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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Moving along with my Commercial homework assignments, I’m trying to keep the same theme on the days I make a submission to help me focus a little better. These weren’t done in a home studio so apologies for the quality.
Any/all feedback welcomed and encouraged – thanks !Mercedes E Class
A car that can actually see like a human.
Using stereoscopic cameras and even stop itself if it has to.
The technology may be hard to imagine but why you would want it, is not.
The 2020 E-class. It doesn’t just see the future…Accura
Great design challenges more than just the eyes. It challenges the future. We designed the RDX to challenge not just the future of SUVs, but also the future of Acura. The future starts now. The future is the Acura RDX.
Acura. Everything we ever imagined. And then some-
Really nice work. I think your voice is well suited for this kind of copy. I really don’t have much to add for the second read I thought your upbeat sound was great! I think the first read could be slowed down a little more. I’m thinking a bit more “luxury” and if you were to give the words “see like a human” a little more weight because – wow! This thing is really technologically advanced, you wont believe it, it can actually see like a human! And then just slow down a little bit with the 2 lines “Using stereoscopic cameras and even stop itself if it has to.
The technology may be hard to imagine but why you would want it, is not.” If you slow it down a little I think it would sound less like you are reading it. I really think you nailed the second read. Well done, nice work! 🙂 -
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You have a naturally resonant voice with a nice sound and very good articulation. I think that for these luxury car brands, though, the tone is more languid. You could go a little slower and have a lighter/smoother touch with the accented syllables within words and beginning consonants. Like the words are being spoken by a guy in a suit running his hand over a very sleek new car.
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My friend said I might not be cut out to handle scripts that have a “hey BRO” tone just yet. I wanted to try it though, so how’s my performance? Any thoughts on the pauses and tempo? Do you think I’m echoing at all?
Church’s Chicken
Here’s the deal. At this time of year, you’re probably craving seafood. And if you are, you’re probably not thinking about Church’s Chicken, right?
Well, think again, because Church’s has it covered. Try our Butterfly Shrimp Platter. That’s Eight tender butterfly prawns, fried until golden, your choice of ANY TWO sides – YEAH, that’s right – TWO sides, and a honey butter cookie for only 5 dollars.
Think twice when you think seafood, better yet, think Church’s.
The Butterfly Shrimp Platter, 5 dollars for a limited time.
Here’s the deal. Only at Church’s Chicken.-
Tim, great enthusiasm on this, I would just be careful of announced words for highlighting instead of changing your pitch which sounds more real. The line “Yea that’s right…. is perfect!
(,5 dollars for a limited time. Here’s the deal. Only at Church’s Chicken). In this part which is the ending “limited” sounds announced or shouted, and starting with Here’s the deal probably could use more enthusiasm, overall minor. I like your promotional voice, good luck! -
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Hey everyone, I recently recorded my demo and I want to follow a friend’s advice by concentrating on my strike zone. Do you think this read comes off as warm and inviting? Maybe warm and playful? Is my recording setup still working well? Any advice is appreciated.
Freshii
At Freshii you can customize your entree and be your own culinary master. So what’s in your custom bowl? Tex Mex with black beans and a little salsa fresca? Teriyaki twist with a pop of pineapple? Whatever your fresh idea, get any 2 bowls for just $12.99! Freshii – Eat. Energize!
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Hi Tim!
I didn’t hear anything off audio wise, so still working well there.
I think your tone here is warm and playful.
Looking at the script, I am not sure if this is the kind of tone (warm) a client would go for. With the copy ending with the word “Energize” (with an exclamation mark!), I would say it would be more of an upbeat and energetic read, and not end on a “quiet” note. Does this make sense?
Just my thoughts. Otherwise, it is still a good read!
Kathy
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I think this is a really nice read with a lot of enthusiasm. You have a nice pace and feel for the copy. To add to the “warm and inviting” feel, I’d think about 2 things: picking 1-2 operative words in each sentence to emphasize (when you have more, it sounds more sales-pitchy) and breath support when you’re at the high and low ends of your register so you can vocalize without strain. I heard the smile in your voice at the end, and I liked it.
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I think you brought the scripts to life very well. Your voice is a great fit and the words you enunciated were well picked. Only problem is, I think your pauses are too long and the long silence at the end should be omitted. Also, in the first script you paused between “lean beef’s” and “actually lower…” You need to avoid pausing midsentence.
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A true force of nature is undeniable. Makes waves. Can’t be tamed. Begs to be heard. And inspired a true original. Responsibly sourced. Sustainably made. With natural ingredients. For a moisture that’s relentless. A true force of nature. Just like you. Burt’s Bees.
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Ford F Series Pickups
It’s easy to see why Ford has the top sellin’ pickup truck in America. Because, when you look into a Ford, you’ll find innovation, attention to details, and exceptional value – qualities that have made the Ford F Series America’s best sellin’ truck for 43 straight years. With this kind of success, the next thing you’ll see when you look into a Ford pickup might just be yourself. Have you driven a Ford lately?
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Hi all! Here is my daily recording (done on my phone) for your feedback. Thank you!
Mary
First State Bank
In today’s world, everyone needs a bank they can rely on. But, unfortunately, most modern banks are just too big to provide the kind of attention and service you need. First State Bank is the exception. At First State, you’ll discover that banking can be personal and friendly, as well as modern and efficient. FIRST STATE BANK. Today’s bank.-
You’re on the right track. The tempo, pitch and volume you utilized is well performed, though I think you should work on your tone because it makes the script sound more like a narration. Think about who would be listening to this and why, that will help you determine the tone.
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Nice job on the intro to this commercial which states the problem with big Banks! The solution which is first state Bank should have a more enthusiastic tone and pace also may be highlight the name a little more if that makes sense?
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It’s all coming together, Mary!
I felt like this was the best script you have connected with so far. It flowed well, and you sounded more natural throughout the script.
One suggestion: Perhaps flip the emphasis from “Today’s bank.” to “FIRST STATE BANK”., since this is the product you are selling.
Good job! Keep it up!
Kathy
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Sorry can’t provide script for script library. This audition I did recently was two recording, I just combined them together. Thanks for any comments.
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Magnificent read, you’re really pulling off the kind and encouraging tone that Nationwide is known for. Only problem I have is your tempo, I think you may be speaking too fast and it’s causing you to say certain words incorrectly like “to” and “ease.” Unless it says in your audition that the read HAS to be less than 30 seconds, don’t fret about saying everything so quickly.
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Hi RYoung! This sounds great! Very good sound and well produced. Good flow and pacing, very professional.
Mary
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Hi guys. So i’m working really hard practicing different types of narration to find out where I fit naturally with my voice. This is an explainer piece (took me a while to figure out what an “Explainer” even is…) Anyways. I loved this copy and really connected with it – being a songwriter, arts and craft person and what not. I hope this works with my voice. Thanks in advance! (I’m leaving my breaths in on purpose)
“Creativity is not the same as hard work or effort, it requires genuine inspiration. It’s the product of a mind thoroughly intrigued by a question, a situation or a possibility, therefore creativity does not come in exchange for money or rewards, but when we focus our attention on something because we want to.”
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