route as “root”.)
Any and all feedback is appreciated. Thank you!
Kathy
Route 66
#2 Route 66
While officially Route 66 no longer exists, the majority of it remains to be driven and
enjoyed. The turn-by-turn road description will guide you on your journey through all
eight states from Chicago to Los Angeles. Not only will it help you to stay on track, but
you’ll also find some background information on the hundreds of roadside attractions
This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by kfvoice.
Hi Kathy! I enjoyed this read. Very smooth and flowed well! The only thing I noticed was that the word “guide” seemed to be stretched out or given more emphasis than needed? That is nitpicky on my part. Very good!
P.S. We say “root” too, and 26 miles of Route 66 runs through my city, Tulsa!
Thanks for your feedback! I’m enjoying getting to know you all through your recordings 🙂
“It’s Macy’s Thanksgiving sale. Storewide savings for the whole family. All women’s coats and jackets…30-50 percent off. All men’s outerwear…25-50 percent off. And all kids’ jackets, hats, and gloves…up to 60 percent off. Macy’s Thanksgiving Sale. All you need for the holidays.”
Your voice is very fitting for the read. You performed a good tempo and enunciated fitting words. Although, I personally think your tone makes you sound like a machine… It’s almost as if you’re just reading it without any apparent interest. If you want listeners to be attracted to your client, it’s important to sound interested yourself. Also, I think your listing of the products and percentages could do with more variation. (I would suggest enunciating the percentages in one, the products in another, you could even raise the pitch of “and.”)
All in all, you’re doing well. I hope this helps.
Hi Burdahgirl! Yes it is interesting hearing many of the same voices and getting to know everyone a little!
Great read – very good flow and tone, and good building emphasis on the 3 levels of percentages of sales (30-50, 25-50, and 60). Your tone is very pleasant and well-suited for this type of commercial. Very good!
You sir are FANTASTIC! You brought the script to life with perfect pace, fitting enunciations, and not too long of pauses. I would recommend though, unless this is your natural speaking voice, you should not perform with such a low pitch. You sound rather gravelly and I feel that sounds like you’re slacking off before the read is done. A relaxed tone is fitting, but don’t overdo it.
Oh man, you have such a great voice and I could listen to it all day! For this read, I thought it was awesome. I might play around with not settling at the bottom of the voice – the higher inflections still have such a rich color but a little more inviting for a place with soup in a bread bowl 🙂 🙂 Can’t wait to hear your voice all over the place!
Hello all! I’m looking for any and all feedback on this read (recorded on my phone). I’m trying to work on smiling during the read and for a natural delivery. Thanks for listening!
Mary
Mr. Coffee Elite Plus
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Here’s another script I did. Do you think my acoustic set up works well? My main concern is if there is a noticeable hum from my computer… Any thoughts on my performance would also be appreciated. Thanks for the help.
Sandals
Somewhere in the Caribbean, there are 5-star luxury resorts where it’s all-inclusive, all the time. Sandals, where love is all you need. Because everything else is included. Call 1-800-Sandals.
Hey everyone. Thanks for the feedback, I’ll definitely take it to heart. Although I wonder why I didn’t receive an email that you’d replied… The old Feedback Forum did that all the time.
I felt like there was a louder hum here, than in your first reading I gave feedback on.
Your reading started out quiet and whisper like at the beginning, and then the volume of your read in the second sentence got louder. It started around “where love…”. I am not sure if this is part of your audio edit, or if your tone changed.
Have you sent in a audio sample for the engineers to listen to?