Feedback Forum
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August 7, 2020 at 9:27 am #15468
David Goldberg
Edge Studio StaffHi! Upload your recordings, and get feedback from your peers!
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This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by
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This topic was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
David Goldberg.
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This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by
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This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by
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December 14, 2020 at 8:22 pm #59691
Evette75
ParticipantHello,
I’m new to the VO world and looking for some feedback on a few practice scripts as part of my homework. Please be brutally honest as it will only engage me to get better. Thanks Much, Evette!
France
The real enjoyment of visiting France does not come from an appreciation of its art or architecture, but from the enjoyment of the natural beauty of its people. The spirit of France is evident in every city and in every town. The French have a knack for enjoying life to the fullest, and you can sense it everywhere! Strolling down the Champs Elysee on any evening transforms one instantly into a sublimely romantic setting, complete with laughter, romance, the distant sounds of clattering dishes, and the wonderful aroma of freshly baked French breads.Ivory 3
Inside of me lives a little girl who was fierce and bold and completely free. Now I’m the one people depend on. But that little girl…I know she’s still there, because I’ll always be an Ivory girl. That’s Ivory. Still 99.44% pure. Pure clean. Pure beautiful. Pure me. … Forever fresh…classic Ivory clean.Oil Of Olay 3
This bar is all about your face – making it soft, smooth.. never dry like soap can. Even if you like the beauty bar with ¼ moisturizing cream, when you try this bar you might just do an about face. Oil of Olay the brand more dermatologists recommend and more women trust for beautiful skin.Attachments:
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December 15, 2020 at 5:12 pm #59773
chas82
ParticipantEvette –
Welcome and best of luck on your new journey! I’m relatively new as well and have learned that practice and training are invaluable.To your scripts – I agree on the need to dial back on the tempo a little. I think it would also help if you took apart each script to identify a few more key words and phrases that you can emphasize by differentiating pitch. This would help the storylines become a little sharper as well as making each sound different from the others.
I also heard a few words in “France” that didn’t match the script – “an evening” should be “any evening” and “subliminally” should be “sublimely”. Also in Oil of Olay, you need to nail the product name – it’s only used once in the entire script. I heard “Oll of Olay” instead of “Oil of Olay” – I think slowing down the tempo overall would correct this and some other enunciation issues.
Keep at it!
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December 15, 2020 at 10:15 am #59751
BrianWigginsVO
ParticipantHi Evette…first impression: slow down. It sounds like you are rushing through the reads. Let the words breathe, there’s no need to go fast, even if you have a “time limit” like on a commercial. One of my coaches, James Andrews, told me that slowing down will actually help to speed up your read. It sounds paradoxical, but it works.
Second impression: they sounded a bit the same. That isn’t to say bad, just the same. This comes from needing to connect with the material and understanding why you are saying these words, and to whom. (This is something I struggle with constantly.)
Keep at the work, though, that’s what the VO game is all about. Continuous improvement.
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December 15, 2020 at 12:35 am #59728
Robert Broussard
ParticipantFor some reason I could only open the 1st on. Your read pace was a little fast and you can work on you enunciation of the words better. It sounded hollow as well in your background. Still you did a decent job. Keep practicing.
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December 14, 2020 at 11:47 pm #59711
mkell755
ParticipantHi Evette – welcome! I really like your voice – it is very soft and sweet and well suited for these types of commercials.
Script 1: This one felt just a tad rushed to me. You might try envisioning yourself in France and experiencing being there, and possibly adding some varied inflections to the last sentence, which includes a list of items.
Script 2: Good read!
Script 3: Another good read. You might try emphasizing “Oil of Olay” in the last sentence more, the tone drops and it’s the only time the product name is mentioned. Keep it up!Mary
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December 14, 2020 at 6:29 pm #59685
fleishman619
ParticipantI’m trying to narrow some scripts down for my demo: I’ve attached VO samples of copy I am iffy about; tour, travel, food, & telephony. Please only give feedback on performance, as I recorded on my phone. Thank you so much in advance!
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December 15, 2020 at 5:43 pm #59776
chas82
ParticipantHi Fleishman – All were very well done! You’ve got great tone and tempo and know how to select and emphasize the key words throughout each script. My order is (2) reef, (3) tacos, (1) tour and (4) telephony. Your change in tone and toward the end of Reef when you started to describe the “bad news” was perfectly done to reflect the growing problem. I also thought your personality came though the most in Taco but as others mentioned, it’s more a commercial and less a narration script so demo genre is important for an “in or out” decision. In just 2-3 sentences, The Tour made me feel I was starting to be informed and educated, not lectured, by someone who was truly interested in the subject matter. Telephony was very well done as well but as with Taco, this is a separate genre from the others. I’ve been taught that it is best to have a single genre as the theme for a demo file so agents and prospective clients can more easily categorize you and your work.
Good luck
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December 15, 2020 at 12:38 am #59729
Robert Broussard
ParticipantI think all of them are very good. Good Job!
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December 14, 2020 at 11:55 pm #59713
mkell755
ParticipantHi Fleishman, great job on all 4 reads! You have a really nice clear voice with great inflections and flow throughout. My order for you is 3 Tacos, 4 Telephony, 1 Tour, 2 Barrier Reef. I like how you were able to vary up the read feeling and emotion dependent on the topic as well, really good. I think the Tacos read appealed the most to me because I could tell you were having fun and it sounded a tiny bit more natural than the rest, but really all 4 were very good. Great job!
Mary
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December 14, 2020 at 11:54 pm #59712
katelyndawnvo
ParticipantHi! These are all really fantastic! I agree that if this is a narration demo the food option feels like a commercial. I would personally avoid putting telephony on a demo as I don’t know if that part of the industry is growing as more and more people are using “automated” human voices. But you may want to research that niche to find out and talk to your coach about that? I think these are awesome and you should definitely include the first 2 on the demo! Nice work!
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December 14, 2020 at 10:22 pm #59705
kfvoice
ParticipantNice job on varying your tone on all the scripts! They were all good reads, too.
I am not sure if this helps, but I liked tour (3), food (2), and telephony (1). The food script would work for an in-show narration for a food show, but it might need to be written or read a little differently to not sound so commercially. But, I agree with Beckolin, if you plan to do a commercial demo, this would fit perfectly.
Kathy
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December 14, 2020 at 7:24 pm #59690
Beckolin
ParticipantYou sound wonderful on all four, quite honestly…but I particularly like the quality of your voice in the first and last (tour and telephony.) If this is a narration demo, the food one doesn’t feel right…sounds more appropriate for a commercial demo. However, you performed it really well, so if you’re doing both narration and commercial, that would be a strong contender.
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December 14, 2020 at 5:42 pm #59678
Beckolin
ParticipantHello again Forum,
Here’s my 2nd submission…trying MP3 this time, which apparently works better! It’s the “Upstart Corporate Conference” narration from the script library. I’m just picking things that I haven’t done before to practice both reading and editing. Aside from pacing and vocal quality, I’m trying to figure out my settings on my interface and in Audacity. Thanks in advance for any input!Attachments:
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December 15, 2020 at 12:40 am #59730
Robert Broussard
ParticipantVery Good!!
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December 14, 2020 at 11:58 pm #59714
mkell755
ParticipantHi Beckolin! Great read! Your voice is nice and warm, and has great clarity. It sounded very well paced too, and would really keep someone’s attention for a narration like this one. I can’t think of much to critique here, very well done!
Mary
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December 14, 2020 at 10:12 pm #59704
kfvoice
ParticipantHi Beckolin!
This is a really great read! Your voice is suited for trainer narration.
I am not sure if you want audio quality feedback, however, overall, it sounded good to me.
I did hear some very minor noise in the beginning and ending of your recording, but that is something that can be cut out or eliminated with noise reduction.
I think I heard a little “dead” space between sentences (‘sold.’ That’s). I am not sure if you were just really quiet, or you made edits in the script, but I noticed the sound difference. It was almost unnatural sounding. Maybe it is just me.
I hope this helps!
Kathy
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December 14, 2020 at 5:47 pm #59680
Beckolin
ParticipantHere’s the script, if anyone wants to see it: Welcome back everyone. In this next segment, we’re going to be looking at the evolution of our selling methodology. Like we said before, UpStart’s target demographic is millennials, and how they want to be sold to is unlike any generation before them.
In fact, many of you may be millennials, or be just like millennials yourselves – and that’s why you’re a good fit for this job. You’re the kind of consumer who is checking online reviews, looking at a company’s Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat, and really buying into a company’s branding and ethos before you’re ‘sold.’
That’s why UpStart preaches a relationship-focused sales strategy. We will equip you with the time, resources and backup to build strong, authentic relationships with potential clients, instead of pushing a product at all costs.
It’s integral that our clients have a real, normal human first interaction with our sales staff, where we simply tell them what we’re offering, and educate them on the state of the startup scene in their market. It’s absolutely vital that you don’t rush the first date at UpStart. Interested clients have seen our Instagram ads, they get it.
We want to make them feel like they’re having a link up with a buddy in a coffee shop.
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December 14, 2020 at 4:59 pm #59674
voiceofkaralewis
ParticipantCommercial read homework for your performance feedback only. Thanks so much!
Sesame Place is the theme park where Sesame Street comes to life! New in 2018 is our biggest, most exciting roller coaster ever – Oscar’s Wacky Taxi! Bring the entire family to whirl on rides, splash down slides and hug everyone’s favorite furry friends. So before little kids become big kids, bring them to meet their Sesame Street friends at Sesame Place theme park!
Attachments:
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December 14, 2020 at 4:54 pm #59671
voiceofkaralewis
ParticipantHello, commercial read homework read #2, for your feedback on performance only. Thanks so much!!
Trendi.com. It’s the #1 shopping site for top name brands at up to 75% off. Great style, great value and everything ships free. Trendi.com. Everything you love, for less.
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December 15, 2020 at 12:05 am #59721
mkell755
ParticipantHi Voiceofkarale! Good read. Your voice is very clear and flows well. For “Great style, great value and everything ships free” you might try various inflections to help emphasize those 3 points a little differently from each other to help them stand out. Good work!
Mary
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December 14, 2020 at 9:56 pm #59703
kfvoice
ParticipantHi Kara! I will add to the previous comments, and mention to be mindful of micro pauses mid sentence, not intended in the script. Keep it up!
Kathy
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December 14, 2020 at 8:35 pm #59696
Evette75
ParticipantGood work! A little more emphasis on first Trendi.com and “everything” with ships free would make read pop a bit.
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December 14, 2020 at 4:47 pm #59669
voiceofkaralewis
ParticipantHello! I’d love to get your performance only feedback on my commercial read homework (recorded on iPad). Thanks so much for listening.
Peet’s Coffee
Characters like Marie. She’s a character. She does ballet. Professionally. Because character. That’s what we’re about. Alfred Peet. Now, there’s a character. He brought us craft roasted. Us, as in America. You. Me. Diane. Diane’s friend. At Peet’s, we source the best beans. We roast them. We brew them. We make great coffee. We’re Peet’s.Attachments:
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December 15, 2020 at 12:09 am #59722
mkell755
ParticipantHi VoiceofKarale! Nice read here, your voice sounds really good for this genre. “Because character” raised in pitch at the end like “Because character?”, minor point. Overall good tempo and pace! Mary
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December 14, 2020 at 9:52 pm #59702
kfvoice
ParticipantHi Kara! Good read! Try varying your tone more in the lists, and be sure you read the copy as written (Now, there’s a character.).
I hope this helps!
Kathy
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December 14, 2020 at 8:26 pm #59695
Evette75
ParticipantNice job! You were articulate and had a good rhythm. I do think it could have had a little bit faster tempo.
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December 14, 2020 at 1:45 pm #59657
damian5145
ParticipantAnother script for review, thanks for listening.
Truth is most motorcycle insurance costs about the same. What’s not the same, is the coverage. Now you can get the AllState protection you need.. for a price you can afford. Talk to an All State agent today. Are you in good hands?Attachments:
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December 15, 2020 at 12:11 am #59723
mkell755
ParticipantHi Damian! Great read and genre for your voice. Your voice is very clear, warm and friendly, all things we want in an insurance agent. Very good!
Mary
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December 14, 2020 at 3:04 pm #59660
fleishman619
ParticipantYour voice is great for this type of copy! I would maybe shorten the pauses to make it flow a bit more and you also missed the word “most” in the beginning. Other than that, your tone was spot on. Keep up the good work!
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December 14, 2020 at 12:14 pm #59641
fleishman619
ParticipantPracticing corporate narration. Here are a couple of samples I recorded on my iPhone, so please only feedback on performance and not quality. Thank you in advance!
Script 1: Congratulations, you just bought Allstate Homeowners Insurance. And now, if your home or property suffers a covered loss or is damaged, you’ll be covered, and that’s a good feeling. However there are some things that can’t be replaced, so that’s why it’s is important to prevent these damages from occurring in the first place. Here, you’ll learn what steps you can take to make your home safe and secure.
Script 2: Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.
Attachments:
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December 15, 2020 at 12:42 am #59731
Robert Broussard
ParticipantExcellent!!!
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December 14, 2020 at 9:46 pm #59701
kfvoice
ParticipantHello! Nice pacing in both scripts. Good job on varying your pitch, too. In script one “these” was read as “the”.
Kathy
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December 14, 2020 at 1:40 pm #59654
damian5145
ParticipantAwesome! I think both scripts are really well done. Your voice is friendly and conversational. You sound like a great fit for corporate narration and E-learning.
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December 14, 2020 at 4:32 pm #59668
jmtarleton
ParticipantHi! You did a great job varying inflection on the lists, not a lot of glottal stops either. Maybe just watch out for turning “and” into “n” (I do this all the time, and wish I had a solid strategy to offer, but I’m working on it.) Your tone and delivery sound really natural and polished. Great work!!
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December 14, 2020 at 8:21 am #59632
Bil-Bo
ParticipantJack Daniels ‘’Giving The Right Gift’’
Givin’ the right gift is easy. Just follow these simple steps.
First, pick up a bottle of Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey.
Now, the size ya choose depends on who it’s for. Say a
“boss”, a “friend”, or a “brother”. Second, get some wrappin’
paper and ribbon. It’s kinda like wrappin’ a tennis racquet.
they’re gonna know what it is. but that’s part of the charm.
And last…and most important! Step 3. Be there when they
open it!Attachments:
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December 14, 2020 at 9:40 pm #59700
kfvoice
ParticipantHi Bill!
I really like the tone in your delivery. Of course your voice fits the script, but I like the enthusiasm and cheer for the read. Nice music selection for the time of year, too. My feedback is to perhaps slow the read down a tad, or pause more between sentences. I hope this helps.
Kathy
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December 14, 2020 at 5:57 pm #59681
Beckolin
ParticipantOh my goodness…this is wonderful! Your voice is perfect for this script, and it’s got a wonderful balance of cozy, warm, and fun going on. I’d like to be there when that bottle gets opened as well 😉
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December 13, 2020 at 11:29 pm #59626
mkell755
ParticipantHello all! Here is a recording for any and all of your feedback (recorded on my phone). Thanks all!
Mary
Walgreen’s Specialty Pharmacy
At Walgreens Specialty Pharmacy, we provide the convenience of a one-stop approach for all your prescription needs. Using Walgreens Specialty Pharmacy enables our clinical pharmacists to review your entire patient profile, so we can identify potential harmful drug interactions and other conflicts that may result from using multiple pharmacies. The Walgreens Specialty Pharmacy care team—from pharmacists and nurses to insurance advocates—is ready to provide the personalized, supportive, and dependable care that meets your unique needs.Attachments:
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December 14, 2020 at 6:00 pm #59682
Beckolin
ParticipantYou have a lovely voice for this…I’d just watch how long you make your phrases to make it even more natural. It feels a little bit choppy. For example, your pitch drops after “Specialty Pharmacy” like it was the end of a sentence. Need to keep your flow going and not have more phrase or sentence breaks than necessary.
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December 14, 2020 at 11:29 am #59638
mrtripo9
ParticipantSounds authentic , natural , love the inflections.
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December 14, 2020 at 2:36 am #59631
kfvoice
ParticipantGood job, Mary! Overall, a nice natural tone in this read. Keep it up! — Kathy
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