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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hello everybody! First time posting on here for my homework for my commercial demo recording coaching sessions! I have currently two commercials worked on – American Express and Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh. The scripts themselves are below and I appreciate any and all feedback (on the reads themselves or the way I should set up these posts as I never had to do it for my animation voice over work.
Commercial 1 – American Express
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business, and American Express keeps it that way.
Commercial 2 – Pittsburgh
In this city… There’s an expectation in the air. We all pay it forward. We all earn it. There’s a currency that connects us. The karma we share. The way we celebrate. If you’re not from here, that’s okay. All comers are welcome. Here’s one more tip. There’s only one place in Pittsburgh we all come together. Whatever your game… Rivers is where Pittsburgh comes to play.
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Howdy! On the first commercial in the middle, specifically the “I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make” section, it sounds more like you’re reading off the script instead of having a conversation compared to the rest of the reading. Don’t be afraid to vary your speed a little. Other than that, good job!
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Hi Jack!
Nice reads!
In Script 1, I liked your low tone. I believe I heard “a” pronounced like “ah”. I have been struggling with this, as well.
In Script 2, I liked the natural, casual delivery approach, but I agree with a previous comment to try to vary your pitch and tone.
In Script 3, just … awesome. I can’t find anything to critique here. This sounds commercial ready!Good job!
Kathy
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I completely agree with the comment before me – I loved your allstate reading! It sounded casual, charming, and you lifted important words without making it sound unnatural. I really liked the Nike copy too, and thought it served as a great contrast to the Allstate one. However it sort of sounded like the final line “it’s nike” was thrown away a bit, and the word Nike felt a bit like an afterthought. Make sure to lift up the product name! great work, though!
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Jack-
Nice work! I especially liked the All State script: you sounded confident, natural, personable, trustworthy & had a nice flow…I wanted to buy insurance from you 🙂 I thought the Wrangler script sounded a bit flat & slow…but a good start. I really like your voice & think you have amazing potential!
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Hello everyone!
Another read with new, different, equipment. This is an Interactive Voice Response script from the library. The last two lines are actually a second take, so my tone and pitch vary slightly than in the first part of the read. Is it noticeable, or does it fit the script? Any feedback is appreciated.
Thanks!
IVR
You have reached Animal Wellness Center. Please listen as our menu options have changed. Our hours are Monday through Friday from 8 am to 6 pm. We are closed from 12:30 to 1:30 for lunch and on Wednesday from 12:30 to 2:00. We are closed on weekends. To schedule an appointment or reach the front desk, press 0. For Kathy Miller, head of reproduction, press 1.
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Hi Kathy! Good read! The flow was nice and the reading smooth and clear. Since “…on Wednesday from 12:30 to 2:00” is something different from all other times on other days, I think emphasizing “Wednesday” might be helpful.
I did not notice any difference in tone and pitch from the first part of the script as compared to the last 2 lines. Good read!
Mary
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Hello mrtripo9!
Your pace here sounded good to me, and your voice, with a warm and welcoming tone, is well suited for eLearning/Education/Explainer/Training scripts. Good read! Keep it up!
Kathy
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Hi MrTripo9 – very nice! You have a nice deep warm tone to your voice, and a nice accent. Good reading throughout!
Mary
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Hi MrTripo9 – great read for your voice; you have the voice of a storyteller! Nice warm and rich tone and good pacing of read throughout.
Mary
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Awesome job, touzet! I don’t have anything to critique! Your pace and tone fit the script well, and I loved the chuckle in the beginning of your read!
Sounded like a Jack Daniels commercial to me!
Watch out, Sam Elliott! 🙂
Kathy
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Hi guys! Been a couple days. My demo record went so great! Here is a script I put together for a commercial read. Any feedback is appreciated! Have a great day.
KatelynAndalou Naturals sunflower & citrus styling gel gives you a healthy shine and protects your hair against heat and humidity.
Sunflower and Tangerine Oils brighten hair tone and revitalize follicles.
This natural gel does so much more than you would expect.-
A nice “sunny” and “bright” read, Katelyn! Pace was good, and enunciation was clear. I did notice a very slight micro-pause at “and protect” in your opening line. Again, very slight. It works if the line is rewritten with an intended break. Overall, good job!
P.S. I use Andalou products, and your voice works well for this kind of script.
Kathy
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(Accidentally posted as a main entry!)
Awesome job, touzet! I don’t have anything to critique! Your pace and tone fit the script well, and I loved the chuckle in the beginning of your read!
Sounded like a Jack Daniels commercial to me!
Watch out, Sam Elliott! 🙂
Kathy
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Hi everyone! Looking for any and all feedback here for this read (recorded on my phone). Thank you all!
Mary
Hotelplanner.com
Planning a group event can be an enormous undertaking whether it’s a work meeting, sporting event or family reunion. Simplify your event planning with HotelPlanner.com —
We’re number one in group travel. We’ll work with you and the hotels to obtain the finest hotel, best prices, and group booking policies available.-
Great read, i can totally hear this on radio, I agree with kathryn , there is a warmness to you voice , the bracket (–) tip she shared is awesome , i will apply it to my reads too.
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Very nice work Mary. Your tone is so warm and inviting. I think that the pace is a little carefully spoken and paced out a but slow. There were some pauses in the first sentence: “Planning a group event can be an enormous undertaking whether it’s a work meeting,” and with this whole part being 1 idea does not need any pausing. My coach suggested putting brackets around ideas [—-] that signify that it is 1 idea and so there does not need to be pauses there. Nice work! 🙂
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Hello Mary,
This was well done. You enunciated good words and sounded conversational. You were pausing a lot though, and much of it was midsentence. My coach Art advised me to only pause at periods and commas. Also, it sounded like you said “ken” instead of “can.” Your tone leaves something to be desired. Indeed you sound confident but not very interested and I think that is crucial for commercial scripts.
I hope this helps,
Tim D.-
Hi Tim! Thanks for the feedback. I hear “ken” now instead of “can”, so I will work on that. I think too that I may be unintentionally pausing to make sure I’m not reading too quick, but if it sounds like a pause that needs work as well. I really was interested in this but will work on a more interested-sounding tone. Thanks again!
Mary
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Hi all!
I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving, despite the unusual circumstances this year.
I had some new studio equipment come in this week, and today was my first day test driving some of it.
This script is from the library; found under documentaries, but it sounds like a script for a travel app.
(Note: Where I come from, we say route as “root”.)
Any and all feedback is appreciated. Thank you!
Kathy
Route 66
#2 Route 66
While officially Route 66 no longer exists, the majority of it remains to be driven and
enjoyed. The turn-by-turn road description will guide you on your journey through all
eight states from Chicago to Los Angeles. Not only will it help you to stay on track, but
you’ll also find some background information on the hundreds of roadside attractions-
Hi Kathy! I enjoyed this read. Very smooth and flowed well! The only thing I noticed was that the word “guide” seemed to be stretched out or given more emphasis than needed? That is nitpicky on my part. Very good!
P.S. We say “root” too, and 26 miles of Route 66 runs through my city, Tulsa!
Mary
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Thank you for the feedback, Mary! Noted!
I always thought it would be interesting to take a road trip traveling Route 66!
Thanks again!
Kathy
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