Feedback Forum
- This topic has 10,034 replies, 719 voices, and was last updated 9 hours, 56 minutes ago by
.
-
Topic
-
Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
-
Replies
-
Hi there! So in my quest for finding narration genres that fit me I wrote this script as a possible option for my narration demo. It is for kids in grades 2-4. I think I might do well with elementary eLearning because of my natural enthusiastic voice. I think it could resonate with kids projects. This is a little elearning read about ancient egypt!
In this history lesson we are going to learn all about ancient egypt! Did you know that Egypt was one of the first advanced societies in the ancient world? Egypt was ruled by pharaohs who were like kings and queens. It had its own religion, culture and writings called hieroglyphs. Egypt is located in the northeastern part of Africa right near the Nile river.
-
-
Duracell Quantum Batteries
SFX: Children Giggling: Then Music Under
This Duracell truck has some very special power.
It’s filled with new Duracell Quantum batteries.
These red batteries are so powerful that this year
they’ll power all the Hasbro toys donated to “Toys for Tots”.
Wanna help power some smiles?SFX: Children Giggling: Then Music Under
Duracell. Trusted everywhere.
-
Overall good reading! If I’m nit-picking (for your sake), I’d say in the first line “This Duracell truck has some very special power” there’s an ok shade of intrigue, but when you follow up with the rest of the script, it needs a bit more enthuziasm/wonderment. In my opinion, it should be subtle, but it should have the same energy level as if you had just invented these batteries, you know they are going to make big waves in the industry (and thus for the children), and you can’t wait to share this information. I guess in a word, I felt like it was just barely sleepy in the middle. When selling products, the psychology is (often), “Hey, here’s this new thing that I just happened across and it’s so wonderful that I’m sharing this NEW and EXCITING thing with you; be the first to capitilize on this hidden gem!”. which is not to say you didn’t do that (nor am I pretending to speak down to you in anyway) but I guess overall I feel a tiny ummpf is needed for the product name itself. hardsell the batteries just a smidge more. make sure the consumer knows the product name and associates with it positively (as opposed to a lecture battery economics(again, not that you did that)).
This is just my first impression, and maybe I got hung-up on a non-issue tho. Your read is good. If you told me this was an existing ad that had already been preened, I wouldn’t bat an eye. Sounds professional.
-
-
I like the music and sound effects you added to this read! My only suggestion here is to perhaps swap out the kids giggling with another clip? In my opinion it sound like a creepy, unnatural giggle LOL but that’s just me! Also, with your read I suggest picking up the pace a tad. Other than that, you have a great voice!
-
-
I went and picked out of one of my past scripts from a session that will not be making it to my narration demo. I thought this one would be a fun and challenging read to revisit. It is from a longer copy, but I took the first two sentences only, as they alone were a mouthful from the beginning. It took me a little while to be happy for tonight. Let me know your thoughts. I appreciate it all. Thanks, everyone.
Kathy
Explainer-Training
35 mm vs. 50 mm vs 85 mm Lens Comparison for Portrait Photography
In this photography lens tutorial, we will be demonstrating the differences between three fixed focal length lenses: the 35mm, 50mm, and 85mm. These are the three most popular lenses used for portrait photography.
-
Hi Kathy! Great read! Very clear and flowed really well in a conversational tone. Really good job!
Mary
-
Thanks, Mary! The second sentence got a little “sloppy” with mouth sounds, so I am afraid it didn’t come out very clear…
Kathy
-
-
-
-
Hi everyone! Here is a recording for your review (recorded on my phone). I would appreciate any and all feedback. Thank you!
Mary
Atlanta Bread Company
When you think of Atlanta Bread Company, don’t just think ‘bread’. Think of an entire breakfast menu – fresh-baked pastries, hot breakfast sandwiches and specialty coffees. Think of our Cafe with signature paninis, daily soups and crisp salads. And don’t forget…we can cater your next special event or meeting! Atlanta Bread Company – more than just bread.-
Hi Mary! Good read with nice pacing; varying your pitch. In your second sentence perhaps emphasis “breakfast” instead of “entire”? Minor suggestion.
Kathy
-
-
-
Practicing some narration. Here are two Telephony Voiceovers and I would like feedback on performance, not quality since I recorded these on my iPhone.
Script 1: A representative will be with you shortly. Meanwhile, summer is already here at L.G. Energy! If it’s time to enjoy a new air conditioner, you’ll also enjoy knowing about our money-saving rebates. Ask your representative about them.
Script 2: Thank you for holding. Did you know that you can now receive your American Express statement completely online. No more paper bills! We’ll even send you an email reminder when your statement is ready for viewing. To see if you can take advantage of this free service; log on to americanexpress.com/paperless. Or ask your representative.
Thank you!!!!
-
-
-
Hi fleishman619!
These were good reads! I have read these both before. I am drawn to telephony.
Script 1: The tone and pacing were good in this read, although, the last sentence seemed a little rushed with the very last two words. Watch out for adding words in your read, too. Omit “And” in your third sentence, as it is not in the script. Also, since this is for “L.G. Energy”, uptick and emphasis here.
Script 2: The read was clear, and well enunciated, but I would lower your volume with “.com”, and not emphasis that specifically. It’s clear, which is good, but just lower the volume. Does that make sense? To me, I hear this copy with a warmer tone. The pace seemed a tad fast, too. Dial it back a notch, and see how it sounds.
I hope this helps! Keep it up! Look forward to more from you!
Kathy
-
-
-
Moving along with my Commercial homework assignments, I’m trying to keep the same theme on the days I make a submission to help me focus a little better. These weren’t done in a home studio so apologies for the quality.
Any/all feedback welcomed and encouraged – thanks !Mercedes E Class
A car that can actually see like a human.
Using stereoscopic cameras and even stop itself if it has to.
The technology may be hard to imagine but why you would want it, is not.
The 2020 E-class. It doesn’t just see the future…Accura
Great design challenges more than just the eyes. It challenges the future. We designed the RDX to challenge not just the future of SUVs, but also the future of Acura. The future starts now. The future is the Acura RDX.
Acura. Everything we ever imagined. And then some-
Really nice work. I think your voice is well suited for this kind of copy. I really don’t have much to add for the second read I thought your upbeat sound was great! I think the first read could be slowed down a little more. I’m thinking a bit more “luxury” and if you were to give the words “see like a human” a little more weight because – wow! This thing is really technologically advanced, you wont believe it, it can actually see like a human! And then just slow down a little bit with the 2 lines “Using stereoscopic cameras and even stop itself if it has to.
The technology may be hard to imagine but why you would want it, is not.” If you slow it down a little I think it would sound less like you are reading it. I really think you nailed the second read. Well done, nice work! 🙂 -
-
You have a naturally resonant voice with a nice sound and very good articulation. I think that for these luxury car brands, though, the tone is more languid. You could go a little slower and have a lighter/smoother touch with the accented syllables within words and beginning consonants. Like the words are being spoken by a guy in a suit running his hand over a very sleek new car.
-
-
My friend said I might not be cut out to handle scripts that have a “hey BRO” tone just yet. I wanted to try it though, so how’s my performance? Any thoughts on the pauses and tempo? Do you think I’m echoing at all?
Church’s Chicken
Here’s the deal. At this time of year, you’re probably craving seafood. And if you are, you’re probably not thinking about Church’s Chicken, right?
Well, think again, because Church’s has it covered. Try our Butterfly Shrimp Platter. That’s Eight tender butterfly prawns, fried until golden, your choice of ANY TWO sides – YEAH, that’s right – TWO sides, and a honey butter cookie for only 5 dollars.
Think twice when you think seafood, better yet, think Church’s.
The Butterfly Shrimp Platter, 5 dollars for a limited time.
Here’s the deal. Only at Church’s Chicken.-
Tim, great enthusiasm on this, I would just be careful of announced words for highlighting instead of changing your pitch which sounds more real. The line “Yea that’s right…. is perfect!
(,5 dollars for a limited time. Here’s the deal. Only at Church’s Chicken). In this part which is the ending “limited” sounds announced or shouted, and starting with Here’s the deal probably could use more enthusiasm, overall minor. I like your promotional voice, good luck! -
-
-
-
Hey everyone, I recently recorded my demo and I want to follow a friend’s advice by concentrating on my strike zone. Do you think this read comes off as warm and inviting? Maybe warm and playful? Is my recording setup still working well? Any advice is appreciated.
Freshii
At Freshii you can customize your entree and be your own culinary master. So what’s in your custom bowl? Tex Mex with black beans and a little salsa fresca? Teriyaki twist with a pop of pineapple? Whatever your fresh idea, get any 2 bowls for just $12.99! Freshii – Eat. Energize!
-
-
Hi Tim!
I didn’t hear anything off audio wise, so still working well there.
I think your tone here is warm and playful.
Looking at the script, I am not sure if this is the kind of tone (warm) a client would go for. With the copy ending with the word “Energize” (with an exclamation mark!), I would say it would be more of an upbeat and energetic read, and not end on a “quiet” note. Does this make sense?
Just my thoughts. Otherwise, it is still a good read!
Kathy
-
I think this is a really nice read with a lot of enthusiasm. You have a nice pace and feel for the copy. To add to the “warm and inviting” feel, I’d think about 2 things: picking 1-2 operative words in each sentence to emphasize (when you have more, it sounds more sales-pitchy) and breath support when you’re at the high and low ends of your register so you can vocalize without strain. I heard the smile in your voice at the end, and I liked it.
-
-
-
-
-
-
I think you brought the scripts to life very well. Your voice is a great fit and the words you enunciated were well picked. Only problem is, I think your pauses are too long and the long silence at the end should be omitted. Also, in the first script you paused between “lean beef’s” and “actually lower…” You need to avoid pausing midsentence.
-
-
-
A true force of nature is undeniable. Makes waves. Can’t be tamed. Begs to be heard. And inspired a true original. Responsibly sourced. Sustainably made. With natural ingredients. For a moisture that’s relentless. A true force of nature. Just like you. Burt’s Bees.
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
