Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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My first go at a commercial script! Thanks for your feedback!
Okay moms, if you’re like me, your kids…well, drive you crazy! “I’m bored,” “Can we go to the movies?” “When’s dad comin’ home?” Well thank goodness Lego introduced CREATIVE BUILDER. It keeps kids occupied for hours, plus helps them gain creativity while teaching them to develop their skills. Lego, thank goodness.
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Hi Burdahgirl! Great read! Great inflection at the kid’s voice parts, very believable and with good variation in the 3 quoted parts of the script. The emphasis on Creative Builder is good too, lets people know what the product is that is being sold. Good pacing in the read. Great job!
Mary
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looking for more sample work to add. Critique and comments welcome!
DELTA
WHEN WE’RE BORN. WE ARE MORE ALIKE THAN DIFFERENT.
BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY, WE START TO BELIEVE THE MORE DISTANT WE ARE FROM EACH OTHER….THE MORE DISTANT WE ARE.
ITS NOT UNTIL WE VENTURE INTO THE WORLD THAT WE SEE ALL WE SHARE.
MAYBE THATS THE POWER OF FLIGHT.
DELTA ISN’T JUST FLYING TO BRING US TOGETHER….BUT TO SHOW, WE WERE NEVER THAT FAR PART TO BEGIN WITH
Delta is ready when you are!-
Hi RYoung!
You have a great voice for this type of script. It was a nice read. You didn’t rush through it, and your words were clear. What I did notice, is that maybe the pauses between sentences could of been a tad longer. I especially noticed this between the first and second sentences. Just my opinion.
Kathy
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I redid this one from the old feedback forum I believe trying to be a little more relaxed and realistic. Any of your thoughts are welcome!
Think Different – Apple Commercial (1997)
Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits.
The rebels.
The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.
They’re not fond of rules.
And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They push the human race forward.
And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.-
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Hi RYoung! Well done and well produced. Good tone in your voice and well-suited for this type of read. There were a few lines where you finished the statement as if it were a question – “the troublemakers” and “status quo” and “they change things”. Just based on the script it would seem like these should be read more as definitive statements, just my take on things. Very well done!
Mary
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Hi
all Some of you will be surprise (who is this and from where he arrived here) This is Nepali Voice over artist Bhawani Niroula. you can search my name and website on google. this is my voice please send some suggestion(you guys seems very professional).
here it is,-
Hi Bhawani! I liked the tone, pitch and flow of your read! Although I did not understand the language it sounded nice to me. Thanks for posting!
Mary
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Good evening all! I’m looking for any and all feedback on my daily recording (recorded on a phone). I’m going for direct but authentic and believable. Let me know what you think. Thanks!
Mary
They’re called books. You may recognize them. Men have relied on them for millennia. Read up, man up. Put on your glasses, then go kick the tar out of every project you’ve ever dreamed of. Become more self-sufficient, build your future or just enjoy a satisfying, productive read. It all starts here. Duluthtrading.com/books
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Hi Mary!
Enunciation was clear. I felt like you could of read this a tad slower, though. It sounded like you would speed up after the commas, too, instead of letting the sentence breath a little (micro-pause). Also be mindful of placing those micro-pauses where not intended (between “future … or”)
Try varying your tone a little more with the line “You may recognize them.” I read that as sounding sarcastic.
I hope this is helpful.
Kathy
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Thanks Kathy! This is helpful. I was trying to pause in the right spots for emphasis, but it needs practice to make more sense and be more natural sounding.
For the “you may recognize them” line I was going for a “duh, this is obvious” feeling, so if it sounded sarcastic I would say that’s what I was thinking, like “in this day and age you do know what a book is right?”. It just seems like book reading is so rare these days, but really it used to be the main way people learned, so I was trying to poke fun at that a little bit. Thanks again!
Mary
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Hi! Here is a PSA for an eating disorder. Warning: this is about an eating disorder which may be triggering. I’m recording my demo tomorrow!! Wish me luck 🙂
KatelynEating Disorder PSA:
You notice your friend has been throwing away her lunch. She’s started wearing baggy clothes – all the time. She seems tired. These are warnings of an eating disorder, the deadliest mental illness we know. But early treatment is the key to recovery. And as a friend you can be the difference.-
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You seem to start off well and describing the illness it sounded somewhat realistic. However on a PSA you could milk it even more I don’t mean cry but you could have sounded even more sad LOL. Then I think this read needs to have a turn, as in the line these are the warning signs should be highlighted in a different tone from the description of her illness like almost Stern in stating that, lastly the solution could almost be a little bit upbeat whereas I think you followed the same tone throughout if that makes sense. PSA is usually require a lot of acting, good luck with your demo and I hope that helps!
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Hi Katelyn – very good read! Sounds very believable for the add for your voice. Great tone, pitch and pauses at the right times, and you definitely were invested in the piece. Good luck tomorrow! You’ll do great!
Mary
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Howdy! Just posting a quick one take recording for practice, any feedback is appreciated!
Quality Inn
When he checked in, he was Mr. Simmons. When he checked out, he was just plain Bob. Quality Inn. We’ll see you there.
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Hi,
Wanted some feedback on a medical read. Content, sound quality etc…
Thanks.The corneal epithelium is a thin layer of fast-growing and easily regenerated tissue kept moist by tears. The epithelium absorbs oxygen and cell nutrients from tears, and then distributes these nutrients to the rest of the cornea. The part of the epithelium that serves as the foundation on which the epithelial cells anchor and organize themselves is called the basal membrane
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Hi LMayo! Great read! Your voice sounds very smooth, warm and calm, and very good for a script like this. Good pacing and enunciation throughout. Very good!
Mary
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Very lovely read. You have a great voice for medical narration. I would say with this read there were pauses so you could work on smoothing out the pauses and only pause between ideas/sentences. You did a much smoother read for the 2nd and 3rd sentence, so the first one os more “pause-y” than the other two. Really nice work!
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Hello all! I’m looking for any and all feedback here to my daily recording. This was recorded on my phone, so this is just for practice. Trying to sound authentic for this sort of commercial. Thank you!
Mary
Balance Bar
A six-pack of lite beer is still a six-pack of beer. Eat with your head. With it’s 40-30-30 ratio of carbs, protein and dietary fat, Balance Bar is a great-tasting way to give your body the nutrition it needs. Plus it has 23 essential vitamins and minerals. To learn more, log on to Balance.com. Balance Bar. Eat with your head.-
Hi Mary! I think you have the right voice for this type of ad. Try to imagine that you’re talking to someone you know about this balance bar before you do the read. Pretend you’re really excited about letting them know that this is going to change their life. I believe this will help make the copy sound more conversational than just reading off the script. Hope that helps and keep up the good work!
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Hi Mary,
Cute attitude. It is a little choppy: for ex, consider the pause after the first “beer” and the pause after “Eat”, and “Plus” You do a great job of changing inflection on “is still” and “with your head”, so the pauses are unnecessary and make it sound stilted. Your delivery on 40-30-30 sounds almost bored, but it is a big deal, as is the first time you mention the product. The pause before “Balance Bar” is good as it makes us pay attention to what will come after. You might try a smile in your voice on the final joke of “eat with your head.” Hope this is helpful. Good luck. -
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