Feedback Forum
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Hi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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Hi all!
Here is my narration practice for feedback. It is a script for “Fun Food Hacks” that did not make it onto my list for my demo. All feedback is appreciated and welcome, although I specifically want to know about my pacing here (internet audio for a food video). Thanks again!
Kathy
Fun Food Hacks
Want to make ice cream cookie sandwiches in a snap? It’s easy. Take a pint of your favorite ice cream. Carefully slice through, creating about 1 inch disks. Next take your cookie; place the disk in the middle, and top with another cookie. Find the seam of the carton, and peel away. Press together slightly, and you have a yummy, instant, desert!
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Overall I don’t have any fundamental criticisms or flaws to point out. You did great.
In terms of pacing, I would of read the first sentence a little more quickly. It’s a brief instructional script though so it’s pretty subjective. The other thing I picked up on was “Find the seam of the carton, and peel away.” – I personally would shorten the gap between “carton” and “and” so that it’s one swift sentence (because the real final direction is in the next sentence “Press together slightly”)
Other than that, I’m not sure the volume is at the correct level. Sounds a little soft by comparison to the other’s on this page. (could be on my end though)
-Alex
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Thank you, Alex, for the feedback!
I am still learning my interface volume levels and software. I have them at probably 50-60%, and when I am happy with my recording, I listen back on my computer in an mp3 file without my headphones. The computer volume is usually at 60-70%. To me the reading sounds loud enough, but thanks for pointing it out as something to be mindful of.
Kathy
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Hi Kathy – I really liked this read! You had great energy and pacing throughout, and it flowed really well. not too slow or too fast and I could hear the smile in your voice. Very good!
Mary
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Hello,
I’m new to the VO world and looking for some feedback on a few practice scripts as part of my homework. Please be brutally honest as it will only engage me to get better. Thanks Much, Evette!
France
The real enjoyment of visiting France does not come from an appreciation of its art or architecture, but from the enjoyment of the natural beauty of its people. The spirit of France is evident in every city and in every town. The French have a knack for enjoying life to the fullest, and you can sense it everywhere! Strolling down the Champs Elysee on any evening transforms one instantly into a sublimely romantic setting, complete with laughter, romance, the distant sounds of clattering dishes, and the wonderful aroma of freshly baked French breads.Ivory 3
Inside of me lives a little girl who was fierce and bold and completely free. Now I’m the one people depend on. But that little girl…I know she’s still there, because I’ll always be an Ivory girl. That’s Ivory. Still 99.44% pure. Pure clean. Pure beautiful. Pure me. … Forever fresh…classic Ivory clean.Oil Of Olay 3
This bar is all about your face – making it soft, smooth.. never dry like soap can. Even if you like the beauty bar with ¼ moisturizing cream, when you try this bar you might just do an about face. Oil of Olay the brand more dermatologists recommend and more women trust for beautiful skin.-
Evette –
Welcome and best of luck on your new journey! I’m relatively new as well and have learned that practice and training are invaluable.To your scripts – I agree on the need to dial back on the tempo a little. I think it would also help if you took apart each script to identify a few more key words and phrases that you can emphasize by differentiating pitch. This would help the storylines become a little sharper as well as making each sound different from the others.
I also heard a few words in “France” that didn’t match the script – “an evening” should be “any evening” and “subliminally” should be “sublimely”. Also in Oil of Olay, you need to nail the product name – it’s only used once in the entire script. I heard “Oll of Olay” instead of “Oil of Olay” – I think slowing down the tempo overall would correct this and some other enunciation issues.
Keep at it!
Charles -
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Hi Evette…first impression: slow down. It sounds like you are rushing through the reads. Let the words breathe, there’s no need to go fast, even if you have a “time limit” like on a commercial. One of my coaches, James Andrews, told me that slowing down will actually help to speed up your read. It sounds paradoxical, but it works.
Second impression: they sounded a bit the same. That isn’t to say bad, just the same. This comes from needing to connect with the material and understanding why you are saying these words, and to whom. (This is something I struggle with constantly.)
Keep at the work, though, that’s what the VO game is all about. Continuous improvement.
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Hi Evette – welcome! I really like your voice – it is very soft and sweet and well suited for these types of commercials.
Script 1: This one felt just a tad rushed to me. You might try envisioning yourself in France and experiencing being there, and possibly adding some varied inflections to the last sentence, which includes a list of items.
Script 2: Good read!
Script 3: Another good read. You might try emphasizing “Oil of Olay” in the last sentence more, the tone drops and it’s the only time the product name is mentioned. Keep it up!Mary
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I’m trying to narrow some scripts down for my demo: I’ve attached VO samples of copy I am iffy about; tour, travel, food, & telephony. Please only give feedback on performance, as I recorded on my phone. Thank you so much in advance!
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Hi Fleishman – All were very well done! You’ve got great tone and tempo and know how to select and emphasize the key words throughout each script. My order is (2) reef, (3) tacos, (1) tour and (4) telephony. Your change in tone and toward the end of Reef when you started to describe the “bad news” was perfectly done to reflect the growing problem. I also thought your personality came though the most in Taco but as others mentioned, it’s more a commercial and less a narration script so demo genre is important for an “in or out” decision. In just 2-3 sentences, The Tour made me feel I was starting to be informed and educated, not lectured, by someone who was truly interested in the subject matter. Telephony was very well done as well but as with Taco, this is a separate genre from the others. I’ve been taught that it is best to have a single genre as the theme for a demo file so agents and prospective clients can more easily categorize you and your work.
Good luck
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Hi Fleishman, great job on all 4 reads! You have a really nice clear voice with great inflections and flow throughout. My order for you is 3 Tacos, 4 Telephony, 1 Tour, 2 Barrier Reef. I like how you were able to vary up the read feeling and emotion dependent on the topic as well, really good. I think the Tacos read appealed the most to me because I could tell you were having fun and it sounded a tiny bit more natural than the rest, but really all 4 were very good. Great job!
Mary
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Hi! These are all really fantastic! I agree that if this is a narration demo the food option feels like a commercial. I would personally avoid putting telephony on a demo as I don’t know if that part of the industry is growing as more and more people are using “automated” human voices. But you may want to research that niche to find out and talk to your coach about that? I think these are awesome and you should definitely include the first 2 on the demo! Nice work!
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Nice job on varying your tone on all the scripts! They were all good reads, too.
I am not sure if this helps, but I liked tour (3), food (2), and telephony (1). The food script would work for an in-show narration for a food show, but it might need to be written or read a little differently to not sound so commercially. But, I agree with Beckolin, if you plan to do a commercial demo, this would fit perfectly.
Kathy
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You sound wonderful on all four, quite honestly…but I particularly like the quality of your voice in the first and last (tour and telephony.) If this is a narration demo, the food one doesn’t feel right…sounds more appropriate for a commercial demo. However, you performed it really well, so if you’re doing both narration and commercial, that would be a strong contender.
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Hello again Forum,
Here’s my 2nd submission…trying MP3 this time, which apparently works better! It’s the “Upstart Corporate Conference” narration from the script library. I’m just picking things that I haven’t done before to practice both reading and editing. Aside from pacing and vocal quality, I’m trying to figure out my settings on my interface and in Audacity. Thanks in advance for any input!-
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Hi Beckolin!
This is a really great read! Your voice is suited for trainer narration.
I am not sure if you want audio quality feedback, however, overall, it sounded good to me.
I did hear some very minor noise in the beginning and ending of your recording, but that is something that can be cut out or eliminated with noise reduction.
I think I heard a little “dead” space between sentences (‘sold.’ That’s). I am not sure if you were just really quiet, or you made edits in the script, but I noticed the sound difference. It was almost unnatural sounding. Maybe it is just me.
I hope this helps!
Kathy
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Here’s the script, if anyone wants to see it: Welcome back everyone. In this next segment, we’re going to be looking at the evolution of our selling methodology. Like we said before, UpStart’s target demographic is millennials, and how they want to be sold to is unlike any generation before them.
In fact, many of you may be millennials, or be just like millennials yourselves – and that’s why you’re a good fit for this job. You’re the kind of consumer who is checking online reviews, looking at a company’s Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat, and really buying into a company’s branding and ethos before you’re ‘sold.’
That’s why UpStart preaches a relationship-focused sales strategy. We will equip you with the time, resources and backup to build strong, authentic relationships with potential clients, instead of pushing a product at all costs.
It’s integral that our clients have a real, normal human first interaction with our sales staff, where we simply tell them what we’re offering, and educate them on the state of the startup scene in their market. It’s absolutely vital that you don’t rush the first date at UpStart. Interested clients have seen our Instagram ads, they get it.
We want to make them feel like they’re having a link up with a buddy in a coffee shop.
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Commercial read homework for your performance feedback only. Thanks so much!
Sesame Place is the theme park where Sesame Street comes to life! New in 2018 is our biggest, most exciting roller coaster ever – Oscar’s Wacky Taxi! Bring the entire family to whirl on rides, splash down slides and hug everyone’s favorite furry friends. So before little kids become big kids, bring them to meet their Sesame Street friends at Sesame Place theme park!
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Hello, commercial read homework read #2, for your feedback on performance only. Thanks so much!!
Trendi.com. It’s the #1 shopping site for top name brands at up to 75% off. Great style, great value and everything ships free. Trendi.com. Everything you love, for less.
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Hello! I’d love to get your performance only feedback on my commercial read homework (recorded on iPad). Thanks so much for listening.
Peet’s Coffee
Characters like Marie. She’s a character. She does ballet. Professionally. Because character. That’s what we’re about. Alfred Peet. Now, there’s a character. He brought us craft roasted. Us, as in America. You. Me. Diane. Diane’s friend. At Peet’s, we source the best beans. We roast them. We brew them. We make great coffee. We’re Peet’s. -
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Another script for review, thanks for listening.
Truth is most motorcycle insurance costs about the same. What’s not the same, is the coverage. Now you can get the AllState protection you need.. for a price you can afford. Talk to an All State agent today. Are you in good hands? -
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Practicing corporate narration. Here are a couple of samples I recorded on my iPhone, so please only feedback on performance and not quality. Thank you in advance!
Script 1: Congratulations, you just bought Allstate Homeowners Insurance. And now, if your home or property suffers a covered loss or is damaged, you’ll be covered, and that’s a good feeling. However there are some things that can’t be replaced, so that’s why it’s is important to prevent these damages from occurring in the first place. Here, you’ll learn what steps you can take to make your home safe and secure.
Script 2: Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.
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Awesome! I think both scripts are really well done. Your voice is friendly and conversational. You sound like a great fit for corporate narration and E-learning.
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Hi! You did a great job varying inflection on the lists, not a lot of glottal stops either. Maybe just watch out for turning “and” into “n” (I do this all the time, and wish I had a solid strategy to offer, but I’m working on it.) Your tone and delivery sound really natural and polished. Great work!!
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Jack Daniels ‘’Giving The Right Gift’’
Givin’ the right gift is easy. Just follow these simple steps.
First, pick up a bottle of Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey.
Now, the size ya choose depends on who it’s for. Say a
“boss”, a “friend”, or a “brother”. Second, get some wrappin’
paper and ribbon. It’s kinda like wrappin’ a tennis racquet.
they’re gonna know what it is. but that’s part of the charm.
And last…and most important! Step 3. Be there when they
open it! -
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