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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hello all! Here is a recording (that I recorded on my phone) for any and all feedback. Looking for commercials that I can relate to, and boxing suits that for me (no sparring, only bags) thanks!
Mary
Fit and Fight
Do you want to be fit? Do you want to fight? Well, let’s go! Fit and Fight is the only gym where you can fight to get fit, get fit to fight, or do both. Get fit with an IFBB world champion bodybuilder. Learn to fight with a German amateur boxing champion. And did I mention it’s a friendly gym? Well, it isn’t. If you want a friend, get a dog. If you want to get fit and learn how to fight, you know where you need to be: Fit and Fight.-
Hi Mary! First of all, I LOVED the way you did the two “lists” in this copy. Lists are the hardest for me to nail without getting too monotonous. I do think that this would benefit from a more aggressive read – the speaker is basically commanding us to go to a hard-core gym where the “product” (such as it is – getting fit) won’t be provided in a touchy-feely way. I think something more authoritative would help get the message across. I did love your delivery about getting a dog if you want a friend – it made me chuckle. I think you’ve got the basic foundation for this copy down in terms of pacing – just… be more intimidating!
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Hi Reeyab, thanks for the feedback! I really have to work on lists too. I will try for a more aggressive and authoritative read and reload one of these days soon. This script was interesting to me – like you say it is pushing people to push themselves without a lot of hand-holding. Thanks again!
Mary
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In my opinion, this is one of the few exception in voice over where you have to take a VERY accusative tone to the listener. It’s definitely a mood shift; needs to be high energy and short bursts. Each punctuation should be like a solid right hook, haha.
Here’s a scene from Ali : Muhamad Ali responding to the Vietnam war – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XwYh8FZzdQ
same kinda energy needs to flow. -
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Mary, the pace of your read was good. In addition you enunciated clearly. The copy is for a fight gym, your energy level needs to match the copy. But overall good read.
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Hi Mary. Overall a good read. The one note I might make is something I struggle with as well – Energy. It just feels a bit like you’re holding back on the excitement/enthusiasm for the gym. Toque
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Hi Toque, thanks for the feedback! Yes, I do struggle with energy as well. For a gym read I agree that it needs to be full of energy, but this one also has a no-nonsense vibe, like hey we’re here if you want to work for it, but we’re not going to chase you down or bend over backwards to be a “friendly gym”, you have to want to be fit to come here, So, for that reason I tried for a more take it or leave it approach (however they may not be what the advertising world wants). Thanks again! Really appreciate it.
Mary
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Hey everyone!
Trying to record my first (commercial) demo without a VO coach! (pandemic, am I right?) So be as critical as you please. I’m going to do more stuff with edge soon, but for right now this is my first shot at it.Thanks!
Script:
*You love coffee. You do! It’s the first thing in the morning that makes you say Ahh!!! David’s – fresh campfire roast – coming soon.
*Oh deary me no, no that wont work at all. My sweet cheeks deserve the 4 ply strength only charmin can provide. When nature calls, I call the front desk, and ask for Charmin.
*I was so out of luck, I felt like I was checking the Amish section of farmers-only.com, but when I switched Westbank united, things looked … hopeful. Now when I check my savings account I don’t have to worry.
*A: “It’s taco night!~~”
B: “Yesyesyesyesyes, I love taco night!”
A: “We won’t tell your dad we’re using Hank’s vegan chili again”
B: “I can’t wait, are you going to start cooking now?”
A: “soon enough”
B: “It’s so good. It makes me say muuuuy deliscioso…ahem*You’re listening to our non-stop kids hour podcast; next up is Oliver’s Fox Squad, here on KidsChoice, the only podcast just for you!
*If you’re looking for insurance for whatever life throws your way, then you need to get Bryant Family Life Security.
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Hi Alex!
Impressive. Great range in voices for each script, and varying your tone and pitch.
My feedback:
I understand as a voice actor we need to interpret the script for delivery; what the client wants, but we also need to read the script as written (no adding or eliminating words, pausing).
Script 3: You said “to”, but forgot to include it in your script here. I am sure it was a minor typing error. I also noticed a micro-pause in your sentence, “Now when I check my savings account I don’t have to worry.” Unless it’s built into the script, again, watch for pausing mid-sentence. (I noticed it in script 2, as well. Minor, but noticeable.)
Audio and production quality sounded good on my end.
Just my thoughts. Overall, great job!
Thank you, too, for the feedback.
Kathy
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Hi Amitofu. First, thanks so much for your great feedback on my posting below. Really appreciate it.I’ll make my comments for each of your reads in the order they appear:
First read: Sounds great!
Second read:Not sure if that’s an English accent you’re trying to effect, or just a bit of a character accent? If English (and as someone with an English mother, grandmother, etc) I’d say it’s so-so and could use some work. My coach’s advice has been to avoid doing accents unless they’re “spot on”.
Third read: Great also – just one minor bit of slurring the word “savings” in “savings account”.
Fourth read: Great.
Fifth read: (Oliver’s Fox Squad) – I loved this one! I can easily imagine hearing it on a promo during Saturday morning cartoons!
Sixth read: Also very good. As with Mary’s comments, I’m impressed with the range of voices you have. Great work!
Toque.
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Thanks so much. I definitely appreciate you going into detail and I’m glad you found my feedback helpful as well. The second voice was essentially a character voice. I’ve never really practiced an authentic British accent; ‘maybe’ in the distant future I’ll attempt one but this wasn’t meant to be an example, haha.
Thanks again.
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Hi Amitofu! Wow, really nice variation of reads with great production. Each segment showed a very nice sample of your voice and each segment had great emotion and authenticity. All of the segments seem really suited for your voice, and all of them sounded like they are already out there. Very good!
Mary
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Here is a short Bio narration of one of my favorite writers , My coach wanted me to post some of recordings for critic, help me out guys!
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Hi MrTripo9, good read! You have a nice warm, rich voice that seems good for this script. I would agree too in that some words were hard to understand, some of them for me were burials and genre.
I realize too this is for practice, but there were a couple of extra words (not typed at least) that were added into what you read. If this were a paying gig, the person who hired you might take offense to the script not being read exactly as written.
“but he made his living as Americas first literary critic and theoretician” was read as
“but he made his living as Americas first great literary critic and a theoretician
Otherwise good read!Mary
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Off the top of my head, I would say you at least need a little emphasis on the first mention of the name “Poe” especially since it’s one syllable and the subject of your read. I would also say the ennunciation overall need to be both polished and made more fluid. No offence but it sounds like English might not be your first language. Words that stood out: Madmen, Burials, Returned, inventor, modern, innovator, genre, literary, theoretician. Between the pronociation and the rhythm it made it a little chaotic.
Not horrible, but as voice over artists, we need to be clear every word – the audience can never ask us afterward what we said. Reading out loud and parroting audio you hear carefully, will improve you quickly I think.Good luck!
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The name poe brings to mind images of murderous madmen, premature burials and mysterious women who returned form the dead. He is widely acknowledged as the inventor of the modern detective story and an innovator in the science fiction genre , but he made his living as Americas first literary critic and theoretician
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Hi Michelle! Welcome! I like you voice – very nice and friendly and with good clarity. There seemed to be some unnecessary pauses in a couple of spots, but that’s a minor point. For me I typically have to read and re-read and get really familiar with the script, then when I record it flows a little better. Overall good job, keep it up!
Mary
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Hey. Good read overall; I’m just going to touch on things that (I think) could use improvement.
Voice acting-wise: It needs a little more energy/believability. The inflections were mostly-all good and there, but they felt underpowered if that makes sense. If I were trying to give the read, I would imagine that I were a warm teacher giving confident(~authoritative) yet nurturing caring advice (“Nature’s Way is the obvious choice”. It also felt like the word “Sambucas” could use a bit of tweaking, especially since it’s part of the brand name. Try several variations and practices until it sounds second nature. Overall not bad for a first read though.
The technical aspect: This part overshadowed the Acting part because it was the first and last part I noticed initially. I’m not sure what your personal context is so take as needed. If you’re just practicing/honing your skills then absolutely do that first before dumping excessive amounts of money into proper equipment/environment treatment. That being said
– There’s a steady hum/hiss throughout the clip that will absolutely rend any audio engineer’s ear.
– You had a number of both plosives and rustlings in the clip. There’s also minor things in the background. Some things you might not be able to control because of your budget, but using a popfilter (or pencil trick) and some other actor techniques, will cut down on the quality being effected.
– There was a subtle echo where you can just tell the room isn’t sound treated. It wasn’t super-noticable, but its something you want to be aware of when you do sound treatment in the future because not even the best DAW or microphone will help you remove it AFTER you record, short of a pact with the devil.
– If you’re just starting out, don’t worry about this til late game but using a custom EQ will help compliment your voice.but, like I said, if you’re just starting out or just messing around for practice, don’t hyper-focus on the technical/equipment aspect; training your voice always comes first. So those were my thoughts anyway. I don’t mean to be harsh, and I only say as much as I did because I know there’s a deep well of potential.
Cheers on your journey! Keep at it.
(ps – traditionally auditions are submitted in .mp3 files and final project in .wav files – yours is in .m4a > minor detail to look out for in the future, but also probably why your attachment didn’t appear with a handy-dandy website embeded player for this forum.)
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Hey folks! I’m new and just starting to work with a coach toward developing a demo. Would really appreciate your honest feedback on this first posting. I look forward to your comments, and providing same for your projects. Thanks! Toque
Here’s the direction for the piece:
This is a serious spot defending American jobs. Towards the end, VO should be urging viewer to take action. Not too over the top of an attack, but it should convey some disappointment and frustration with partisan Washington politics that prevents progress on jobs.
And here’s the script:
You sent a message to Washington.
Loud and clear.
Focus on the economy and jobs.
Show the taxpayers that Congress can work again.Unfortunately, others have a different agenda.
The same politicians who brought us a government shutdown and led the U.S. to the brink of default have a new bad idea:
Ending the X-M Bank, which is designed to help American employers and American jobs.
These jobs and workers in the Export-Import economy deserve support.
Do the right thing for our economy and support the X-M Bank.-
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Hi Toque! Nice audio quality and you have a very nice voice. A few notes on the read would be the first line had an uptick in your pitch so it made it sound like a question – “You sent a message to Washington?” I’ve done it too haha! And then I think it is carefully paced so if you note how you are in conversation, when we are in a conversation we don’t pace ourselves so carefully right. I think if you paced this out a bit quicker it may also help that passion and frustration you are supposed to convey come through. Great work though, keep it up! Very exciting that you are working towards a demo.
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Hi Toque! Good read. Your voice is very warm and smooth. This script feels like a call to action to me. As such, I think the first 4 lines should be strong and decisive, and with a little more intensity. The second part, starting with “unfortunately” is giving the audience a proposed solution to the case as stated in the first 4 lines. Overall good read!
Mary
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Sounds good. Three things I noticed to improve on:
The first line – “You sent a message to Washington” the inflection you used sounds a little like a mix of a question and a statement, which a little-bit undermined the confident tone of the rest of the read.
Secondly, I would consider using dramatic pauses a little more judiciously. The whole read is of course dramatic, but oversaturated with pauses, every pause can feel like an opportunity for the audience to stop listening/caring. If I had to single a pause out, eg; “(who) led the US to the brink of default [ ] have a new bad idea”. As odd as it sounds to say, the fluidity of that read is more important than giving extra time to underline the bad things they’ve done (ofc strictly in terms of VO, haha).
Thirdly, at around 0:28 – “Help” has a noticeable plosive. I didn’t really comb the rest for similar fumbles, but just thought I’d point it out.
Good read, but especially for a demo, you want it to be basically flawless.
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Hey Toque! I’m unsure on the platform this read is meant for. Your read comes off (to me) like I’m listening to an audiobook. You have a great voice for narration! But if it’s supposed to be for a PSA or commercial etc, it could use a bit more projection, energy/intensity, and believability that you’re face to face with these people. Build the environment for the listeners. Thanks for posting and keep at it!
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Your voice is great! Overall Fantastic.
If you were really trying to press the criticism out of me, theres a couple of (mouth?) clicks from 0:06 to 0:09. I think like 3, but they’re pretty subtle so that’s just nitpicking. ((on second listen, that might be part of the bg music)) Other than that, the bg music selection was impressive but a little mismatched. The creepy crawly music leading up to the dramatic action style was really stellar, but then the funky music at the end kinda feels out of place. Ofc if it’s just for practice then don’t worry (maybe a demo or paid ad, consider consulting a pro); but if it is just for practice, I would warn against adding music and try to let your voice speak for itself (pardon the pun), at least for Voice-over forums. That way it’s easier to pick out smaller issues.
Like I said, I’m impressed.
Cheers!
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Trying same script in 2 different styles sort of.
John Deere Shortcuts
When you take shortcuts it shows, we don’t run like that.
We build John Deere equipment the way we always have, the right way.
Times change, our principles don’t.
You don’t just have our work on it… we’ve got our name on it.
That’s how we run.-
Hi Robert, really nice read! I think your voice is a perfect fit for copy like this. I like the second read better for pacing. The only constructive thing would be that last line “That’s how we run.” To me I feel like a throwaway line in the middle of a script and didn’t feel definitive. Perhaps you could make that last line distinctive. Maybe emphasizing the word “that’s” and have a small pause after. “That’s (mini beat) how we run”. Just an idea. It feels like it needs a confident definitive ending.
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I really like both of them! maybe the second a smidge better. Great job.
On the technical side, it sounds like you have a noise gate that is cutting a little too close to your words, kinda noticable fade away at the end of a couple phrases. Also, I don’t know if you’re using an EQ but perhaps look into something called demudding (I think. I’m not super-savvy). It sounds a little muffled.
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I agree with Kathy, the second is much better in terms of pacing and all-around tone, at least to my ear. I comes across more plain-spoken and earnest, just stating simple facts. I think (again, this is just to my ear, so take that for what it’s worth) that there are a few places that could use some tweaks in terms of tone or “impact”, but if you were to work with a coach on this one it should absolutely be on your commercial demo reel. You definitely have the voice for it.
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Hi Robert!
Hearing you read John Deere is approved by this Green Mountain girl! 🙂
I prefer the second script for it’s pacing. I think the tone and bill-boarding of “That’s how we run.” would make more sense if John Deere was included before it: John Deere. That’s how we run. It would then sound more like a tag line. Otherwise, I don’t think I would raise the volume on this last line. Just my thoughts.
Overall, good job!
Kathy
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Good evening all! Here is my recording (recorded on my phone) for any and all feedback. Working on sounding authentic yet natural. Thank you!
Mary
Sears Carpets
OH! Welcome to my commercial. I just want to tell you about what a great experience I had buying new carpet from Sears. Well, I went to Sears and found that DuPont no-stain carpets were on sale through Saturday. They also offered free installation guaranteed. If you want one of America’s premiere carpet brands, just go to Sears. It’s DuPont Stainless in hundreds of colors and textures, on sale through Saturday, at Sears.-
Hi Mary! I also feel like the enthusiasm is not there. I’ve yet to hear something from your posts that I feel like “mary is totally into this thing”. I’m wondering just what you are passionate about in life, what gets you excited? Maybe start from there. What do you naturally get pumped about when you’re talking to friends and family? If you are passionate about baking for instance, is there a brand you LOVE and would you talk to your friends about this AMAZING new mixer you got? Or if you are into gardening what makes you the most excited about gardening? When you find an awesome solution in life do you excitedly tell people about it? I think you are not connecting with the copy which is really the crux of voice-over. If you are not genuinely connecting to the copy I don’t think the read will be a good one. Sorry if this is harsh! You’re such a sweet lady. Perhaps if you are a less enthusiastic person and don’t really get “excited” or passionate about things (my husband is kind of that way…) maybe commercial isn’t the best niche for you because you do have to genuinely have a positive point of view about the product. I do know a coach would be able to really nail down where your voice is best suited, or help you learn to connect to the copy. I know I’m throwing a lot out there.
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Hi Katelyn! Thank you so much for the candid feedback, this is very helpful. I actually have a long list of things I really do love and have been very actively searching sample scripts I can believe in for me and also sound excited. I’m also interested in narration and telephony, and will work towards a narration demo next, but first it’s a commercial demo (one thing at a time, per my coach). This is not harsh at all, so thanks again! I have a coaching session tonight and sharing detailed feedback is really one of the best ways to improve for me. Thank you!!!
Mary
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yeah, I’d say Robert said what I was going to. I think maybe in trying to sound authentic you pulled so far away from an announcer style that (ironically) it was a bit script like and stilted.
eg; “…carpets were on sale through Saturday”
I did not feel like you went to Sears on Saturday. Not even one bit, haha, sorry.Outside of that, there’s a high pitch beep tone consistently in the background I thought you should be aware of.
I did like that you were ambitious enough to do a casual read, as opposed to a high energy sales pitch. With consistent practice and awareness, over time I think you’ll nail it.
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Thanks for the feedback Amitofu! I laughed out loud at your comment about me not actually going to Sears, I really am trying to work on sounding real and authentic, but I too realize that without meaning to I can sound a little sarcastic (?) It’s a fine balance for me in hitting the right words and having inflections, but also sounding authentic. I really have not been to Sears in many years, maybe that was in the back of my head too. lol
I too can hear the high pitch sound; my desktop tower has been recently located to be next to my desk vs. on the floor and I don’t yet have a mic or real equipment but will be working on that in the next few weeks. Good to know that the tower will need to be moved or relocated / soundproofed as part of the home studio setup.
Thanks again for the feedback! It’s all welcome in this learning curve we are all working on!
Mary
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Hey Mary Good Job, I can totally hear this on radio, I agree with Robert…you are definitely getting better with each post.
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Mary,
Good read, You keep getting better making it flow. Try to imagine you are talking to your best friend telling them about the carpet sale at Sears. That will help up make it more conversational. But good pace, tone and pronunciation.
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Trying to use a little less accent.
History Channel
If you lived before our time, who would you be?
Would you fight your brother for the rights of another? Who would you be?
Would you find new dreams or create wonders?
What if you could choose from a 1,000 yesterdays; a 1,000 lives, when the past was today and the new took your breath away.
Who would you be? What would you feel? How would you live? Who would you love?-
Overall you’ve got a good voice. I’d say acting wise, maybe it sounded like you were too focused on something technical (eg; accent or script) that it lacked presence. I didn’t feel like I was being asked any of the question with a real sense of wonderment. Psychologically, rather your question is rhetorical or a direct question to the listener, the read needs to evoke imagery or creativity. a certain vibe of ponderment – eg: “Would you find new dreams or create wonders?” ‘new dreams’ and ‘create wonders’ can either be read like synonyms or they can be read against/versus each other; but either way the selling point is that the sky is the limit (so to speak).
Your read was good, but not nessicarily great. Keep at it though.
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Great job at masking your natural accent, I know how hard that can be to get away from. There was a little slur of words right at the top that needed to be enunciate a little more, less rushed. Not sure if that was an artifact of going to GenAm from Texas, but seems like you’re on the right track.
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Hi Robert! Good read, although I like your natural accent too! This had a nice softer, calm tone. The last line of questions seemed a little rushed to me, just reading the script makes me think that the author would have wanted people to take a beat to think about those questions. Maybe not long pauses after each question, but tiny pauses, just my opinion. Very good!
Mary
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Mary, I took the Pauses out a little in editing. I keep getting a comment to two about the pauses in between. But really that is just the way I talk, a little slower down here in Texas. I appreciate your feedback!!
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Ah, ok. Interesting! I’m no coach on the pauses, it just seemed a hare short to me after each question. I tried to imagine that if I heard this as a commercial on the History Channel that it would be stretched out with pauses in between and music in the background; it does not sound like a script that would be rushed.
P.S. I understand the slower speaking too; I’m from Oklahoma and we are not known to be the fastest talking part of the country! lol
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Hi there! I’ve been busy writing different scripts for practicing narration with my coach. Here are 3 reads and I want you to be very honest if my voice does NOT fit a certain style. I’m aware I won’t be doing national geographic because I have a young sound (even though I freaking LOVE DOCUMENTARIES lol) I’m trying to find options where I could fit in documentaries – like female health, or documentaries targeted toward a more female / younger audience. I also love travel and I’m Canadian so I included a read for Banff which I love, and I’m trying for a celebrity biography as well. If you could let me know your thoughts based on what my voice fits that would be great, I really appreciate it, thank you!
Banff – Travelogue
Banff is a stunningly beautiful town high up in Alberta’s Rocky Mountains. Situated within Banff National Park you can enjoy being surrounded by pristine Canadian wilderness including alpine peaks and snow covered forests.S****l Health Documentary
Hormonal birth control’s main cheat is altering the estrogen and progesterone levels in the body so it thinks you’re already pregnant. So no new eggs are released, the c****x stays plugged up and the uterine lining remains thin.Celebrity Biography:
Julia Roberts; the star with the megawatt smile has been wowing fans for the past three decades. Eventually winning an Oscar for her role in Erin Brockovich, It’s Julia’s on-screen talent in over 40 films that has earned her a place in the Hollywood pantheon.Edit: LOL with the words we are not allowed to say
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Your voice is great. I don’t think you should count yourself out of any documentary style based on your submissions. For whatever reason during the first read, I was thinking that it could easily be a nature/nat geo documentary on artic animals, maybe like penguins. It would be a a change of pace from the morgan freeman/pierce brosnan reads, but I found that kinda refreshing.
I will say that on the women’s health one, somewhere between the pauses and enthusiasm, I got more of a sales vibe than an informative one. (viz: “so it thinks you’re already pregnant”, reminds me of Clearasil commercials, haha)
Other than that, maybe try experimenting with a de-esser. some of them came off a little harsh.
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Katelyn –
Nicely done! Totally agree with Mary and Robert. I think you’re very well-suited for all three types that you read. Something I noticed since the last sample of yours that I listened to a few days ago was you maintained a very nice tempo in all three of these from start to finish, making the story engaging. It made it feel that you were connecting and communicating WITH the listener, not reading a script TO them.
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